Tempted

[BluesPower]

Here is the deal.

 

They were both working. OP wanted both to work. She has a decent job but she says that it is not enough.

 

She asked him to get a job, he did not. He is acting like a lazy bum, bottom line. Societal norms aside, she wants him to work and he will not.

 

She needs to file for divorce if he does not have a job in one month, period. Any decent paying job will cover the cost of daycare and provide extra money for the budget.

 

Depression, no depression, layoff, no layoff it does not matter. He is taking advantage of her and she is being a dish rag.

 

Let me put it this way, when I got out of collage, wife got pregnant and there were no jobs in my field. You know what I did, besides playing in every club or venue that I could get a gig at, I went back to swinging a hammer.

 

I had done it before I could do it again, mind you it only paid $8.50 an hour but that was decent back then. But it was hard work.

 

I did that for a year or more until a better job came along. That is the way a man I supposed to take care of his family.

 

So please lets not hear anymore crap that OP's husband is a SAHD so it is OK. If she made enough money and could handle it better, and if the BOTH agreed to it, then that is a different story.

 

This situation is not that. It does not give her the right to have an affair, but it gives her the right to file for divorce.

[Noirek]

Here is the deal.

 

They were both working. OP wanted both to work. She has a decent job but she says that it is not enough.

 

She asked him to get a job, he did not. He is acting like a lazy bum, bottom line. Societal norms aside, she wants him to work and he will not.

 

She needs to file for divorce if he does not have a job in one month, period. Any decent paying job will cover the cost of daycare and provide extra money for the budget.

 

Depression, no depression, layoff, no layoff it does not matter. He is taking advantage of her and she is being a dish rag.

 

Let me put it this way, when I got out of collage, wife got pregnant and there were no jobs in my field. You know what I did, besides playing in every club or venue that I could get a gig at, I went back to swinging a hammer.

 

I had done it before I could do it again, mind you it only paid $8.50 an hour but that was decent back then. But it was hard work.

 

I did that for a year or more until a better job came along. That is the way a man I supposed to take care of his family.

 

So please lets not hear anymore crap that OP's husband is a SAHD so it is OK. If she made enough money and could handle it better, and if the BOTH agreed to it, then that is a different story.

 

This situation is not that. It does not give her the right to have an affair, but it gives her the right to file for divorce.

 

This entirely depends on where you live. I'm assuming with talks of lifestyle we are not talking making ends meat. The OP wants a better lifestyle so I doubt she would be happy in the end with her husband working at the golden arches. Where I live if you don't have family or government subsidies to afford child care you have to make at least $20 an hour to bring anything home. And you don't get $20 an hour just anywhere. Certainly not at the places that are always hiring She said he looked for a job. I can imagine finding one to cover child care and bring home money wasn't so easy.

 

Staying home and looking after two young children and home does not make a lazy bum regardless of gender. Anyone who says so has serious priority issues. But what is here is definetly a difference of opinion. He wants to take care of the kids and she wants more money and to have more financial help. Conflict of interest. Not lazy bum vs hardworker.

 

Lazybum= playing xbox while other person works, cooks and cleans. How hard is that for people to actually understand?

[BluesPower]

Listen you are missing the point...

 

1) There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD or a SAHM. Nothing at all.

2) OP made the point that they are slowly falling behind on bills and debts.

3) She wants him to work, FOR THE NEEDED MONEY.

4) He has not had a job for 4 years and she wants him to get one.

5) If he is doing all the house work then they can share it.

6) If your wife wants you working because you need the money and you don't, you are a bum.

 

 

If you disagree fine, but I think my logic is sound...

Edited November 2, 2016 by BluesPower

[BluesPower]

And just so you know, (Sorry ladies no offense), I can cook better than most women, I can clean house as good as anyone, better than most, and I can rebuild an engine.

 

Just saying...

[DKT3]

So getting involved with a guy is going to do what? Will he sleep with her then give her husband a job? Irrelevant

[BluesPower]

But DKT3, it is one of the reasons that she says she is unhappy, so IMHO she needs to solve that problem or get a divorce.

 

No reason is valid for having an affair.

 

But is his lack of employment is causing problems in the marriage, I think she should address it.

 

What do you think?

[Noirek]

But DKT3, it is one of the reasons that she says she is unhappy, so IMHO she needs to solve that problem or get a divorce.

 

No reason is valid for having an affair.

 

But is his lack of employment is causing problems in the marriage, I think she should address it.

 

What do you think?

 

I would say that her having an EA is probably causing more problems. And also her greed.

 

she complains it has been four years and why wait and see if there is change if she now gives him an ultimatium. Really she just wants him to mind the babies while she has her fun with this dude. It wasn't four years. By her own admission he looked for work. And then he decided he likes being home. Maybe he saw they actually, at a lower lifestyle, could survive on one income, or maybe the rejections, failed second business, got to his self esteem. How supportive of him was she truly? This seems to be a lot about poor her and her loser husband. And how could she give up this chance at strange with this other guy?

 

She wants an affair. Its as clear as day. And she wants to justify it. That means any and all rants against her husband are suspect. She had a kid while he was unemployed! People who are concerned about their finances like she is pretending to be don't do that.

 

Really, if this wasn't so clear she wants her cake and to eat it too I'd be more inclined to believe her marriage was in shambles because of her husband. But I would say any marital unhappiness and miscommunication that happened before this more than likely existed mutually. Especially with the glossing over of details and the pretending at the beginning that she was actually concernes about money.