Author rocky2marie Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 No thoughts in particular. But gray rocking my wife certainly makes me feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Hi Rocky, how have things been lately? Hope for your sake they are getting better. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Overtaxed Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Time is way overdue to fire this counselor. Man, what the heck is with these therapists?! I'm convinced my wife's therapist is trying to torpedo our marriage as well, and sure, if you're only looking at "short term" happiness of the patient, maybe that is the right idea. Just like going to the bar and getting drunk is a good "script" for getting over a cheating spouse. At least for 8 hours anyway. I don't get it. Obviously this therapist and my wife's isn't looking at the long term play. Sure, poly might be fun, but if it blows up the marriage, will she still be thinking it's "fun" a year from now when she's living in an apartment instead of the family home? When guys are using her only for sex (which, frankly, is what most guys are looking for from older women, an easy lay)? When she's lost her job because of the affair exposure? I mean.. What the heck! Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Rocky, I hate to say it, but your wife has the heart of a who*re. When she said " I didn't know what to do so I just froze and started smiling." Well, is that what she is going to say when you eventually catch her with someone else: "I didn't know what to do, so I just tore my cloths off and spread my legs..." ?? She isn't going to change. Now she has a 'professional' therapist who is essentially backing her up against you. It is all your fault,. It is all in your imagination. You . YOu . YOU. Can you really see yourself in this same position in ten years time? I can't. I think if you keep going in this situation, you will be dead within ten years, and your 'wife' will be happily married to another man and wont even remember you. Also, are you absolutely sure your kid is really yours? However this drama unfolds, I truly think that the time for you either to take a shyt or get off the pot is fast approaching... Sorry I have nothing good to say... Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocky2marie Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi Rocky, how have things been lately? Hope for your sake they are getting better. Warm wishes. Thanks for this kind check in Just a Guy. Things aren't great. Gotta stay out of her journals. It's become like a grim obsession. Everytime I open them I find something. She's got boxes and boxes of them in the basement. I went down and reached out and opened a random one -- from three years ago -- first page I opened to were multiple lists of "ideal world" scenarios. In all of them open marriage was essentially listed. (in an ideal world) "Rocky lets me make out with other guys and just be myself when I want and isn't jealous. Or at least doesn't find out". Man. Don't know what to do but call it. Wrecking ball on my sanity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocky2marie Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 worst part is I can't even confront her when I find this stuff either privately or in therapy -- Because then I'm violating her privacy and being controlling and jealous etc. I just have to swallow it and pretend everything's ok while basically imploding. I dont' know. Should I bring this stuff up? Or just archive it all for a eventual case? Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) worst part is I can't even confront her when I find this stuff either privately or in therapy -- Because then I'm violating her privacy and being controlling and jealous etc. I just have to swallow it and pretend everything's ok while basically imploding. I dont' know. Should I bring this stuff up? Or just archive it all for a eventual case? Dude...sounds like your marriage is over. You say you don't have proof beyond a reasonable doubt pf her actually cheating but have a preponderance of evidence that she is fantasizing about it and wanting to. You mentioned her dancing with other guys, Craigslist, close encounters, etc. You aren't going to be able to stop her, your messed up 'progressive" counselor (they aren't Gods by the way so you don't ALWAYS have to think they know best) is acting like a new age tard, and you're on constant alert mode. This isn't a marriage anymore. It's done and you should leave. However, you don't want to. Why? Guessing you're held up on your wife's looks and more worried about another man possessing (understandable) her because you're upset about how you think she values you (in this case she doesnt all that much) and it makes you feel low. Stop letting her actions be a reflection of your worth. Get over physical attraction and what comes next. Have some pride in yourself (it's okay) and let her go. Edited January 23, 2017 by fireflywy Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Reading your posts I am reminded of the scene in Gone With The Wind, where a drunken Rhett confronts his wife about Ashley Wilkes. Rhett: Mr Wilkes, who can't be mentally faithful to his wife, but won't be technically unfaithful. Your wife seems to have these same traits. The shame is that they spend so much time in a fantasy world, while true love slips them by. Hopefully, it won't end like the movie with you walking out the door saying frankly my dear I don't give a damn. I think you get the gist of her writings, so I don't think there is much to be gained by reading more. I think that you two need to find some happy events, where troubles are not discussed, leave that to counseling. You need to find fun family events and joy in your life, after all tomorrow is another day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocky2marie Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Reading your posts I am reminded of the scene in Gone With The Wind, where a drunken Rhett confronts his wife about Ashley Wilkes. Rhett: Mr Wilkes, who can't be mentally faithful to his wife, but won't be technically unfaithful. Your wife seems to have these same traits. The shame is that they spend so much time in a fantasy world, while true love slips them by. Hopefully, it won't end like the movie with you walking out the door saying frankly my dear I don't give a damn. I think you get the gist of her writings, so I don't think there is much to be gained by reading more. I think that you two need to find some happy events, where troubles are not discussed, leave that to counseling. You need to find fun family events and joy in your life, after all tomorrow is another day. Thank you for the anecdote and words of advice. This is pretty spot on. Unironically she's always referred to me as her Rhett Butler. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi Rocky, I just read your response to my earlier post. From what you have written it seems that your wife has a lot of fantasy scenarios going on in her mind almost as if she is living in another world while just existing in this one. This points to some kind of a suppressed desire within her, which of course, she cannot give expression to in daily life, but by expressing herself in her journals, she is able to live out her fantasies in a virtual world and thereby release the pressure which seems to build up within her from time to time. It is something like actual physical desire or what most people refer to as 'Being Horny' and which requires actual physical release by masturbating or having real sex with someone. My take on this is that she probably needs some deep therapy to identify and then treat the fundamental issue which manifests itself in this manner. This may be something beyond her control and she herself may not really know what is going on. She is definitely a candidate for having an affair because a time may come when she may just blur the lines between reality and the virtual and just live out her fantasies in the real world. If you look up websites that deal with the alternate lifestyle themes, especially what is known as the 'Hotwife' scene, you will see that usually men with regard to their wives, but also a number of women, have these fantasy desires of their wives/ themselves having sex with other men. In fact in some cases it is the wife who has initiated the change over to the 'Hotwife' lifestyle pulling along a reluctant husband who is not really certain where this change of marital status will eventually lead to. So I guess before your wife actuates her fantasies in real life, you should get her to a therapist, probably one who practices 'Hypno Therapy', to zero in on the issue at the heart of her problem and then work to resolve it. I would suggest you do so at the earliest and not waste any more time unless you want to face unpleasant consequences for having procrastinated. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocky2marie Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 So I guess before your wife actuates her fantasies in real life, you should get her to a therapist, probably one who practices 'Hypno Therapy', to zero in on the issue at the heart of her problem and then work to resolve it. I would suggest you do so at the earliest and not waste any more time unless you want to face unpleasant consequences for having procrastinated. Warm wishes. Again, the therapist that she went to lasted one session because she "felt pure love for him". She's definitely driven by a ton of fantasy. She's a writer /artist. Bottom line is I just don't think I can handle this anymore. I don't want any "hot wife" scenarios. I won't be able to allow her to have affairs and enter a don't ask don't tell kind of thing. I'm just not wired like that. I need a less ferile wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hi Rocky, I guess you have to take a call soon and it is going to be a hard and heart breaking one for you. My full sympathies for you and I wish you the very best going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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