stillafool Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 One of the things that scares me is that when I am rude or blunt, she tells me that I should be treating her with some form of human decency for the sake of our son. Which sounds like something she could use against me in court or custody if I didn't/don't. Talk to your attorney if you have concerns but stop bending over backwards to please this cheater. What do you say to her when she is rude and blunt with you? It seems you are trying to be nice to get her back and that is never going to work. She views you as weak because you refuse to stand up to her. I can guarantee your best friend doesn't take her s---t! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted September 27, 2016 Author Share Posted September 27, 2016 I can guarantee your best friend doesn't take her s---t! He's actually a really meek person. Soft spoken, non-confrontational, laid back, etc. So who knows how that even goes. She hasn't been sending texts while I'm working the past few days so I think she finally is respecting my request. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted September 27, 2016 Author Share Posted September 27, 2016 Rude? Really? She moved in with and is screwing your friend, Took your kid away and totally disrespected you. You are afraid of her? Why? Feel I need to correct this - As far as I know, they're not living together. And she threatened to take full custody, but hasn't. I think due to the fact that she loves having her freedom to party and be with the guy. I have my son 8/14 days/nights. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CHAZ87 Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Ok, klegacy. I have read your tale from start to finish. Very similar circumstances that I trudged through 11 years ago. I am still with my wife, but in hindsight, I wish marc878 was around then. You have been given SOUND advice here. Yes you still love her, as I did 11 years ago. I wasn't strong enough to do what should have been done then. Save yourself some pain, brother, and listen to the advice that has been given. Be strong, don't put up with her demanding s@$t. She DOESN'T deserve to request any preferential treatment from you. She fuc$#d around on you for crying out loud. Some here have suggested a gym, do it. Go to counseling for yourself if you can afford it. Get your name, financially, off everything with. Read my posts if you want to read how NOT to react to a cheating b#$@h! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted September 28, 2016 Author Share Posted September 28, 2016 You're still with your wife? Did she leave and come back? I agree, sound advice from all. I am doing what I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Ok, klegacy. I have read your tale from start to finish. Very similar circumstances that I trudged through 11 years ago. I am still with my wife, but in hindsight, I wish marc878 was around then. You have been given SOUND advice here. Yes you still love her, as I did 11 years ago. I wasn't strong enough to do what should have been done then. Save yourself some pain, brother, and listen to the advice that has been given. Be strong, don't put up with her demanding s@$t. She DOESN'T deserve to request any preferential treatment from you. She fuc$#d around on you for crying out loud. Some here have suggested a gym, do it. Go to counseling for yourself if you can afford it. Get your name, financially, off everything with. Read my posts if you want to read how NOT to react to a cheating b#$@h! This is why you take time to think long term. Infidelity never goes away. Up front most just want them back but what do you get? Used, damaged goods. Not everyone can live with that long term and end up with buyers remourse. Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" and look up codependency. Unless you want to live a substandard life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 How's it going? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Stop being nice to her. One word answers are appropriate when she has a question - yes or no - that's all she should get from you...every single time! Anything else and you are just inviting her to argue and criticize you. Don't give her the opportunity. She is a jerk - and you have a chance to remove a jerk from your daily life - take that opportunity... And protect YOURSELF by not engaging with her at all... Or a a minimum = yes and no are complete answers. If she asks beyond your one word answers you should hang up the phone - she deserves no answers to any questions she may have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 We've had very little conversation. And though she occasionally sends a text while I'm working, I seldom reply until after I'm done. No response yet to the separation agreement I gave her at the beginning of the month. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 What is taking her so long regarding the separation agreement? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 What is taking her so long regarding the separation agreement? Her lawyer apparently takes forever to get back to her or meet with her. She could also be making changes to it, though she said in a text a week or two ago that she agreed with "most" of it. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Her lawyer apparently takes forever to get back to her or meet with her. She could also be making changes to it, though she said in a text a week or two ago that she agreed with "most" of it. Have your lawyer call her lawyer to expedite the agreement. If you're not the client pushing it through faster then it's not their top priority. If they understand you want it done now - they make sure yours gets done now. Don't talk to the wife - have your attorney call her attorney. Even if she calls you you don't need to return her call unless an emergency has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 We've had very little conversation. And though she occasionally sends a text while I'm working, I seldom reply until after I'm done. No response yet to the separation agreement I gave her at the beginning of the month. Good job. Don't answer any phone calls directly only respond if it pertains to your son by text. Any texts not about your son or D ignore. No response needed. You can get through this. Avoid any conversation on pick ups/drop offs unless it's your son or D keep it short and yo the point. Anything else just say "I gotta go" and leave. You owe her nothing least of all any respect. Civli but real short. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 You doing better now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 You doing better now? So-so. There's been little conversation between her and I, only pertaining to our son, which is good I suppose. No news on separation agreement. All I know is that she's apparently still super happy in her perfect little life she's got going right now, and I'm still feeling the after effects of all this. God/Karma/Whatever, doesn't seem to be a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 What's her holdup on the separation? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Maybe you should do some exposure to a limited list of friends family etc. Tell your side of her cheating during the marriage. Might be good for some closure on your part and get her moving. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 What's your attorney advising? Link to post Share on other sites
Wade Lamare Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 So-so. There's been little conversation between her and I, only pertaining to our son, which is good I suppose. No news on separation agreement. All I know is that she's apparently still super happy in her perfect little life she's got going right now, and I'm still feeling the after effects of all this. God/Karma/Whatever, doesn't seem to be a thing. Yep karma doesn't mean a thing. If there was such a thing as karma what do you call it when something bad happens to you? Did you do something that warranted the adverse effect on your life? The only 'karma' is that people that partake in shoddy behaviour usually have shoddy things happen to them. But not always, some peeps lead a charmed life. Don't wait for karma to strike. Do something awesome for yourself. The best revenge is living well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 What's her holdup on the separation? No idea. And haven't spoken to my lawyer in a little while because I've been waiting on the answer to the agreement. My family and a few close friends know more details. But it doesn't make a difference really. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Can you just file and have her served at work? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 How's she responding to your no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted October 19, 2016 Author Share Posted October 19, 2016 Can you just file and have her served at work? For divorce, you mean? I have to wait a year after separation date to file. Unless adultery or abuse can be proved, which it can't. How's she responding to your no contact? She gets impatient if I don't reply to a text right away. Non-urgent texts about our son or any matter, sometimes I won't reply until the following day or two and she gets pretty impatient about it. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Onceler Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 My family and a few close friends know more details. But it doesn't make a difference really. I struggled with this - the ex presenting herself as if everything is wonderful. She has her wonderful new job, our kids are totally well adjusted, and all is right with the world. She went so far as to chastise me for any of my activity on social media that might reveal any of the actual truth. There was long stretch where I wanted to chime in on every Facebook post that she made, to sprinkle in some "reality". Somehow I resisted the impulse each time. Looking back now, I realize, what would be the point? She can *say* she is happy, and she can *post* happy pictures to Facebook, but none of that really matters. None of that has anything to do with whether she is actually happy, and certainly has no bearing on whether I should be happy. Or, so I keep telling myself, and it is helping. What is also helping is a visit with some friends and family that I had this weekend. I took my girls to a birthday party. When the kids were outside playing, one of the mom's asked how I was doing? Had I moved to an apartment? I said, no, their mom moved out. The house is mine, and for the moment, I am staying. No sooner had the words left my mouth, a collective cheer erupted from the group. They went on to elaborate, and essentially all of them agreed that what my ex had done was bad enough, but if she had made a play for my house as well, that would have been beyond the pale. It was gratifying to hear that, despite her rosy Facebook posts, the people who know us were able to discern the real scoop. I imagine the same is true for you, even if it doesn't feel that way. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted October 19, 2016 Author Share Posted October 19, 2016 The things that I'm hearing from my friends lately is that "it was wrong what she did" but "she can't help how she feels". And that's coming from the only friends I really have now. No family around. Work is stressful as hell. Medical conditions happening now too that are causing more stress. Some days I just want to sell everything and move to the UK or something. Start a whole new life with a new name and whatnot. Ugh. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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