Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[Veronica73]

If your doc let anything happen between you, it would be incredibly unethical, and it would show his concern for his self and his own pleasure were more important than your well-being. It would not be healthy in any way, shape, or form. And that isn’t even taking into consideration the fact that he is married.

[ja123]

@Veronica

 

 

I like what you said in your edit.

 

 

You seem to be feeling the same type of frustration others have felt over my drinking and smoking.

 

I'm sorry that you feel I'm frustrating you, but who else to talk to other than a board of anonymous people? I'm not trying to be purposefully annoying or redundant. I'm sincerely trying to work things out.

 

Perhaps someone at AA could provide me an ah-ha moment when it'll click and I'll give my fantasy up.

 

As you said (but don't recommend), I could simply make an appointment and find out for real, but if it's a "no" then .... I don't think I could handle it in a way.

 

But now that you're spelling it out to me the consequences of it being a "yes" well, like you said I'm just delaying feeling like crap for a year or two and may very well be worse off.

 

Maybe I should just tell my psychiatrist that I'm experiencing transference (without going into major details) and would he know of a female gp who's accepting patients. But I'm afraid to do that.

 

 

Again, sorry for bugging you and having you frustrated ...

 

It's hard, I'm already distracting myself from drinking ... I've been doing really well in that regard.

[ja123]

If your doc let anything happen between you, it would be incredibly unethical, and it would show his concern for his self and his own pleasure were more important than your well-being. It would not be healthy in any way, shape, or form. And that isn’t even taking into consideration the fact that he is married.

 

OK - that is really good to hear. I mean, I needed to hear what's in bold. You're the first to say it.

 

Coming out of abusive relationship I have a problem with allowing myself to be used.

 

Even the young guy I was involved with wouldn't have been able to have finished his Master's if he weren't with me ... but as I was coming out of a breakdown, I needed someone to live with and cook for and edit papers for or otherwise I'd have been completely lost, if not putting myself in my own harm's way.

 

You are right, doc would be putting his own needs first ... like all of the men I've been with.

 

I'm feeling so sad now that I've realized this.

 

But, thank you...

[Veronica73]

I don’t have time to reply in depth right now, but...

 

I am frustrated just because I think you are a smart, aware, sensitive, interesting woman, and I think you are sabotaging yourself with obsessing about this impossible situation with this guy. It’s been so long. But you don’t need to apologize for it! If posting on here helps...post away! Maybe you have something you need to work through or whatever. I just think it’s an impossible situation and I selfishly want you to move on and leave this behind you and move on to something better and more fulfilling for you. I feel like this is holding you back. But I’m not an expert or anything

Edited January 16, 2018 by Veronica73

[ja123]

@Veronica

 

Thanks so much.

 

What it comes down to I know I could be doing better in general, in life.

 

And I think I deserve better, but I'm having trouble feeling it!

 

Your words have shone a light on my situation and I thank you.

 

For now, I will convert my feelings into poetry or poetic prose. I might as well try to gain something fruitful from this lop-sided situation before I pierce the bubble and tell my psychiatrist or whatever ....

 

Thanks again ... you've raised my bar.

[Veronica73]

I’m glad I could be of some help

 

Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

 

In some ways you remind me of myself... maybe I need to take heed of some of the advice I have doled out to you

Edited January 18, 2018 by Veronica73
I like the idea of using/exploring your experience with poetry/writing/art. As long as it doesn’t lead to more obsession!

[ja123]

@Veronica

 

Thank you so much! I'm really flattered that I remind you of you, in some ways, as you seem to have "it" so together.

 

As for me, my biological father died, I recovered from a bad head cold (without need for a doc!) and I've been pretty busy with work and finding new clients, plus writing a short screenplay.

 

That being said, I still think of doc, but not so intensely anymore ... the longer I stay away from him the better it is, I think. Although, I haven't told my psychiatrist about the crush, it does help to visit someone on occasion who has clearer professional boundaries ... but he's still a man and 9/10 he glances at my boobs (even though I don't wear anything provocative when I'm there) ... so I wish I had women doctors, really.

 

I have a hankering for the opposite sex ... but when I look back on my life, it's been women who've helped me the most.

 

So I really find women to be so strong and I've been lucky to have some kind, intelligent ones on my path.

 

P.S. I'm still not drinking!

[ja123]

I tried to work out the wrongs of cheating and potentially breaking another woman's heart in a recent post in general relationship talk, BUT I really think my doctor and I are on a collision course to have an affair.

 

I want it so badly.

 

I used to be different, but I don't believe anymore in the tenements of marriage and all I want to do is to ride this guy, role around all over and run my fingers through his hair and down his back.

 

I've ignored your wise counsel to find another doc, and I've been back to see him.

 

This time he all but admitted to googling me. He mentioned stuff (radio interview, etc. that only an in-depth google search would reveal). He said the interview was excellent and that my face is all over the internet which shows confidence.

 

So, wtf?

 

I guess the ball is in my court to make a move to meet outside of the office as his hands are professionally bound.

 

But, seriously, what do you all make of his internet search for me? He obviously likes me, right?

[ja123]

I DO feel embarrassed. I received such great advice about getting a new doc.

 

I'm still off the booze and now off the cigs. BTW, he;s impressed ...

 

But I'm crazy for this doc ...

[ja123]

For anyone new to the thread, the new post starts at 208.

 

I've been recovering from alcohol, cigs, over-eating, plus I love swinging and BDSM. I also have mental health issues. Doc knows all this ...

[ja123]

[BaileyB]

I tried to work out the wrongs of cheating and potentially breaking another woman's heart in a recent post in general relationship talk, BUT I really think my doctor and I are on a collision course to have an affair.

 

I want it so badly.

 

I used to be different, but I don't believe anymore in the tenements of marriage and all I want to do is to ride this guy, role around all over and run my fingers through his hair and down his back.

 

I've ignored your wise counsel to find another doc, and I've been back to see him.

 

So, wtf?

 

I guess the ball is in my court to make a move to meet outside of the office as his hands are professionally bound.

 

But, seriously, what do you all make of his internet search for me? He obviously likes me, right?

 

I knew it.

 

This is a collision course, all right - to disaster.

 

I hope someday you get the help that you need and get to a good place with your mental health.

Edited October 19, 2018 by BaileyB

[Maybelle]

This is all profoundly disturbing. You have so many traits that indicate a bipolar disorder and I find it extremely odd that you are taking an ADHD medication. This is going to exacerbate any manic phases you have and you seem very manic in your posts. What antidepressant are you on?

 

Why are you still seeing this doctor if someone else is prescribing for you?

 

The only doctor I have ever seen who asked questions about sexual history is my on/gyn. You offered up the information about your risky sexual behaviors?

[JuneL]

For anyone new to the thread, the new post starts at 208.

 

I've been recovering from alcohol, cigs, over-eating, plus I love swinging and BDSM. I also have mental health issues. Doc knows all this ...

 

Good job on recovering from alcohol, cigarettes and food addictions. Do you think your obsessive thoughts with the doctor may have something to do with your addictions? You seem to need some sort of addiction and drama to fulfill the emptiness of your life. I was actively responding to your thread last year. I now think your obsession may be more innocent than you have made it out to be; you probably just enjoy thinking and talking about it.

[ja123]

@JuneL I hadn't thought of this but it makes sense. I've been left with a huge void having cut the booze, cigarettes, and excess food from my life.

 

The reality is I could've made some type of "move" to validate his desire or lack thereof, well before now, but then what would I have?

 

I'll most likely come back and write more once I've processed this.

[misspalmy]

did you end up with the doctor? the post is to long read lol

[ja123]

@misspalmy

 

Not yet, but I really think it's possible.

 

It's not only odd, IMO, that he looked my up on the internet, but the fact that he admitted it.

 

It's like it just slipped out at the end of our meet, and he couldn't help but tell me, etc, how the radio interview was excellent "I listened to it!" It was excellent!" he said! "That shows confidence!".

 

I ought to have just said you know what else shows confidence? bla bla and asked him for a coffee.

 

I really, really like this man....

[JuneL]

Did you end up giving him more gifts?

 

@misspalmy

 

Not yet, but I really think it's possible.

 

It's not only odd, IMO, that he looked my up on the internet, but the fact that he admitted it.

 

It's like it just slipped out at the end of our meet, and he couldn't help but tell me, etc, how the radio interview was excellent "I listened to it!" It was excellent!" he said! "That shows confidence!".

 

I ought to have just said you know what else shows confidence? bla bla and asked him for a coffee.

 

I really, really like this man....

[ja123]

No, June, I haven't...

 

Yet for Christmas, I give his secretary her favourite chocolates and this Christmas, I'd like to get him Miles Davis' "Sketches of Spain" and perhaps a book about jazz.

 

Crazy?

[ja123]

@MayBelle

 

I do not have bi-polar. Bu, I'm an extremely creative, existential depressive.

 

Happily, I'm no longer taking the methylphenidate (ADHD meds), I asked my psychiatrist to go off them and he agreed. My relationship with my psych isn't as good as with my family doc (the one I like). I simply can't express all that I can with doc. Doc and I fight/spar a bit, but I still feel protected and truly liked as a person by him.

 

I think about sex and death all the time. I shared my sexuality with doc. I also shared my questions about death and euthanasia (which he wasn't too happy about) with him.

 

I thought he had a foot fetish, as he made the remark about "If you [me] wore red boots instead of black, then THAT would show confidence." When I said "I used to own a pair of red boots", we both laughed. So... I thought he might be into BDSM, too.

[JuneL]

No, June, I haven't...

 

Yet for Christmas, I give his secretary her favourite chocolates and this Christmas, I'd like to get him Miles Davis' "Sketches of Spain" and perhaps a book about jazz.

 

Crazy?

 

How did you know he likes jazz? Did he tell you stuff about himself during the doctor’s visits? Did you chitchat a lot?

[ja123]

Yes, June, we have a personal connection, it seems and chitchat in the office.

 

We really clicked on cars, music and films.

 

He also told me that "I [he] was to Morocco on vacation" without saying "we were" or making mention of his family.

 

He apparently sees a lot of European films which I like, from his brother's membership account. His brother lives in France.

 

What are your thoughts about this?

Edited November 1, 2018 by ja123

[Amethyst68]

Umm maybe because he's making impersonal polite conversation and feels no need to bring his family into it...

 

I've read your thread OP and despite you wanting it can see nothing indicating this man wanting anything other than a professional relationship.

 

I'm not sure where you live but where I live having an affair with a patient can cause a doctor to lose their licence to practice or carry heavy sanctions, is this something you want?

[JuneL]

Yes, June, we have a personal connection, it seems and chitchat in the office.

 

We really clicked on cars, music and films.

 

He also told me that "I [he] was to Morocco on vacation" without saying "we were" or making mention of his family.

 

He apparently sees a lot of European films which I like, from his brother's membership account. His brother lives in France.

 

What are your thoughts about this?

 

Then he probably brought up his wife and kids during your conversations.

 

I do think physicians tend to have their favorite patients, like how teachers tend to favor certain students. My own physicians like to chitchat with me too.

[JuneL]

I used to take what you wrote in this thread very literally; as time goes by, I realized that you may just enjoy thinking/talking about those things. There’s nothing wrong with having an innocent crush. If this physician is as good looking as you described, and if he has a bit of charm, then you’re not the first and won’t be the last to have a crush on him. I think many such men enjoy being crushed on by attractive patients and enjoy innocent flirting.