The Worst Things Your Cheating Spouse Ever Did To You

[Steen719]

DOT, I really am sorry to hear that you are having these issues again. I have no doubt that when the time is right for you, the changes you need to make will be clearer to you. You deserve better than this, really you do.

 

It is so hard not be to able to get what you need from your partner no matter how much you want it. I know, I have been there. The hardest thing for me was to realize I was never going to change what had happened in the past. It was just done. Then I reached it - that point of no return. It didn't happen as fast as it did for some, but when I was ready for it, it did.

 

Right now, do the best you can. Do the best for you and for your children (btw, congratulations on your baby boy) and find some stability without him. If it doesn't work out with him, you will be OK. You have so far and you are the reason for that. You are the reason for your children surviving. Just you.

 

Best to you, DOT. Big hugs.

[dreamingoftigers]

DOT, I really am sorry to hear that you are having these issues again. I have no doubt that when the time is right for you, the changes you need to make will be clearer to you. You deserve better than this, really you do.

 

It is so hard not be to able to get what you need from your partner no matter how much you want it. I know, I have been there. The hardest thing for me was to realize I was never going to change what had happened in the past. It was just done. Then I reached it - that point of no return. It didn't happen as fast as it did for some, but when I was ready for it, it did.

 

Right now, do the best you can. Do the best for you and for your children (btw, congratulations on your baby boy) and find some stability without him. If it doesn't work out with him, you will be OK. You have so far and you are the reason for that. You are the reason for your children surviving. Just you.

 

Best to you, DOT. Big hugs.

 

Well, if hadn't tried reconciling last year, there wouldn't be a cute little boy. So there's that.

 

I really don't want him to go through a bunch of BS. My daughter had a hard time with her Dad leaving last year.

 

I can't really post up the anger right now. I feel some pretty graphic things and I'm not like that by nature.

[ronisanidiot]

Gas lighting during and about 2 years after affair.

When extent of affair was exposed 2 years after it.( She was told lie detector test was scheduled for 8am next morning / she cracked ) Her break-down over the next 6 months included ripping apart 30 years of happy memories. AT the peak of that exposure my vital heart meds kept being "accidentally" mixed up (mind you she didn't set them up only knocked them over and "adjusted" them) caught a couple of doses that would have killed me if I'd taken them. Explained to neighbors why I deserved to be cheated on (projection as per her shrink and our marriage consoler) Alienated our teen daughters.

[aliveagain]

Gas lighting during and about 2 years after affair.

When extent of affair was exposed 2 years after it.( She was told lie detector test was scheduled for 8am next morning / she cracked ) Her break-down over the next 6 months included ripping apart 30 years of happy memories. AT the peak of that exposure my vital heart meds kept being "accidentally" mixed up (mind you she didn't set them up only knocked them over and "adjusted" them) caught a couple of doses that would have killed me if I'd taken them. Explained to neighbors why I deserved to be cheated on (projection as per her shrink and our marriage consoler) Alienated our teen daughters.

 

Ron, hope you adjusted her living arrangements? Wow, messing with your meds requires you immediately take her off your insurance as the beneficiary.

[aileD]

Ugh. If it were that simple.

 

My husband goes completely homeless when he goes off of the rails. He is definitely resourceful and there is always someone willing to help him.

 

He might straighten up and get his own place. But overall, last time he drank he lived in his car. Plus winter is coming. His car is broken down right now and it didn't have heat in it even if it gets fixed.

 

It would not surprise me in the LEAST if he slept outside last night. He did it last year. Slept right at McKnight-westwinds train station and got lippy with a transit cop. It would also not surprise me if he met an old friend or a new friend and stayed over at someone's place. He could probably easily find a place for the winter if need be.

 

Last year he did a lot of living out of his car in Edmonton area. Met a nice family in Sherwood Park and they nearly GAVE him an SUV. He was trying to get them to pay for the car repair so he could have heat.

 

Yeah. I know.

So this won't stop him "working." Right now he isn't driving. He has zero income anyway, and could leave the province anytime he chooses.

 

And frankly, if he does want to abandon the kids, he will find a way. Heh, I have faith in him at least.

 

But yes, if he abandons, of course I will do the legal dance because my understanding is that it becomes a necessity to establish a precedent of parenting so he can't, say, come back when his 5 month old son is 10 and try to get full custody and have me pay him ETC.

 

I know a nice (?) 21 year old that is living in her car. Maybe they could be roomies.

 

Is he bipolar?

[Steen719]

Well, if hadn't tried reconciling last year, there wouldn't be a cute little boy. So there's that.

 

I really don't want him to go through a bunch of BS. My daughter had a hard time with her Dad leaving last year.

 

I can't really post up the anger right now. I feel some pretty graphic things and I'm not like that by nature.

 

Yeah, damn The whole thing just stinks. It just should not be this hard. And it is so difficult when you have kids. We want the very best for them; stability, loving family, security. You can give them that. You are smart, intuitive and self-aware. I think you will do what you need to do, DOT, to make your life better. Hang in there. My very best to you. All of us here whom you have helped and other new friends are here for you when you need us. We love ya!

[Lion Heart]

I also avoided this thread for a long while.

I'm really trying to get past it.

 

The worst:

Spilling petrol underneath my bedroom that I slept in with our D.

He would spill the petrol then come upstairs and say things like...I spilt petrol in the garage today, how do you feel about that? Me: nothing because you've cleaned it up. VWH: No I haven't actually. It's probably been there a few days and I must've forgotten. Me: then clean it up. VWH: aren't you SCARED? Me: no BECAUSE you will clean it up. AND you will put a smoke alarm in our home BECAUSE you do that for a job. (His stories constantly changed WITHIN each story. Still do. He never did install a fire alarm over 10y. He did during R when our D heard the following).

 

After 5+ times over the courses of his As 7-16y I surmise. This, like all other of his behaviours escalated.

VWH: I spilt petrol again under your bedroom.

Me: ok. You've cleaned it up I assume.

VWH: NO actually and I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE NOT TERRIFIED.

Me: BECAUSE you will clean it up.

VWH: BUT if this caught fire, you and D would burn to death. IMAGINE how it would feel for you and D to die burning to death.

Me: stop it. You're scaring D.

D: DAD STOP IT AND PUT A FIRE ALARM IN OUR HOUSE NOW!

VWH: (to me only) and I really thought you'd be terrified with me pouring petrol everywhere downstairs. Your house burnt down as a child. You've ALWAYS been scared of house fires.

And I would survive with the boys.

Me: I'm not. We won't burn to death. You will protect your family and put the effing SMOKE ALARM in. Today!

 

And he did.

Then he kept dislodging it.

 

6w after our D Day 1, he screamed at us all "I just want to WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN of all of this" sweeping his arm across where the kids and I were standing.

It was many comments of his like that, that tied in, in a very haunting fashion to me.

 

Comments and actions from the moment we met.

 

It took me well over a year post D Day. Almost 18 months to GAIN CLARITY over this horrid M. The 'smok' just keeps clearing.

 

When THIS story I've outlined above became clear.

I booked straight in to the Psychologist I / we saw straight after D Day 1.

Told her EVERYTHING.

- the rapes

- him trying to force me to have sex with strangers

- the multitudes of lies

- the porn addiction that appeared to drive him crazy

- the hidden credit cards. All overblown.

- the 4+ years of unpaid bills on his side of the financial agreement we had.

- the gambling addictions

- the severe neglect of the children when I went away.

 

I've enrolled in a free Course here for women who've suffered domestic violence. I've had my first 1:1 Counselling session over the phone. I desperately NEED some type of Counselling to sort out my head. (I've been attending courses for months for the children's mental health and healing. They are having Counselling at school and privately).

 

I just didn't think a group would be right because I didn't want to scare the other ladies in the group with what's happened to me.

 

The Counsellor said:

It's remarkable how similar all you ladies are! Most of you say you don't want to scare the others by your stories.

Your exH has done ALL the things very TYPICAL of abusers.

You're not alone by a LONG shot.

 

The Group is led and structured to REDUCE RELIVING trauma. Focussing on healing. Providing STRATEGIES for getting "out of his head", into our own heads. Breaking Free it's called. Creating a NEW LIFE.

 

AA sometimes we want to scream out to the world to say I'M IN pain over this. This despicable thing happened to me. We want VALIDATION. Understanding. A bit of compassion. Kindness.

 

It's been SO DIFFICULT for me to get past this STBexVWH especially what he did to us.

I haven't ofcourse!

 

My bf and I were talking about feelings of betrayal, separation, divorce yesterday (again lol) and we get so low. Feel depressed about it alot.

 

We both know that our exes just feel "whatever" about what they've done. They're happily getting on with their lives FREE OF US. IDK maybe.

 

It's more about US LOOKING AFTER US.

Seeking closure and doing WHATEVER it takes to GET THAT CLOSURE ASAP.

No one else is gonna heal US. We have to do ALL THE WORK OURSELVES. On ourselves. For ourselves because we're so worth it..

 

Best wishes

Lion Heart

[BluesPower]

LH, that is maybe the sickest thing I have ever heard.

 

I cannot even imagine that. I may actually start to feel better about some of the stuff my wife and I have done to each other.

 

I am so happy for you that you are away from him.

[Raena]

Gave me an STD, got another woman pregnant while I was pregnant, abused me physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, gaslighted, trickle truthed, lied and lied and lied and lied... convinced other people, including my best friends that it was all my fault and I must be crazy, cheated multiple times but denied all of it. At the same time he'd stalk me, beg me to take him back, cry and cry and cry that he'd quit drinking/drugging, it was always some reason for it.

 

I look back and have no idea why I was with him. So I'm going to stop looking back and focus on moving forward.

[dreamingoftigers]

I know a nice (?) 21 year old that is living in her car. Maybe they could be roomies.

 

Is he bipolar?

 

I've often wondered. Seriously.

 

Definitely ADHD. Confirmed diagnosis.

[dreamingoftigers]

Gave me an STD, got another woman pregnant while I was pregnant, abused me physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, gaslighted, trickle truthed, lied and lied and lied and lied... convinced other people, including my best friends that it was all my fault and I must be crazy, cheated multiple times but denied all of it. At the same time he'd stalk me, beg me to take him back, cry and cry and cry that he'd quit drinking/drugging, it was always some reason for it.

 

I look back and have no idea why I was with him. So I'm going to stop looking back and focus on moving forward.

 

I'm so glad you are doing better.

 

He also got that hound he left you for to harass you endlessly. What a tool.

[Raena]

I'm so glad you are doing better.

 

He also got that hound he left you for to harass you endlessly. What a tool.

 

Still trying to move on...

 

I forgot to write a bunch of stuff, I could go on and on for pages about the things he did and the things he allowed her to do to me too. She's still pulling her crap every chance she gets.

 

But... trying to move on best I can. Just wrote a whole post about it

[Imajerk17]

aliveagain, your story has to be one of THE most painful stories I have read on here. You don't deserve any of that, especially because you seem to be a good guy. (No one deserves to be cheated on though. Your ex sounds especially cruel and self-absorbed.) I am curious though...

 

1. How did you meet your ex-wife (the woman who is subject of this story)?

 

2. How did your ex-wife meet her AP?

 

3. When you found out about her infidelity, what did you do? I do remember she spent a lot of time after trying to win you back but you weren't having any of it.

[Lion Heart]

Gave me an STD, got another woman pregnant while I was pregnant, abused me physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, gaslighted, trickle truthed, lied and lied and lied and lied... convinced other people, including my best friends that it was all my fault and I must be crazy, cheated multiple times but denied all of it. At the same time he'd stalk me, beg me to take him back, cry and cry and cry that he'd quit drinking/drugging, it was always some reason for it.

 

I look back and have no idea why I was with him. So I'm going to stop looking back and focus on moving forward.

 

Ok Raena (lol your name is in my autocorrect) did you marry a guy about hey tall....

 

Snap. Our exWHs Sound so similar. It's incredible.

 

ExWH from here (I blatantly refuse to call him "my" yuck!) Had a vasectomy luckily for the women of the world.

 

But HIS OWs were mostly 10, 20 up to 30 years older than him.

 

I've DEFINITELY used HUMOUR to get past things he's done. Turned the whole elaborate performance he carried on with into a CARICATURE.

 

Boy have I had fun with that.

 

With the REALLY old OW who he described as "kinda sexy for her age" to me with a dreamy look in his eyes, I REALLY went to town with that.

 

So WH said "Do this to me..." ??? To OOW lol.

then she said "Hold on deary, if you can hold my false teeth, I'll get my walking frame and hobble over".

 

WAS IT FALSE TEETH YOU needed me to have? Wtf.

 

What a joke. They are truly all clowns.

 

We left that circus thankfully!

 

That's why chumplady is such good value. I would READ to him from her site.

 

He got more and more nervous after D Day with the amounts of stuff I read online. He could FEEL his time running out before I found a way to discover the rest of his sh**.

 

After 5-6 months on LS and following links from here he FORBADE me to go on here ever ever again.

 

So I stopped.

 

3 months in a numb cocoon. But I did invoke the KNOWLEDGE I got from here.

 

He could've very easily pulled the wool over my eyes if it hadn't have been for LS.

 

Knowledge IS power.

 

I know DOT is in a quagmire atm. It will only last ......

There DOES come a day when you pass the point of NO RETURN.

 

I only hope for DOT that she realizes this before the best years of her life have gone up in clouds. My gf of decades is ina similar relationship to DOT. Not a good ending for her now it seems.

 

There are so many MAGNIFICENT men around. Faithful even! Lol. It seems a real pity to me that they should be searching for a partner to share their lives with, when good women are stuck in crappy relationships.

 

ExWH tried SO HARD to belittle me during the awful "reconciliation" saying "Look at you, you're PATHETIC, who would want YOU, a disgusting single mother with three children?" Well not their father OBVIOUSLY. Lol.

 

My old school friend who was so kind and supportive of me and my want for reconciliation actually proposed this year. No. There was no relationship there. He had known me since we were 8 or 9yo. He even offered to fly out to America with me to meet my bf and do a security check lol.

 

Ultimately it had NOTHING to do with whether I'd find someone else. It was about GETTING WH OUT OF MY LIFE. Whatever happened AFTER that was gonna be FINE. As long as ExWH stayed well away from me.

 

DOT you already stand on your own 2 feet. Disentangling yourself from WH will bring immense FREEDOM and calm. Happiness in moments, then you'll realize you have arrived

And we'll ALL be cheering for you. ?

 

Take care

 

Lion Heart

[2.50 a gallon]

Married ExW right after she graduated from college, she then took a job out of state, almost from day one I had problem with almost all of her male co-workers. We fought, then six months later I caught her kissing a guard where she worked. I made a big scene, called her all kinds of evil things and told her it was unsafe to come home, in front of her several of her co-workers. That made her mad

That weekend, the neighbor, we shared a bedroom wall at the apartment complex invited her and the OM and her male co-workers over for a victory party. I took off and walked to and closed out a nearby club. When I got home the party was still going on, and somebody put on the theme from the stripper, had to listen to them shout and scream while she stripped for the bunch of them

[Arieswoman]

2.50,

 

That weekend, the neighbor, we shared a bedroom wall at the apartment complex invited her and the OM and her male co-workers over for a victory party. I took off and walked to and closed out a nearby club. When I got home the party was still going on, and somebody put on the theme from the stripper, had to listen to them shout and scream while she stripped for the bunch of them

That was just plain nasty, disrespectful and insulting to you and your marriage.

 

I hope you kicked her @r$e into touch as soon as you could.

 

I'm sorry x

Edited September 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[2.50 a gallon]

When I first joined LS I read some of the old threads. One poor shmuck while taking a walk with his wife while on vacation, noticed rock or something fall off a building. When he pushed her to safety he was hit by the rock and went into a coma. He came to several years later, and when asking about his wife, no one would say a word. He eventually found out that at that moment she was on a cruise ship with the OM in the Mediterranean and was pregnant by him

[Arieswoman]

When I first joined LS I read some of the old threads. One poor shmuck while taking a walk with his wife while on vacation, noticed rock or something fall off a building. When he pushed her to safety he was hit by the rock and went into a coma. He came to several years later, and when asking about his wife, no one would say a word. He eventually found out that at that moment she was on a cruise ship with the OM in the Mediterranean and was pregnant by him

 

Pregnant by the OM I presume ?

 

[2.50 a gallon]

AW

 

 

I kicked her out the day I caught her. Understand part of her reaction was because I had humiliated her in front of all of her co-workers. She was super angry

That was over 35 years ago, I moved on in life, and had a great single time.

Twenty plus years ago, I got a date with a long legged gal totally out of my league in the looks department and we have been together ever since.

 

 

As for the guy in the coma, if you want to read his story search "selfless love" 7/10/06, name guest

 

ETA by moderation:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/93847-selfless-love-just-illusion

Edited September 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Stout]

New here..not sure if I'm doing this the right way.....but anyways...

 

Mine happened 19 years ago - and it hunts me to this day...

My wife and I was having a BBQ here at our place with our neighbours (husband and wife). We were having a good time and a few drinks, dinner ect...

At about 11pm my wife asked the neighbours wife if she wants to go to a nightclub.....me being tired (worked during the day) and the neighbouring hubby too drunk,so we did not want to go along.

 

Well , long story short...off the two of them went. They arrived at the club, met two guys, had a drink or two and decided to move over to another club. Once outside - they decided that my wife will travel with one of the two men in his car and the neighbours wife will drive hers - (wifeys) car with the other guy. The travelling was about 3 miles to the other place.

As they arrived at the place - they found two parkings (one behind the other) open in the street right in front of the place. For some reason, they did not get out of the cars and my wife found herself sucking off this guy right there in the street in full view of anybody passing. She came to her senses when the neighbours wife (which was getting uncomfortable in the other car ), decided to come look why my wife was not getting out of the car to enter the club.So, she came knocking on the window, asking wtf was going on.

The two of them drove home - wifey kissed me goodnight and got into bed with me.Not saying anything about the incident.

 

Was only the next morning, the neighbours wife came over - highly upset as she felt she was insulted with everything that happened and thought she was pressured into doing the same. Opened the can of worms right there in front of me and wifey.Wifey could offer no explination as to her actions.

 

To say the least - this floored me, still haunts me to this day. We are still together - happier than ever before, but let me tell you - I could have lived without that knowledge. It was just 'too easy' for my comfort. Total stranger, within a couple of hours leaving my presence...jumping back in bed with me..telling me she loves me...

So, please people - think before you do silly things.It hurts.

 

Can someone explain to me the word 'gaslighted'...sorry, English is not my first language.

[GorillaTheater]

Can someone explain to me the word 'gaslighted'...sorry, English is not my first language.

 

 

This article explains it pretty well. It's written from the standpoint that it's the man doing the gaslighting, but the genders are easily reversible.

 

 

9 red flags your partner is totally guilty of gaslighting you

 

 

And I'm sorry Stout. You've got a situation that was never effectively dealt with at the time, and you're living proof that some things just can't be left in the past when that happens.

[Stout]

Thank you, bud. For taking the time to help, and your comment. Appreciated.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, fck.

 

My husband just admitted to me today that he fcked a prostitute 8 years ago when I was pregnant with our daughter. He's trying to disclose everything and "make a fresh start."

 

He didn't test for STDs either. I am lucky the hospital does as a standard.

 

What a piece of sht.

 

Typical wayward piece of sht.

 

Lied to me about it for 8 years. Turns out that's the reason he avoided a polygraph for so long.

 

I am beyond stupid. Like the world's BIGGEST IDIOT.

 

He's treated me like such sht. And a big part of the reason I stayed was because I was worried I didn't have proper BIBLICAL grounds to divorce no matter how bad it was.

 

Now I do.

 

I still feel like such a fcking idiot.

 

It's probably not even half of the truth knowing these wayward fckers. Such a piece of sht. And here I am married a decade to the piece of sht. So it's obvious who the bigger idiot / joke is.

 

All the years I spent trying to save the marriage. Running around like a dog trying to please him. Thinking we were EVER special

 

What a fcking joke.

[BluesPower]

You should not feel stupid at all. We do what we think is right at the time we do it. I struggled with that and the resentment that it creates for a long time. I still do.

 

 

We do what we do for the right reasons when we do it. Hindsight is always 20/20...

[aileD]

My Hs first OW....forgot about this....she moved herself into my town less than 5 mins walking distance to my house.

 

H says she found the apartment and asked him if she should get it...he said he didn't think it wa a good idea but it's her life. Of course she did.

 

He went on a couple "jogs" to her house but it ended very soon after that and she moved away and got pregnant by someone else then died of a drug overdose when the kid was 3.

 

Not really something he "did" 59 me but I was pissed he let her move here without more of a fight (we were in a false R at the time) I still have to drive by that ducking house every day