Mr. Lucky Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 But some days I'm just really, really tired of there being no justice in this. These is justice, you just have to be the one to find it. Old but true saying - living well is the best revenge... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 I struggled with this - the ex presenting herself as if everything is wonderful. She has her wonderful new job, our kids are totally well adjusted, and all is right with the world. She went so far as to chastise me for any of my activity on social media that might reveal any of the actual truth. There was long stretch where I wanted to chime in on every Facebook post that she made, to sprinkle in some "reality". Somehow I resisted the impulse each time. Looking back now, I realize, what would be the point? She can *say* she is happy, and she can *post* happy pictures to Facebook, but none of that really matters. None of that has anything to do with whether she is actually happy, and certainly has no bearing on whether I should be happy. Or, so I keep telling myself, and it is helping. What is also helping is a visit with some friends and family that I had this weekend. I took my girls to a birthday party. When the kids were outside playing, one of the mom's asked how I was doing? Had I moved to an apartment? I said, no, their mom moved out. The house is mine, and for the moment, I am staying. No sooner had the words left my mouth, a collective cheer erupted from the group. They went on to elaborate, and essentially all of them agreed that what my ex had done was bad enough, but if she had made a play for my house as well, that would have been beyond the pale. It was gratifying to hear that, despite her rosy Facebook posts, the people who know us were able to discern the real scoop. I imagine the same is true for you, even if it doesn't feel that way. Consider that a little victory. BTW, love your screenname from The Lorax. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Just a small update... I handed her the separation agreement in August. It's the end of October with no reply/rebuttle of any kind. The in-person exchanges of our son, I don't say a single word to her. Text messages are few and far between, only about son or money. No phone calls. I've been trying to get back out there, date, whatever. Hasn't been going so well. Common thing people have said is that I'm "off the board for consideration because you're a separated single dad". The latest lie I've heard going around is that she's trying to say now that I was "borderline abusive". She's basically taken all of her father-issues and thrown them on me. I was never physically abusive, I never yelled (except once, both drunk, found out about her talking to guys and we both got overly emotional in the conversation), only raised voices from both parties in heated arguments. Never threw things, never hit things. I always praised her. But if I was unhappy for one reason or another, that was immediately looked at as emotional abuse because of what she went through with her father. I try to detach myself from anything related to her. And most days I fair alright. But some days I'm just really, really tired of there being no justice in this. Ask her why it's not signed and returned yet? Tell her to hurry up because you plan to get this over with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Ask her why it's not signed and returned yet? Tell her to hurry up because you plan to get this over with. I'm going to. Part of me obviously still doesn't want to push. But the other part of me is slowly realizing more everyday that she was/is basically a sociopath. No empathy, no responsibility for actions, always has to have everyone like her and think her life is perfect, pushes blame onto others, etc. I'm still deeply hurt by all this. But at least now I don't live day-to-day in massive anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
l8estnews Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm going to. Part of me obviously still doesn't want to push. But the other part of me is slowly realizing more everyday that she was/is basically a sociopath. No empathy, no responsibility for actions, always has to have everyone like her and think her life is perfect, pushes blame onto others, etc. I'm still deeply hurt by all this. But at least now I don't live day-to-day in massive anxiety. I think of your situation from time to time. I hope you will gain back that positive outlook in life. You WILL get through this, and will come to a point where you'll be glad you ditched her. Hang in there. The surprise in your life is yet to come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 I think of your situation from time to time. I hope you will gain back that positive outlook in life. You WILL get through this, and will come to a point where you'll be glad you ditched her. Hang in there. The surprise in your life is yet to come. Thank you. I hope you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 You like most are still somewhat in denial of who she really is. Unfortunately that just keeps you in limbo longer hoping the woman you thought she was will come back. That woman never existed except in your mind. Not uncommon but for you to have a life/future you most accept reality. There is no other way for you to get where you need to be. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm going to. Part of me obviously still doesn't want to push. But the other part of me is slowly realizing more everyday that she was/is basically a sociopath. No empathy, no responsibility for actions, always has to have everyone like her and think her life is perfect, pushes blame onto others, etc. I'm still deeply hurt by all this. But at least now I don't live day-to-day in massive anxiety. I'd want to get it finished and over with as soon as possible. Then you can start living again. Sociopaths don't consider how anyone else feels! Life gets better when you cut this kind of person out of your life asap. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 There is a good lesson to learn for you in this. When people treat you bad you don't have to take it. If you do they usually take it as a sign to treat you worse. You are woth more than she'll ever be. Don't forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm going to. Part of me obviously still doesn't want to push. But the other part of me is slowly realizing more everyday that she was/is basically a sociopath. No empathy, no responsibility for actions, always has to have everyone like her and think her life is perfect, pushes blame onto others, etc. Why not? Don't you want to get on with your life? Doesn't it feel like you are living in hell right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Why not? Don't you want to get on with your life? Doesn't it feel like you are living in hell right now? It does, always. But there is a part of me that is always going to love her no matter what she has done or will do. My burden to bear I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 It does, always. But there is a part of me that is always going to love her no matter what she has done or will do. My burden to bear I suppose. I hope you'll consider getting professional help to understand that you should require others to be decent and kind to you. To find a boundary and stick to that. To understand to your core that you deserve better than her - or anyone treating less than awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 I hope you'll consider getting professional help to understand that you should require others to be decent and kind to you. To find a boundary and stick to that. To understand to your core that you deserve better than her - or anyone treating less than awesome. I've met with more than my fair share of counselors, psychiatrists/psychologists, etc. They never really seemed to help, especially not with helping me feel like I should require decency. It's not like I'm bending over backwards or anything like that. And I'm not just sitting around wondering what I did wrong and pining away for her. But the simple fact is that she was/is my wife, the mother of my child, and for better or worse I'm always going to love her regardless of where our paths lead us. I am a man of my word/vows and that won't change. But that being said, I understand who she is/what she's done/what she's doing and am not letting her walk all over me, nor am I just going to forgive or forget. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 It's not like I'm bending over backwards or anything like that. And I'm not just sitting around wondering what I did wrong and pining away for her. But the simple fact is that she was/is my wife, the mother of my child, and for better or worse I'm always going to love her regardless of where our paths lead us. I am a man of my word/vows and that won't change. But that being said, I understand who she is/what she's done/what she's doing and am not letting her walk all over me, nor am I just going to forgive or forget. I understand. I will always love my ex husband also but am no longer in love with him as I am in love with my present husband. All that being said. What does that have to do with her signing the papers? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 I understand. I will always love my ex husband also but am no longer in love with him as I am in love with my present husband. All that being said. What does that have to do with her signing the papers? Just that I haven't pushed, and I should have/should be. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 Hi legacy, so why have'nt you? Why are you languishing in the doldrums of past memories which you now know were based on a falsehood? Why are you not moving forward confidently and in full control of your situation? Everything is up to you now. The time for sentimentality is over. Out have discovered that your wife is a traitor to you and to your marriage. She is the proverbial Brute who had not hesitated to stab you in the back when by rights she should have been protecting you from others. What more do you want from her or expect her to deliver? She is a snake in the grass who you have to crush beneath your feet. She is no longer even a shadow of the woman you thought she was. You have to discard every memory of her if you wish to free yourself and move forward. By delaying doing so you are only punishing yourself. So gird up your loins and grit your teeth and do that which you have been hesitating to do. She does not deserve even an iota of your time and mind space. Be kind to yoyrself. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Time to show some strength and dignity by taking FULL charge of your life! Get her to sign now! There's not one reason to wait one more day allowing her to manipulate this even further. Yes, YOU are allowing it by being passive. Life begins again when you finish what needs to be finished. Show her that YOU are taking YOUR power back - get it done and signed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 I just found out in the most screwed up way that the OM is actually living with her and my son. And then she has the audacity to text me while I'm working about giving her a "dirty look" when I found out. I am beyond livid right now. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Sorry about that! Hopefully you can get her to sign the papers now. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I just found out in the most screwed up way that the OM is actually living with her and my son. And then she has the audacity to text me while I'm working about giving her a "dirty look" when I found out. I am beyond livid right now. What do you plan to do about it - to change things for yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 My text back to her was basically that the way I found out this morning was pretty screwed up so she has no right texting me about courtesy. And I told her that I've waited long enough for a reply on the separation agreement. And that the other things like car loan/insurance also need to be taken care of immediately. I stood my ground today. Didn't apologize for anything. I'm done being a doormat. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Hi legacy, good for you. You have finally discovered for yourself what I said in my last post and what others have also been telling you. You need to deal with your wife mercilessly and treat her with scant respect. Start taking complete control back from her and let her realize that you have moved on fully and give two hoots about her and her affairs. Your only concern should be about your son. Start separating from her in every way. File for divorce if necessary. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 You have grounds for adultery now. Use it. Knock her off her pedestal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Do not worry about what anyone else thinks. You've been played long enough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Klegacy, One thing you should have learned is many people will treat you like you let them. Your wife is a cake eater. She's entitled to do what she pleases and expects you to accept it with no consequences. You can never nice them back. It just makes you look weak and passive. If your so called friends think her actions are OK then they aren't much to you anyway. You don't need them. Cut them out. There are better out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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