Author shruti789 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 with all your experience, would majority of you agree that he is aware of what he is doing, he is looking for an affair...? i have had my doubts about this, but i have always thought "innocent till proven guilty" since i am uncertain about his intentions i have felt bad about cutting him off/ignoring his messages etc.... I can't confront him and say "hey we are not going down a good path, we need to stop contact" what if he says "hey i was just being a friend" ........... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 IMO he's fishing to see if you're available. Women for the most part have to be emotionally connected to have sex. That parts completed now he just needs some time/place for a hookup. Make no mistake he's not going to leave his wife and child for you. That rarely happens. The best you could hope for is being a sideshow. Start using your head in this situation instead of your heart because your heart will betray you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 with all your experience, would majority of you agree that he is aware of what he is doing, he is looking for an affair...? i have had my doubts about this, but i have always thought "innocent till proven guilty" since i am uncertain about his intentions i have felt bad about cutting him off/ignoring his messages etc.... I can't confront him and say "hey we are not going down a good path, we need to stop contact" what if he says "hey i was just being a friend" ........... What would you do or say if his wife discovered your communications and confronted you at work? It happens and can be a very messy time. What would you do in a situation if you were his wife? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 with all your experience, would majority of you agree that he is aware of what he is doing, he is looking for an affair...? i have had my doubts about this, but i have always thought "innocent till proven guilty" since i am uncertain about his intentions i have felt bad about cutting him off/ignoring his messages etc.... I can't confront him and say "hey we are not going down a good path, we need to stop contact" what if he says "hey i was just being a friend" ........... Why is a married man calling you beautiful, talking to you about his "awful" sex life, staring and smiling at you at work, and chatting to you endlessly on Whatsapp? ...because he just wants to be your friend... Yeah sure!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 with all your experience, would majority of you agree that he is aware of what he is doing, he is looking for an affair...? i have had my doubts about this, but i have always thought "innocent till proven guilty" since i am uncertain about his intentions i have felt bad about cutting him off/ignoring his messages etc.... I can't confront him and say "hey we are not going down a good path, we need to stop contact" what if he says "hey i was just being a friend" ........... He absolutely knows what he's doing. He's grooming you for an affair. He is a predator. Seriously, find a new job. Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 with all your experience, would majority of you agree that he is aware of what he is doing, he is looking for an affair...? i have had my doubts about this, but i have always thought "innocent till proven guilty" since i am uncertain about his intentions i have felt bad about cutting him off/ignoring his messages etc.... I can't confront him and say "hey we are not going down a good path, we need to stop contact" what if he says "hey i was just being a friend" ........... Even if you are uncertain about his intentions, there is little uncertainty about your own. For your own well-being, you need to cut off communication with him. Where you can "mute" him as opposed to "block", you should do that. As for ignoring messages, you can always rely on the "Oh, I've just been super busy" if he asks. Be casual. You don't need to justify going cool. It happens every day. He will deal with it. Guaranteed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dubliner Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 with all your experience, would majority of you agree that he is aware of what he is doing, he is looking for an affair...? i have had my doubts about this, but i have always thought "innocent till proven guilty" since i am uncertain about his intentions i have felt bad about cutting him off/ignoring his messages etc.... I can't confront him and say "hey we are not going down a good path, we need to stop contact" what if he says "hey i was just being a friend" ........... Why can't you? You can say, hey I've been thinking, this continued contact after work and the compliments etc is overstepping boundaries for me and I'm not comfortable with it, so I'm going to call it a day. No bad feelings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 So what i am asking is.... 1) I know nobody can read his mind, but from what i described, do you think he is attracted to me...? Doesn't matter. You're married, he's married. Your ego wants to know. 2) What Do i do? do i let him know that I am in love with him? My heart says go for it, my mind says don't destroy a marriage... I do want to do the right thing, even though i am struggling with my feelings for him. He asked if i have feelings for him, i said no... What is it that you actually love? And, what about YOUR husband. What's missing inside of you? Don't destroy a marriage? What about TWO marriages and TWO family units! There are children involved. Really think about this...Would your family and friends support you if you dumped and divorced your husband for this MM and married him? Would your and his kids be happy? Very doubtful. Seems you're so caught up in a fantasy. I know there is no chance or a very tiny chance of him leaving his wife and us getting a happily ever after, i don't even know if he likes me... but i can't stop hoping and dreaming about him leaving his wife... i know it's stupid... Stop. Seek counseling and figure out what is missing inside of you. And why you're willing to hurt your husband and kids for some MM guy you really don't know well. 3) I honestly think that if he wants an affair, i will fall in to it.... and i do know that that will bring a lot of drama and heartache to all 3 of us... is there a way i can fall out of love...? Then don't fall into the affair. Quit your job and make yourself detach from him. I guess what i am saying is i have fallen for a married man, it is confusing because i don't know what to do and this is a cry for help.... is he attracted too... will we have an affair... i do want to be close to him even if it's an affair.... you know....better to have loved and lost than not loving at all and all that but on the other hand it's not the right thing to do..... this struggle is making me restless... Thank you... so you'd settle for an affair, disrespecting not only his marriage, his wife, your marriage, your husband but also yourself? Where's your self respect and love for YOU? To knowingly make a decision to have an affair when you know better is asking for much pain and heartache. For you and innocent people. If it blows up in your face you'll have nobody to blame but yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He did not tell me directly that he is not having sex with her... he told me indirectly.... and i did not think that he is not having sex at all with her.... i know they must be having sex... but from what i heard, i felt he is not getting it as much as he likes. I am not concerned about him having sex with her.., after all we are not having an affair (physical) but i do feel like we are having an EA after reading many threads and replies to this thread... You have NO idea what goes on behind closed doors. Don't assume anything. Yes it's an EA. Also a cat and mouse game...You both love the attention but trust me he will throw you under the bus if he gets caught. Please don't fool yourself into thinking he's going to divorce and leave his wife and family for you. Not gonna happen. Sorry to be harsh but you need to let this go and focus on your own life and not him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Doesn't matter. You're married, he's married. Your ego wants to know. What is it that you actually love? And, what about YOUR husband. What's missing inside of you? Don't destroy a marriage? What about TWO marriages and TWO family units! There are children involved. Really think about this...Would your family and friends support you if you dumped and divorced your husband for this MM and married him? Would your and his kids be happy? Very doubtful. Seems you're so caught up in a fantasy. Stop. Seek counseling and figure out what is missing inside of you. And why you're willing to hurt your husband and kids for some MM guy you really don't know well. so you'd settle for an affair, disrespecting not only his marriage, his wife, your marriage, your husband but also yourself? Where's your self respect and love for YOU? To knowingly make a decision to have an affair when you know better is asking for much pain and heartache. For you and innocent people. If it blows up in your face you'll have nobody to blame but yourself. The OP is single. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He did not tell me directly that he is not having sex with her... he told me indirectly.... and i did not think that he is not having sex at all with her.... i know they must be having sex... but from what i heard, i felt he is not getting it as much as he likes. I am not concerned about him having sex with her.., after all we are not having an affair (physical) but i do feel like we are having an EA after reading many threads and replies to this thread... He is having sex with his wife. Even if you were having an affair, he'd still be having sex with her. The fact that he mentions anything about it is over the line and disrespectful to his wife. He's playing a victim here. "My wife pays too much attention to the baby. My wife isn't stroking my ego because she's too busy working, cleaning the house, being a responsible adult, blah blah." Men say this crap yet fail to mention what they are doing. A man wasting time on a computer, x-box, phone, or TV isn't providing incentive for a wife to stop doing the dishes because she must have sex with him right now. Maybe he should invest less time getting his ego stroked by you texting at night and more time helping his wife. Affair sex is fun. No pesky children and responsibilities to bother with. That's why it's called a fantasy. It's the same for a married couple who leave their kids with grandma to go on vacation. They have tons of vacation sex but after that, they come home to reality. This man won't leave his wife for a little side distraction at work. I don't think it's an EA. He's just playing. At the same time, if you offer up sex, he will take it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 What would you do or say if his wife discovered your communications and confronted you at work? It happens and can be a very messy time. What would you do in a situation if you were his wife? if she finds out,she will see flirting,talking about common interests,and stuff like how are you,take care,work gossip etc.. there is no sexting or anything like that,but i admit if i was the wife i would not like it that we are sharing so much... Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 He absolutely knows what he's doing. He's grooming you for an affair. He is a predator. Seriously, find a new job. Run. Just when i think he is interested he acts a bit distant... so i think "no he is a married man.im crazy" for example last 5 weekdays it was non stop chat and the weekend there is nothing.... Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Just when i think he is interested he acts a bit distant... so i think "no he is a married man.im crazy" for example last 5 weekdays it was non stop chat and the weekend there is nothing.... Weekends are for families. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 Doesn't matter. You're married, he's married. Your ego wants to know. Then don't fall into the affair. Quit your job and make yourself detach from him. so you'd settle for an affair, disrespecting not only his marriage, his wife, your marriage, your husband but also yourself? Where's your self respect and love for YOU? To knowingly make a decision to have an affair when you know better is asking for much pain and heartache. For you and innocent people. If it blows up in your face you'll have nobody to blame but yourself. I am not married,I dont have kids... I think my "ego wants to know" is correct... this is my 1st time having feelings for a married guy , and part of me wants to know if i can make a married man want me. i know that is horrible... i guess it's human nature... at least for some people... there is another reason i want to know if he is attracted.. i have always been careful not to judge until i get the facts.. so i feel it's unfair to just end a friendship assuming he wants an affair... I am very surprised at myself.. i am one of those who always said I will NEVER have an affair with a married man.and now part of me is willing to do it while the other part forces me never to do it. i haven't gone to the dark side completely,but the pull is strong.... I am trying to do the correct thing... it's hard... Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 and to make it difficult there is no way to find a new job, we are both in senior levels in the firm we work at and in this industry , people join young and climb. similar firms won't touch us because they only promote people from their junior pool. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Just when i think he is interested he acts a bit distant... so i think "no he is a married man.im crazy" for example last 5 weekdays it was non stop chat and the weekend there is nothing.... Who cares if he's interested?? Why are YOU interested? Why are you even considering this? He's married. Off limits. Big no no. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shruti789 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 I understand that he will not leave his wife, i understand that we can't have a future, i know an affair will bring loads of drama, but what the hell is wrong with me that even while knowing all that a part of me wants an affair with him... what is this crazy feeling? how do i stop thinking about him? I thank each one of you for taking time to reply,you must have given the same advice 100s of times,must have seen women falling despite the advice and yet you try to help. i understand that is a selfless and kind thing to do.. im trying but i cant get rid of the feeling that "what if it was meant to be" "i should let fate/nature do it's thing etc...... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He KNOWS you are attracted to him and have feelings. What an ego stroke for him. This is a big game for him. You are a game to play and win. That is all. And you are playing the game with him. Guess who is going to win if you keep playing? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I am not married,I dont have kids... I think my "ego wants to know" is correct... this is my 1st time having feelings for a married guy , and part of me wants to know if i can make a married man want me. i know that is horrible... i guess it's human nature... at least for some people... there is another reason i want to know if he is attracted.. i have always been careful not to judge until i get the facts.. so i feel it's unfair to just end a friendship assuming he wants an affair... I am very surprised at myself.. i am one of those who always said I will NEVER have an affair with a married man.and now part of me is willing to do it while the other part forces me never to do it. i haven't gone to the dark side completely,but the pull is strong.... I am trying to do the correct thing... it's hard... A woman can make some married men want her. The distinction is what those women want in return and what those married men give. It's usually a recipe for disaster. I get that your ego is also being stroked but you won't get anything good out of this. At best, some thrilling sex that would be much more thrilling if it was part of a relationship with a single man you could trust. Most likely, feeling like a dirty secret while you drive yourself crazy wondering what now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 You see him on FB and SnapChat? BLOCK! That is the first step towards getting him out of your head: Don't watch his social media. If you can't see him, the desire won't be as prevalent. The second thing is to stop all the communication you two have that is not work related. All you have to do is state emphatically, "This has gone further than it ever should and I am putting a stop to it immediately." And stick to it! If all this desire for him is more than you can bear, than it is time to get a new job. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Sabella Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He is grooming you and feeling you out... just to see how far you will take it. He won't be the one to put on the brakes either. The times when he is avoiding you and not chatting you up, is all part of the game too. That whole push/pull BS. I know we all sound jaded, lol, and pessimistic, but it's only because we've all seen the patterns and warning signs play out. Some of us are bs, but most of us on this part of the forum are ow/om. If you really want to put on the brakes, tell him you'd like to meet his wife and get to know her better as well. In the meantime, get rid of the chat apps and non-work related discussions. You don't even have to explain why, but if you feel you must, simply say you don't think it's appropriate and it's dissrespectful to his wife. Find a new "special friend" that is single, that will shop with you 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 and to make it difficult there is no way to find a new job, we are both in senior levels in the firm we work at and in this industry , people join young and climb. similar firms won't touch us because they only promote people from their junior pool. If morality and common sense don't influence you, consider your career. In workplace affairs, the woman ALWAYS loses. There is more of a tolerance for men who have affairs. You'll be a family wrecking whore with poor judgement. Typically, the career ladder ends for the woman while the man's doesn't skip a beat. In most cases, the woman ends up leaving. Th combination of being shunned by the women, eyed by the men, and eliminated for career growth drives them out. You might think that's discrimination and/or sexual harassment, but, unless he's your boss, you're out of luck. Even in those cases, the woman is usually the collateral damage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) You are on the road to hell, you can either decide you want to dance with the devil or drive that car as fast as you can in the other direction. I promise you this, if you tell him how you feel you'll be posting here in a few months crying. You have no idea what you are venturing into. You are living in a fantasy right now, but when that reality hits you, that you are a mistress and nothing else, you'll wish you would have ran the other way. Nobody comes out of an affair untouched, it changes you and kills your self esteem. Edited July 31, 2016 by Ronnie33 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) He's textbook. He seems distant? That's what we call Push Pull. You want to find out how predictible he is. Don't respond to him for a week, and watch the pulling start. Not sure why are we still talking about this guy. You know there's millions of single men out there. You picking a MM just screams laziness. Edited July 31, 2016 by BuddyX Grammar 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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