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Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

ja123

By ja123
in The Other Man / Woman

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Perhaps if you are an attractive physician (teacher/professor), you shouldn’t be too personable and attentive to your patients (students) of the opposite gender :p

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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Perhaps if you are an attractive physician (teacher/professor), you shouldn’t be too personable and attentive to your patients (students) of the opposite gender :p

 

Yeah! You never know what kind of psycho might get turned on!! :cool:

SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

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Yeah! You never know what kind of psycho might get turned on!! :cool:

 

it seems ethical boundaries are being crossed, the doc should be reported. calling on the weekends is NOT normal. saying he would do that and then not do that is just as bad. meh. you both are playing with fire. Telling you to back of clearly will not work. May I suggest you look into getting a therapist to help manage your mental health, and get an MD who sticks to what he/she is trained to do.

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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calling on the weekends is NOT normal. saying he would do that and then not do that is just as bad. meh.

 

I agree, if he said he was going to call then he should've. That being said, maybe he was afraid of losing his licence.

 

Telling you to back of clearly will not work. May I suggest you look into getting a therapist to help manage your mental health, and get an MD who sticks to what he/she is trained to do.

 

I'm going to look into getting another doctor so that I can see him outside the doctor-patient relationship.

 

Thanks for your feedback...

Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

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Are you going to be chasing after a married man? :cool:;)

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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Are you going to be chasing after a married man? :cool:;)

 

Yes.

 

I really don't want a relationship, so a married man would be perfect.

 

I'd be happy to be on the side-lines, no pressure - just send him back to her! ;)

Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

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what happens when you come back to LS saying I want him to be mine! I tried all sorts of things to get him to spend extra time with me.

SunnyWeather Established Member

SunnyWeather

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I agree, if he said he was going to call then he should've. That being said, maybe he was afraid of losing his licence.

 

 

 

I'm going to look into getting another doctor so that I can see him outside the doctor-patient relationship.

 

Thanks for your feedback...

 

In some states there is a time period a professional like a doctor or mental health professional cannot have a romantic relationship with a former client. The price is steep if found out, he could still potentially lose his license and be fined thousands of dollars. just sayin

JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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In some states there is a time period a professional like a doctor or mental health professional cannot have a romantic relationship with a former client. The price is steep if found out, he could still potentially lose his license and be fined thousands of dollars. just sayin

 

I think that the general rule of thumb is that general physicians may date their former patients (it depends on the length and depth of treatment), but psychiatrists and psychologists are definitely out of bound. Since this doctor has been sort of treating her substance abuse and mental health issues, there are boundaries concerns even after their doctor-patient relationship has terminated.

 

My guess is that this attractive married doctor finds her an interesting patient and is particularly sympathetic to her situation. I think it’s also his personality to be extra personable and attentive (he’s Italian, right?).

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Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

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yeh the OP mentioned he is tall and dark - definitely Middle Eastern or Italian hehe.

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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yeh the OP mentioned he is tall and dark - definitely Middle Eastern or Italian hehe.

 

I thought I saw Italian somewhere, or I just mixed up with another thread.

 

Btw, is my understanding about doctors dating former patients above correct?

 

I forgot to mention it’s also possible this physician is enjoying some innocent flirting with an attractive younger patient. He might be flattered that an attractive and interesting patient is crushing on him.

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Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

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The American Medical Association's formal opinion on this matter is listed below:

 

 

Code of Medical Ethics Opinion 9.1.1

 

Romantic or sexual interactions between physicians and patients that occur concurrently with the patient physician relationship are unethical. Such interactions detract from the goals of the patient-physician relationship and may exploit the vulnerability of the patient, compromise the physician’s ability to make objective judgments about the patient’s health care, and ultimately be detrimental to the patient’s well-being.

A physician must terminate the patient-physician relationship before initiating a dating, romantic, or sexual relationship with a patient.

Likewise, sexual or romantic relationships between a physician and a former patient may be unduly influenced by the previous physician-patient relationship. Sexual or romantic relationships with former patients are unethical if the physician uses or exploits trust, knowledge, emotions, or influence derived from the previous professional relationship, or if a romantic relationship would otherwise foreseeably harm the individual.

In keeping with a physician’s ethical obligations to avoid inappropriate behavior, a physician who has reason to believe that nonsexual, nonclinical contact with a patient may be perceived as or may lead to romantic or sexual contact should avoid such contact.

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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what happens when you come back to LS saying I want him to be mine! I tried all sorts of things to get him to spend extra time with me.

 

I hope that won't be the case, but never say never.

 

I'd only want to meet once a month, really ... maybe for 2-3 hours, if he has the time.

 

Sex and talking and laughing, then bye bye 'till next time. :rolleyes:

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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In some states there is a time period a professional like a doctor or mental health professional cannot have a romantic relationship with a former client. The price is steep if found out, he could still potentially lose his license and be fined thousands of dollars. just sayin

 

It weighs on my mind as I'm sure it does for him, if I'm correct in reading him.

 

I thought I could give an official letter with a date that I am no longer a patient because I've switched doctors (to a female one) due to gyno reasons.

 

They only have a nurse at the clinic for pelvic exams and he does the triage for all gyn issues, STI's, etc.

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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I think it’s also his personality to be extra personable and attentive (he’s Italian, right?).

 

yeh the OP mentioned he is tall and dark - definitely Middle Eastern or Italian hehe.

 

He is personable and attentive ... he's got a 5/5 on RateMDs.

 

He is not Italian, but could be considered Middle Eastern, though not Arab. (A riddle for you to solve haha.)

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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The American Medical Association's formal opinion on this matter is listed below:

 

Thanks for this, Garçon1986. I'm in Canada, but I would assume the guidelines are pretty much the same.

 

Nothing says we can't see one another, if we're no longer doc & patient, but the implication is that it still isn't considered appropriate.

 

Now, whether someone could sue under these guidelines remains open to interpretation by the judge who's handling the case.

 

Whatever, I am willing to give prior testimony to whomever that I am of sound mind (and not as vulnerable as people might think) to reassure my doc and give him a few cards to hold.

 

I was reading some other cases on the net today, and it doesn't fare well for the doctors who get involved with patients.

 

But, I'm not just a regular patient ... I'm open-minded (swinging & BDSM) plus I know what I want, or in this case what I don't want - a boyfriend.

 

Just order me up a dirty doc... haha ... that's all I want.

 

Maybe go swinging with him when he's on conference in another city .... :cool:

pepperbird Established Member

pepperbird

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op,

I would suggest to you that you move on. There are lots of guys in the world. Fixate on one of them.

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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op,

I would suggest to you that you move on. There are lots of guys in the world. Fixate on one of them.

 

Actually I think the way to break this obsession might be to tell the doctor you’ve been having a hopeless crush. If he’s decently professional, he’ll conclude that it’s inappropriate to continue to be your doctor.

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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Thank you, pepperbird, but how can you change attraction just like that?!

 

I've felt ongoing attraction for him for 2 years .... it's not something you can change at the drop of a hat.

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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Actually I think the way to break this obsession might be to tell the doctor you’ve been having a hopeless crush. If he’s decently professional, he’ll conclude that it’s inappropriate to continue to be your doctor.

 

 

I might just have to bite the bullet sometime soon and put this to rest.

Edited by ja123
Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

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You are asking a married bloke to neglect his marriage for you... this is just a wee bit wonky.

By know I know you want a tall, Greek or Israeli, well to do, bloke who is fun and interesting, and by default attractive. There are a lot of these lads around, especially in the big cities. You don't want a boyfriend in the classic sense of the word? No problem. You can get into casual relationships. This has a bad ending. You really want to see him outside work, you can see if he agrees after you stop being his patient. You can make the transition to healthy relationships.

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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You are asking a married bloke to neglect his marriage for you... this is just a wee bit wonky.

By know I know you want a tall, Greek or Israeli, well to do, bloke who is fun and interesting, and by default attractive. There are a lot of these lads around, especially in the big cities. You don't want a boyfriend in the classic sense of the word? No problem. You can get into casual relationships. This has a bad ending. You really want to see him outside work, you can see if he agrees after you stop being his patient. You can make the transition to healthy relationships.

 

I just can't do relationships anymore.

 

I love men. Make no mistake.

 

Yet, I've been burned. I once had a naive and open heart.

 

Those days are long gone.

 

I cannot handle someone who is single and who could potentially fall in love with me and want to get close.

 

I'm closed to that. FWIW

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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I think that the general rule of thumb is that general physicians may date their former patients (it depends on the length and depth of treatment), but psychiatrists and psychologists are definitely out of bound.

 

My guess is that this attractive married doctor finds her an interesting patient and is particularly sympathetic to her situation.

 

Huh? I am an associated medical professional and in our code of ethics, any kind of personal relationship is discouraged with a client. We are not even allowed to befriend a client on Facebook, go for coffee or form a friendship with a former client.

 

I have looked up a few favourite clients because I want to know that they are well. And this will sound awful, but I have looked up difficult or unstable clients on Facebook only out of curiosity - I’m curious to see who they really are and what their daily existence is like because what I see is sometimes a little “cray-cray...” We are very careful in our dealing with these clients because we know “this is someone who could cause serious professional consequences if a false accusation of misconduct is made to my professional college.”

 

No disrespect intended Op, but I can’t imagine that this doctor would want to have any kind of personal relationship with a patient - not if he values his career.

Edited by BaileyB
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Actually I think the way to break this obsession might be to tell the doctor you’ve been having a hopeless crush. If he’s decently professional, he’ll conclude that it’s inappropriate to continue to be your doctor.

 

Absolutely true.

Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

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Well here is the logical bloke's approach to this.

 

You live in Florida and decided you didn't want to have a hurricane tear down a few trees and fences in your yard.

 

Therefore, in conclusion, you must demolish your house so that the next hurricane will not tear down a few trees and fences in your yard.

 

One thing doesn't follow the other. ;)

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