How can I stop beating myself up over ruining my chances?

[JelatineDessert]

Before I go into the main question, I've summarized the backstory: There's this guy who I dated off Tinder. I went on the app to find a boyfriend and I didn't really know his intentions. After 3 dates, we had sex and but after that, he only reached out to hookup. After a few weeks of this, I told him over the phone that my intentions were to get to know him and that I didn't really want to just be a sex-buddy to him. (Just in case he thought otherwise). I said if he wanted to get to know me, that's cool, but if not, that's fine, but that I wouldn't continue.

He never ended up reaching out after that, so I take that he doesnt want a relationship with me, which is totally fine---I'm actually really at peace with it and glad to have finally gotten closure about how he felt. So, honestly, it's not a big deal, there's plenty of fish in the sea. =o)

 

HOWEVER, the sex was just so good. I miss it. I want to start having sex with him again. I'm no longer seeing him as a potential boyfriend and now seeing him as an opportunity to be young and wild for once in my life and just be casual and fun. If I reach out saying that I miss having sex, will he think I'm stupid/desperate? Or is this not a big deal to guys?

Will he think this even if I tell him "Hey dude, honestly, it's not a big deal, there's plenty of other guys. I really like the sex and we should just have fun and live life, I miss the way you do me lol."

I don't want him to avoid me thinking that I'm bent on getting him into a relationship or something. I want him to know i just wanna bang and that i'm actually pretty at peace with that? How can I best phrase the text message to him?

Edited November 29, 2016 by JelatineDessert

[BDJ_1]

You are overthinking. If you want sex, just ask him for sex.

 

"The sex was good, do you want to do it again sometime?"

[basil67]

Given how long it took you to get to a place of acceptance, I would not pick at old wounds.

 

If you were easy going and a kind of 'take it or leave it' girl, then it could work. But you're not. Best to wait till you find someone new.

 

And buy yourself a new vibrator in the meantime.

[JelatineDessert]

Given how long it took you to get to a place of acceptance, I would not pick at old wounds.

 

Well i only talked to him about this a week ago

 

And buy yourself a new vibrator in the meantime.

 

 

I actually just proposed the idea lf getting to know each other just last Tuesday, and I was at peace with his indifference only a few days after the call. My dilemma prior to this was more just a worry and uncertainty about whether or not the sex influenced his liking for me, which i later learned through you guys and other friends that I shouldn't have worried about that. I never said i loved him or really liked him, but just was worried if i ruoned a potential opportunity. I'm over it though, so i dont really know what else to say haha

[basil67]

I still think it would be a mistake for you.

[JelatineDessert]

I still think it would be a mistake for you.

 

But why though?

[kendahke]

I met him on Tinder. I actually joined the app to find a bf. (I thought people used it for dating)

 

I've heard it said both ways. For the most part though, people use it for hooking up. Just because you're using it to find your life partner doesn't mean the guys on the site want to be anyone's life partner.

 

I slept with him on the 3rd date instead of making him wait and work for it like I always do to men. I just gave in and heavily regret it. his current GF probably made him wait and earned his respect.

 

Or maybe he felt more of a connection with her. That happens sometimes. We may like someone very much, but if they don't feel the same, there's really little any of us can do to make another person return our interest in the same measure. We just have to accept that despite how perfect we may think we are for this person, that person has every right to determine for themselves who feels right to them.

 

There are a myriad of reasons why he decided to not pursue you that may have absolutely nothing to do with you sleeping with him early or her allegedly holding out (which you have no proof--she may have hit that quick, too, but he liked how she hit it better).

 

He didn't owe you a relationship just because you had interest.

[basil67]

But why though?

 

Because I've seen how your mind works. I believe that you will get yourself torn up in knots about this. And nothing you can say will lead me to believe otherwise.