The Worst Things Your Cheating Spouse Ever Did To You

[Cloudcuckoo]

Steen I guess to answer your question, the greedy selfish nasty type. The crazy thing is I have become the guy she has always been looking for. My lifestyle is the lifestyle she has always wanted. I will never intentionally let her know about my success's, she will eventually find out. I didn't do it for her I did it for me and my children. The thing about success is you don't get to keep it unless you help others be part of it, my friends are all sharing it with me.

 

Bravo alive! That's the sort of story that lifts the spirits.

 

Overcoming adversity in the most gloriously positive way....

[road]

Affair was end of 1999 going into 2000

Confessed in March 2008

 

She confessed because of life circumstances made her feel like a fraud. The burden was too heavy. She wanted to live an authentic life.

 

She knows that I post on her but she doesn't approve. She'd rather let sleeping dogs lie. I don't get on here that often. I'll follow some of the more interesting threads.

 

 

My wife doesn't like me on these forums either. I think because not only does it keep me thinking about the past. Her seeing me here keeps her from pretending the past never happened.

 

 

Though I think another important reason is that it has given me too much of an education of what really happened as to what she really did. Which worked against her goal to keep me believing her minimized version of the events.

[merrmeade]

My wife doesn't like me on these forums either. I think because not only does it keep me thinking about the past. Her seeing me here keeps her from pretending the past never happened.

 

 

Though I think another important reason is that it has given me too much of an education of what really happened as to what she really did. Which worked against her goal to keep me believing her minimized version of the events.

Like and Ditto Ditto Ditto Ditto.

[Wade Lamare]

I went to confront suspected OM and was told (not by him luckily as I suspect I'd still be in jail now, it was one of his cronies) "Well your missus tells us you're a 3 minute wonder in bed."

 

Worst thing was, at that time, it was true.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I'd say the worst thing she did was she arranged a fantastic ski vacation for me as a birthday present. Set it all up so I'd be whisked away to Colorado, on this amazing heli-ski package with my best friend. She presented me with this amazing gift in front of all of our friends, and got all kinds of kudos at my party, and on Facebook. I was so happy and proud, and excited about the trip.

 

And then I found the email to OM. " All set, he will be gone thru next Tuesday."

[aliveagain]

I'd say the worst thing she did was she arranged a fantastic ski vacation for me as a birthday present. Set it all up so I'd be whisked away to Colorado, on this amazing heli-ski package with my best friend. She presented me with this amazing gift in front of all of our friends, and got all kinds of kudos at my party, and on Facebook. I was so happy and proud, and excited about the trip.

 

And then I found the email to OM. " All set, he will be gone thru next Tuesday."

 

A true keeper. How can you forgive the actions of a Marcus Junius "Brutus" when you see it in black and white? The fact that she spent that much of your money just to get you out of the way. The high she got from the kudos must of made her real horny for the other man, yup a keeper. They planned it together and against you.

[BluesPower]

Wow, that one is really kind of sick. Screwing around is bad enough but that kind of thing is just unreal.

 

Curious, what did she say when you confronted her with that one?

 

Peace...

[ladydesigner]

My wife doesn't like me on these forums either. I think because not only does it keep me thinking about the past. Her seeing me here keeps her from pretending the past never happened.

 

 

Though I think another important reason is that it has given me too much of an education of what really happened as to what she really did. Which worked against her goal to keep me believing her minimized version of the events.

 

Yep this it makes me laugh when he still thinks he might be able to pull some manipulation tactic on me (not even A related) and I shut it down because I can see it coming a mile away now he gets frustrated.

 

I think eventually he will probably find someone else he can manipulate, but it won't ever be me again.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Wow, that one is really kind of sick. Screwing around is bad enough but that kind of thing is just unreal.

 

Curious, what did she say when you confronted her with that one?

 

Peace...

 

In the moment, she didn't say anything. And if she did I didn't hear it. I was too busy punching holes in the drywall.

 

But by my next birthday, when I told her what a trigger it was, we talked about it, and she had a very difficult time with it. She never felt so low in her life.

 

The way she explained it was that the gift for me really was a gift, even though she knew she'd probably take advantage of the time away. It was thoughtful, and well executed, and she really did hope I'd have a good time. Almost as if it was separate from what would take place during my absence.

 

She also explained that the deviousness of her email to him was partly an act designed to maintain his interest. I believe this, because I also read several other emails she wrote that are WAY out of character for her. You could tell it was an act. This was later confirmed when OM complained that my wife had been " all talk " on a number of occasions.

 

Basically she was playing two very different roles with two people, and trying her damnedest to maintain high levels of affection and attention from both by over promising, and ultimately under-delivering.

 

I don't really think what she did is any more devious or deceitful than anything any other cheating spouse does. In fact, she had total freedom, and endless opportunity to be with him. She didn't need to send me away to do that. For the record, D-Day was two days before my birthday, and the morning after she gave me the gift. So I didn't go on the trip, and she never saw him again.

[TrustedthenBusted]

A true keeper. How can you forgive the actions of a Marcus Junius "Brutus" when you see it in black and white? The fact that she spent that much of your money just to get you out of the way. The high she got from the kudos must of made her real horny for the other man, yup a keeper. They planned it together and against you.

 

 

Is it really any worse than any other story on here?

 

She cheated on me on valentine's day too, and someone on here once said how incredibly low that was. Really? To me, a day a spouse cheats is a ZERO OUT OF 100 Day for the BS. No matter what, you can't get any lower than zero.

 

The rest is just drama. I could spend the rest of my life triggering about valentine's day I suppose, but to what end? It's just drama that doesn't matter.

 

If I was cheating on my wife, I'd take advantage of any time she was away too. And if she wasn't away enough, I'd probably encourage it, by either sending her away, or making up an excuse not to join her on a trip. Only difference is one is cheaper.

[ShatteredLady]

TrustedThenBusted I have to agree with you about all the 'Special Days'. My WH managed to create massive triggers for our birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (that was a REALLY bad one!), Fathers Day & Mothers Day...that will always be the worst one!! He degraded me as a Mum!

 

I have to fight to let them all go or I'd never enjoy a special occasion again in my life!

[road]

I went to confront suspected OM and was told (not by him luckily as I suspect I'd still be in jail now, it was one of his cronies) "Well your missus tells us you're a 3 minute wonder in bed."

 

Worst thing was, at that time, it was true.

 

Bad enough to cheat but to tell others that, sad. Did you divorce or recover from the affair?

[MJJean]

She cheated on me on valentine's day too

 

My friend, M, married a woman named A. On Valentines Day, A took M out to a nice restaurant for a romantic dinner, halfway through she confessed she had been cheating on him with multiple OM for months, that she'd become pregnant, had no idea who the baby daddy was, so she had gotten an abortion paid for out of the joint bank account and then she presented him with divorce papers.

 

A few weeks later, A and M's best friend went public. He was one of the OM. They got married. And then she got a D-day when she found out her new husband was a serial cheater.

[Wade Lamare]

Bad enough to cheat but to tell others that, sad. Did you divorce or recover from the affair?

 

Yes, fully reconciled. Denied an affair and still denies the last time we discussed it. Did agree that it was wrong to associate with these people but claimed boredom as I was always working.

 

When I told her about this initially she said that he had no right to tell me that. But also later claimed that she never said that and he'd made it up. I'd have probably laughed it off if it had been untrue, but I was a three minute wonder. Actually the guy probably did me a favour as I slunk off humiliated with my tail between my legs instead of lumping OM.

 

All the usual signs were there, ILYBNILWY etc. This was absolutely years ago, well before mobile phones, easily available internet etc.

[Wade Lamare]

My friend, M, married a woman named A. On Valentines Day, A took M out to a nice restaurant for a romantic dinner, halfway through she confessed she had been cheating on him with multiple OM for months, that she'd become pregnant, had no idea who the baby daddy was, so she had gotten an abortion paid for out of the joint bank account and then she presented him with divorce papers.

 

A few weeks later, A and M's best friend went public. He was one of the OM. They got married. And then she got a D-day when she found out her new husband was a serial cheater.

 

Ick!

 

How's that for a trigger? Even years later if your current wife says "Lets go out for a romantic meal at a restaurant" it would be very difficult not to have a momentary panic.

 

What an absolute cow to do that. Wouldn't normally wish a D Day on anyone but I hope she went through hell.

[BluesPower]

Guys I am one of those guys that stayed for now, I am a glutton for punishment and not really very bright.

 

But how is the name of god did you two guys stay with your wives after that. I mean I could not have done it at all.

 

And Wade, she never admitted the affair, how do you live with that.

 

You two are far, far better men than I could ever be...

[aliveagain]

So talk about strange experiences. Just a few hours ago one of my favorite female friends emailed me after not hearing anything from her in 6 years or more about a promise we made each other years ago. We promised each other if we hadn't found love by this time in our lives we would marry each other. How weird is that, we are both single and she just texted me about our promise. I gave her my word that I would never lie to her.,

[Wade Lamare]

Guys I am one of those guys that stayed for now, I am a glutton for punishment and not really very bright.

 

But how is the name of god did you two guys stay with your wives after that. I mean I could not have done it at all.

 

And Wade, she never admitted the affair, how do you live with that.

 

You two are far, far better men than I could ever be...

 

Well I never had any proof. Modern technology, mobile phones, computers etc. may be a curse because they facilitate affairs but they can make them easier to spot.

 

Yes, she's going to deny if she had an affair but she's also going to deny if she didn't.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, just tonight after a year of sobriety, in which we had our five month son........

 

He didn't come home and won't answer his phone.

 

My seven year-old is devastated. She went through this when she was five and just bawled saying "Did Daddy go and get drunk again and now you are going to break up and never get back together forever?"

 

It put her through so much when he took off when she was five and he worked very hard to regain her trust and rebuild the bond after: he really screwed this up.

 

This, of course, after telling me three days ago that he wants our marriage to be sexless because even though he stopped porn a year ago, he hasn't regained his attraction to me, wasn't hopeful that he ever would but still wanted to be married and a family. I bawled my eyes out for two days. He told me that he couldn't handle it.

 

You know what's screwed?

 

I honestly think this kicked off because we are financially tight this month and I asked him to work extra. He hates being leaned on that much. Then his car, that he loves broke down in another city and had to be towed back here. I think he couldn't cope with either and any expectation placed on him just broke him.

 

He can't cope. And my kids and I just have gone through too much suckiness over it. I've already started to move forward from it (because I've gone through this so many times before) and it's only 2:00am.

 

I am just waiting for the pit in my stomach to dissolve and hopefully I'll stop waiting for him to come through the door.

 

Sometimes that takes weeks or months. It's really mean. Time goes slower. I don't want to do this anymore.

[BluesPower]

I have been there before, she has taken off stoned (not from pot) out of her mind and I would wait up for her praying that she did not get killed driving.

 

Eventually, I would disable all the cars so I did not have to worry about her taking off and killing herself. It was pure hell.

 

I just feel so bad for you and your situation. Have you decided what you are going to do?

[Miss Clavel]

Well, just tonight after a year of sobriety, in which we had our five month son........

 

He didn't come home and won't answer his phone.

 

My seven year-old is devastated. She went through this when she was five and just bawled saying "Did Daddy go and get drunk again and now you are going to break up and never get back together forever?"

 

It put her through so much when he took off when she was five and he worked very hard to regain her trust and rebuild the bond after: he really screwed this up.

 

This, of course, after telling me three days ago that he wants our marriage to be sexless because even though he stopped porn a year ago, he hasn't regained his attraction to me, wasn't hopeful that he ever would but still wanted to be married and a family. I bawled my eyes out for two days. He told me that he couldn't handle it.

 

You know what's screwed?

 

I honestly think this kicked off because we are financially tight this month and I asked him to work extra. He hates being leaned on that much. Then his car, that he loves broke down in another city and had to be towed back here. I think he couldn't cope with either and any expectation placed on him just broke him.

 

He can't cope. And my kids and I just have gone through too much suckiness over it. I've already started to move forward from it (because I've gone through this so many times before) and it's only 2:00am.

 

I am just waiting for the pit in my stomach to dissolve and hopefully I'll stop waiting for him to come through the door.

 

Sometimes that takes weeks or months. It's really mean. Time goes slower. I don't want to do this anymore.

 

i wish to god that my wasband wasn't attracted to me while he was cheating. the truth is he was with me and her, for over a year.

 

i met him in AA. he did not achieve continued uninterrupted sobriety for another 6 years. drunk on the floor the night before our daughter turned one. never came home after getting his first year chip, went to celebrate at the bar after the meeting. i took our infant up to the bar and handed her to him, while he sat there on the bar stool drinking. i remember how the barmaid looked, as tired of him as i was.

 

he was taken to detox at the county facility probably 3-4 times (in front of my sister and the neighbors) over those first 6 years.

 

which meant he couldn't work and he wasn't allowed to speak to anyone. i resented those vacations to no end. sitting around taking drugs, food and vitamins, sleeping reading and attending meetings all day, while i....

 

the alcoholic is powerless over alcohol and we are powerless over the alcoholic. and i doubt he needs a reason like working more or needing his car to be repaired to drink. he's a drunk, they drink. the only thing that we can do is to "think it thru" before we start up. we have to use the tools we learn at the meetings to keep away from the first drink.

 

i don't trust anyone's sobriety that hasn't maintained it for a minimum of five years. and i was told over and over not to make any major changes during my first year. which was almost 30 years ago. he's been sober 24 years, or so. i've lost track because i haven't seen him in years, don't plan on seeing him until the orphans graduate or one of them gets married.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i think you're going to have to change the locks.

 

can you explain to your child that daddy's got a disease?

[Cloudcuckoo]

Well, just tonight after a year of sobriety, in which we had our five month son........

 

He didn't come home and won't answer his phone.

 

My seven year-old is devastated. She went through this when she was five and just bawled saying "Did Daddy go and get drunk again and now you are going to break up and never get back together forever?"

 

It put her through so much when he took off when she was five and he worked very hard to regain her trust and rebuild the bond after: he really screwed this up.

 

This, of course, after telling me three days ago that he wants our marriage to be sexless because even though he stopped porn a year ago, he hasn't regained his attraction to me, wasn't hopeful that he ever would but still wanted to be married and a family. I bawled my eyes out for two days. He told me that he couldn't handle it.

 

You know what's screwed?

 

I honestly think this kicked off because we are financially tight this month and I asked him to work extra. He hates being leaned on that much. Then his car, that he loves broke down in another city and had to be towed back here. I think he couldn't cope with either and any expectation placed on him just broke him.

 

He can't cope. And my kids and I just have gone through too much suckiness over it. I've already started to move forward from it (because I've gone through this so many times before) and it's only 2:00am.

 

I am just waiting for the pit in my stomach to dissolve and hopefully I'll stop waiting for him to come through the door.

 

Sometimes that takes weeks or months. It's really mean. Time goes slower. I don't want to do this anymore.

 

 

Oh my heavens DOT, I'm so sorry lovely girl. Your gut must be churning

 

.((((DOT)))))

[aliveagain]

Dreaming I am so sorry your going though this again, no one needs this much drama in their life. Have you family or friends you can call on for support?

[ShatteredLady]

Oh DOT I'm so very sorry for you & your babies. I can't imagine! Just awful!

 

My H says that he has "toxic gob syndrome" (gob = mouth in England) that's his excuse for saying the most appalling things sometimes. He's being "too honest!". Bollocks!! Half the stuff he says is crap & I should instinctively know he doesn't really mean it & the other half are his true feelings BUT which is which?

 

How can the love of your life say that he's not attracted or doesn't feel anything & expect everything to just carry-on as if it were never said?

 

What a bloody life!!

 

I'm sorry DOTTY. It beyond sucks!!

 

Cuddle & reassure your babies.

 

My very little family can survive all of it. My babies are my everything. My H planned on leaving ALL of us & falling off the grid! Leaving US destitute.

 

How do you reconcile being a pooped-on wife watching her dream flush down the bowl & being a protective Mummy bear? So bloody hard!

 

I hope he's home (soon after your post) & he's groveling to you. Not that it fixes much but anything beats the silence & waiting. Angry hurts less than terminal sadness.

 

(((((Hugs strong DOT)))))

[Mrs. John Adams]

DOT...All I can say is hugs hon....If i could fix it for you I would. Bless your heart.