Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 So let me see if I understand this... You married a man you do NOT love because you had a child together. Even before you married he was never the kind of passionate/aggressive lover you craved. You are one year into your loveless marriage and you're bored silly sexually. You want or will remain married provided he ravages you in the bedroom. Did I get this right? So all you're looking for is how to turn him into a beast in bed so you can get through your marriage for the sake of your child? Yes, that's about it. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 No, I haven't, and he knows that. I think part of the reason he wanted to get married was he hopes I will love him. I have asked for that in those words and more, and he insists that's not who he is. I'm not clear on why on earth you married a man you didn't love in the first place, who you knew was not the type of lover you prefer. I'm not seeing much of a future for this marriage under the circumstances. It might be best for each of you to end it and seek out a partner who's a better fit. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Yes, that's about it. And what if we tell you that you can't change a leopard's spots? Then what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 I'm not clear on why on earth you married a man you didn't love in the first place, who you knew was not the type of lover you prefer. I'm not seeing much of a future for this marriage under the circumstances. It might be best for each of you to end it and seek out a partner who's a better fit. Because I got pregnant with his daughter, and he wants her to a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 And what if we tell you that you can't change a leopard's spots? Then what? Then I am stuck in a marriage with a man I don't love and I have to take care of my own needs. Perhaps that it was pointless to come and seek help, is that what you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 My guess is that he loves you very much, so it is not really a loveless marriage on his part, only on yours. YOU two are however sexually incompatible, if you like/prefer rough sex and he likes/prefers gentle lovemaking. I doubt you can change him, in the same way he cannot change you. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Regarding rough not being "passion" I think passion is one of those things we each have different definitions for. The dictionary says a "strong and barely controllable emotion". So perhaps very intimate gentle love making is "passionate" as the emotion of love is barely controllable. Also, perhaps rough, unbridled sex is "passionate" because the emotion of lust is barely controllable. Both love and lust are verbs in addition to nouns. The OP has made it clear that live isn't part of the picture, I think what she desires is LUST. The thing is, like love, lust really can't be faked. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Because I got pregnant with his daughter, and he wants her to a family. Are there any religious or cultural reasons why divorce isn't an option? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 My guess is that he loves you very much, so it is not really a loveless marriage on his part, only on yours. YOU two are however sexually incompatible, if you like/prefer rough sex and he likes/prefers gentle lovemaking. I doubt you can change him, in the same way he cannot change you. Yes, he does. If I cannot change that, then I suppose this is the answer I get. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 Are there any religious or cultural reasons why divorce isn't an option? Not entirely, just my own mentality. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 IMO, the trick to getting the sexy acts you want is to ask for them at the peak of arousal, when he's dizzy with lust. Do you know how to get him very turned on and then hold him there? That would be the moment to ask him to take you, hard. See if there really isn't a tiger hiding inside Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Then I am stuck in a marriage with a man I don't love and I have to take care of my own needs. Perhaps that it was pointless to come and seek help, is that what you mean? I'm not saying that at all but to think you can come here and find answers to how to change someone else is a mission in futility my friend. The only person you can change or have control over is YOU. That's it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Why do you say you're stuck in the marriage? It's 2016, no one is keeping you there. Also, have you told him that the sex is boring? Does he know you don't love him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TastyTreat Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 I'm not saying that at all but to think you can come here and find answers to how to change someone else is a mission in futility my friend. The only person you can change or have control over is YOU. That's it. Then I suppose that's my answer. Well, I can't say I didn't try. Thanks much all, for the replies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Could this be the Madonna-Whore complex? If so, maybe there is something that can be done to help him understand passionate sex with his wife doesn't make him or her a bad person. Simply talking to him. A book. Counseling. Something. Something that lets him know giving the lady what she wants would be beneficial to him, her and the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 The lack of love for your husband is clear in the way you write. If he never satisfied you in the bedroom, why were you even with him to get pregnant? Your marriage was doomed to fail from day 1. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Then I am stuck in a marriage with a man I don't love and I have to take care of my own needs. Perhaps that it was pointless to come and seek help, is that what you mean? You're asking for the bell to be unrung. Are you surprised that marriage + partner you don't love = unsatisfying sex life :confused: ??? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 This is why so many children come from broken homes. You create a new life with a man you don't love and aren't sexually satisfied with. It's not rocket science to know your marriage won't last. Marriages with two people who love each other fail, talk less of one where there never was love. Perhaps if people asked the question "would I want to be brought into as the child of parents like this" They might take contraception more seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 Well, people marry and stay married "for the kids" all the time and swear by it. You must not be one of these people but he is. You will not be fulfilled and wil probably divorce one day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 He is attractive, and he can turn me on, but no I don't love him. And he doesn't love you. That's why there is no passion. You two need to end it and find people you are compatible with. Don't raise your children in a loveless home. Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 This is ridiculas......your poor child being exposed to such dysfunction. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 IMO, the trick to getting the sexy acts you want is to ask for them at the peak of arousal, when he's dizzy with lust. Do you know how to get him very turned on and then hold him there? That would be the moment to ask him to take you, hard. See if there really isn't a tiger hiding inside This. My husband has persuaded me to try certain sex acts by asking while I'm very aroused. This works very well. OP, I would also encourage you to think about whether or not your issues with your husband stem from the fact that you only married because of your child. It's hard to have a passionate sex life when you only married because of duty and practical reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carnelian Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 Odd that "tasty treat" does not give "her" gender in public profile. This is "her" first post. The original post seems questionable. Does the OP think that she is the tasty treat? Or is that a snack? Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Lady, you are asking for two plus two to be equal to five. Well apparently in the way things have been set up in this Universe, that result is not going to come about. I wonder if the real reason you came here was to hear someone say " Take a lover who will satisfy you sexually the way you want"! To me it seems you are ripe for an affair although I may be wrong. I hope, for your sake I am. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
GreyKitten87 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Hello. I've been married a little over a year, and he and I have a daughter. But I am very unhappy in my marriage. We married for her. He is a very laid back person, and that I can mostly deal with. But in the bedroom it drives me crazy. He is a sweet, gentle lover and I want passion. But he says he cannot bring himself to do that. I handle my own needs often as sex leaves me unsatisfied. He's good with his daughter, he's very attentive to her, but I feel very displeased throughout. You don't love him and got married for the wrong reasons. You basically want us to give you some kind of hope that things will change - they won't. You say you want passion... There's never going to be true passion when you aren't in love. Even if your sex life improves, there will be another issue. There will ALWAYS be another issue because you didn't marry him for love. You already know the answer, now you just have to do what is right for both you and him. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
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