Have you ever thought you were done with an ex, but found interest again?

[marky00]

Everything you said here screams uninterested during the relationship. And no offensive, your ex sounded like a doormat to you (someone you walk all over and never full let in). Don't fool yourself to think that it'll be different for you if you go back, you're just not that into them. That's all this was. I can guarantee you if you were with someone you really liked and loved, you would've acted completely different. Like I said before, your interest is peaked because he had the balls to cut you off. Bet you if he stuck around and begged for you back till today, your reaction and thoughts towards him would be significantly different.

 

For all the nice things your ex provided, it truly didn't matter because you were not into him and did not respect him. Hell, I'd argue he didn't respect himself by letting it get to that point with you. If I was him, I would've kicked you out the door so fast because I would be able to see that deep down inside you were not into me. Your ex failed at putting his foot down with you early on and not being scared to walk away from you. You mentioned it here, he didn't have the guts to do it because he loved you too much. If you loved him like that, you wouldn't be able to end it either.

 

Just because you can't find anyone better right now doesn't mean that your ex is right for you. If he was, trust me, you would've never broke up with him and treated him the way you did.

 

Maybe so,

 

 

but sometimes people become doormats in a relationship due to external issues etc.

 

 

In my last relationship, I would say I was quite alpha for the first 5 or 6 years. I had some bad things happen in my life external to the relationship which made me turn to my gf for support a little to much which I can see now made me look too needy and clingy.

 

 

That lead to her leaving soon after. Ok, I get that.

 

 

Thing is, my personal issues resolved, and I became the person I was in those first 5 years of the relationship. Bud it didn't matter as she already left.

 

 

My point is, it's too simple to say never go back to someone because they became a doormat. Sometimes you just get a "perfect storm" in life that knocks you off your feet.

 

 

It's my belief, that if 2 people were in love, that can love again. Both parties have to drop the past and allow things to occur naturally again.

 

 

If the love was never there from day 1, then in that case, there is no point trying again.

[marky00]

 

Also, I've been on the forum for a long time...I've seen countless posts regarding this type of stuff and it almost always leads to the dumper leaving that person again after they get back together.

 

Strange,

 

 

I too have been here for years and I find these types of posts to be few and far between.

 

 

This person has been NC for like 9 months. She has given it some good thought.

[marky00]

. Bet you if he stuck around and begged for you back till today, your reaction and thoughts towards him would be significantly different.

 

Of course they would but he's not doing that.

 

 

The breakup would have hardened him up, breakups change people.

 

 

I was heartbroken massively my last relationship and I have changed considerable. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve like I used to etc.

 

 

Before I was a good boy with a bid of bad inside. Now I am a bad boy with a bid of good inside. I am different. He probably is too.

[Sweetfish]

Everything you said here screams uninterested during the relationship. And no offensive, your ex sounded like a doormat to you (someone you walk all over and never full let in). Don't fool yourself to think that it'll be different for you if you go back, you're just not that into them. That's all this was. I can guarantee you if you were with someone you really liked and loved, you would've acted completely different. Like I said before, your interest is peaked because he had the balls to cut you off. Bet you if he stuck around and begged for you back till today, your reaction and thoughts towards him would be significantly different.

 

Than almost every man is a doormat. I've seen thousands of men in my professional career work their *** off and I know for a FACT that the wives would not do the things these men do. Never! and the job is well in their mental and physical capacity. After years I see many of the wives take these men for granted... no matter if they are placed on a pedestal or not. The fact of the matter is humans, mostly western cultures take things for granted.

 

For all the nice things your ex provided, it truly didn't matter because you were not into him and did not respect him. Hell, I'd argue he didn't respect himself by letting it get to that point with you.

 

Hopefully, he was smart and grew from the experience.

 

 

If I was him, I would've kicked you out the door so fast because I would be able to see that deep down inside you were not into me. Your ex failed at putting his foot down with you early on and not being scared to walk away from you.

 

When your young and new to relationships it happens.. its a learning process. I don't think everyone is given a hand book on love in primary and secondary school.

 

You mentioned it here, he didn't have the guts to do it because he loved you too much. If you loved him like that, you wouldn't be able to end it either.

 

Just because you can't find anyone better right now doesn't mean that your ex is right for you. If he was, trust me, you would've never broke up with him and treated him the way you did.

 

 

Its often sons and daughters and mothers and fathers threat each other with disrespect at various ages and later realize how one another took each other for granted. Many people do break-up and get back together.. But true most do not succeed.

[marky00]

Spot on Sweetfish.

 

 

Couldn't agree more.

[jamili]

 

The breakup would have hardened him up, breakups change people.

 

 

I was heartbroken massively my last relationship and I have changed considerable. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve like I used to etc.

 

 

Before I was a good boy with a bid of bad inside. Now I am a bad boy with a bid of good inside. I am different. He probably is too.

 

Hits SO close to home. I can 1000% relate to this. I suspect it's all part of emotional maturity. Eventually we all get burned enough to the point where we become stoic, guarded and emotionally-stable men.. and only then are we able to maintain a successful relationship leading to a marriage. You learn, but you learn the hard way, and you in turn become more attractive to women. Makes you wonder if you had met your ex a little later in life, after having some other girl burn you and harden you, if it would have ended up being more successful.

 

 

As for the OP: My advice is to reach out to him, but please.. SHOW VULNERABILITY, and make it clear that it isn't a breadcrumb. Be direct, tell him you would like to see him again and see if he wants to grab coffee/lunch/beers/etc. Let us know how it goes!

Edited January 7, 2017 by jamili

[Josephgro]

Hello, I asked him if we could grab a coffee. I told him that I knew I f*cked up, and I know now how to supply his needs, and be a great partner. He said he was so hurt by the break up he had to go to therapy and on meds, that right there ruined my whole week possibly. He then texted me and said he is not going to come back since he does not trust me, and I hurt him way too much. I feel so stupid. I also do think that the dumpees who actually gotten their exes back (or dumpers) just never come here so we don't have many stories on how they did it, how long it took, etc. I am now a strong believer that you don't realize what you have until it's gone, and you want what you can't get. I guess once he moved on my brain sensed it, and I wanted him...ever since that day I've been trying to improve myself, and show I can treat him how he needs to be treated.

[Slimtripper]

Hello, I asked him if we could grab a coffee. I told him that I knew I f*cked up, and I know now how to supply his needs, and be a great partner. He said he was so hurt by the break up he had to go to therapy and on meds, that right there ruined my whole week possibly. He then texted me and said he is not going to come back since he does not trust me, and I hurt him way too much. I feel so stupid. I also do think that the dumpees who actually gotten their exes back (or dumpers) just never come here so we don't have many stories on how they did it, how long it took, etc. I am now a strong believer that you don't realize what you have until it's gone, and you want what you can't get. I guess once he moved on my brain sensed it, and I wanted him...ever since that day I've been trying to improve myself, and show I can treat him how he needs to be treated.

 

Good for him. You can't drop people and show no care for them and then just walk back in because you couldn't find someone else.

If you had found someone else by now then you wouldn't be thinking of him.

You're just using that as a krutch now because you are lonely.

You broke up with him for a reason. That hasn't gone away. You've just spent 9 months alone and want someone, not necessarily him in your life.

 

If you really had have cared for him then you 1. Wouldn't have broken up with him and 2) wouldn't have waited 9 months to get in contact.

[movingonnow1]

Than almost every man is a doormat. I've seen thousands of men in my professional career work their *** off and I know for a FACT that the wives would not do the things these men do. Never! and the job is well in their mental and physical capacity. After years I see many of the wives take these men for granted... no matter if they are placed on a pedestal or not. The fact of the matter is humans, mostly western cultures take things for granted.

 

 

 

Hopefully, he was smart and grew from the experience.

 

 

 

 

When your young and new to relationships it happens.. its a learning process. I don't think everyone is given a hand book on love in primary and secondary school.

 

 

 

 

Its often sons and daughters and mothers and fathers threat each other with disrespect at various ages and later realize how one another took each other for granted. Many people do break-up and get back together.. But true most do not succeed.

 

You're not wrong per say, but I believe the probability of what you're saying to occur is rare. Comparing lovers to family members is different. You can love someone unconditionally, even friends or ex lovers, but it doesn't mean you're "in love" with them. If someone stops talking to you due to fighting, and there was no romantic interest, I think it's a different experience than trying to get back with someone who lost that romantic interest in you.

 

People take others for granted if you let them do it. It's up to you as a person to stand up for yourself and not allow it to occur. If everyone is going to take you for granted, then that means at one point or another my future wife will get bored of me and may start looking elsewhere. I like to believe that as a man I have an opportunity to keep her interested and happy, but also still have the mutual respect and love. If I can't, then I don't think any relationship or marriage would work. In this case, she could have been dating for 9 months and found guys she's more interested in, but maybe unable to get them to commit to her or treat her the same way. She may be more interested in these men but now is looking to "settle" for her old boyfriend because it's the best she can get. How is that gonna end for OP ex boyfriend?

 

Love isn't complex to me. I believe that if someone truly loves you and wants to be with you, things are made easy by that partner. My girlfriend now doesn't do anything to make my life more difficult, doesn't play games and is truly into me. Maybe it'll change like you said and she will take me for granted, but I sure won't be willing to stick around and be disrespected if she does.

[lauri]

Of course they would but he's not doing that.

 

 

The breakup would have hardened him up, breakups change people.

 

 

I was heartbroken massively my last relationship and I have changed considerable. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve like I used to etc.

 

 

Before I was a good boy with a bid of bad inside. Now I am a bad boy with a bid of good inside. I am different. He probably is too.

 

Fair enough, I'm the same way. But I don't think that changes the way an ex remembers you during your weak moments to make a relationship end. Women don't forget these things and you're almost certain to be walking on egg shells after you get back together.

 

In my experience, my ex was madly in love with me, lost interest, I went NC for one year, she came back and only to have her play games and realize she only wanted me back in her life due to guilt and regret. She tried to get someone better than me but "couldn't" and was falling back on me as plan B. I'm not sure if that's the case for OPs story but if it is it only makes me believe stronger in my position. The sexual attraction only came back when I cut her off (she thought it was manly and it burned her - she told me this), but she slowly realized that she can't regain the same level of interest in me as before. Shorty after, she turned cold mean and manipulative.

 

I'm not saying things aren't possible to work out, I'm just saying that we are fooling ourselves if we don't admit it's a long shot that it will. The ex boyfriend may change but that doesn't mean he's going to be more attractive to OP in the long run.

 

Also, hearing how he went on meds and was really depressed means that it won't end well for him. For his sake OP, leave him alone and let him be.

[marky00]

Fair enough, I'm the same way. But I don't think that changes the way an ex remembers you during your weak moments to make a relationship end. Women don't forget these things and you're almost certain to be walking on egg shells after you get back together.

 

In my experience, my ex was madly in love with me, lost interest, I went NC for one year, she came back and only to have her play games and realize she only wanted me back in her life due to guilt and regret. She tried to get someone better than me but "couldn't" and was falling back on me as plan B. I'm not sure if that's the case for OPs story but if it is it only makes me believe stronger in my position. The sexual attraction only came back when I cut her off (she thought it was manly and it burned her - she told me this), but she slowly realized that she can't regain the same level of interest in me as before. Shorty after, she turned cold mean and manipulative.

 

I'm not saying things aren't possible to work out, I'm just saying that we are fooling ourselves if we don't admit it's a long shot that it will. The ex boyfriend may change but that doesn't mean he's going to be more attractive to OP in the long run.

 

Also, hearing how he went on meds and was really depressed means that it won't end well for him. For his sake OP, leave him alone and let him be.

 

 

That is true.

 

 

Another reason why dumpees should only consider it if the dumper is showing a consistent vulnerability.

 

 

So in other words, take it very slow and watch things closely and the minute that vulnerability wanes, time to disappear.

[Popsicle]

Yes, I have before. I think it's fairly common for the dumper to miss their ex. It's just a question of how strong you are to fight those feelings and remember the reasons why you broke up, and if there is someone else good around to take their place. In short, it's basically just loneliness getting the better of you.

[Slimtripper]

If you get him back, which for his sake hopefully you won't. You'll dump him within 3 months.

If he ended up on meds and therapy then he's not a very strong guy either and u clearly need someone who treats u like **** to keep u interested.

This is totally done. Use those improvements for the next person

[Sweetfish]

You're not wrong per say, but I believe the probability of what you're saying to occur is rare. Comparing lovers to family members is different. You can love someone unconditionally, even friends or ex lovers, but it doesn't mean you're "in love" with them. If someone stops talking to you due to fighting, and there was no romantic interest, I think it's a different experience than trying to get back with someone who lost that romantic interest in you.

 

Your absolutely right. Love on a romantic level and love between family members is a different kind of love. There is a mantra around this forum and its no second chances (with consideration) and exes are exes. I understand the reasoning behind this. Most likely the poor sap is going to hurt him/her self again or prolong the grieving process.

 

Sometimes people separate and they are the best unit. Sometimes they are not. It happens.

 

People take others for granted if you let them do it. It's up to you as a person to stand up for yourself and not allow it to occur. If everyone is going to take you for granted, then that means at one point or another my future wife will get bored of me and may start looking elsewhere. I like to believe that as a man I have an opportunity to keep her interested and happy, but also still have the mutual respect and love.

This is the fabric of the relationship universe that makes me cringe? Look if your married for 30 years she is going to get bored at some point of time... if she wants to walk... let her walk and don't let the door hit her on the *** Its going to hurt like hell, but your not a monkey in a tuxedo that has to jump thru hoops to keep her entertained. That's not your job. Many women/men are not happy with them selves and get out of the relationship and go... oh **** im not happy it wasn't my S.O. Holy crap he treated me like gold. They run back and the person is damaged or taken by another person. This happens all the time... Like the OP said those stories don't make it here.

 

There is always a guy/girl who will be more funny, more handsome, and more rich and with technology its getting worse.

 

 

If I can't, then I don't think any relationship or marriage would work. In this case, she could have been dating for 9 months and found guys she's more interested in, but maybe unable to get them to commit to her or treat her the same way. She may be more interested in these men but now is looking to "settle" for her old boyfriend because it's the best she can get. How is that gonna end for OP ex boyfriend?

That's why the infidelity rate is about almost 60% (57% being men and 54% being women) and the divorce rate is 50% with 80% of women pushing the divorce.

 

So dance money dance!

[marky00]

Yes Sweetfish, I agree.

 

 

People on this site post based on their own life experiences and yes, it seems most people on this forum have had experiences where going back to an Ex doesn't work.

 

 

Fine, they are entitled to that opinion. No problems with that. But for me, I am not a big fan of the sweeping statements that are made sometimes, almost like there is a rulebook of the way how everything will turn out.

 

 

Me personally, if someone was on here (like the OP here), I would not shoot down a potential reconciliation down in flames, without all the facts.

 

 

In this case, doesn't sound like the OP's ex changed much because if he had, he wouldn't have admitted to going off the rails like he did. Maybe he is young, that's what I am getting anyway.

Edited January 8, 2017 by marky00

[lauri]

This is the fabric of the relationship universe that makes me cringe? Look if your married for 30 years she is going to get bored at some point of time... if she wants to walk... let her walk and don't let the door hit her on the *** Its going to hurt like hell, but your not a monkey in a tuxedo that has to jump thru hoops to keep her entertained. That's not your job. Many women/men are not happy with them selves and get out of the relationship and go... oh **** im not happy it wasn't my S.O. Holy crap he treated me like gold. They run back and the person is damaged or taken by another person. This happens all the time... Like the OP said those stories don't make it here.

 

There is always a guy/girl who will be more funny, more handsome, and more rich and with technology its getting worse.

 

 

That's why the infidelity rate is about almost 60% (57% being men and 54% being women) and the divorce rate is 50% with 80% of women pushing the divorce.

 

You're dead on here. It's a realistic and honest opinion on this.

 

I just have this mentality that once someone loses interest and leaves you because they can find someone better, there is a high probability of them leaving you again to "scratch" that itch. Rightly or wrongly, I compare it to taking back a cheater. Yeah they may never cheat on you again, but the probability of it happening again is much much higher. I'd rather invest myself emotionally into someone new who may or may not hurt me...but at least I'm rolling the dice with someone else.

 

The problem with today's society is that people are starting to overvalue themselves in the "dating market place". With social media, the high / attention people are getting on there is creating this over valuation of themselves. They may be able to sleep with someone who is "better" than their current mate but it doesn't mean that they can get them to commit...this is leading a large over valuation of who they can end up with. This is why I think the divorce rate is skyrocketing in today's society, people feel like they've settled and can do better. As horrible as that sounds.

 

Yes Sweetfish, I agree.

 

 

People on this site post based on their own life experiences and yes, it seems most people on this forum have had experiences where going back to an Ex doesn't work.

 

 

Fine, they are entitled to that opinion. No problems with that. But for me, I am not a big fan of the sweeping statements that are made sometimes, almost like there is a rulebook of the way how everything will turn out.

 

 

Me personally, if someone was on here (like the OP here), I would not shoot down a potential reconciliation down in flames, without all the facts.

 

 

In this case, doesn't sound like the OP's ex changed much because if he had, he wouldn't have admitted to going off the rails like he did. Maybe he is young, that's what I am getting anyway.

 

Yeah, you're right. I do view things kind of like a rule book and life is a lot more dynamic than that. Experiences shape the way you view things and sometimes it's hard to shake that.

 

And your assessment of the ex boyfriend is correct. He wouldn't last more than 3 months with her...going to that level of depression over a breakup showed how much he relied on her and felt he couldn't live without her. But in all honesty, I'm proud of him for sticking to his guns and not going back.

[Josephgro]

Hey, I'm glad to see all of the different opinions on here. My ex did say he only went on them since he lost me, and his sister within the same week so that was really hard on him. I understand that everyone thinks that it's basically impossible for me to stay with him, but I have given it tons of thought, every book and cranny. I know that I lost interest before, but we also had so many other things going on in life to stress us away from each other. His mom and sister both had cancer, and my mother and father were going through a rough time health wise as well. Im not blindly trying to go back into a relationship, I know my mistakes, and I grew up enough to reflect on them and improve myself.

[movingonnow1]

Hey, I'm glad to see all of the different opinions on here. My ex did say he only went on them since he lost me, and his sister within the same week so that was really hard on him. I understand that everyone thinks that it's basically impossible for me to stay with him, but I have given it tons of thought, every book and cranny. I know that I lost interest before, but we also had so many other things going on in life to stress us away from each other. His mom and sister both had cancer, and my mother and father were going through a rough time health wise as well. Im not blindly trying to go back into a relationship, I know my mistakes, and I grew up enough to reflect on them and improve myself.

 

But now that you mentioned this, it makes sense why you ended it and lost interest. It's very taxing to someone to be in that situation. For him, he's probably extremely weak at that point and it's totally understandable. Just because you ended it with him it doesn't make you a bad person, you lost your interest in him. I think no one believes that you have bad intentions. I feel you believe that if you two got back together it will end up well. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't.

 

I want to say I don't think it's impossible for you to stay with him but I think it's extremely difficult for you to be happy with him at this point. Reason is he may react completely different in the relationship or you may come to the conclusion that you're not satisfied being with him. I think why a lot of people have been mentioning you can't be with him is to save him from being hurt more, save you from being hurt more and also not having you have this extra guilt over your head. I think this is a good lesson for you and I hope you learned a lot about yourself.

 

Out of curiosity, did you end up dating other people after the breakup?

[jamili]

This is starting to sound like the Reddit TRP forum. Do you really think it takes that much freaking stress and work to keep a woman entertained enough to keep her from leaving you? Breakups happen for all sorts of reasons, and reconciliations are not impossible. Does anyone else know any happily married couples who broke up at one point during the dating stage? I know of 3 couples, personally. It's less common of course, but it happens, and I think it's foolish to say that a woman will never have respect for a man again once she dumps him. If a broken couple rekindles a relationship, it has to be a new relationship from scratch, and any respect is based off that new relationship. If a woman can no longer respect a person because there was once a breakup, then she isn't emotionally mature yet, and will struggle in any relationship with any person until she changes. Both parties have the potential to grow from a breakup, not just the dumpee.

[Josephgro]

But now that you mentioned this, it makes sense why you ended it and lost interest. It's very taxing to someone to be in that situation. For him, he's probably extremely weak at that point and it's totally understandable. Just because you ended it with him it doesn't make you a bad person, you lost your interest in him. I think no one believes that you have bad intentions. I feel you believe that if you two got back together it will end up well. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't.

 

I want to say I don't think it's impossible for you to stay with him but I think it's extremely difficult for you to be happy with him at this point. Reason is he may react completely different in the relationship or you may come to the conclusion that you're not satisfied being with him. I think why a lot of people have been mentioning you can't be with him is to save him from being hurt more, save you from being hurt more and also not having you have this extra guilt over your head. I think this is a good lesson for you and I hope you learned a lot about yourself.

 

Out of curiosity, did you end up dating other people after the breakup?

 

I tried...no one made me feel as good as him.

[Josephgro]

This is starting to sound like the Reddit TRP forum. Do you really think it takes that much freaking stress and work to keep a woman entertained enough to keep her from leaving you? Breakups happen for all sorts of reasons, and reconciliations are not impossible. Does anyone else know any happily married couples who broke up at one point during the dating stage? I know of 3 couples, personally. It's less common of course, but it happens, and I think it's foolish to say that a woman will never have respect for a man again once she dumps him. If a broken couple rekindles a relationship, it has to be a new relationship from scratch, and any respect is based off that new relationship. If a woman can no longer respect a person because there was once a breakup, then she isn't emotionally mature yet, and will struggle in any relationship with any person until she changes. Both parties have the potential to grow from a breakup, not just the dumpee.

 

I totally agree with you, people can mature and grow. I think both parties should move on from each other before coming back, just to truly heal and safely test the waters. I've learned so much in the past months it's crazy...if we never work out, then I guess it's left at that. I'll have to remember what I learned and make the next guy feel special.

[fromheart]

Hello, I asked him if we could grab a coffee. I told him that I knew I f*cked up, and I know now how to supply his needs, and be a great partner. He said he was so hurt by the break up he had to go to therapy and on meds, that right there ruined my whole week possibly. He then texted me and said he is not going to come back since he does not trust me, and I hurt him way too much. I feel so stupid. I also do think that the dumpees who actually gotten their exes back (or dumpers) just never come here so we don't have many stories on how they did it, how long it took, etc. I am now a strong believer that you don't realize what you have until it's gone, and you want what you can't get. I guess once he moved on my brain sensed it, and I wanted him...ever since that day I've been trying to improve myself, and show I can treat him how he needs to be treated.

 

 

And I've got to respect him for his decision. The moral of this story is that you need to get yourself some help, and start treating people in your life right. Otherwise, you're going to keep hurting people and losing the special ones.

 

I'm happy for him that he's learnt when to say no, in order to look after himself.

 

I respect you for our honesty, most women out there don't ever change, and keep hurting the men who don't know when to walk away. This can be a point of change for you, but you're going to have to let this particular one go.

[fromheart]

I think it's foolish to say that a woman will never have respect for a man again once she dumps him.

 

 

That completely depends on his actions after being dumped. If he begs and/or accepts the friendzone she wont respect him.

 

If he completely walks away with NC and works on himself, she will respect him.

[fromheart]

Fair enough, I'm the same way. But I don't think that changes the way an ex remembers you during your weak moments to make a relationship end. Women don't forget these things and you're almost certain to be walking on egg shells after you get back together.

 

In my experience, my ex was madly in love with me, lost interest, I went NC for one year, she came back and only to have her play games and realize she only wanted me back in her life due to guilt and regret. She tried to get someone better than me but "couldn't" and was falling back on me as plan B. I'm not sure if that's the case for OPs story but if it is it only makes me believe stronger in my position. The sexual attraction only came back when I cut her off (she thought it was manly and it burned her - she told me this), but she slowly realized that she can't regain the same level of interest in me as before. Shorty after, she turned cold mean and manipulative.

.

 

 

Someone might WANT to change, but can someone change so drastically in less than a year? People who sabotage relationships and use dumping as a tool, will need years of solid work to get rid of the pattern. It could be linked to family issues, childhood, really deep rooted stuff.

 

I had an ex(the dumper) express a new interest and paint a picture of having changed within 4 months. I wasn't interested as I could see she hadn't changed. Instantly she went back to being the same old dysfunctional person again. The 'change,' was just a temporary act she was trying to convince herself and me of. Me going NC and moving on had rekindled her attraction but If I'd taken her back, she'd just turn nasty again.

 

So to those who apply NC and have their ex reach out, do consider this.

 

Its good to see a desire in people to change, but until they have changed you can expect more of the same.

[marky00]

That completely depends on his actions after being dumped. If he begs and/or accepts the friendzone she wont respect him.

 

 

Although true, this is another generalisation.

 

 

My story. I was in an LDR. My dog got sick, I was forced to become a carer 24/7 for several months. I was unable to go and visit her and I started calling her less due to the stress of my situation.

 

 

Once she decided to breakup, I jumped on a plane the next day and flew to another country. Called her up from her laneway. I bet her blew her socks off, probably both in a positive and negative way

 

 

Yes, I am sure that that act probably freaked her out a little, but it did allow the relationship to continue another 18 months.

 

 

The reason why I did it was because I knew she had misinterpreted my actions. I did care about her and the relationship. I was just super-stressed and didn't want to offload my emotional baggage on her so I just went quiet on her. Flying over there was to show her I wasn't a defeated person, just a very stressed person.

 

 

I don't regret doing that to this day. My situation was unique and it was what I felt I needed to do. I believe a strong bold move is at least preferable to begging and pleading.

 

 

I have been 5 months NC and it has been her who has recently been breaking it. And I have not responded. So it would seem she has some sort of respect for me now.

 

 

But, for sure, never beg/plead once someone says they don't want to see you or whatever. After a BU, one strong move (depending) and then disappear.