Caught girlfriend yesterday and don't know how to proceed

[Strekoza]

And that right there is why you will never have a successful relationship.

 

Oh and you're a fortune teller too? Sounds like a real catch, good luck out there.

[QueenDafine]

After reading this sad situation you've created for yourself, I'm glad you let her go because god help her if you two were still together.

 

You aren't even looking for someone to love and to respect and to share your life with, you're just plain selfish. You're looking for a woman that conforms to your standards for your own greedy needs and your deflated ego. It's actually quite disturbing. These are PEOPLE, not PUPPETS.

 

And a virgin? Really? You're that obsessed with finding a virgin who's never been touched by another man? You may as well be looking for a child. Which I see wouldn't seem to bother you as you're willing to go "as young as you can".

 

The amount of insecurities and problems you have wrong with you actually baffles me. You say that jumping to conclusions about someone you haven't met isn't very mature, but it's not jumping to conclusions, it's stating facts. You're weird. Your obsession with virgins are weird. Your temper and unstable emotions are unnecessary and harmful. I don't need to know you in real life to own any of what I just said.

 

And the fact that you don't see a problem with anything you've written in this thread so far baffles me. You need help.

[Lorenza]

I can't imagine any woman, virgin or not, being happy with someone who objectifies them to such extent. A woman, a girlfriend or a wife first of all are human beings who exists by themselves, FOR themselves, not to be remade to fit someone's specific preferences.

 

You say you think highly of yourself, but I don't believe that. You're looking for a shortcut, instead of needing to step up, be a better man and put effort into pursuing a woman with her own view on life, you want someone who has no experience and thinks you're good just because they haven't experienced better.

 

So you would be a good boyfriend just because the girl doesn't know any better, not because you're actually good. It's like if I, who's a singer, wanted to be the best among tone deaf people, instead of being the best among really talented ones.

 

But you know what, even if you find that ideal virgin who will give into your "molding" for some time, you can't shield her from the world. Sooner or later she will see that there's life besides your "teachings", life she can experience on her own and not restricted by some insecure purist guy who chose her mainly for the fact that she still had her hymen in tact.

[Strekoza]

I can't imagine any woman, virgin or not, being happy with someone who objectifies them to such extent. A woman, a girlfriend or a wife first of all are human beings who exists by themselves, FOR themselves, not to be remade to fit someone's specific preferences.

 

You say you think highly of yourself, but I don't believe that. You're looking for a shortcut, instead of needing to step up, be a better man and put effort into pursuing a woman with her own view on life, you want someone who has no experience and thinks you're good just because they haven't experienced better.

 

So you would be a good boyfriend just because the girl doesn't know any better, not because you're actually good. It's like if I, who's a singer, wanted to be the best among tone deaf people, instead of being the best among really talented ones.

 

But you know what, even if you find that ideal virgin who will give into your "molding" for some time, you can't shield her from the world. Sooner or later she will see that there's life besides your "teachings", life she can experience on her own and not restricted by some insecure purist guy who chose her mainly for the fact that she still had her hymen in tact.

 

When looking for someone we all have our preferences, I assume. When you're out looking for a guy/girl, don't you already paint an image of what you want them to be/look like in your head? You prefer blonde to brunette and short to tall. Same goes for preferring a virgin. It's not that I'm into kids, but I'm sure it wouldn't be as easy to find a virgin in her 20s than one one who is 18. Not to mention she's already almost 20 and I'm 24 so the difference in age isn't that dramatic. Everyone is trying to gang up on me just because I was honest and upfront about what I liked in a woman?

Normally I wouldn't bother, but because I'm high I thought I'd try explaining this one more time, in simple form.

[ExpatInItaly]

When looking for someone we all have our preferences, I assume. When you're out looking for a guy/girl, don't you already paint an image of what you want them to be/look like in your head? You prefer blonde to brunette and short to tall. Same goes for preferring a virgin. It's not that I'm into kids, but I'm sure it wouldn't be as easy to find a virgin in her 20s than one one who is 18. Not to mention she's already almost 20 and I'm 24 so the difference in age isn't that dramatic. Everyone is trying to gang up on me just because I was honest and upfront about what I liked in a woman?

Normally I wouldn't bother, but because I'm high I thought I'd try explaining this one more time, in simple form.

 

No, that's not it.

 

What disturbs posters here is your quite obvious sexism and anger-control problems. It's not that you can't have a preference, but you're failing to grasp how off-putting your general attitude is. The delivery of your message is very troubling. It is also clear you don't yet understand how this is impacting your love life, which you admit hasn't been very successful.

 

The common denominator both here and in your relationships is you.

[Strekoza]

No, that's not it.

 

What disturbs posters here is your quite obvious sexism and anger-control problems. It's not that you can't have a preference, but you're failing to grasp how off-putting your general attitude is. The delivery of your message is very troubling. It is also clear you don't yet understand how this is impacting your love life, which you admit hasn't been very successful.

 

The common denominator both here and in your relationships is you.

 

Well, I believe that what bothers male posters is that they aren't able to find a virgin so they had no choice, but to convince themselves that their only options would be whatever else is left.

The females, of course don't want to hear the truth, especially if it doesn't apply to them.

As for the delivery of my message, I have tried many different styles in this over 10 page long thread, got the same exact reaction from all of you in response. This makes me believe that it's the message and not the delivery that makes you furious.

I am very bad at being dishonest and/or conforming to other people's norms, this isn't the first time I got this kind of reaction on a public forum while attempting to ask a simple question. It's like you get answers to everything imaginable, psychiatric evaluations, unneeded advice, but never will it be anything related to the original post.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well, I believe that what bothers male posters is that they aren't able to find a virgin so they had no choice, but to convince themselves that their only options would be whatever else is left.

The females, of course don't want to hear the truth, especially if it doesn't apply to them.

As for the delivery of my message, I have tried many different styles in this over 10 page long thread, got the same exact reaction from all of you in response. This makes me believe that it's the message and not the delivery that makes you furious.

I am very bad at being dishonest and/or conforming to other people's norms, this isn't the first time I got this kind of reaction on a public forum while attempting to ask a simple question. It's like you get answers to everything imaginable, psychiatric evaluations, unneeded advice, but never will it be anything related to the original post.

 

It doesn't apply to all of us because your "truth" is the truth as you see it. You don't seem to have yet developed the skills to discern between opinion and fact. Your ability to listen and appreciate varying viewpoints is lacking. In addition, you fall short in varying your rhetoric - your posts aren't varied in style. It's all the same, laced with arrogance and self-righteousness and a significant undertone of insecurity. Very little substance, though.

 

It's sad, because you're still the one having problems keeping a girl. You're lamenting your singledom and drinking and smoking pot and crying about not being able to find a wife - yet you refuse to believe you're part of the problem.

 

As they say, you can't change what you don't acknowledge.

[Space Ritual]

This makes me believe that it's the message and not the delivery that makes you furious.

 

Not furious at all. More like saddened, really.

Saddened that you seem to have a rather simplistic view of the real world around you. I can see you trolling around the Polish Social Clubs in Chicago totally overgolded and your shirt unbuttoned down to the last button and acting like Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd doing their "Wild and Crazy Guys" routine on Saturday Night Live.

 

That's how you come off to me. Your act is about 40 years too late.

[Strekoza]

It doesn't apply to all of us because your "truth" is the truth as you see it. You don't seem to have yet developed the skills to discern between opinion and fact. Your ability to listen and appreciate varying viewpoints is lacking. In addition, you fall short in varying your rhetoric - your posts aren't varied in style. It's all the same, laced with arrogance and self-righteousness and a significant undertone of insecurity. Very little substance, though.

 

It's sad, because you're still the one having problems keeping a girl. You're lamenting your singledom and drinking and smoking pot and crying about not being able to find a wife - yet you refuse to believe you're part of the problem.

 

As they say, you can't change what you don't acknowledge.

 

Lol... My goal wasn't to become the best poster, I only go on forums when I need something. Also, let's not forget that I'm greatly outnumbered by all of you. I make one post, you piranhas immediately run to take a bite out of it.

[Strekoza]

Not furious at all. More like saddened, really.

Saddened that you seem to have a rather simplistic view of the real world around you. I can see you trolling around the Polish Social Clubs in Chicago totally overgolded and your shirt unbuttoned down to the last button and acting like Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd doing their "Wild and Crazy Guys" routine on Saturday Night Live.

 

That's how you come off to me. Your act is about 40 years too late.

 

What's wrong with being old fashioned? Some people actually want to have a family by 30 and not be old enough to be someone's grandpa when having their first child...

Wow, what an image! I wonder how you came up with that? Why Polish? Why Chicago? Why social clubs? Interesting...

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, I believe that what bothers male posters is that they aren't able to find a virgin so they had no choice, but to convince themselves that their only options would be whatever else is left.

The females, of course don't want to hear the truth, especially if it doesn't apply to them.

As for the delivery of my message, I have tried many different styles in this over 10 page long thread, got the same exact reaction from all of you in response. This makes me believe that it's the message and not the delivery that makes you furious.

I am very bad at being dishonest and/or conforming to other people's norms, this isn't the first time I got this kind of reaction on a public forum while attempting to ask a simple question. It's like you get answers to everything imaginable, psychiatric evaluations, unneeded advice, but never will it be anything related to the original post.

 

It's not because you have a preference.

 

By the way, I would guess most men have been with a virgin at some point.

 

And as for us women: we ALL were virgins at some point.

 

It's the "i want to be super-controlling about MY woman, and who cares how she thinks/feels, so long as my ego is satisfied."

 

I had a very close friend of mine who was a virgin until 26. She is now married with two children. It was 110% by choices as she is very pretty and really wanted to find the RIGHT guy.

 

I set her up on a few dates with guys I knew even, none clicked on a deeper level.

 

I would not have set her up with a guy that speaks as you do about women and virginity.

[ChickiePops]

What's wrong with being old fashioned? Some people actually want to have a family by 30 and not be old enough to be someone's grandpa when having their first child...

Wow, what an image! I wonder how you came up with that? Why Polish? Why Chicago? Why social clubs? Interesting...

 

Because slavery has been outlawed for a very long time and that appears to be what you're looking for.

 

Most people want to marry partners, not geishas.

 

Also again, please define 'as young as I have to'.

[Strekoza]

Because slavery has been outlawed for a very long time and that appears to be what you're looking for.

 

Most people want to marry partners, not geishas.

 

Also again, please define 'as young as I have to'.

 

Not sure how we got to slavery already... Do you consider it slavery not to cheat and stay loyal to one partner?

 

I'm not most people, I'm better.

 

"As young as I have to" means that I still want to find my virgin soulmate without breaking any laws. 4 years isn't such a big age difference, do you make a big deal when you see a 35 year old guy married to a 31 year old woman?

[dreamingoftigers]

Not furious at all. More like saddened, really.

Saddened that you seem to have a rather simplistic view of the real world around you. I can see you trolling around the Polish Social Clubs in Chicago totally overgolded and your shirt unbuttoned down to the last button and acting like Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd doing their "Wild and Crazy Guys" routine on Saturday Night Live.

 

That's how you come off to me. Your act is about 40 years too late.

 

That's a really funny mental image.

[ChickiePops]

Not sure how we got to slavery already... Do you consider it slavery not to cheat and stay loyal to one partner?

 

I'm not most people, I'm better.

 

"As young as I have to" means that I still want to find my virgin soulmate without breaking any laws. 4 years isn't such a big age difference, do you make a big deal when you see a 35 year old guy married to a 31 year old woman?

 

What makes you feel like you're better than anyone else?

[Strekoza]

What makes you feel like you're better than anyone else?

 

Believing it motivates me to do great things.

[ChickiePops]

Believing it motivates me to do great things.

 

You're not, and I promise you that thinking you are is not doing you any favors. You come across as arrogant, rude, and nasty and I'm betting it's because you think this way.

 

Women are your equals. You're not better than us.

[Strekoza]

You're not, and I promise you that thinking you are is not doing you any favors. You come across as arrogant, rude, and nasty and I'm betting it's because you think this way.

 

Women are your equals. You're not better than us.

 

Thanks for your advice, but I really prefer to learn from my own mistakes. So far the pros by far outweigh the cons of thinking this way. It is what drives me and motivates me to get up every morning, failure shouldn't be an option. When you believe you are exceptional, you will be. The same goes when you believe that you're an average being, you will be just that and nothing more.

[Chen12]

hmm...... not really sure why some many of you guys are fighting this guy about HIS preference and HIS opinions of things. I don't agree with theme either but why are you guys attacking him and fighting him about these things... So what if he wants a virgin? It's what HE wants.... I don't know how much luck he would have with that especially in todays society but thats his problem... not YOURS... your not going to change his preference... I never got that about this forum... Nobodys perfect... I see people bringing up that he's the problem in his relationships but don't know the guy at all... only know him post-breakup.... EVERYONE has relationship issues....because NOBODY perfect..

[Poutrew]

hmm...... not really sure why some many of you guys are fighting this guy about HIS preference and HIS opinions of things. I don't agree with theme either but why are you guys attacking him and fighting him about these things... So what if he wants a virgin? It's what HE wants.... I don't know how much luck he would have with that especially in todays society but thats his problem... not YOURS... your not going to change his preference... I never got that about this forum... Nobodys perfect... I see people bringing up that he's the problem in his relationships but don't know the guy at all... only know him post-breakup.... EVERYONE has relationship issues....because NOBODY perfect..

 

 

In my experience, this kind of man 'annoys' the people so much because they themselves aren't virgins. They have squandered their virginity on loosers and have nothing to show for it but the bruises of a rough love life. In their minds, they feel he is personally rejecting them. Then it becomes kind of a ' if I am not good enough then go jump into a pit' mentality. The only women who have a leg to stand on are the ones who are themselves true virgins and do not want to squander what they see as God's gift - it becomes a religious 'don't cast your pearls before swine' kind of thing - and who likes being typecast as the swine? So, it generates much negativity and rancor. But it does fall right into my belief that relationships must be based on equality if they are going to have any chance at long term survival...since this guy isn't a virgin, all I can do is wish him good luck cracking that particular oyster (and getting through all the virgin's brothers, uncles, and shotgun toting daddy)...

[ChickiePops]

In my experience, this kind of man 'annoys' the people so much because they themselves aren't virgins. They have squandered their virginity on loosers and have nothing to show for it but the bruises of a rough love life. In their minds, they feel he is personally rejecting them. Then it becomes kind of a ' if I am not good enough then go jump into a pit' mentality. The only women who have a leg to stand on are the ones who are themselves true virgins and do not want to squander what they see as God's gift - it becomes a religious 'don't cast your pearls before swine' kind of thing - and who likes being typecast as the swine? So, it generates much negativity and rancor. But it does fall right into my belief that relationships must be based on equality if they are going to have any chance at long term survival...since this guy isn't a virgin, all I can do is wish him good luck cracking that particular oyster (and getting through all the virgin's brothers, uncles, and shotgun toting daddy)...

 

Lol..wrong. I love sex and so does my fiancé. I'm happy that I get to have it. Plus I'm really good at it, so that's fun.

 

This guy annoys people because he's rude and judgmental and misogynistic.

[ExpatInItaly]

hmm...... not really sure why some many of you guys are fighting this guy about HIS preference and HIS opinions of things. I don't agree with theme either but why are you guys attacking him and fighting him about these things... So what if he wants a virgin? It's what HE wants.... I don't know how much luck he would have with that especially in todays society but thats his problem... not YOURS... your not going to change his preference... I never got that about this forum... Nobodys perfect... I see people bringing up that he's the problem in his relationships but don't know the guy at all... only know him post-breakup.... EVERYONE has relationship issues....because NOBODY perfect..

 

I invite you to read the thread more carefully.

 

For many of us, it's not really about his preference for virgins. While it's not very realistic, it's also not the key problem here. It's his clearly sexist and nasty attitude towards women overall that is concerning. It's his very evident lack of self-control and boiling anger that are troubling, as well his comments that seem to indicate a very controlling nature.

 

Being "perfect" isn't part of this equation. Being a mature, rational and self-confident adult is.

[Lorenza]

Just because it's a personal preferance, doesn't mean it automatically deserves respect.

 

Some people prefer not to sit next to a black person or muslim on a plane. Sure, it's their preferance, but it cultivates racism and narrow-mindedness.

 

I would condemn such a person not because I am black or muslim myself, but because I hate racism and l devaluing of people due to the color of their skin and religion.

 

Same here. I think the OP's preferance is sexist and mysoginistic. It promotes the idea that a woman's worth depends on certain things.

 

Women should have the same sexual freedom as men do without having their worth diminshed, slut-shamed or condemned.

 

Many of the things the OP stated on this thread indicates, that he wants a partner who would serve to his needs as he would train her to do so.

 

This doesn't upset me because I'm not a virgin and therefore would not be worthy of the OP (what a loss, lol) but because I find the idea of another woman falling into his trap disturbing ans upseting.

 

I just don't like the idea that he'd find a confused young mind who's still easy to affect and teach that mind wrong things.

 

So no, it's not justifiable just because it's a preferance. It stands for stigma that feminism still fights against. That's why posters backlashed.

[Strekoza]

In my experience, this kind of man 'annoys' the people so much because they themselves aren't virgins. They have squandered their virginity on loosers and have nothing to show for it but the bruises of a rough love life. In their minds, they feel he is personally rejecting them. Then it becomes kind of a ' if I am not good enough then go jump into a pit' mentality. The only women who have a leg to stand on are the ones who are themselves true virgins and do not want to squander what they see as God's gift - it becomes a religious 'don't cast your pearls before swine' kind of thing - and who likes being typecast as the swine? So, it generates much negativity and rancor. But it does fall right into my belief that relationships must be based on equality if they are going to have any chance at long term survival...since this guy isn't a virgin, all I can do is wish him good luck cracking that particular oyster (and getting through all the virgin's brothers, uncles, and shotgun toting daddy)...

 

Well said.

[GorillaTheater]

Believing it motivates me to do great things.

 

 

Yeah? Such as?