Why don't women just ask guys out to make dating much easier in general?

[Sunkissedpatio]

I just can't help but feel you say that because it doesn't affect you personally.

 

And yeah, I agree men do still judge women based on how much sex she had. But I think it's mainly due to how women can get sex easily while guys have to work for it. I think it just turns a lot of men off from wanting a relationship with those women because they view them as easy & that they feel the woman wouldn't view the guy as special to them since they've slept with so many people so easily. So there's that double standard which exists.

 

Omg most men have had more sex than any woman will have in her entire lifetime, at least that is the assumption, and so to say that men have to work for it and boo-hoo "bring out the violins" is not getting your argument any pity at all. Not from me at least, sorry.

 

Ya guys work for it because you want it bad enough, and because the conquest is appealing to men on some level too. Why do you think when a guy can have sex with women like shooting fish in a barrel they lose interest? Hence men can be slutty and women can't and it's 2016.

 

Some things will likely never change. Chasing and expecting to be chased by the genders will probably be one of those things. There are all sorts of exceptions to those rules and there are way more women going for what they want than there were in the 50's but it is still nowhere near a place where women and men will reverse the roles. So unless you found the fountain of perpetual youth and you plan to be around for 300 years I'd adjust to how things are in current times and stop trying to change something that you will not have much luck in changing.

 

As a guy you will be waiting around a lot for that to happen, if you have the luxury of time to wait for it then go for it. It's your time and you should use it how you wish.

 

I am in my mid 40's I prefer to meet a guy organically but the way of the world is online these days, especially for someone in my age group where most are married or just taken. I can wish and hope for prince charming to walk up to my door and find me but the reality is that it doesn't happen that way. What point would there be to sit around and wait for the world to change to accommodate me? None. It's a nice notion but not a realistic one.

Edited September 29, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[NJ123]

Omg most men have had more sex than any woman will have in her entire lifetime, at least that is the assumption, and so to say that men have to work for it and boo-hoo "bring out the violins" is not getting your argument any pity at all. Not from me at least, sorry.

 

Ya guys work for it because you want it bad enough, and because the conquest is appealing to men on some level too. Why do you think when a guy can have sex with women like shooting fish in a barrel they lose interest? Hence men can be slutty and women can't and it's 2016.

 

Some things will likely never change. Chasing and expecting to be chased by the genders will probably be one of those things. There are all sorts of exceptions to those rules and there are way more women going for what they want than there were in the 50's but it is still nowhere near a place where women and men will reverse the roles. So unless you found the fountain of perpetual youth and you plan to be around for 300 years I'd adjust to how things are in current times and stop trying to change something that you will not have much luck in changing.

 

As a guy you will be waiting around a lot for that to happen, if you have the luxury of time to wait for it then go for it. It's your time and you should use it how you wish.

 

I am in my mid 40's I prefer to meet a guy organically but the way of the world is online these days, especially for someone in my age group where most are married or just taken. I can wish and hope for prince charming to walk up to my door and find me but the reality is that it doesn't happen that way. What point would there be to sit around and wait for the world to change to accommodate me? None. It's a nice notion but not a realistic one.

 

I'm not asking for pity at all. That wouldn't do anything for me. But there's highly likely way more guys that are inexperienced in sex/relationships than women. You rarely hear of any women that are older & inexperienced unless they're religious where they're waiting for marriage. While there's plenty of guys into their 20s, 30s & beyond that just have not much luck at all.

 

And men have to do the approaching which is why that double standard exists. As I said, I think the reason it exists is because women are the ones that dictate whether sex happens or not & if they're agreeing to having sex with so many guys so easily it turns a lot of men off. I think the guys that have a lot of sex themselves are completely hypocritical if they judge women on that though. It's all according to ones own views on sex on whether they would want to be with someone that's had a lot of sexual partners or not.

 

And I know it's likely not going to happen which is why I started the thread but wanted to know why it won't happen. It would make things a lot easier for everyone but I guess women like it the way it is since it's been like this literally forever.

[WomenWubber]

Yes, Smackdown has been awesome lately. Last nights episode was great especially. And Broken Matt is hilarious. I heard TNAs future relies on this weekend on whether Billy Corgan or WWE will purchase it. I hope Corgan gets it since wrestling needs as many companies on TV as possible instead of just WWE.

 

Billy Corgan seems like a weirdo to me but he may be much better than Dixie considering what he's done in so little time. Also anything is better than Vince destroying wrestling again. Anyone but him!

[NJ123]

I meant to say it SHOULD be based on someones own views on sex on whether they want to be with someone that's had a lot of sexual partners. So a guy that's had a lot of sex himself but wouldn't want to be with a woman that's had a lot of sex thinking she's slutty is ridiculous to me.

[AMJ]

NJ the first time I hit on a guy I was 11. It was the boy across the street, my brother's friend who played at our house all the time and I adored him for a looooong time and then finally one day told him all about it. In high school I usually turned down guys who asked me to dances and asked the ones I wanted to go with instead. I've never been shy about making a move when I'm interested.

 

(for anyone who read my gym crush thread- okay FINE maybe just this once I was more shy than usual...lol)

 

Anyway, women ask men out all the time. I know personally lots of relationships that started because the woman made a move of some sort. Because really, most men are very clueless when it comes to picking up signals.

 

What exactly is your gripe about this time?

 

It really seems that you just continue to identify new obstacles as in things that "Get in your way" to happiness, and rather than pummeling through them, working around them, or creating a new path altogether, you'd rather sit, pout, wallow, and throw yourself a pity party.

 

You refute every single piece of advice that people give you. People have already told you the main things you need to do to be more successful in dating. You have a lot of work to do before you're ready for a relationship.

[NJ123]

NJ the first time I hit on a guy I was 11. It was the boy across the street, my brother's friend who played at our house all the time and I adored him for a looooong time and then finally one day told him all about it. In high school I usually turned down guys who asked me to dances and asked the ones I wanted to go with instead. I've never been shy about making a move when I'm interested.

 

(for anyone who read my gym crush thread- okay FINE maybe just this once I was more shy than usual...lol)

 

Anyway, women ask men out all the time. I know personally lots of relationships that started because the woman made a move of some sort. Because really, most men are very clueless when it comes to picking up signals.

 

What exactly is your gripe about this time?

 

It really seems that you just continue to identify new obstacles as in things that "Get in your way" to happiness, and rather than pummeling through them, working around them, or creating a new path altogether, you'd rather sit, pout, wallow, and throw yourself a pity party.

 

You refute every single piece of advice that people give you. People have already told you the main things you need to do to be more successful in dating. You have a lot of work to do before you're ready for a relationship.

 

It just sucks not being able to have what I want when I see others all around me have it. You're probably right as ****ty as it is to admit it I'm probably in no position to date, but it just makes it worse since I feel it makes me want it more since I can't have it.

[Imajerk17]

I hate to break it to you brah, but if women were to be asking guys out, they are likely going to be asking out the guys they were ALREADY attracted to. Which in most cases is not some underemployed dude in his 30s who still lives w his parents and who whines and moans about anything and everything.

 

I actually like the way things are now--men asking out women. For one thing, it gives a less conventionally attractive guy like myself a shot (I'm short but I'm not afraid to put myself out there). We have more of a chance to BECOME attractive in the woman's eye by showing our initiative and confidence.

Edited September 29, 2016 by Imajerk17

[AMJ]

It just sucks not being able to have what I want when I see others all around me have it. You're probably right as ****ty as it is to admit it I'm probably in no position to date, but it just makes it worse since I feel it makes me want it more since I can't have it.

 

Yes, I know it sucks. Lots of things suck. Lots of people have many more things that I wish I had too.

 

It's just that for you, you have so much growing up to do before you can handle a relationship. You need to put all of that energy into fixing your own life. No woman can fix any of that for you.

 

It's not that you're not allowed to date right now, but you shouldn't be taking it so seriously. Just live your life, be grateful for the blessings that you do have, work a little each day at making the bad things better, and take life as it comes to you. Let go of whatever expectations you have for being 30 because that's just going to hold you back. Accept your reality and do what you can do to change the things you can change. You already know what that is.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I'm not asking for pity at all. That wouldn't do anything for me. But there's highly likely way more guys that are inexperienced in sex/relationships than women. You rarely hear of any women that are older & inexperienced unless they're religious where they're waiting for marriage. While there's plenty of guys into their 20s, 30s & beyond that just have not much luck at all.

 

The reason why women in their 30's may be more experienced sexually and some men not is because perhaps men are less discriminate than women. So take two 30-something people of equal value in terms of looks and personality that are not super appealing and chances are there will be some guy willing to sleep with that women but maybe not so much the other way around. But the thing is that woman wants more than anything a significant relationship while a guy in the same boat would be happy to just get laid. I am making generalizations of course. I'm painting with very wide strokes here so take what I am saying with a grain of salt.

 

If women were as aggressive as men are sexually no one would get any work

done, we'd all be out on the streets humping each other like dogs in heat. Think about that, really REALLY think about that.

 

There's a reason nature designed it that way, even in the wild with animals it is the females that generally put out the signals when they are in heat and men have to chase them for the opportunity. With the exception of some species that play by their own rules.

 

Listen, I feel your pain I really do. I don't take for granted the amount of work guys need to do just to build up the courage to ask women out. That's why personally I am never rude to a man who advances me, especially the kinds of men that will approach me on the street, even if I don't go for it. As off-putting as that can be to some women I still appreciate how much courage it takes to step up to a woman and to have the confidence to spark up conversation and eventually ask for her number. I'm not talking about guys cat calling women, I mean guys who actually find a way to make conversation with a complete stranger to segue into getting a number.

 

If you want to be put in situations where you are surrounded by others that want what you want, try speed dating or singles events. Join Meet-ups. I've joined singles ones, been to networking ones for business and they were great. Just haven't had the chance to attend any singles events yet been too busy but I will. You have to be out there with likeminded people. Being out there socially isn't enough.

 

If you join a Tae kwon do class hoping to get women, sure you are sharing an interest but most women there aren't there to meet their next husband they are there to practice the sport so they might find it off-putting to be hit on.

 

If you take a salsa class where lots of singles usually go to learn to dance but also to be paired up with a partner of the opposite sex, chances are they are more open to meeting other singles. Seriously look at the Meetups in your area for singles only and join the groups if interest that you think are fun there are hundreds of them. Look at photos of the members and see which ones appeal to you. For the mere fact of being there with others that are there for the very same reason you are, you're winning the half the battle already.

 

There are other answers to your problem other than hearing the doorbell ring and hoping it is your next date at the door.

[NJ123]

Yes, I know it sucks. Lots of things suck. Lots of people have many more things that I wish I had too.

 

It's just that for you, you have so much growing up to do before you can handle a relationship. You need to put all of that energy into fixing your own life. No woman can fix any of that for you.

 

It's not that you're not allowed to date right now, but you shouldn't be taking it so seriously. Just live your life, be grateful for the blessings that you do have, work a little each day at making the bad things better, and take life as it comes to you. Let go of whatever expectations you have for being 30 because that's just going to hold you back. Accept your reality and do what you can do to change the things you can change. You already know what that is.

 

True, but as I've stated a few times before it's so hard not to think about it when I just constantly see it all the time. Even when I try not to think about it, it just returns into my mind to bother me all over again. The cycle just repeats over & over. There's no way to get away from not seeing couples together & women I find attractive when I'm out somewhere. How am I supposed to not think about it when it just comes back into the forefront of my mind over & over again?

[Gloria25]

I'm sorry, but guys always say they want women to ask them out...and, it's the girls that hold back is what intrigues guys.

 

I'm an initiator. I am very forward with guys and it throws them off. Could it be that they aren't interested, I don't that was the case.

 

So, I'm tired of taking initiative and guys getting all freaked out. Then, some manipulator comes around and makes them work to ask her out and they're head over heels cuz she played hard to get.

 

When a guy is interested - even if he's painfully shy - he'll make the effort to approach, ask out, etc. a woman...my neighbor is a prime example. He would sit around and stare at me like a lost dog, but me approaching him did nothing to make him feel confident enough to make it a go. But, his piggy wife? He literally was the one who approached her and asked her out. She didn't have to ask for a thing. He obviously doesn't feel intimidated by the likes of her...Essentially, a guy will make an effort for a woman he's interested in.

 

So, if a guy isn't asking me out, for my number, etc...I'm sure he's not interested. What I'm gonna do is make myself available, but forget asking some guy out and/or offering my tel...waste of time it is.

[bathtub-row]

It's almost always a bad idea for a woman to pursue a man. This is because of many reasons that consistently have to do with men themselves. It may seem old fashioned but it's true nonetheless. Lots of people love to argue this point but it almost always backfires on a woman. The best read on this topic is the book "Getting to I Do". If you really want to go out with a girl, then ask her.

[AMJ]

True, but as I've stated a few times before it's so hard not to think about it when I just constantly see it all the time. Even when I try not to think about it, it just returns into my mind to bother me all over again. The cycle just repeats over & over. There's no way to get away from not seeing couples together & women I find attractive when I'm out somewhere. How am I supposed to not think about it when it just comes back into the forefront of my mind over & over again?

 

You need to find a tool that works for you. For example, train yourself to think that getting a girlfriend requires getting a bachelor's degree.

(because, getting the BA will put you on a path to getting a better job, which will help you get your own place, which will make you 10X more attractive to a woman in her 30s looking for a serious relationship)

So, whenever you start thinking about wanting a relationship, train yourself to think- I really, really, really need to go back to school. So that every time you think about it, all you end up thinking about is your own career.

 

Idk do you like math? I can make that an equation.

 

A= bachelor's degree

B=better job/income

C=own apartment/independence

D=hobbies!

E=positive attitude

F=driving 2 hours away

G= relationship with woman!

 

You+A+E=B

 

B+E=C

 

(C+E)*(F+D)=G

[NJ123]

You need to find a tool that works for you. For example, train yourself to think that getting a girlfriend requires getting a bachelor's degree.

(because, getting the BA will put you on a path to getting a better job, which will help you get your own place, which will make you 10X more attractive to a woman in her 30s looking for a serious relationship)

So, whenever you start thinking about wanting a relationship, train yourself to think- I really, really, really need to go back to school. So that every time you think about it, all you end up thinking about is your own career.

 

Idk do you like math? I can make that an equation.

 

A= bachelor's degree

B=better job/income

C=own apartment/independence

D=hobbies!

E=positive attitude

F=driving 2 hours away

G= relationship with woman!

 

You+A+E=B

 

B+E=C

 

(C+E)*(F+D)=G

 

lol okay I admit I laughed at that in a good way. Clever.

[Sunkissedpatio]

 

I actually like the way things are now--men asking out women. For one thing, it gives a less conventionally attractive guy like myself a shot (I'm short but I'm not afraid to put myself out there). We have more of a chance to BECOME attractive in the woman's eye by showing our initiative and confidence.

 

 

No idea what you even look like, doesn't matter, your post just makes you sound hot. You say you are less conventionally attractive and I'm doubting it. This is exactly what women are talking about.

 

And he does have an excellent point, if women were aggressively chasing after men then they would be chasing after the same handful of guys. Look at what happens online, that's why women's presence online is so elevated, they are all chasing after the same 10 profiles every other woman is chasing after when the reality is that not even 10 of the hoards of women chasing the elite, will ever get a shot. Realistically, the majority of those women are more suited for the hundreds of men who are being rejected yet they feel they deserve the top 10. I mean guys do it too but online it seems more skewed that way in women's favour. I hear it a LOT from men.

[AMJ]

No idea what you even look like, doesn't matter, your post just makes you sound hot. You say you are less conventionally attractive and I'm doubting it. This is exactly what women are talking about.

 

 

Woohooo! The jerk is hawt!

 

 

Yeah it is true, the sort of guy who women do chase after, always have lots of women in the mix and they usually don't take any of them seriously.

[NJ123]

No idea what you even look like, doesn't matter, your post just makes you sound hot. You say you are less conventionally attractive and I'm doubting it. This is exactly what women are talking about.

 

And he does have an excellent point, if women were aggressively chasing after men then they would be chasing after the same handful of guys. Look at what happens online, that's why women's presence online is so elevated, they are all chasing after the same 10 profiles every other woman is chasing after when the reality is that not even 10 of the hoards of women chasing the elite, will ever get a shot. Realistically, the majority of those women are more suited for the hundreds of men who are being rejected yet they feel they deserve the top 10. I mean guys do it too but online it seems more skewed that way in women's favour. I hear it a LOT from men.

 

This is absolutely true. Match.com showed me everything I needed to see with what women's expectations are with online dating with their preferences right out in the open to see. I'm surprised you're admitting it since usually women don't normally want to admit that online dating favors them.

[carhill]

IDK that it would make dating much easier, just different. OP, I dealt with the stuff you write about and I get where you're coming from and, nope, no woman has ever asked me out on a date and I'm pushing 60 here but I did manage to do all that girlfriend, relationships, wife thing and yeah it wasn't a cakewalk but life is like that. I did get hit on by married women as a single and married guy and that was, well, uncomfortable. Perhaps that's kinda like getting asked out, IDK. See, you think only women you like and who are unattached are going to ask you out. That's not how it works. Heh.

 

On the why, culture and socialization and early peer integration are IMO key. Basic behavioral standards are formed and those behavioral memories continue throughout life. At my age and in my demographic, I'd never expect to be asked on a date by an available and unattached woman. Not going to happen. Accept it. Ride the wave or drown. It's a choice. Good luck!

[Sunkissedpatio]

Woohooo! The jerk is hawt!

 

 

He's got my attention!

 

 

You should drop the mic now AMJ because your equation post broke the internet - that was brilliant!

[Sunkissedpatio]

This is absolutely true. Match.com showed me everything I needed to see with what women's expectations are with online dating with their preferences right out in the open to see. I'm surprised you're admitting it since usually women don't normally want to admit that online dating favors them.

 

It's fake though because a lot of those women will still be on there dating perpetually months and months down the road. As will the men who go about it the same way. OLD is not a "my ideal drone making tool" it is a medium to meet those you wouldn't cross paths with in day-to-day life, just like a bar or a party. To go about it in such a way where you are creating your ideal match is just going to keep you away from your ideal match. I wholeheartedly believe that.

[Blanco]

My last girlfriend made the first moves on me. She made the first moves on her current boyfriend. She made the first moves on the guy before me.

 

I know many women who have made the proverbial first move with guys who interested them.

 

As someone said, it's a generalization to make it sound like there aren't women out there asking out guys. Women, especially of the younger generations, buy less into this mindset that it's the guys that need to do all the chasing.

 

What most of these women DON'T want, though, is some passive dead-as-a-fish type of guy who still needs the girl to do all the work and make all the moves even after she's expressed interest. That's unattractive.

[NJ123]

It's fake though because a lot of those women will still be on there dating perpetually months and months down the road. As will the men who go about it the same way. OLD is not a "my ideal drone making tool" it is a medium to meet those you wouldn't cross paths with in day-to-day life, just like a bar or a party. To go about it in such a way where you are creating your ideal match is just going to keep you away from your ideal match. I wholeheartedly believe that.

 

I've seen a whole lot of the same women on some of the online dating sites that I saw long ago when I went back on it recently. I deleted all the sites now though & have kept Tinder/Bumble but I'm trying to scale back from using those for a bit. I just think due to the amount of people on online dating, I feel they're looking for that perfect person to appear which will never happen. As some others said, meeting someone in person would be way better than trying through online dating.

[SwordofFlame]

I don't get why it has to be the way it is for. It feels like in 2016 the whole entire structure of dating has changed due to social media & online dating apps, but the one thing that would probably improve things is if women would finally start asking guys out just as much as men ask women out. I just don't get why they don't do it, or not anywhere as much as men do.

 

I do think they should add an option to auto-match any women that swipes right on your profile on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. After all, a lot of average guys pretty much just swipe right on every woman because at best, we only get a few matches per day. Maybe make this option a premium feature.

[Vado]

A lot of friends told me: girls only ask me out, or come to me and show they're highly available, when I'm taken. As soon as I'm single again, as if they can smell it, not a single girl seems to notice me. I have to dive into their orbit. So I have to do áll the work' to make it happen.

 

The ironic thing: the only guy I know who gets asked out by girls all the time is gay.

[AMJ]

 

The ironic thing: the only guy I know who gets asked out by girls all the time is gay.

 

That's funny.