ladydesigner Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 LOL! Or coffee mug. It's just the way it is. I've been on both sides with this guy and every-single-time I respond, I regret it. I used to feel bad not responding - but I've come to realize he knows this about me and is completely manipulating me, using that part of me to basically feed his ego. So now I do not feel bad at all. He just wants cake and honestly, he is 25 pounds overweight, he should eat carrots. But seriously, it was a great email to start the ignoring on my part. I like to think he is on vacation, scratching his head thinking, I just don't get why she didn't respond....I even told her to write me back...scratch scratch... He's where he wants to be and so am I. I can choose too. I can't stop laughing at this Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 I asked will you show these chats to your wife? he said "no, she trusts me, these are my personal things, being married does not mean you give facebook passwords to each other" Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I asked will you show these chats to your wife? he said "no, she trusts me, these are my personal things, being married does not mean you give facebook passwords to each other" Wow what a trusting relationship..! Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 You did the right thing. I think he's just trying to save face. He's embarrassed because in a way, you rejected him. I mean, think about it, he's not going to say, "Ah yes, we have been having an emotional affair! How good of you to end it." So no, his explanations and deflections don't make any sense. They just show you that he's that much more of a jerk than you even thought. If you had allowed this relationship to go any farther, just imagine how spectacularly awful the eventual ending would be. He's not emotionally healthy, he's not honest, he's not trustworthy. That's why he crossed the line with you to begin with. Be glad that you dodged a bullet and use his lame excuses as a reason to avoid him. Because I am a little worried that he could reel you back in if you're not careful. Stay strong! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Because I am a little worried that he could reel you back in if you're not careful. Stay strong! Yeah very much possible. Coz he does have some control over you emotionally. He may reach out to you again with some other story - work problems etc to get you to talk and get your emotional support. Dont fall for it. Also simultaneously start talking more to single friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I asked will you show these chats to your wife? he said "no, she trusts me, these are my personal things, being married does not mean you give facebook passwords to each other" Run like the wind, bullseye!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 so... i told him that i think our "friendship" has crossed some boundaries and that we need to cool off the chatting... he said "I don't have any other motives, you are just a friend, i will never cheat on my wife" I was so embarrassed, i still am.... i felt like i accused a person without proper evidence.... It was his way to cover his ass. bet the house that he was coming on to you for one reason and we know what that was. Then you threw up a road block and he needed to keep his swagger so he said that your only friends. Man I used an excuse like that to cover myself when I was in high school many many years ago. Different situation but with the same meaning. To save face for fear of looking like a fool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 You have done the right thing. I wish I had of done the same thing back when I was in the early stages of an EA with my married co-worker that turned into a PA. He also said to me very early on he would NEVER cheat on his wife! A year and a half later we are in NC and there have been way more lows than highs. You have saved yourself so much hurt, guilt and angst. Stay strong and stick to your guns. You are not in love with this man but an illusion. If he had nothing to hide guaranteed he would give his wife all of his passwords for his phone, Facebook etc. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I asked will you show these chats to your wife? he said "no, she trusts me, these are my personal things, being married does not mean you give facebook passwords to each other" I asked my xMM before he was 'my MM' : "so how does your W feel about you calling me?" because he called me one day and the next day I asked him; I felt very uncomfortable! He said: "oh she doesn't need to know everything. I can have my own friends, I can have my own life too don't I?" So I thought, ok we can be just friends, that should be fine. But one thing led to another. First the first kiss, where he immediately told me: "I love you"!" I didn't say it back because I was shocked by it and thought: he doesn't even know me?! And then a few days later, he tried to get more than just a kiss, pushed me against a door and started to talk about sex. I said: "No, MM, we can't do that!!!!" and he got mad at me and yelled: "you kissed me and now you have to go further than that too! You can't get me all hot and bothered and then not do anything?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " Keep in mind how he lied at first about 'just friends'...... Now it has been 8 1/2 years ago since the A began and it has been the most painful experience of my life. Oh, how I wish that I would have ran the opposite way!!!! Of course your MM was covering his ass when he said he just wanted to be 'friends' with you. Of course he wasn't going to say: "oops sorry, yes I wanted an affair with you but now that you're saying it........... aaargh I was all wrong about wanting that. Please accept my apologies..." Also: I found out recently that my H has been chatting to several women (at least 10) for a couple of years and he kept saying how he loves his W (me) the most , and how much he respects me and all that blah blah blah , but it was all a big cover up because at the same time he was talking about inappropriate things with these women. Run ........... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 "oh she doesn't need to know everything. I can have my own friends, I can have my own life too don't I?" Classic line used by married guys to charm the unsuspecting woman and get her emotionally involved with him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Classic line used by married guys to charm the unsuspecting woman and get her emotionally involved with him. Yes, he truly made it sound like there was no problem with us being friends because she had her own 'friends' too. 'Funny' that I suddenly remembered this this morning, I had not thought about it for a while. I truly thought he wanted us to be FRIENDS. And to make it even 'funnier' (not!) , I also thought that we could still have a friendship after I told him I can't have sex with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 shruti, how's it going today? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 shruti, how's it going today? he did not bring up the topic of showing the chats to the wife, i did not bring it up again too... he sent me a msg while we were working, saying hello. I did not reply it, in the evening we had a workshop. a quick session about soft skills.after that, i had to call him (at the office hours) to prepare the feedback sheet. i was calling everyone and writing down what they said about the session, when i called him, he said"we were talking about xxxxxxxxxxxx (a non work related topic)" and he went on talking about that topic with me for about 10 minutes. I listened, did not say much. 3 people went up to his desk while he was on that call with me, to tell/ask about work related issues or other things and he told all 3 "i ll get back to you after this call" it felt like he did not want to end the call.. i did after a while.. and OMG his voice tone!! he was talking to me in this soft tone, like talking with a wife/girl friend......... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 and OMG his voice tone!! he was talking to me in this soft tone, like talking with a wife/girl friend......... He has upped the game, as you have shown him you are now aware of it. He now needs to show you that you are soooo special to him, he is now in the business of reeling your in... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 and OMG his voice tone!! he was talking to me in this soft tone, like talking with a wife/girl friend......... gross. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Sometimes I hate the word "Friend". People will use that word to lure you in for every kind of crappy relationship which has nothing do to with friendship. This guy reminds me of the married guy I complained about to my seniors. He would call me at all sort of hours to talk about stuff so trivial.... and when I avoided him suddenly all friendship was gone... he became this crazy person always stalking me and trying to know where I am, passing mean comments... He had introduced me to his wife though. I think he stopped his behavior when he became a father last year. But your guy is already a father. I dont know whether he will ever change. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Sometimes I hate the word "Friend". People will use that word to lure you in for every kind of crappy relationship which has nothing do to with friendship. This guy reminds me of the married guy I complained about to my seniors. He would call me at all sort of hours to talk about stuff so trivial.... and when I avoided him suddenly all friendship was gone... he became this crazy person always stalking me and trying to know where I am, passing mean comments... He had introduced me to his wife though. I think he stopped his behavior when he became a father last year. But your guy is already a father. I dont know whether he will ever change. The thing is, when a guy is a friend, I am not posting about him on LS. He dos not occupy my mental space and my husband hears all my stories. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 It seems that he has given up. He does not look at me now, doesn't stare, does not initiate chats. could it be that he has given up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 It seems that he has given up. He does not look at me now, doesn't stare, does not initiate chats. could it be that he has given up? Either that or he's blowing you off to see if you'll come crawling back. In any event, who cares what kind of game he's playing. The important thing is that he's playing games, and this is your real life. You don't need drama with some married dude who leads you on and then pretends to be offended when you call him out on it. You don't need to be his BFF or shoulder to cry on. The best thing you can do is treat him like an acquaintance and avoid all unnecessary contact with him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 It seems that he has given up. He does not look at me now, doesn't stare, does not initiate chats. could it be that he has given up? If he has given up trying to get into your pants? Why should you care? It seems as if you are disappointed that he has stopped pursuing and flirting with you? What part of he is married is confusing to you? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 It seems that he has given up. He does not look at me now, doesn't stare, does not initiate chats. could it be that he has given up? He went fishing, you took the bait but jumped off the line - I'd watch carefully to see who else he's got wriggling on the line. Be grateful - the attention of a married man only leads to heartache. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 It seems that he has given up. He does not look at me now, doesn't stare, does not initiate chats. could it be that he has given up? This is exactly what you want! You want him to "give up". You should be rejoicing as you were playing with fire. I know the attention was nice but he was married and will always choose his wife. It was a dead end to nowhere. You have saved yourself a lot of heartache. This is a blessing, not a curse. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MsHopeful0208201689 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Definitely the signs of the start of an emotional affair if it's not already FULLY to the point of one.. Get off the road while you can.... Don't be like me, 3 years later into this "friendship" and feeling extremely attached and addicted to this man... Whether it turns physical or not, it is definitely not healthy... All the luck to you & if you need any more additional advice or someone to talk to feel free to PM me.... Link to post Share on other sites
MsHopeful0208201689 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Either that or he's blowing you off to see if you'll come crawling back. In any event, who cares what kind of game he's playing. The important thing is that he's playing games, and this is your real life. You don't need drama with some married dude who leads you on and then pretends to be offended when you call him out on it. You don't need to be his BFF or shoulder to cry on. The best thing you can do is treat him like an acquaintance and avoid all unnecessary contact with him. Yes to this! Using reverse psychology and the cat/mouse game to make her want him more.... I've experienced this as well.. Such an insecure tactic... smh Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 It is always a little bit of a blow to the ego when the guy you reject takes his attention off you. I think our ego likes to think he should just keep up all the attention, even after the rejection. But it rarely works like that, either he pulls back or he keeps up the attention or even ramps it up, until it gets frankly annoying and embarrassing. In this case, as he is married you were headed for disaster, and so it is excellent that he has pulled back. If he keeps out of your way, You don't need to keep having "that talk" and keep having "that talk", and end up trying to avoid him down back corridors and stairs, or having to miss lunch so you don't have to face him. Having a besotted man (you don't want) after you at work is no fun. As heartwhole says be aware he may be playing a game by getting you now to chase him, as you miss his attention. Once he knows you will play that game, you are in for a lot of heart ache. Link to post Share on other sites
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