Bialy Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 Thanks for the book recommendation, cupcake! I'm going to pick up a copy at my local library. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 Hiya I agree with this , it is so hard . My ex treated me horribly , yet he wants no contact with me and he's over it ? Great !!! However ,we are two different people - incompatible in EVERY way . He is on his path , me on mine . We are now irrelevant to each other . The way I see it is someone will want my love and probably another woman will want what he has ( or hasn't got to offer ) It gets easier . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NotASkunk Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 It is tough, it is absolutely brutal. But in the end you have to respect the other person's request for no contact. It was really hard for me, I spent two months trying to plead my case for friendship at the very least. He accuse me of being a narcissist and wanting to keep him in my life for my own selfish reasons. He has taken no responsibility for his role in our demise and that is frustrating and sad but that is what he needs to do to deal with what happened. I will never get closure, he will never understand my side of things and we will never speak to each other again. It took me a long time to accept this. This is the first week that I feel free from the pain of losing him. I sent him a letter telling him exactly how he hurt me with no expectations of a response or anything. Somehow that did it for me. I also forgive him and I don't hold any anger toward him, life is too short and I wish him the best. For me it's easier to think of him in a good and positive life instead of with hatred. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NotASkunk Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 It is tough, it is absolutely brutal. But in the end you have to respect the other person's request for no contact. It was really hard for me, I spent two months trying to plead my case for friendship at the very least. He accuse me of being a narcissist and wanting to keep him in my life for my own selfish reasons. He has taken no responsibility for his role in our demise and that is frustrating and sad but that is what he needs to do to deal with what happened. I will never get closure, he will never understand my side of things and we will never speak to each other again. It took me a long time to accept this. This is the first week that I feel free from the pain of losing him. I sent him a letter telling him exactly how he hurt me with no expectations of a response or anything. Somehow that did it for me. I also forgive him and I don't hold any anger toward him, life is too short and I wish him the best. For me it's easier to think of him in a good and positive life instead of with hatred. Link to post Share on other sites
sorano Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 Why do you think I gave up on relationships. I no longer date, talk to women or want to be in another relationship. I won't have to worry about this stuff again. The rest of you who continue the path, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted September 10, 2016 Author Share Posted September 10, 2016 Why do you think I gave up on relationships. I no longer date, talk to women or want to be in another relationship. I won't have to worry about this stuff again. The rest of you who continue the path, good luck. I'm out too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted September 10, 2016 Author Share Posted September 10, 2016 Why do you think I gave up on relationships. I no longer date, talk to women or want to be in another relationship. I won't have to worry about this stuff again. The rest of you who continue the path, good luck. I'm out too. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 But, what about OUR decision that was disregarded and thrown to the wind? The decision that was in favor of trying to work it out no matter what it took. And that it is impossible to come the realization that a person who once meant so much to us no longer exists. Why does our decision have to go by the wayside in favor of theirs? Because it takes two to make a relationship work. If one party no longer wants to try, then it's just a waste of everyone's time. Also, if the relationship involves hard work "no matter what it takes", it's just not worth saving. Good relationships aren't that difficult. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssse Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 It honestly sucks that it is so one-sided. It makes me so angry and upset when I think about it. I dated my guy for 6.5 years, I stood by his side for life's ups and downs, I moved to two different states with him for his job (one of them being on the other side of the country), I took low paying jobs in the meantime because this was all for him and our future so I was wiling to take low paying jobs so he could get all the experience needed for HIS job, I sold half my closet on eBay and postmark for extra money, and in the end, he just broke it off with me because he didn't feel that "spark" anymore. I told him we could fix this. I said we could schedule more date nights, go to a therapist, go online and find couple games that could ignite that spark we had going for the past 6 years. He told me there was nothing that could be done and he didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He didn't want to work on anything, so I was forced to move back home. He hasn't texted me in 3 months. We blocked each other on every social media account. I'm hurting and he's moved on already with another girl. It just hurts that after so many years together with mutual respect and love, that it ended like this. That he didn't give me a chance to fix things...that he didn't give me the respect to talk to me at all when I got home. Going from dating someone for 6+ years and being best friends to going absolutely cold turkey is upsetting and hurtful and it honestly blows my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 Someone on this forum once posted something to the effect that if person reveals who they are, you should believe them. I have not adhered to the NC rule as I have manged to coerce my ex to pay me back the money he owes me on a monthly basis. This has been going on for almost two years with another two to go (unless he can get a loan ... yeah, right). Amazingly, although he kicked and screamed in the beginning, he IS coming through. The reign of terror in him runs deep. But, if he would have considered what I do for a living, he should have thought twice about exactly who he was screwing over. Anyway, via text, after he told me he left a payment under my front door mat this month, I thanked him and asked him what happened to the guy I once knew. The answer to that question is in the title of this post. There you go. I got my answer, and at least some semblance of closure. There were many other "revelations" that came straight from the horse's mouth during our relationship. Such gems as, "You're too good to me." And "I don't deserve you." Looking back on it, I was so blindsighted and mistook love when it was really desperation. The moral of the story is, when they tell you who they are, believe them. P.S. I'm sorry that I forgot who on this forum posted that thought. But thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bialy Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Totally. Sometimes it's hard to see what's directly in front of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 It is a famous quote When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. ~ Maya Angelou ~ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 The most important thing here is that you are getting your money back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 It is a famous quote When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. ~ Maya Angelou ~ Ah, yes. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 SixxChick, got $15 I could borrow until next Friday? Jk, glad everything is working out for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Gosh! Did you date my ex? That was the exact same thing he said when he responded to that same question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 My ex just told me the same thing three weeks ago! Is there a dumpers manual somewhere for cheesy yet painful things to say to the brokenhearted? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 Wait--I don't get it. Were you basically asking him what happened to the douche-canoe he was when you dated him, because his vigilance at repaying you the money he owes is in contrast to the behavior he exhibited in your relationship? And then was he saying that that guy is dead and gone as in, he has gone on to become a better man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted September 17, 2016 Author Share Posted September 17, 2016 Wait--I don't get it. Were you basically asking him what happened to the douche-canoe he was when you dated him, because his vigilance at repaying you the money he owes is in contrast to the behavior he exhibited in your relationship? And then was he saying that that guy is dead and gone as in, he has gone on to become a better man? Douche-canoe (LOL)? Yes. Better man? No. He knows I could crush him in court because I have a trump card I could play. I'll just take the monthly payments at this point. Plus, I just started charging him interest. Hey, what do I look like? A bank? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SixxChick Posted October 4, 2016 Author Share Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) When we want someone so bad into our lives, and they don't want us. It hurts really bad. Discuss. P.S. I just realized. I used the word "bad" twice. Edited October 4, 2016 by SixxChick 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Its because of our genetic makeup and social programming. We are social beings, with a strong drive to bond with others. Bonding is pro-survival. We hunger for each other. When that hunger can't be satisfied, we feel pain. Thats my take on it, anyway. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NIGHT1985 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to take her off this unreachable pedestal. But I can't, she was nearly perfect for me. Every conflict/fight we had was from my doing and my stubbornness to admit I'm wrong l. How the hell do you get over the perfect person for you, when you're the one that pushed them away m? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I don't know either, except to say I think I've reached the point that I don't care either way if I have someone or not in my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FTM042014 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 At what point is it not so much about that person specifically but more to do with what we are missing within ourselves? If it is taking quite a long time to heal and the pain and sadness become unhealthy (a good portion of it is healthy), it's time to seek answers elsewhere. I believe that for some a breakup triggers deeper, unexplored stuff. And it's easy to point to an ex and say to ourselves, "you leaving is the reason I am this way." Partially yes. But if you find that you cannot move on its most likely not even about them eventually. That's not to say you don't love, miss, and still yearn for your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darien 76 Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 The rejection by the one who you pictured your future with and shared special times and intimate moments with hurts terribly. I cope with it daily and it's an awful feeling. I try to focus on my blessings in the present and be grateful for the positive things in my life even though I feel the loss of the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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