JuneL Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Sounds like physicians have limited ways to meet prospective dates, etc Your situation is delicate because your gp has been treating your alcohol abuse and mental health issues; in other words, you’ll always be in a vulnerable position, even after terminating your medical relationship. However, if he was (say) your eye doctor who has done a few exams on your eyes and even performed a minor surgery or two for your eyes, then I don’t think there would be serious boundaries issues if you and the eye doctor started dating after 6-24 months from your final medical appointment with him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 I would write down that the transference happened and call another physician to witness. Absolutely! I’m not a physician, but where I work we have certain patients that we will not see alone - we go with other professionals so that you have a witness to protect yourself from liability. Sometimes, we transfer the case to protect the therapist. Usually, the presence of another person has the exact effect it has on OP - they are more respectful and more appropriate with their behavior because they don’t want to be embarrassed in front of another person. The fact that he is not doing that makes me question his professional judgment and ethics. But then again, he may not be fully aware of just how far this fantasy has gone for OP... He may not be fully aware of the risk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Physicians have plenty of opportunities to meet dates, and are in some scenarios more desired than people in other careers. However, because of physician's reputation in society, their entire lives are under scrutiny. If you have ever read a physician's board licensing application, these guys want to know everything about you, the new applicant, because they want to prevent the 3 bad actors who always get on the news. So, we physicians have to take certain actions to protect our reputations, the most frequent of which is to separate our social lives from our professional lives. Something like going to a frat party for example will be posted on social media for everyone to see... and for the licensing board to see. Our employers even monitor our facebooks - so we have to be on our best behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Remember, by the OP's own admission she has barely seen him. I doubt she has taken up much space in his thoughts unless he sees her name, maybe for an appointment or medical review etc. Unlike the OP whose main thought seems to be how she can rope the doctor into an affair. If he was aware I'm pretty sure he would get another doctor in his practice to see OP or always have a nurse present during appointments. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Also smashing good points Amethyst. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I feel like I just wasted two hours of my life reading this. JUST TELL THE DOC YOU WANT TO JUMP HIS BONES so that we can hear all about how he awkwardly shuffles out of his office and sends in his assistant or whatever to finish up with you and dumps you as a patient immediately. You know that's what's gonna happen OR YOU'D HAVE ALREADY DONE IT. Bonus points if you vajazzle your confession onto your pubic area, then pull down your pants in his office and seductively request a full pelvic examination. (I can't believe I actually feel like I need to clarify here, but this is a joke. You should not do this. But if you do, wear a gopro or something so we can all see his reaction (DON'T DO THIS EITHER.)) You can never take your relationship with him to the next level unless you do this. (Stalking. The next level on your delusional trajectory is STALKING.) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 Your situation is delicate because your gp has been treating your alcohol abuse and mental health issues; in other words, you’ll always be in a vulnerable position, even after terminating your medical relationship. However, if he was (say) your eye doctor who has done a few exams on your eyes and even performed a minor surgery or two for your eyes, then I don’t think there would be serious boundaries issues if you and the eye doctor started dating after 6-24 months from your final medical appointment with him. Thank you, JuneL... I looked at your link to doc-patient protocol. I know I fall outside it, but still this doc has almost broken the rules (e.g. home calls), he's led me on, too. Not only is thee transference but countertransference. Anyhow, it is true that he treated me by listening to my mental health and drinking issues, but still on paper he is my gp, so I don't think we'd be banned for life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 Absolutely! I’m not a physician, but where I work we have certain patients that we will not see alone - we go with other professionals so that you have a witness to protect yourself from liability. Sometimes, we transfer the case to protect the therapist. Usually, the presence of another person has the exact effect it has on OP - they are more respectful and more appropriate with their behavior because they don’t want to be embarrassed in front of another person. The fact that he is not doing that makes me question his professional judgment and ethics. But then again, he may not be fully aware of just how far this fantasy has gone for OP... He may not be fully aware of the risk. It disturbs me when you imply there's a risk ... all he has to do is tell me to take a hike and I'm gone. But, I also question his judgement and ethics based on other things he's done/said/implied with me. That being said, it mae me feel special. But who knows ... maybe he's already having an affair with someone else, hunh? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 Physicians have plenty of opportunities to meet dates, and are in some scenarios more desired than people in other careers. However, because of physician's reputation in society, their entire lives are under scrutiny. If you have ever read a physician's board licensing application, these guys want to know everything about you, the new applicant, because they want to prevent the 3 bad actors who always get on the news. So, we physicians have to take certain actions to protect our reputations, the most frequent of which is to separate our social lives from our professional lives. Something like going to a frat party for example will be posted on social media for everyone to see... and for the licensing board to see. Our employers even monitor our facebooks - so we have to be on our best behavior. Well, he doesn't live in our community which is small and gossipy. He did tell me where he lived though and suggested I visit an antique car show where he sometimes goes, as the cars are amazing. It's one of those weekly gatherings for aficionados and hobbyists. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 Remember, by the OP's own admission she has barely seen him. I doubt she has taken up much space in his thoughts unless he sees her name, maybe for an appointment or medical review etc. Unlike the OP whose main thought seems to be how she can rope the doctor into an affair. If he was aware I'm pretty sure he would get another doctor in his practice to see OP or always have a nurse present during appointments. I've not taken up much space in his thoughts? Then why would he google me, listen to the entire radio interview I gave and told me all about it, saying my face is all over the internet. This was in his free time ... so clearly, he thought about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 I feel like I just wasted two hours of my life reading this. JUST TELL THE DOC YOU WANT TO JUMP HIS BONES so that we can hear all about how he awkwardly shuffles out of his office and sends in his assistant or whatever to finish up with you and dumps you as a patient immediately. You know that's what's gonna happen OR YOU'D HAVE ALREADY DONE IT. Bonus points if you vajazzle your confession onto your pubic area, then pull down your pants in his office and seductively request a full pelvic examination. (I can't believe I actually feel like I need to clarify here, but this is a joke. You should not do this. But if you do, wear a gopro or something so we can all see his reaction (DON'T DO THIS EITHER.)) You can never take your relationship with him to the next level unless you do this. (Stalking. The next level on your delusional trajectory is STALKING.) I will tell the doc I WANT TO JUMP HIS BONES but not in so many words. I will also bring a letter too resign as his patient, so he doesn't feel like he has to report me, etc. which, incidentallly, I don't think he'd do. So stay tuned for the update when I do that ... and no gopro lol Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I will tell the doc I WANT TO JUMP HIS BONES but not in so many words. I will also bring a letter too resign as his patient, so he doesn't feel like he has to report me, etc. which, incidentallly, I don't think he'd do. So stay tuned for the update when I do that ... and no gopro lol If he has any common sense, he'll stay as far away from you as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 If he has any common sense, he'll stay as far away from you as possible. Most everyone is taking the doc's side (thinking he's innocent, fragile etc, and like I'm Glenn Close out of "Fatal Attraction"} ... he's just as involved, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 It disturbs me when you imply there's a risk ... To be fair, it disturbs me that you don’t understand how wildly inappropriate this whole situation/discussion is... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 To be fair, it disturbs me that you don’t understand how wildly inappropriate this whole situation/discussion is... Well, I guess you'll be one of the ones who will eats her words when he says "yes" to the idea ... Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 I think you're just toying with our emotions. I don't think you're going to proposition your doctor. PROVE ME WRONG. I'm waiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 I'm not toying with you Kitty... Within two weeks I'll give him his Xmas gift... Then, in early January, I will resign by telling him why and will hand him the letter. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 I'm not toying with you Kitty... Within two weeks I'll give him his Xmas gift... Then, in early January, I will resign by telling him why and will hand him the letter. What are you getting him for X’mas this time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 What are you getting him for X’mas this time? A jazz book and CD.... a book about important figures in jazz, as well as a Miles Davis CD "Sketches of Spain".... I also get his secretary a box of chocolates... Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 What arrangements have you made to line up a new doctor? If there is a long wait, what is your contingency plan? I’m not convinced you’re actually going to “resign,” as then you would be cutting off your access to this man and I think you thrive on the fantasy and obsession. But if if you do carry this out, I worry you’re just going in there with a “beg me to stay” approach and haven’t actually made contingency plans for your care. Which you will need, because there is NO WAY in hell this man is going to enter into an affair with you. He will dump you as a patient and then you’ll be left with no GP. I think you are setting yourself up for major disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 What arrangements have you made to line up a new doctor? If there is a long wait, what is your contingency plan? I’m not convinced you’re actually going to “resign,” as then you would be cutting off your access to this man and I think you thrive on the fantasy and obsession. But if if you do carry this out, I worry you’re just going in there with a “beg me to stay” approach and haven’t actually made contingency plans for your care. Which you will need, because there is NO WAY in hell this man is going to enter into an affair with you. He will dump you as a patient and then you’ll be left with no GP. I think you are setting yourself up for major disappointment. That's exactly what I'm after: disappointment, rather than not knowing. Someone gave me a lead on 2 doctors accepting patients, but it's far. I've rather he dump me, then I'll simply tell my psychiatrist that I'd developed feeling for him and why. No worries ... the psych is a good ol' boy, he'd never tell. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 A jazz book and CD.... a book about important figures in jazz, as well as a Miles Davis CD "Sketches of Spain".... I also get his secretary a box of chocolates... It’s not at all uncommon for patients to give doctors holiday goodies or even a bottle of inexpensive wine. But I understand that doctors are supposed to decline gifts that are too expensive, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 right, could be seen as bribing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ja123 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 My psychiatrist told me they're not supposed to accept gifts when I brought him a beautiful $25 plant... (I didn't tell him how much ut cost), but he was happy with it. It's in my nature from my grandmother's days to give gifts to service people, including garbage men, like she did. Admittedly, I put a little more effort and cash into doc's gifts, though. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 It’s not at all uncommon for patients to give doctors holiday goodies or even a bottle of inexpensive wine. But I understand that doctors are supposed to decline gifts that are too expensive, no? Yes. They are supposed to decline gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
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