Ok, that's it. I got final confirmation from my ex, she said no. I will respect that.

[Protec]

Why have you not contacted a lawyer?

 

In the time you have spent posting here and looking up Youtube videos about BPD, you could have easily called around to seek counsel.

 

You have no idea how screwed you are.

 

It's night here. Every place is closed already.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's night here. Every place is closed already.

 

Yes, I realize that. I am in continental Europe as well.

 

But several hours elapsed from the time you first revealed you'd been contacted by the police until the hour most law offices would have closed.

 

You can also be looking up numbers to call in the morning. Are you doing so?

[Protec]

It’s great that you’re going to a therapist.

Generally you spend a lot of energy blaming her and focusing on her, saying she’s ruined you or the like. But I’d think that examining yourself would be more fruitful in therapy. You said in your last thread that you’ve had this problem of losing your temper and becoming enraged since childhood.

 

I blame her for her mind games, intentional or not. I blame myself for believing them.

 

I have gone under so much mental abuse during these last 6 months, it's no wonder why my hair has turned grey. And yes. Abuse. I talked about these with my therapist and she said what how she has behaved towards me qualifies as mental abuse.

 

what can i do if one day she says she loves me like no other man before. Then next day she tells me i am not the man for her. And then again next day she tells i am the man of her dreams. That is not normal behaviour to switch moods that fast. She is mentally ill. She has papers for it. I don't make it up.

 

I wanted to help, kept trying more, more more. I bought roses, earrings, i wanted to give her everything i possibly could to keep her as i loved the good side. Nothing was enough. I surprised her with love notes, relaxing massages...nothing was enough.

 

That's all i can say. I did not want to leave her because i wanted to believe things would get better. And eventually i exhausted myself mentally.

 

I just could not leave. I didn't want to lose her.

 

I know you people say "well you should just have walked out". Yes i should

have. But is it easy for drug addict or alcoholist, or even someone who smokes to get rid of those just like that? No. It just doesn't work like that. At least not to me.

 

I have issues. Something kept me clinging to her. Whatever it was hopefully i find the answer with my therapist.

 

I tried cutting contact with her at mid-summer. I had heart problems for 4 days because of anxiety. After we got back in contact, i was fine.

 

This has been the most exhausting thing in my life. And it's not even over yet.

 

I am not like you, please respect that. To some people it's easy to walk out from relationship without even blinking an eye. I just coudn't do it.

 

But i am NOT CONTACTING HER ANYMORE.

[Protec]

Yes, I realize that. I am in continental Europe as well.

 

But several hours elapsed from the time you first revealed you'd been contacted by the police until the hour most law offices would have closed.

 

You can also be looking up numbers to call in the morning. Are you doing so?

 

I will look up to see if i even need lawyer yet. Also, i don't have money to pay for lawyer. This is just a police hearing. But i will look into it.

[frigginlost]

No. I am not lying. I have gone talking 4 times now with psychiatric nurse and 2 times with proferssional psychotherapist, so i think they would say if there is something wrong with me. And trust me, i am not that good of a talker that i could fool them. That is not very helpful. Diagnosing me with illnesses.

 

I don't have to lie. This is how it is. This is why i go to the damn therapy because that woman has ****ed up my head so badly.

 

I don't have to make things up.

 

I don't contact her EVER AGAIN. If i see her somewhere, i will change direction.

 

First, you're very good at talking in circles. Two threads and 80 pages worth of spin is in your past here. Don't play the "I'm not smart enough" card.

 

Second, you state in a previous post that after the Blueberry trip, she texted you blaming you for previous "things". That alone makes no sense, but I'll go with it. You then state that you called her and her friends immediate reaction was to threaten you with the police if you contact her again. Note, in this same thread you state *she* did all the contacting and you never contacted her. In my 50 years on this earth I have never heard of a friend threatening Police to someone unless there was a really, really, good reason. A friend would simply tell your ex to ignore the call unless she was worried about her future well being. You're not giving the full story, and I seriously doubt that your ex is this wicked individual you are making her out to be.

[VeveCakes]

It's not easy for any of us to move on....I am struggling daily to not reach out to my ex and am also in therapy but the point is I am trying. You were not trying one bit. The minute she texted you you were there. If you were trying you would have blocked her.

 

Be prepared to be arrested after your hearing. I am not sure what the penalties are in your country but here if you go to court and are charged, depending on the crime they just put you right in jail.

[Protec]

It's not easy for any of us to move on....I am struggling daily to not reach out to my ex and am also in therapy but the point is I am trying. You were not trying one bit. The minute she texted you you were there. If you were trying you would have blocked her.

 

Be prepared to be arrested after your hearing. I am not sure what the penalties are in your country but here if you go to court and are charged, depending on the crime they just put you right in jail.

 

NO they will not arrest me. I think they would have arrested me already.

 

I tried and managed to be without any contact for one month and i fell back to the same hellhole Not because of her, because of me If i just had kept my head then nothing of this would have happened and i would be happily sleeping now.

[insert_name]

First, you're very good at talking in circles. Two threads and 80 pages worth of spin is in your past here. Don't play the "I'm not smart enough" card.

 

Second, you state in a previous post that after the Blueberry trip, she texted you blaming you for previous "things". That alone makes no sense, but I'll go with it. You then state that you called her and her friends immediate reaction was to threaten you with the police if you contact her again. Note, in this same thread you state *she* did all the contacting and you never contacted her. In my 50 years on this earth I have never heard of a friend threatening Police to someone unless there was a really, really, good reason. A friend would simply tell your ex to ignore the call unless she was worried about her future well being. You're not giving the full story, and I seriously doubt that your ex is this wicked individual you are making her out to be.

 

People lie, unfortunately. Whilst OP has not covered himself in glory throughout this whole ordeal there is usually no smoke without fire so I personally wouldn't rule out some act of vengeance going on here to teach OP a lesson.

 

I hope for the sake of both parties that the truth, whatever it is, eventually comes to light.

[frigginlost]

People lie, unfortunately. Whilst OP has not covered himself in glory throughout this whole ordeal there is usually no smoke without fire so I personally wouldn't rule out some act of vengeance going on here to teach OP a lesson.

 

I hope for the sake of both parties that the truth, whatever it is, eventually comes to light.

 

Oh I completely agree, but there are too many holes that need plugging. His posting actions and timing are extremely predictable. If he does not get interaction from folks on these boards, he seems to "up the ante" by posting something with more "bite".

 

That is what is driving my doubts regarding him. It is leading to my belief that it is him that is actively trying to get reactions from his ex and not the other way around....

[insert_name]

NO they will not arrest me. I think they would have arrested me already.

I tried and managed to be without any contact for one month and i fell back to the same hellhole Not because of her, because of me If i just had kept my head then nothing of this would have happened and i would be happily sleeping now.

 

The Police will actually arrest based on evidence that they have and how strong they think their chances of a successful prosecution are. That evidence can come from what you tell them in the interview. It is also not inconceivable that they are 'slow playing' their hand and have some very incriminating evidence already and are seeing what you have to say before revealing their hand.

 

As others have advised, you should really have a lawyer or at the very least a responsible adult with a reasonable knowledge of the law present when you are interviewed.

 

There is a very good book that was the basis for the TV series 'The Wire' that covers the whole psychology behind the methodology of a Police interview and the repercussions are frankly terrifying to someone who has not been through this process before. The upshot is that the Police will happily make mincemeat of the naive and not lose any sleep over it so you need to make sure you are going into this with your eyes wide open.

[aloneinaz]

Oh I completely agree, but there are too many holes that need plugging. His posting actions and timing are extremely predictable. If he does not get interaction from folks on these boards, he seems to "up the ante" by posting something with more "bite".

 

That is what is driving my doubts regarding him. It is leading to my belief that it is him that is actively trying to get reactions from his ex and not the other way around....

 

Glancing at this thread and his other postings, I think the OP would be better off getting off his computer. CONSTANTLY talking about a failed R/S after 1-2 months is an epic waste of time. Instead of beating the dead body to death by rehashing it again, and again and some more will not help.

 

Get out of your house OP. Meet some new friends and people to hang out with. Stop talking this BS drama. Find some new hobbies.

[clia]

I will look up to see if i even need lawyer yet. Also, i don't have money to pay for lawyer. This is just a police hearing. But i will look into it.

 

The police are having this hearing to gather information to present to the prosecutor (or whatever it's called in your country) to determine whether they should file charges against you. It may not be in your best interest to walk in there and spill your guts. A lawyer could probably advise you.

[Protec]

It's not easy for any of us to move on....I am struggling daily to not reach out to my ex and am also in therapy but the point is I am trying. You were not trying one bit. The minute she texted you you were there. If you were trying you would have blocked her.

 

Be prepared to be arrested after your hearing. I am not sure what the penalties are in your country but here if you go to court and are charged, depending on the crime they just put you right in jail.

 

First, you're very good at talking in circles. Two threads and 80 pages worth of spin is in your past here. Don't play the "I'm not smart enough" card.

 

Second, you state in a previous post that after the Blueberry trip, she texted you blaming you for previous "things". That alone makes no sense, but I'll go with it. You then state that you called her and her friends immediate reaction was to threaten you with the police if you contact her again. Note, in this same thread you state *she* did all the contacting and you never contacted her. In my 50 years on this earth I have never heard of a friend threatening Police to someone unless there was a really, really, good reason. A friend would simply tell your ex to ignore the call unless she was worried about her future well being. You're not giving the full story, and I seriously doubt that your ex is this wicked individual you are making her out to be.

 

Her friend was a childhood friend of hers and most likely my ex had told her that i hit her. I have honestly, HONESTLY no idea why.

 

IF you could see my text message history with her. It makes no sense.

 

After i hit her. She said she would never want to see me again because no one has ever hurt her like that! Then few days later, she asks me to come over and apologize face to face, because i kept trying to apologize her via text messages.

 

We had nice weekend after that (the blueberry weekend) And we had nice time together and then suddenly at tuesday morning i get text messages that "i am afraid of you and i can't ever see you again etc." So that's when i called, and that's when her friend answered and threatened me.

 

But it makes no sense! She spent a nice weekend with me, she forgave me, she slept next to me, had sex with me, we played with legos with her kids and suddenly without me saying NOTHING provocative to her, she sends message she is scared of me. I was surpired about her behaviour and tried to call and solve what the hell was going on, and her friend answered.

 

Few days later she calls me 5 AM and sends text where she tells me I am her friend and she misses me and hopes i can be her mental support and asks me to come over but she is afraid of me but still wants me to come over because i am her soulmate. So in just one text message i am her friend and soulmate but she is afraid of me, but STILL asks me to come over.

 

THIS IS REAL. That woman is seriously messed up in her head and that is why i am messed up in my head.

 

I don't make this up. I really wish i could but her behaviour does not make any sense.

 

This has been going on for months. REad up about IDealize-devalue-discard cycle. That is EXACTLY what i've been experiencing.

 

https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2016/08/05/idealize-devalue-discard-and-repeat-again-but-never-a-real-relationship-a-bond-or-love-a-narcissist-processes-all-people-into-objects-or-sources-of-supply/

 

I know, i know. You want me to be the crazy here. I am NOT. She is the one who has been diagnosed with bipolarity. She is the one who doesn't take her medications. She is the one who keeps drinking alcohol and it is NOT allowed to drink alcohol while on medication for mental illnesses.

 

And i am the idiot who she managed to lure into her web over and over again.

 

I don't make this story up. I have held her when she had hallucinations.

I stayed awake next to her when she had panic attacks. I watched her to put toilet paper around her head, cover her body with broccoli and dip sauce because she used some pills to trying to get asleep. I was afraid.

 

She told me a shooting star spoke to her and said to take care of me and It was my dead mother.

 

So that is what kind of person i have been dealing with. Yes. I should have left. But also i was worried to death about her.

 

I am tired of being accused all the time. I was not perfect, i did wrong too but i never tried to manipulate her or hurt her emotionally or abuse her in any way. Every sinlge day my feelings towards her were the same.

[Protec]

And to reming you my psychiatric nurse thinks i am completely normal, maybe depressed and suffering some sort of trauma (no wonder) and my psychotherapist also thinks i am normal, but i have some issues with co-dependency etc.

 

This is not a joke to me. I don't enjoy this. And now i have done what you wanted me to do long time ago. Not contact her anymore.

 

I trusted her for the last time.

[insert_name]

The police are having this hearing to gather information to present to the prosecutor (or whatever it's called in your country) to determine whether they should file charges against you. It may not be in your best interest to walk in there and spill your guts. A lawyer could probably advise you.

 

That was the basic tenet of the examples given in the book I was referring to. In the examples the accused who were especially naive spilled their guts and quickly had it used against them. By contrast the savvy ones stayed silent and it made building a case against them very tough and frustrating for the Police.

 

I don't offer this to OP as advice though, obviously. He needs a lawyer or if he can't afford one a responsible adult with him.

Edited September 22, 2016 by insert_name

[SoulCat]

I bowed out of your previous thread since you were not willing to listen to any advice given to you. Looks like nothing has changed there.

 

I think it's beyond disgusting, and most definitely a scumbag move to call Social Services on her at this stage. You doing that has nothing to do with her children's welfare, it's all about getting your own back.

 

No one is to blame for the situation you are in but YOU.

 

YOU knew she was bipolar

YOU knew she was 'manipulative'

YOU knew she blew hot & cold

YOU chose to go back, again and again

YOU hid outside her house like a stalker

YOU burst through her door into her house

 

People here tried their best to warn you, tell you to stay away, block her.

But oh no, you knew better....so:

 

Things came to a head, again and

YOU hit her

 

No mea culpas on your part can justify that, and your tendency to blame her - which you still do - is never going to make that okay.

 

Personally, I hope a judge throws the book at you, issues a restraining order against you and demands you undergo some court ordered therapy.

 

Also, stop wasting your sister's hard-earned money on therapy if you're not willing to own up to your own sh*tty behaviour.

Stop blaming your ex!!!!!!

[Survivor12]

I would advise being cautious about trying to get revenge through social services because IF they believe you, YOU could be charged for not reporting it to police when it happened. If they don't-and interpret your report is motivated by revenge, it will certainly be used in the case against you.

 

Ever heard the expression about cutting off your nose to spite your face?

[wow123]

I don't even think the police involvement will put an end to this. I think your sister is the only person that can help you. Let her read all of your threads.

[Blanco]

This is not a joke to me. I don't enjoy this. And now i have done what you wanted me to do long time ago. Not contact her anymore.

 

Get real. You've left her alone for a whole week and that's only because the law has finally gotten involved.

 

That woman is seriously messed up in her head and that is why i am messed up in my head.

 

Nonsense. I followed your breakup thread last fall and felt you were a troubled individual back then. This woman may have brought the worst out of you, but she is far from the reason why you are "messed up" in the head.

 

So that is what kind of person i have been dealing with. Yes. I should have left. But also i was worried to death about her.

 

Maybe, but your other posts are proof that you are most worried about yourself. More specifically, you're worried about being alone and THAT is why you kept going back to her.

 

The problem with being so transparent on this forum is that it makes it easier for us to call BS on comments like the above. You've shown your hand again and again. This is and has always been predominantly about you and your needs.

 

I am tired of being accused all the time. I was not perfect, i did wrong too but i never tried to manipulate her or hurt her emotionally or abuse her in any way.

 

And I'm sure many on here are tired of you being so oblivious to the obvious and continuing to act like your problems are mostly the faults of others. I know I am.

 

Maybe you didn't try to be manipulative or abusive, but that doesn't mean you weren't. And that's what you just can't seem to understand. If I run someone over with my car, I'm going to be in trouble. It doesn't matter if I meant to do it. What does matter is that I did it.

 

You've got this remarkable ability to assume blame for things while trying to remain the victim.

[MovingOnIsHard]

Protec, I've been following the last thread you created, which was closed by the mod. I haven't posted in regards to your situation, but i thought I'd share my thoughts so far.

 

You actually remind me of my ex who i broke ties with 2 years ago. I can't say for sure but i always suspected there was something seriously wrong with him, mentally.

 

We also had a toxic relationship. A lot of intense emotions back and forth. When things were good, it was really good. When it got bad, it was really bad.

 

He was somewhat a social recluse, no real friends, stayed at home most of the time. He always wanted me around him. Whenever i wanted to hang out with friends, he would accuse me of cheating on him. He was very obsessed with me.

 

Whenever he felt i was abandoning him, he would break up with me and that drove me into a state of panic. I finally gathered enough self respect to finally break up with him permanently. But things didn't stop there .

 

He kept emailing me wanting to meet up, blaming me for the break up, accusing me of things i didn't even do. For example, he accused me of drugging him up and beating him up in his sleep. Mind you, I'm 5'1 small frame and he's 6'1 and athletic build. If he had told my family, friends, coworkers they would be flabbergasted. He accused me of abusing him emotionally when in fact he was the one always guilt tripping me and initiating break ups out of the blue. He was emotionally unstable.

 

I told him numerous times to leave me alone but he kept harassing me via email. His emails became increasingly creepy.. One time he emailed me saying he was walking around my town and passed by this bridge we often went to when we were together... Offering me to go for a walk with him. Also note that he lived in another city, he was an hour drive away. The fact that he drives all the way up to my city meant that he was stalking me.. Especially since i had moved to another apartment, which i never told him where it was.

 

He finally crossed the lines when he came to my workplace and dropped off flowers for me. When i came to work that day, i was very upset and cried to my coworkers. I felt dehumanized. He forced himself back into my life without my consent, in fact, against my wishes. I actually reported him to police. The police warned him to stay away from me and refrain from contacting me in any way. It was only then that he finally left me alone.

 

At the time i was already dating my current bf and i told him what happened. Luckily he was very supportive of me.

 

The f'd up part about it is that he never thought he was doing anything bad and that he was just trying to find closure. When i accused him of stalking he denied it because it's not like he was hiding in bushes and jumping on me. He still paints me as someone who is abusive and mentally disturbed.

 

So in essence, he was telling everyone even to himself a different reality than what everyone else was seeing. My gut feeling tells me that you are probably telling everyone in this thread a skewed reality, much different than what is actually happening. If we talked to your ex directly and other people I'm sure they will tell us a very different side of the story.

 

[]

Edited September 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted psychiatric diagnosis ~6

[Protec]

Blanco, i have already admitted i have issues in me. That is why i go to psychotherapy. How many damn times i have to tell it?

 

I was not the one who switched moods back and forth. I know she would have kicked me out long time ago if i would one day be "I love you honey." and next "you ugly bitch. You do nothing right. Please go home". "oh i'm sorry i behaved like that...i love you."

 

That's what it was. I know you don't want to believe. I am the crazy one who made this all up just to entertain you guys. I went to psychotherapist just for fun because i have so much ****ing fun making this whole thing up.

 

She was the innocent sweet woman who just tried to protect her kids from a raging lunatic.

 

Well you guys just made me feel ten times worse than i already did.

 

I thought this was supposed to be support forum but all i get is being blamed that i lie, i manipulate, i am evil narcissist sociopath, who targeted poor innocent single mother.

 

At least on some other forums people have been supportive because they have experienced horrible relationships with bipolar persons and know how hard it can be. But not you guys...you just want to beat the guy who is already on the ground. You are nothing but a bunch of bullies.

Edited September 23, 2016 by Protec

[Protec]

Get real. You've left her alone for a whole week and that's only because the law has finally gotten involved.

 

 

I left her alone for over a month, and she contacted me.

 

Yes, i wanted to keep her in my life as a friend or something. That's why i kept contact. I wanted to see if somehow we could be friends or something.

 

I thought about her as my friend. She told me she wanted to be my friend so i thought maybe we can make it work. So usually when you think you are friends with somebody you send messages like "hey, how you're doing? Want to come for a coffee?" etc.

 

I think that is pretty normal behaviour amongst friends.

[Protec]

Why do i even bother writing here. All you do is turn what i say upside down and make me look like evil narcissistic sosiopath who enjoys beating up women as a hobby.

[ExpatInItaly]

You are no victim.

 

You are a participant and a perpetrator.

[VeveCakes]

Why do i even bother writing here. All you do is turn what i say upside down and make me look like evil narcissistic sosiopath who enjoys beating up women as a hobby.

 

Not even....we merely point out the holes in your theories of your crazy ex and how she was the crazy one and you were just innocent ex bf. You were an active participant. You had pages and pages of advice here to stay away from her YOU CHOSE to ignore. Now you are here. Only one to blame is yourself.