How can I stop beating myself up over ruining my chances?

[Miss Peach]

He is pretty much been in his current career for years now, and he loves it, he's 30, isn't planning on moving or changing his life drastically.

I carried myself well/(gf material-style), didnt give off any plaything vibes, upheld intelligent conversations and didn't come off as ditsy or facetious. I think I made the mistake of not telling him why I was even on Tinder, so he assumed I was there for a hookup. I made so many mistakes, I can't help but beat myself up over it constantly. I feel like anything I do can make a guy not like me/put me into a wrong category.

 

It really could be anything. Women do the same thing here. We categorize men as needy, creepy, a boy toy, BF material, etc. If you read the threads on here most men don't understand why we do what we do.

 

The first thing I would work on is your mentality. He's obviously not wanting the same as you. It's his loss. There are tons of other men out there.

[JelatineDessert]

The guy I'm talking about told me a story about a girl he was having a casual dating one day (as in, a **** buddy). And at one point he was like "I wasn't taking her seriously cause she wasn't taking me seriously." So I'm thinking that maybe because I had sex with him so soon, he assumed I wasn't taking him seriously and that I probably do that with a lot of guys. Ugh, I'm looking at his pictures and just upset about being so foolish. And on top of that, I feel like I was doomed from the start since he probably thought I was on Tinder to meet random guys for sex.

[JewelD]

The guy I'm talking about told me a story about a girl he was having a casual dating one day (as in, a **** buddy). And at one point he was like "I wasn't taking her seriously cause she wasn't taking me seriously." So I'm thinking that maybe because I had sex with him so soon, he assumed I wasn't taking him seriously and that I probably do that with a lot of guys. Ugh, I'm looking at his pictures and just upset about being so foolish. And on top of that, I feel like I was doomed from the start since he probably thought I was on Tinder to meet random guys for sex.

 

So listen to what people are saying and learn from your experience and move on with your life. He made you wait a month for a date so he was probably never going to be your boyfriend anyway. You sound very insecure and needy. Those traits will probably drive a man away faster than sleeping with him too early.

[JelatineDessert]

So listen to what people are saying and learn from your experience and move on with your life. He made you wait a month for a date so he was probably never going to be your boyfriend anyway. You sound very insecure and needy. Those traits will probably drive a man away faster than sleeping with him too early.

 

I'm not insecure, I feel that I have a lot to offer a man, but to look back at myself and reflect and think "Hmm, what could I have done differently" or wonder what I did wrong is only natural. I always want to know if I did something wrong or if it was my fault so that I can correct it and be better prepared for next time. Self-doubt is not always correlated with not being confident or feeling like you aren't a good catch, it's just simply a matter of "I guess I didn't know that wasn't a good thing to do on a date" or whatever.

[preraph]

No, you can't make him want more. He wants sex and that's pretty much all he wants right now. When a guy starts wanting a relationship (IF they EVER do), it's usually in their 30s and they'll marry someone to keep them from getting away. They won't be on Tinder.

[Cookiesandough]

I'm not insecure, I feel that I have a lot to offer a man, but to look back at myself and reflect and think "Hmm, what could I have done differently" or wonder what I did wrong is only natural. I always want to know if I did something wrong or if it was my fault so that I can correct it and be better prepared for next time. Self-doubt is not always correlated with not being confident or feeling like you aren't a good catch, it's just simply a matter of "I guess I didn't know that wasn't a good thing to do on a date" or whatever.

 

You're trying to alter yourself for a guy you met on tinder. Even if you did wait for sex, could somehow manage to change to tick all his boxes, and become his ideal "gf material", it would only be for that guy. Not all men are into the same things. Some lose respect for women who sleep 1st date, some lose interest if they don't, and some don't care. Some like outspoken, opinionated women, some like shy, easy-going ones. Picking apart all your actions and all the ''what ifs' , will only waste your time. If it bothers you not to sleep with a guy on the first date so much, don't do it. Waiting does not guarantee he will want a relationship with you. There are many other variables like personality,physical appearance, interests, aligned values, etc.

 

As for the question, I think guys qualify women relatively early if they see a possible relationship with them, but of course it can change.I think it's definitely possible for a guy to start out just wanting sex and have it turn into a relationship, but I wouldn't bet on it. He has to be ready.

Edited October 7, 2016 by Cookiesandough

[Gloria25]

Men sort women into would not bang, would bang, and would relationship. Try to make yourself into the type of woman that puts you in category three if that's what you want.

 

Exactly, regardless of a guy's intentions, women - believe it or not - set the tone of how he will treat her.

 

Yes, there are some men that if you held out, doesn't matter cuz he just wanted sex all the time. Shoot, he may even "wait" for you for months while he's getting his rocks off with easier chicks and the day you give it up, he's up and out cuz he finally wore you down.

 

Your best bet is to wait, watch how he treats you and be upfront about asking him what he's looking for. If he's a player, he won't hang around for long and you'll be able to get to see if he's putting on a show cuz of blue balls or if he's really starting to dig you.

 

It's easier to wait and do it rather than try to repair sleeping together too soon.

 

And sorry, even "if" a guy will continue to see you after sex happening too soon, it won't last long. Biology teaches men (even women) to value what they had to earn. When you give up the sex too soon, that's where the term "easy" comes from.

 

Also, isn't Tinder a hook-up site?

[JewelD]

I'm not insecure, I feel that I have a lot to offer a man, but to look back at myself and reflect and think "Hmm, what could I have done differently" or wonder what I did wrong is only natural. I always want to know if I did something wrong or if it was my fault so that I can correct it and be better prepared for next time. Self-doubt is not always correlated with not being confident or feeling like you aren't a good catch, it's just simply a matter of "I guess I didn't know that wasn't a good thing to do on a date" or whatever.

 

Not really. Unless you did something crazy, most people would say, oh it didn't work out, he just wasn't a match. You've had everyone on here already tell you that sleeping with him probably didn't make much difference and yet you're still agonizing about the guy and if you still have a chance. You also accepted a date after a month, something most confident and secure people would not do. His interest level was clearly low but you went for it anyway thinking it could turn into a relationship.

 

Some people don't want relationships. Some just don't like you for whatever reason.

[basil67]

The guy I'm talking about told me a story about a girl he was having a casual dating one day (as in, a **** buddy). And at one point he was like "I wasn't taking her seriously cause she wasn't taking me seriously." So I'm thinking that maybe because I had sex with him so soon, he assumed I wasn't taking him seriously and that I probably do that with a lot of guys. Ugh, I'm looking at his pictures and just upset about being so foolish. And on top of that, I feel like I was doomed from the start since he probably thought I was on Tinder to meet random guys for sex.

 

Will you stop beating yourself over the head about this!! My partner of nearly 25 years was the result of what started as a one night stand. I have numerous friends who's marriages also started with early sex.

 

If a guy is into you, sleeping with him early will not change his view of you. Conversely, if a guy isn't into you, holding back on sex will not make him desire you.

 

Telling him that you are looking for a relationship would not have changed his mind if he wasn't wanting a relationship. Acting with class won't stop him from seeing the potential of a casual hook up with you.

 

Do you know what you did wrong? You believed that there could have been potential with a guy who couldn't be bothered seeing you more often than once per month. This is the only thing you did wrong.

[JelatineDessert]

 

Also, isn't Tinder a hook-up site?

 

I guess it is, I always thought it was a dating app, but I figured out way later that it was predominantly for hook-ups. Explains why he probably didn't take me seriously.

 

And thank you everyone for your advice. I know I got some mixed answers, some saying that men don't care if a woman puts out early, and some saying that it doesn't matter as long as he likes you. I'm just doing to leave it up to the quote "Everything happens for a reason" and just go by that for now and hope that it truly does. What ever I did, I did, (unfortunately) and I can only learn from this and keep living life.

[basil67]

He may not have taken you seriously on any other app. Plenty of hookups happen on serious dating sites too.

 

Please don't make the mistake of believing that your actions or decisions can influence the actions of others. They will do what they want to do. You can only look after yourself.

Edited October 8, 2016 by basil67

[dumbass2]

I'm sorry if I missed this, but is he still on Tinder? Has he updated anything since you started going out?

[JelatineDessert]

I'm sorry if I missed this, but is he still on Tinder? Has he updated anything since you started going out?

 

Yes and yes, but I know that people (including myself) date more than one person at a time (in the beginning stages, before exclusivity, of course).

[LemonSeven]

That makes me feel much better. But you know what confuses me? When there are two things I hear in the world:

One is: "Only the right woman will make a player stop playing."

and then the second is: "The only time a guy will get into a relationship if he wants one. If he does not want one, there is nothing you can do."

 

So honestly, with these two opposite statements I hear, I can't help but to wonder which is accurate. What do you think?

 

Hi, I have been with my hubby for more than 10 years now. I initiated texts, dates, sex and i was the one who proposed him. for initial so many months he was only with me for sex (he never double timed me though). later he started to have strong feelings for me and we ended up getting married 6 years ago and we have a 2 yr old daughter together.

 

you would never have evidence of his feelings but if you really like him just try your best.

Whatever ought to happen will happen.

[usa1ah]

No, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. In other words, he is getting what he wants with no investment, why would he want to change this.

[Gr8fuln2020]

If a guy only wants sex, can you make him want a relationship?

 

No. You cannot force anyone to do anything he/she isn't ready to do. No matter what YOU do.

[venusishername]

If you wait, you can usually get to know him long enough to knowwhat type of man he is. The more time you spend with him (and between seeinghim) you can better gauge what he's wanting. Men who want to be your BF usuallystep up and act like it over time. So if you can't stand the idea of it turninginto a ONS or FWB then don't mess with your self esteem. The flip side is ifyou really value sex (as in waiting) then you are more likely to attract menwho feel the same. If these are not your values then you may be attracting a mismatch. If you can handle/want a more casual arrangement or put more value into sex then sleep with a man earlier. The men who value this tend not to wait as long asthe men who treat sex as something more serious. The downside is you may haveto go through this a lot as there are a lot of men trolling for sex and youdon't have enough time with a man to know which category he has put you into.

Sorry in advance for the formatting glitches.

I had to comment on this, because I went through this for years between my last long term relationship and my current one. I wanted to be single. I slept with men early on. I went on Tinder dates. I used 'dating' apps and websites. I wenton many many, MANY dates with nice guys, and guys who were clearly not nice andjust looking to lay as many women as possible. Tinder makes it real easy to do that. I actually know people who are in long term relationships by meeting onTinder, but to me, that was the exception. It really, really depends on whateach person is looking for. I liked what Peach said about it really coming downto what you value. After 2-3+ years of only interested in casual relationships,I had quite a few, I had some ONS that I didn't want to be anything else, Iliked a couple of guys a lot but they weren't a)that into me or b)not interested in a relationship. Eventually I started valuing a long term,exclusive, intimate relationship. I wanted more than sex and attention. So Ideleted all my stupid dating apps, including Tinder. (I'm against online datingpersonally). I did that because I was tired of having to weed out the guyswhose values didn't align with mine. You can't help sexual attraction. The lastguy I met on Tinder sparks were flying. We fooled around, no sex, and I neverheard from him again. I realized if I wanted a boyfriend, I had to act like it.So I stopped using dating apps. I left on vacation out of state and my current boyfriend approached me while I was out with a friend. He asked me to dance andthen bought me a drink, asked for my number, drove me safely back to my hotel,called me the next day, took me on a date, kissed me and made out the nightbefore left, and called me the next morning, called me the day after, and hasbeen calling me every single day for one year. Within a month of us meeting,long distance at that, he came right out and said that he wanted to make sureno one else stole me away from him, that he didn't want other guys getting tome so he had to be sure to let me know that he is there and he wants me. He still does that a year in. I didn't sleep with him until we had been talkingevery day for 6 weeks and he proved to me by his actions that he was lookingfor a relationship. I knew that it wasn't about sex or that it would be a riskwith him (like so many other guys I was with before), he showed me that hewanted a relationship with me. He wanted to have sex with me the first date butI said no and well, I knew what I wanted. I valued a relationship, and I knewthat if he dropped the ball after I didn't sleep with him, then he wasn't whatI was looking for. I have never waited as long as I did to sleep with a guy Iwas really interested in, this was different. It was worth it.

 

I waited because I wanted a relationship, I liked him, and wanted to be sure hefelt the same before I slept with him and got sad and anxious and beat myself up like you are.

 

Remember,you are in control here. You can't control other people's actions but you arein charge of your own. If you value yourself and want a relationship, you will not give men on Tinder the time of day. Meet someone in real life, who approaches you and pursues you regularly and consistently. I'm telling you,that is what a man who wants a relationship will do.

 

A guy who wants to be your boyfriend generally acts like it from the start. Hedoesn't want to risk you finding someone else and being with them.

 

 

It's so true. Of the three long term serious relationships I have been in (I'm 32 now), ALL of them began with the guy telling me a month or so in that he didn't want anyone else to get to me and he didn't want me to date anyone else. Menwho are into you and want a relationship (and are ready for one for that matter) will make sure of this. They will not wait one month between trying to hook up with you. It is clear that the guy you slept with is not interested in you for relationship material, likely because he is not looking for a relationship at all. Which is why he is on Tinder, looking for easy hookups. I'm sorry.

You know what I'm confused about? People say that men put women into categories. Soif he just wants sex, then obviously he put me under the FWB category waybefore we ever even went out on a date. However, I'm super confused about whatI did to make him think that. All the dates we went on, I didn't come off assexual or promiscuous, dressed modestly, kept myself modest, was classy, anddid not kiss him even when he was hoping I would. I made no mention of sex, and I am in no way trying to brag about myself, but I would consider myself to be girlfriendmaterial, and I don't really carry myself as someone who isn't. I believe I canhold an intelligent conversation and have goals in my life. I wasn't ronchy,sleezy or anything! I was just a normal chick out to get to know a guy. Is itreally all that accurate that men put women in categories based on what the girl is like? I don't know what i did to make him think that...

Do you think that maybe he just assumed I was the FWB all because I met him onTinder? Maybe he thought that's what I was there for?

 

Categories?I think there is some truth to that, someone said it earlier. Girlfriend material, hookup material, nothing at all. But if you ACT like girlfriend material and not hookup material... it WILL get you someone whose values are aligned with yours. If your line is blurred, this kind of stuff will happen to you. Get clear on what you want and what you value.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong in the way that you acted or held yourself.But I believe being on Tinder gives the impression that you are looking for (or OPEN to) casual sex. You know how many options there are for people on Tinder?! It's like a revolving door of sex. It's cheap. Yuck. That's why I finally stopped using it. I felt like one in a million options for the guys I went out with. That's not a good feeling.

 

I would say that if you meet someone on Tinder or a dating app that you are running a big risk of them assuming not to take you that seriously. But girl,it is about how you act. I went on dates with guys on Tinder and there were many times that I was conservative, and didn't sleep with them even though they tried. Why did I do this? Because I wanted more than a hookup with that particular guy. I think there is some truth to the statement that if you really like someone, you don't want to risk losing them by sleeping together too soon.In my experience, the more I like someone, the more I will hold back and wait because I don't want to screw it up.

 

The only way to ensure you can gauge a guy's interest is to pace yourself. Not twoor three dates, really take your time to build that emotional intimacy and getto know him let him get to know you. Take things sloooow, go out, make out likecrazy, hang out, have fun, get to know each other and spend quality timeenjoying each other's company. If he just wants sex he'll dissapear fairlyearly on, if he doesn't (and this is just my experience) by the time you dohave sex he's practically saying I Love You. Of course he doesn't actually love you yet but the infatuation is strong on both ends and there is less tendencyto want to walk away after sex because the emotional connection is there. Theattraction grows deeper when there is an emotional connection, sex isn'ttransactional it's based on many more factors than the physical attraction alone.What emotional connection do you have with someone after two dates? NONE. So why wouldn't they walk after that?

This is so true.

This happened with my current boyfriend. By the time we finally slept together, we had been building the relationship and infatuation/emotional connection for over a month. We talkedevery single day, and he took the time to get to know me. He proved to me thathe wasn't going to just drop me and let me get away from him. So I knew thatwhen we finally did sleep together that it would be on a deeper and more emotional level than if we had had sex when we first had the opportunity afterour first date. I'm so glad we waited!! I would recommend this to everyoneseeking a long term relationship. To me, I wanted to wait because I didn't want to risk getting ghosted again or be in a position like you are right now.

 

With men it's pretty similar but they tend to make the categorization earlier on in general than women. Never stay around in aless-than situation hoping to be upgraded. It doesn't happen.

By acting like a boyfriend, it means taking you out on regular dates where he attempts to get to know you non-sexually, calls you, texts you, offers to help you, etc. He won't want to let another guy get in there and claim you. He wants to make it obvious he wants to take you off the market for him. Most guys will want to see you at least weekly and will want to have the exclusive talk within a month. Three months at most. Most serious guys will also wait for sex if they really like you.

So this can occur two ways. First is the guy isn't wanting anything serious.Either he's too young, he's working on his career, he plans to move, etc. Thesecond is your actions. It's not just dressing but it's how you carry yourself and what you say. For example if you're at the gym and he compliments you and you say something like "I gotta look good" he might see you as a plaything. If you say something like "Working out is really important to me because I believe in living a healthy lifestyle" then that alone won't put you into GF category but he gets the hint he'll have to work a little harder for you.

If you can't handle guys leaving after sex, this helps a bit because usually there is enough of an emotional connection that guys will want to stay. He's already seeing you as a potential GF. The flip side is if your values are lessconservative you're more likely to attract a more conservative guy this way.

Well said

 

He is pretty much been in his current career for years now, and he loves it, he's 30, isn't planning on moving or changing his life drastically.

I carried myself well/(gf material-style), didnt give off any plaything vibes,upheld intelligent conversations and didn't come off as ditsy or facetious. Ithink I made the mistake of not telling him why I was even on Tinder, so heassumed I was there for a hookup. I made so many mistakes, I can't help but beat myself up over it constantly. I feel like anything I do can make a guy not like me/put me into a wrong category.

Guys don't 'put you' in categories. You put YOURSELF in categories. Don't give him all this power. Work on ACTING more secure in yourself, then you will attract the right guys who actually see you as GF material. Trust me. And by acting gf material,it doesn’t mean not acting like a bimbo and not dressing slutty. It means notrisking putting yourself in this position by having casual sex without knowingfor sure if this guy is into you and wants a relationship/relationship withyou. If you take YOURSELF seriously, others will too. You are in charge of howpeople treat you. Took me my entire 20s to realize that. Get clear on what youwant, what you will and will not tolerate or wait around for, and putboundaries on how others’ actions will affect you. My best advice to buildingup more self-confidence? Delete Tinder and meet a guy at school, work, througha mutual friend, or out doing something that you share common interests. Ditch the online/Tinder crap, there are too many just looking for cheap sex, I for onelost my patience. Good luck.

Edited October 9, 2016 by venusishername

[Sunkissedpatio]

Of the three long term serious relationships I have been in (I'm 32 now), ALL of them began with the guy telling me a month or so in that he didn't want anyone else to get to me and he didn't want me to date anyone else. Menwho are into you and want a relationship (and are ready for one for that matter) will make sure of this. They will not wait one month between trying to hook up with you. It is clear that the guy you slept with is not interested in you for relationship material, likely because he is not looking for a relationship at all. Which is why he is on Tinder

 

My experience as well! especially if they know you're online. The quicker they can get you to shut down all your interaction online the quicker they can stop stressing about you being snatched away and they can lock you down for themselves. It's human nature, you find someone you like you don't want to lose them.

 

And I loved this:

 

Guys don't 'put you' in categories. You put YOURSELF in categories.

Edited October 9, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[JelatineDessert]

I met a great guy over a month or so ago and I blew it from the very beginning. I made a mistake by not respecting myself enough and made myself look like a low-value woman in his eyes by my actions and choices. I guess I didn't even realize my mistake until much much later. And when I did realize it, I ended up trying to fix it over a period of a month, thinking things would be better. However, it didn't. I take total responsibility for the outcome and the damage has been done, unfortunately.

 

He recently started dating a wonderful girl, she seems amazing.He's even introduced her to his friends and family (saw it on IG). Yes, of course I learned from this mistake, however, I can't help but to cry and blame myself every time I look at his pictures. I look at them and think "Wow, I could have been with him if I didn't do ____, ____ and ____. I could have been the girl in this picture with him getting this attention and affection; this real genuine interest from him." Wish I could go back in time.

 

I'M AFRAID I WON'T LIKE ANYONE AS MUCH AS I LIKE HIM

 

Will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?

 

I don't want to describe exactly what happened, as I just want you guys to focus on the main questions which are: If you find yourself having messed up badly, how can you stop beating yourself up? and will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?

 

Please help, I can't seem to come out of this funk and my energy has run low from all this sadness.

[niji]

"Wow, I could have been with him if I didn't do ____, ____ and ____. I could have been the girl in this picture with him getting this attention and affection; this real genuine interest from him.

 

If life was that simple, there wouldn't be such things as heartbreaks and unrequited love, is there? If there were just formulas we could all follow, we could just express our interest to another person, and they would like us back.

 

Judging by your other posts, it seems like you keep asking the question, is it because you were too "easy" (ie. had sex early on) that he looked down on you and hence judged you not to be "girlfriend material" etc etc. Now ask yourself this question, can a person be both attractive and smart? Why not, right? Because the two things have NOTHING to do with each other. Zero.

 

A guy finds a girl attractive, and she's willing, so he sleeps with her. He also finds her smart, compatible, kind, etc etc, so after getting to know her he asks her to be his girlfriend. Those two things aren't related. People have been telling you this in other threads; you don't seem to want to understand. There is no magical formula of what, when, and how, to do things, in order to get someone to want to be with you long-term.

 

There are, however, things that would turn most people off immediately: being clingy, needy, whiny, or screaming insecurity by offering sex in order to get a relationship (on the other hand, most men respect a woman who has sex because she enjoys it - she knows what she wants, is not wishy-washy or hiding behind a "decent girl" facade, and that deserves respect).

 

And there's no such thing as a right person. The "right" person is one you're compatible with when you both are in the right stage of life to deal with a serious relationship. You always feel like you won't ever meet someone you'll feel so strongly about ever again, but truth is, you will. You won't find someone you love quite in the same way, just in a different way.

[Sweetfish]

I met a great guy over a month or so ago and I blew it from the very beginning. I made a mistake by not respecting myself enough and made myself look like a low-value woman in his eyes by my actions and choices. I guess I didn't even realize my mistake until much much later. And when I did realize it, I ended up trying to fix it over a period of a month, thinking things would be better. However, it didn't. I take total responsibility for the outcome and the damage has been done, unfortunately.

 

He recently started dating a wonderful girl, she seems amazing.He's even introduced her to his friends and family (saw it on IG). Yes, of course I learned from this mistake, however, I can't help but to cry and blame myself every time I look at his pictures. I look at them and think "Wow, I could have been with him if I didn't do ____, ____ and ____. I could have been the girl in this picture with him getting this attention and affection; this real genuine interest from him." Wish I could go back in time.

 

I'M AFRAID I WON'T LIKE ANYONE AS MUCH AS I LIKE HIM

 

Will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?

 

I don't want to describe exactly what happened, as I just want you guys to focus on the main questions which are: If you find yourself having messed up badly, how can you stop beating yourself up? and will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?

 

Please help, I can't seem to come out of this funk and my energy has run low from all this sadness.

 

 

I've read some of your threads... you've peaked my interest.

 

The dating books for women.. I read them... They suck.. like BAD!!

What sucks for women is that guys I believe have a much easier help guide to dating women and many role models to chose from.

 

Be like Brad Pitt or James Bond..

Women role model are usually the blonde in distress and have no character.

The ones that are good role models...meh sexy doesn't come to mind..lol

 

So you got little role models to select from.

 

Women though have it MUCH easier for picking up men, but its not uncommon for very sexy/pretty women to not be hit on. Is just a lot of men assume she is taken or will get rejected.

 

Do you have male friends? I suggest you up your male friends. Doesn't matter if they are BF material or not.. its vital to understand how they think and act. Talk about who they think is hot or what they find attractive.

 

Please don't say its hard either.. as you can join a club and meet many friends.

 

 

These friends... find one that's cool and go somewhere simple like to eat (taco bell, fast food) or bowling.

 

Also, what kind of men are you seeking out.. what traits attract you? If you were to pick a well know person who do u find appealing? Are you looking for studs or are you ok with average looking guys?

[Power_Forward]

I met a great guy over a month or so ago and I blew it from the very beginning. I made a mistake by not respecting myself enough and made myself look like a low-value woman in his eyes by my actions and choices. I guess I didn't even realize my mistake until much much later. And when I did realize it, I ended up trying to fix it over a period of a month, thinking things would be better. However, it didn't. I take total responsibility for the outcome and the damage has been done, unfortunately.

 

He recently started dating a wonderful girl, she seems amazing.He's even introduced her to his friends and family (saw it on IG). Yes, of course I learned from this mistake, however, I can't help but to cry and blame myself every time I look at his pictures. I look at them and think "Wow, I could have been with him if I didn't do ____, ____ and ____. I could have been the girl in this picture with him getting this attention and affection; this real genuine interest from him." Wish I could go back in time.

 

I'M AFRAID I WON'T LIKE ANYONE AS MUCH AS I LIKE HIM

 

Will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?

 

I don't want to describe exactly what happened, as I just want you guys to focus on the main questions which are: If you find yourself having messed up badly, how can you stop beating yourself up? and will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?

 

Please help, I can't seem to come out of this funk and my energy has run low from all this sadness.

 

What works for me is forgetting about someone I liked and focusing on other girls. The more girls I meet, the less I care about one's I lost. I would just move on and find someone else if I were you. Don't stalk people on social media. Social media is BS. Who cares about what other people are doing. Do your own thing. The less you focus on this guy you lost, the better.

[salparadise]

I made a mistake by not respecting myself enough and made myself look like a low-value woman in his eyes by my actions and choices. I guess I didn't even realize my mistake until much much later. And when I did realize it, I ended up trying to fix it over a period of a month, thinking things would be better. However, it didn't.

 

You're making too many assumptions. It's possible that even if you had behaved exactly the way you wish in hindsight that the outcome would have been the same. It just wasn't meant to be. There is no formula. You're driving yourself nuts because you're blaming yourself for not following imaginary rules.

 

Did you sex him up and then cut him off? I guess cutting him off after you'd already starting schtupping could be considered a mistake, but you don't know that the new girlfriend snagged him by holding out. You can't omit the details and expect good responses.

 

Quit making these hard, cause-and-effect assumptions and it will feel better.

Edited November 3, 2016 by salparadise

[JelatineDessert]

Did you sex him up and then cut him off? I guess cutting him off after you'd already starting schtupping could be considered a mistake, but you don't know that the new girlfriend snagged him by holding out. You can't omit the details and expect good responses.

 

Quit making these hard, cause-and-effect assumptions and it will feel better.

 

I met him on Tinder. I actually joined the app to find a bf. (I thought people used it for dating) I slept with him on the 3rd date instead of making him wait and work for it like I always do to men. I just gave in and heavily regret it. his current GF probably made him wait and earned his respect.

Edited November 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Trinity_84]

I met him on Tinder. I actually joined the app to find a bf. (I thought people used it for dating) I slept with him on the 3rd date instead of making him wait and work for it like I always do to men. I just gave in and heavily regret it. his current GF probably made him wait and earned his respect.

 

Just because you asume these things, doesn't make them true.

 

Listen, if you sleep with a guy 5 minutes/5 years after meeting him, and he blows you off, he's not the right guy for you. END OF STORY. The real guy for you would keep seeing you and getting to know you, regardless of when you have sex. Don't let society's twisted macho view of women's sexuality dictate your self-worth.

Edited November 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T