winny Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Also Shruti, there was one married guy at my work who I had taken some help from on some personal issues in my life coz I had no one else at that point who I could talk to. But after that I found that he is always texting me. Nothing like flirting but still a married guy has some limits he needs to be mindful of. If I ask where is wife is he will say she is cooking or something like that. Then when he did not see me encouraging too much chatting and all on topics not related to work - he started passing mean comments on me at work. So much so that I had to complain to my managers. He turned from a nice friendly colleague to this passive aggressive guy. Initially I had no clue why he behaved like this coz from my point of view I was only interacting with him as much as I would with any married colleague and I did not see anything wrong on my part. But when I narrated this incident to my friends they said he got angry due to my rejection and took it out this way. Just sharing another incident of how you should be very careful when taking help or being friendly with married men. They may get back at you if they dont get what they need. So when you block this guy be careful and mindful of how it may backfire. Be prepared. The guy in my case was the sweetest but became the most rude when I complained. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilya4Ever Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Hi if you still haven't read my thread it is somewhat similar to your situation. I am not sure will you take advice given to you, even if you do not just know you are entering a zone that will bring you a lot of hurt. What struck me the most while reading all the comments from this forum was when someone said you will be alone on weekends, holidays, Christmas, birthday. Its family time. This MM that pursued me never txt'ed over weekends or when he is with friends, or when wife is at home. I am a secret and he only would txt while on business trip or when wife was working and he was bored. He was at least honest and told me he can separate emotions from sex and if I want to we can have fun. I was stupid so I got high hopes that this mess could grew into a love and he would fall for me. Men are simple - if he says no emotions there will not be any emotions ever. At least you and me both got our ego boost. Keep it that way. He is interested in you of course. No doubt in that. Like someone told me - if you were fat and toothless he wouldn't be your friend. He is your 'friend' because he wants to get you in bed. He doesn't need a friend in you because he already has his buddies. Stay safe and find someone with whom you do not have to hide but with whom you can show how very much in love you two are. You are a beautiful woman and out there is someone for you. Take the power you have in your hands and just ignore him and show him his boundaries. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 He was at least honest and told me he can separate emotions from sex and if I want to we can have fun. I was stupid so I got high hopes that this mess could grew into a love and he would fall for me. Men are simple - if he says no emotions there will not be any emotions ever. That was your ego talking and I guess it gets so many women into trouble with MM. "I am young, I am single, I am well presented, I have a great body, I am funny, clever and smart and of course he is going to choose me over some old "drudge" who can't even give him sex every now and again..." When she finds she is passed over for the wife, time and time again, her confidence gets chipped away, her self esteem starts to go down. She starts questioning herself, if she is so "hot", then why is he not leaving his wife for her? She starts demanding he take notice of her, but all to no avail, he throws her crumbs and she starts acting like a starving sparrow, gobbling them up, but always hungry and always on the look out for more... 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 So you're saying if you don't check FB you'll loose your job? Really? No, i will not loose my job, i did not say that, i meant that if friends ask and if i say i blocked him they will ask questions and it might become more complicated... Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 Also Shruti, there was one married guy at my work who I had taken some help from on some personal issues in my life coz I had no one else at that point who I could talk to. But after that I found that he is always texting me. Nothing like flirting but still a married guy has some limits he needs to be mindful of. If I ask where is wife is he will say she is cooking or something like that. Then when he did not see me encouraging too much chatting and all on topics not related to work - he started passing mean comments on me at work. So much so that I had to complain to my managers. He turned from a nice friendly colleague to this passive aggressive guy. Initially I had no clue why he behaved like this coz from my point of view I was only interacting with him as much as I would with any married colleague and I did not see anything wrong on my part. But when I narrated this incident to my friends they said he got angry due to my rejection and took it out this way. Just sharing another incident of how you should be very careful when taking help or being friendly with married men. They may get back at you if they dont get what they need. So when you block this guy be careful and mindful of how it may backfire. Be prepared. The guy in my case was the sweetest but became the most rude when I complained. wow. this i did not thought about at all.... this guy i am talking about was there for me when my last relationship broke down one year ago... he helped me and shared my problems and concerns... but always at work hours. the texting started after that Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 No, i will not loose my job, i did not say that, i meant that if friends ask and if i say i blocked him they will ask questions and it might become more complicated... No one has to know you blocked him. A simple "I have not checked FB" will do. It appears, you don't mind the drama. What's wrong with with eliminating FB all together? And if you're concern that your coworkers might be tipped off, honey it's too late for that. They know somethings up. As a LS member posted; "Anyone who believes that they're having a 'secret' workplace affair with a MM is very, very naive! Even when you always sneak out different doors & meet around the corner, EVERYONE knows & YES! they're appalled or laughing at you. Neither is good for your career!!" 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 wow. this i did not thought about at all.... this guy i am talking about was there for me when my last relationship broke down one year ago... he helped me and shared my problems and concerns... but always at work hours. the texting started after that Vulnerable women are easy prey, MM don't go after the girl who is happy in her relationships, the happily married one, no, he goes after the hurt, the miserable and the abused. He knows that they "need" his help, their guard is down, so he goes in under the radar, he is not a predator of course not, he is a lovely guy just being a friend... He built up that connection, he essentially groomed you and he will continue to do so until you are just one touch away from making it physical and then you are putty in his hands. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Shruti One thing that always amazes me when i read threads like yours is how intelligent women, who have had men chasing them to get into their pants since puberty, somehow believe crap from a married man that if a single guy told them they would immediately say he just wants to screw me. The crap about predator is nonsense. Right away people want to give some guy who is married some super natural powers of "predator". He is doing nothing but behaving like a man with normal hormones does when he finds a woman attractive. The big problem with that is HE IS MARRIED, and don't you forget that. Do some research on your own and you will easily see what your chances of a Disney fairy tale ending are here. you are making all sorts of excuses why you cannot cut contact with this guy, and everyone here is telling you that it will be a hell of a lot easier now than once you take the physical plunge. So if you hormones are on overdrive, get the hell off WhatApp or whatever you are using with him and put yourself on Tinder and get a single eligible guy to do whatever you want with. You have gotten advice here from BH, BW, OW who have been in your shoes and made the WRONG decision. I may have missed it but I do not think anyone with any brains or morals would recommend to you to just have your fun and the hell with his wife and family. And remember, in any sexual relationship that is NOT rape, WOMEN have the final say so if the PA line is crossed it is YOU, not him that is to blame. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 The pain of loving someone i cant have in my life is tearing me apart. this is the 1st time i have fallen for a married man.....and the uncertainty of what i shall do is making me very confused... is there a way to fall out of love? is he aware that he is crossing boundaries or is he innocent? I haven't read through the entire thread, but if you feel the way you do now before an A has even started I cannot even begin to describe to you the pain you will feel when it ends. It is 1000 times worse than limerence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 You have been given fantastic advice here from experienced people. I'll leave you with this quote by Roy H. Williams. 'A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid that mistake altogether.' 9 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 What has happened... has happened... make a new start and let us know how it goes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 he did not come to work, and he has messaged me saying he is sick. i sent a get well soon msg, that's all. i guess i will have a talk with him when he returns to work, about boundaries in this "friendship" Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 i will have a talk with him when he returns to work, about boundaries in this "friendship" Why? Why do you need to talk with him instead of just sending a message that the "friendship" cannot continue as it has and you need to shut it down immediately? I am guessing you feel the need to TALK about it with him because you are hoping he will have some explanation or comment like, "Guess what! I wasn't really sick - I was off filing divorce papers so that I could be with you!" Ain't gonna happen.... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I haven't read through the entire thread, but if you feel the way you do now before an A has even started I cannot even begin to describe to you the pain you will feel when it ends. It is 1000 times worse than limerence. Oh yes. I wanted to die. Literally. I thought about killing myself. The pain was unbelievable. I will say, I feel now that nothing can ever get to me. I' somewhat jaded and numb. But I'm alive. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Oh yes. I wanted to die. Literally. I thought about killing myself. The pain was unbelievable. I will say, I feel now that nothing can ever get to me. I' somewhat jaded and numb. But I'm alive. Hugs :( Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 Why? Why do you need to talk with him instead of just sending a message that the "friendship" cannot continue as it has and you need to shut it down immediately? I am guessing you feel the need to TALK about it with him because you are hoping he will have some explanation or comment like, "Guess what! I wasn't really sick - I was off filing divorce papers so that I could be with you!" Ain't gonna happen.... OMG!! noooo. im not expecting anything like that.. no one knows for sure if he even wants an affair. we just suspect it right? so i dont want to accuse him of anything which might make it uneasy for us to work together. thats why i thought explaining face to face is better.... Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 elaine 567 nails it here #82 Vulnerable women are easy prey, MM don't go after the girl who is happy in her relationships, the happily married one, no, he goes after the hurt, the miserable and the abused. He knows that they "need" his help, their guard is down, so he goes in under the radar, he is not a predator of course not, he is a lovely guy just being a friend... My exH started an affair with a girl at work who was in a "bad place". She was having problems with her fiance and her mother (who she lived with) was in the middle of divorcing her 2nd husband for cruelty. Another girl I know had just been widowed and her married boss was "kind" to her. Another single girl was bored and lonely, looking after a demanding elderly mother. She got involved with a married healthcare rep at a sales convention. Shruti are you seeing a pattern? You can stop this now by keeping your guard and your pants UP. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 OMG!! noooo. im not expecting anything like that.. no one knows for sure if he even wants an affair. we just suspect it right? so i dont want to accuse him of anything which might make it uneasy for us to work together. thats why i thought explaining face to face is better.... Denial... Not new.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Denial... Not new.. A river in Egypt.... :rolleyes: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 A river in Egypt.... :rolleyes: What is Whatsapp? I feel so old at 43. It took me forever to get xMM to use gmail. He did not even have an email. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Hugs :( Thanks Winny. It changed me. I'm just not the same person I was a year ago. It's like I almost died. I'm not a kid. I've been divorced, dumped a lot when single, fired, lots of bad crap but this was different. I did think about ending it. The reasons I didn't were - my kids, the fact that I knew xMM would not give a crap, my husband and my best friend, who is a guy. For months I would send my friend emails a 1am and say how I was crying, drinking in a bathtub and thinking about killing myself. My husband and my friend are the only reason I am here today. So I read all these threads and it's like watching a train derailing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 What is Whatsapp? I feel so old at 43. It took me forever to get xMM to use gmail. He did not even have an email. Whatsapp is an app to instant message/text - uses internet so u can text international and also call international without any additional payment. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Whatsapp is an app to instant message/text - uses internet so u can text international and also call international without any additional payment. Oh that is cool. I have kids so I need to learn all this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 It took me forever to get xMM to use gmail. He did not even have an email. haha same here!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Oh that is cool. I have kids so I need to learn all this stuff. Listen Midnight, I am 69 and even I know Whats App and Facebook Messenger. LOL POppy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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