Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 I will also probably agree that this girl is certainly not over her ex. She might need plenty more time to recoup. You wouldn't want her now anyways man because she wouldn't be able to give you her 100%. Yeah I got that as being one of the reasons why when she ended it. Like she said to me last night, she had been with one guy for like 3/4 years from a teenager through to an adult. I meet her a few weeks after it ends and last thing she needed was another relationship. Guessing she realised after 3 months it was going that direction Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 I really wish I hadn't met up with her last night, it feels like I've been dumped all over again. I've spent 3 months getting over it and I've just realised I wasn't even getting over it, i had subconsciously left hope in the back of my mind. It's hit me properly all of a sudden, I feel worse now than I did when she actually ended it three months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Life lessons Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 The problem with waiting for her to reach out to send it is you don't know when she will. It could be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, 6 months, who knows when she'll text you next. So you mean to tell me you're willing to now pin your hopes on her to text you so that you can finally send it out? This is going to mean you're still hanging on to her until that moment which equals misery. I would send it now. Get it over and done. Bro, you need to start your moving on and healing process asap. She really has gotten to you so you can't afford to wait any longer. You'll feel better man. It's going to suck at firdt, no doubt, but in time it'll work for your best interest. And if for whatever reason she still responds with a lolly-dolly attitude, don't respond! At all! The only grounds to working something out with her is if she basically begs to get with you, meaning she would literally say "Im willing to do whatever it takes" kinda talk. Other then that reply to nothing. Disappear like a ghost. Who knows maybe in a few months she'll respond with the whole "I'll do whatever it takes to make this happen" talk. And ONLY at that point you can initiate contact. And even then I would still be cautious. Good luck man! Absolutely! The best thing to do is send it now. She's had ample time to figure out what she wants. She's only stringing you along!! Don't wait on this girl!! You've already wasted entirely too much of your time obsessing over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Life lessons Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 I really wish I hadn't met up with her last night, it feels like I've been dumped all over again. I've spent 3 months getting over it and I've just realised I wasn't even getting over it, i had subconsciously left hope in the back of my mind. It's hit me properly all of a sudden, I feel worse now than I did when she actually ended it three months ago. Wow!!! That was a mistake. Sorry for all the replies but I just now completed the reading of your thread. Definitely a mistake in meeting up with her. What prompted it?? Did you send the text to her regarding you're being unable to keep communication? It seems like this female is playing you and you're basically letting her know that it's okay and you will be there for her and wait on her. Even if it's true that you will, don't let her know that!! You are looking weak in her eyes. That's very unattractive to females. That's probably why she doesn't really care that much!! Trudy me on that! That's why she's taking advantage!! youre confirming to her what she already feels and that is you are willing to be strung along! If you're serious and want to feel better, and see where you stand, you need to immediately send the text and let her know you're not wanting contact unless she's ready and that there's no guarantee that you can or will even try to wait on her to make a decision. It seems to me that she's already made the decision anyways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I just don't understand why she only ever bothers to reach out when she's drunk, she never has done sober. Oh well, back to NC. Is not uncommon. It just means that when drunk, they feel a bit maudlin, emotional and/or nostalgic, so they need to speak to someone and who do they decide to contact? Yes, their ex. Alcohol is a depressant and it lower the inhibitions so they feel a bit down and it makes complete sense to them in their inebriated state to make contact with their ex. When sober they don't call/text/email/etc. as their brain takes over and tells them not to contact someone they have no intention of getting back with. Link to post Share on other sites
Life lessons Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Is not uncommon. It just means that when drunk, they feel a bit maudlin, emotional and/or nostalgic, so they need to speak to someone and who do they decide to contact? Yes, their ex. Alcohol is a depressant and it lower the inhibitions so they feel a bit down and it makes complete sense to them in their inebriated state to make contact with their ex. When sober they don't call/text/email/etc. as their brain takes over and tells them not to contact someone they have no intention of getting back with. That makes sense! I hope the op goes and stays at NC...and sends the text! Good luck to the both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Is not uncommon. It just means that when drunk, they feel a bit maudlin, emotional and/or nostalgic, so they need to speak to someone and who do they decide to contact? Yes, their ex. Alcohol is a depressant and it lower the inhibitions so they feel a bit down and it makes complete sense to them in their inebriated state to make contact with their ex. When sober they don't call/text/email/etc. as their brain takes over and tells them not to contact someone they have no intention of getting back with. I agree with what you say about the reasons they do it, but surely they still have some sort of feelings on some level? The very act of reaching out, despite the reasons for doing so, would highlight that you're on their mind; wouldn't it? If I was feeling nostalgic and emotional I wouldn't contact an ex from two years ago - I'm completely indifferent towards her, the thought wouldn't even pop into my head. I definitely agree with you that it is not enough for anything serious though, some things sound like a better idea when drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Wow!!! That was a mistake. Sorry for all the replies but I just now completed the reading of your thread. Definitely a mistake in meeting up with her. What prompted it?? Did you send the text to her regarding you're being unable to keep communication? It seems like this female is playing you and you're basically letting her know that it's okay and you will be there for her and wait on her. Even if it's true that you will, don't let her know that!! You are looking weak in her eyes. That's very unattractive to females. That's probably why she doesn't really care that much!! Trudy me on that! That's why she's taking advantage!! youre confirming to her what she already feels and that is you are willing to be strung along! If you're serious and want to feel better, and see where you stand, you need to immediately send the text and let her know you're not wanting contact unless she's ready and that there's no guarantee that you can or will even try to wait on her to make a decision. It seems to me that she's already made the decision anyways. What prompted it was her texting me randomly when I was out with my friends enjoying myself. It's frustrating for me because other than this incident, I've kept my cool since it ended. She had reached out two other times and I just replied with short answers and acted like I didn't care, damn you alcohol! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I must admit, I feel a lot better today now that I'm not longer hungover and I've slept for 10 hours. For some reason, when I'm hungover I feel really emotional lately and feel like the world is going to end. Link to post Share on other sites
LitTunnel Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I must admit, I feel a lot better today now that I'm not longer hungover and I've slept for 10 hours. For some reason, when I'm hungover I feel really emotional lately and feel like the world is going to end. Well bro, maybe you should seriously consider not drinking for a bit, just until you feel you're in a better place. You drinking again is going to put you right back in this emotional state that you dreaded. Do you really want to hell it for a an entire day just to enjoy a couple hours of numbness? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Haven't spoken to her since that night and she's just texted me about an hour ago - "hi! How are you? X". I haven't replied and to be honest I think I'll just ignore it. I feel that if I send that text I'll just get more texts from her. I get that she is try to be nice by 'checking up' on me but she doesn't realise it's doing the complete opposite. I think most exes are like this when they reach out, don't realise the damage they're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well bro, maybe you should seriously consider not drinking for a bit, just until you feel you're in a better place. You drinking again is going to put you right back in this emotional state that you dreaded. Do you really want to hell it for a an entire day just to enjoy a couple hours of numbness? I guess not no. I do enjoy weekends though as I get to see all my friends and it's a good distraction. Maybe I'll just limit myself and only have a couple of sociable ones. Link to post Share on other sites
LitTunnel Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I guess not no. I do enjoy weekends though as I get to see all my friends and it's a good distraction. Maybe I'll just limit myself and only have a couple of sociable ones. First off you're fooling yourself with the whole "just gonna have a couple social drinks" so just be honest with yourself. Secondly, why don't you just man up and text her how you've been feeling. Dude, she'll either get it or quit. Why are you prolonging your misery? I get you're afraid to lose her for good and you'd rather take the occasional and meaningless text here and there (the equivalent of scraps) but don't say we haven't told you so. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 First off you're fooling yourself with the whole "just gonna have a couple social drinks" so just be honest with yourself. Secondly, why don't you just man up and text her how you've been feeling. Dude, she'll either get it or quit. Why are you prolonging your misery? I get you're afraid to lose her for good and you'd rather take the occasional and meaningless text here and there (the equivalent of scraps) but don't say we haven't told you so. Good luck. You're right, I'll send it when I finish work in three hours. I don't want to send it now as I don't know what the response will be and last thing I want to do is be really upset at work. It'll just distract me from my work too which I need to focus on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Ok so I've sent the text, my mouth has gone really dry and I feel anxious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) The text basically said that I felt it was unfair for her to text me when she was drunk every few weeks and that I want her to stop reaching out to me and let me move on. I said I get that she was just trying to be nice but it has the opposite effect. I told her unless she wanted something she needed to respect my wishes and I hope she finds whatever it is she is looking for, being by herself. I wished her good luck for the future and that was that... Ok so she replied, basically saying she was sorry and she didn't realise what she was doing and that she can understand why it's not nice. She said she just wanted to make sure I was ok and said she isn't very good at reading other peoples emotions. She said she won't reach out anymore and she said i'm a nice guy and she didn't want me to feel disheartened after what happened at the weekend. So that is that, at least I know for certain she has moved on by her response, now I can completely. I still feel like complete ****, I was hoping she'd change her mind but now that is obviously never going to happen it is difficult to accept she'll never be mine. Took me a while but it seems I've finally hit that 'acceptance' stage. Edited February 20, 2017 by Jimmyjackson Link to post Share on other sites
LitTunnel Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Ok so I've sent the text, my mouth has gone really dry and I feel anxious. Good job. Well, now you can start the moving forward phase and heal from this experience. Edited February 20, 2017 by LitTunnel Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Good job. Well, now you can start the moving forward phase and heal from this experience. I feel a bit sad but you're right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 Haven't been on here much recently but just an update, feeling a lot better recently. She popped into my head today and I realised I hadn't been thinking of her much, kinda took me by surprise. Ending things with that text that I sent her and putting it to bed has really helped me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) I don't know if I jinxed myself with my last post in this thread but for some reason I've been wondering what she's up to a lot recently. It's been like four months since it ended, this isn't normal is it? She should be gone and forgotten by now? It was only a three month fling, why on earth do I still hold some form of feelings for her? I feel like there is almost certainly something wrong with me haha Edited March 20, 2017 by Jimmyjackson Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I was messed up for over a year by what I should've known was a fling. Totally normal. Don't beat yourself up and work on improving yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 I was messed up for over a year by what I should've known was a fling. Totally normal. Don't beat yourself up and work on improving yourself. How long was your fling? I ended all communication a month ago and I know in my head it was never meant to go the distance, yet I still cling slightly? Strange when I know it's pointless thinking about it but I can't help it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 So I was out drinking last night and she approached me with her friend, I hugged them both and said hello and that was it, first time I'd seen/spoken to her in two months. She texted me about an hour later with just a full stop, we exchanged a few messages but I didn't say anything embarrassing or what not just general chat. I do feel a little anxious today and low, mainly due to my hangover but I doubt that would've helped either. 5 months on and I still have feelings for a three month fling...getting a bit annoying now. I did attend my first therapy session last week which is good, told her I'd like to work on why I get attached so easily and maybe have get an answer to all of this. I know this isn't healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Do you have much of a life aside of going out, getting drunk, texting exes and hangovers? How old are you? Not trying to be inflammatory, just noticed a pattern from your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 Do you have much of a life aside of going out, getting drunk, texting exes and hangovers? How old are you? Not trying to be inflammatory, just noticed a pattern from your posts. I work full time, if I'm not out I usually isolate myself in my bedroom. Obviously I am aware of this destructive pattern which I informed my therapist about so I am trying to address it. I'm 25 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
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