Stopped looking= much happier

[OpenBook]

I can dress up nicely and feel good about being me, irrespective about what anyone else thinks.

 

Exactly! Don't ever put your self-worth into other people's hands. Even when they adore you.

 

I'm clapping for you ZA Dater! Well done.

 

And I predict as a result of this new direction of yours, you will have a GF within a year. Probably less.

 

Nothing is sexier in a man than self-confidence. Especially the quiet-strength sort that comes from really knowing who you are... and one of the signs of that is that you aren't rattled by what other people think of you (either positive or negative).

 

And that comes from exactly the things that you're doing now.

 

Rock On.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Exactly! Don't ever put your self-worth into other people's hands. Even when they adore you.

 

I'm clapping for you ZA Dater! Well done.

 

And I predict as a result of this new direction of yours, you will have a GF within a year. Probably less.

 

Nothing is sexier in a man than self-confidence. Especially the quiet-strength sort that comes from really knowing who you are... and one of the signs of that is that you aren't rattled by what other people think of you (either positive or negative).

 

And that comes from exactly the things that you're doing now.

 

Rock On.

 

I'm on this side here, too, however, you'll get people saying that this is the opposite of confidence. That there's an air of cowardice in him "opting out".

 

Funny...when you hear the same questions asked, you'll see a good strain of the same answers, until you see another of the same question asked...and someone gives opinion completely contrary to the previous answers.

 

I recall some one saying that approaching a woman cold turkey is an act of desperation than confidence...he was bragging about how he would come into a restaurant for years, and would see the same pretty hostess working there. He was talking about how gentlemanly and cordial he was with those years, but never bothered to chat her up because she didn't show interest.

 

One of his friends who was visiting went to the same restaurant with him and decided he'd talk to her , get her digits.

 

She said No, but hey, at least he had the confidence to try, but his friend chided him for it, saying he's desperate for doing so, when really...his TRUE self was kicking himself for not having the balls to approach or get to know this woman the YEARS he's been going to the same restaurant.

 

He was spinning it somehow on the guy who IS confident by somehow defining it as a lack of confidence.

[MGX]

Exactly! Don't ever put your self-worth into other people's hands. Even when they adore you.

 

I'm clapping for you ZA Dater! Well done.

 

And I predict as a result of this new direction of yours, you will have a GF within a year. Probably less.

 

Nothing is sexier in a man than self-confidence. Especially the quiet-strength sort that comes from really knowing who you are... and one of the signs of that is that you aren't rattled by what other people think of you (either positive or negative).

 

And that comes from exactly the things that you're doing now.

 

Rock On.

 

I think that he should cross that bridge IF he ever comes to it, Open Book. No need to get him hyped for something that isn't going to happen.

 

ZA might not EVER come across anyone who likes him, so he should learn to live without women's love and affection. Find his self-worth in spite of a lack of validation from someone else.

[Sabella]

I think it's great that you are focusing on yourself and what you enjoy in life. I think the idea of "giving up" is a bit harsh. Maybe rephrase it in your mind to "not focusing on dating."

 

I think you should definitely keep doing things you love, find meet up groups for hiking or whatever interests you really enjoy, and just live life. You never know what people you will meet along the way, a new close friend, regardless of romantic interests, is always wonderful.

 

Life can turn on a dime, and as long as you are in alignment with enjoying life and living it to it's fullest, it's a total win/win. Good luck!

[ZA Dater]

I think it's great that you are focusing on yourself and what you enjoy in life. I think the idea of "giving up" is a bit harsh. Maybe rephrase it in your mind to "not focusing on dating."

 

I think you should definitely keep doing things you love, find meet up groups for hiking or whatever interests you really enjoy, and just live life. You never know what people you will meet along the way, a new close friend, regardless of romantic interests, is always wonderful.

 

Life can turn on a dime, and as long as you are in alignment with enjoying life and living it to it's fullest, it's a total win/win. Good luck!

 

I have very little inclination to go down the dating road again. Perhaps this is what I needed for a long time, to see reality as opposed to buying into what everyone has been telling me "oh its great and oh you must go and find her and these are great people".

 

I think when it comes to dating those of us who enjoy no success or very little success buy into something that isn't reality, how good is it really? When you start to question the fundamentals, question why you are spending tons of money on clothes in the hope someone thinks you look good, spending money on material items to look successful, going out to places because "oh I might meet someone there". When you simply question "why" the result can be interesting.

 

Probably the hardest thing I have to deal with is walking away from a challenge, I enjoy challenges but equally when you aren't making any headway after years of trying you need to then ask yourself if there isn't more productive things you should be spending your time on.

 

Its not all roses and sunshine because fundamentally I don't think we as humans are configured to be alone, part of me is always going to want someone but objectively its simply impossible to find the sort of person I like, I'd go as far as to say very few of them exist.

 

I actually came to this realisation the other day, guys to clubs, coffee shops, sometimes you see them trying to flirt and talk to girls. My mind doesn't work like that, I don't see a lady at a coffee shop and think "oh she is pretty let me talk to her" instead my mind says "oh ok I am here, lets get the business meeting done and get on with the day".

 

I have always said when it comes to dating you go after what you want but if you find what you want doesn't want you then its time to give up entirely rather than try find something lesser you do not want but may want you. Here I am generalising in terms of features, characteristics you find attractive.

 

The elephant in the room is K and some may be wondering about that, again I sat down and rationalised that to myself

: she makes me feel what nobody else has ever managed to

: she isn't attracted to me

: she has a boyfriend

: socially I am not sure I would fit in with her friends, in fact I don't think I would at all.

: I cant make someone like me.

: The interaction we have on a working level is nice

: She takes an interest in things I like which no other lady has ever bothered to do.

: She warm, friendly and nice, again I haven't really had that.

: She think a lot more of me now than she did when she first met me which is positive.

 

I am not a very people centric person and never have been, sure I'd like a social life but that's seemingly even more impossible to find than a date and I really believe ones dating ability correlates very closely with ones ability to socialise.

 

Ultimately someone said "Live your best life" what they left out was "with the inherent compromises you need to make".

 

I'd love all he intangible things involved in a relationship but not if it means I need to settle for a calibre of person I don't find attractive, for me its either what I want or nothing.

[Beatles4]

I can relate to you quite alot!

 

Please mate dont ever give up!

 

I know its not the same thing, but i sort of stopped looking and came across my mates mate(yeah I have a mate who is female) but i sort of screwed up after a couple of days of meeting her! Lesson learned I guess ready for next time!

 

I think that happened because she made a move on me although we both was drinking I just carried it on, think the only times that happens is when they make a move on me!

As when I make a move on girls I dont seem to get anywhere lol, and its like am forcing it.

 

just annoying cause it means I have to start allover again.

 

Keeps making me think am not capable of relationships I mean how can I screw up so badly after meeting her after a couple days!?

 

 

I think best bet is just go out there and enjoy life, having fun, including with girls, and try not think about getting into a relationship.

 

Just promise me to never give up though!

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have always said when it comes to dating you go after what you want but if you find what you want doesn't want you

 

Right, you can be ever so diligent in your pursuit, but if at the very least you get rejected and at the very MOST, you get friend zoned (means still on speaking terms), then it's time to take a break.

 

I am not a very people centric person and never have been, sure I'd like a social life but that's seemingly even more impossible to find than a date and I really believe ones dating ability correlates very closely with ones ability to socialise.

 

Right...a wave of my friends that I used to socialize with all paired up and even got married...so they are kind off doing their own thing, which leaves the rest of the single stragglers trying to figure out what to do socially. Kind of like starting from square one again.

 

What's sad is I would find these women I would have most in common with in like-mindedness, beliefs, values, and even the most obscure hobbies..but still it isn't mutual. Those usually wind up friendzoning me, only because we have so much in common, other than the attraction.

 

I recall a woman saying she was attracted to my PERSONALITY, though she was on a date with me, I got it confused with, "I was attracted to you because of your personality." or "I'm attracted to you...as a person."

 

"As a person"?

 

Huh?

Edited July 27, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[JuneJulySeptember]

I hear you. I just logged on to Match.com the other day and the height, race, and income requirements. Uh. Brought me back.

 

My suggestion to you would be to try and date some of the women who want you, but you don't want and see how it goes. There have been flaws with every woman I have dated and they were present up front, including the current, but there is no way I would trade back the life experience of having dated them. Well, maybe with one I would. But anyway, your choice.

 

Your attitude is very 'the best or nothing'. It's very hard to 'give up' when you have that attitude. And I think that is general a very hard way to live life. But only my opinion. Good luck.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Perhaps there is comfort for some in this post.

 

For the last thirteen odd years I have been looking for a girlfriend, most know my story here so I wont repeat it (I hear clapping in the back) but suffice to say those years were extremely tough, rejection was a common theme and I just never got anywhere at all, having tried a multitude of dating platforms.

 

For the most part I felt like a reject for all of those years, a looser, someone who was looked on as and oddity, made fun of because I haven't had anyone.

 

Maybe about 4-5 weeks back I decided to simply stop looking, delete dating profile, ignore Tinder and just simply immerse myself in the things I do, be it admin, be it work, be it writing, be it the projects I work on, be it the club I administer. You know what, I simply feel much better, I am in the position where for the first time I have a female working friend, the things we accomplish together in terms of writing are great and to an extent that void I have felt for so many years is diminished somewhat. I don't feel as much of a reject or as much of a misfit BUT having said that I now avoid situations and people where I have been put into that "box" so to speak.

 

I don't go to coffee shops on a Saturday morning with a friend of mine so I don't have to hear "oh she looks hot, you should try date her".

 

My point to all this is not looking feels like I am starting to heal from all that rejection, said female work friend gives me a lot of confidence which seems to erode those feelings of being abnormal.

 

Objectively I have nothing more than when I was trying to find someone, objectively I am unlikely to get laid ever, objectively I wont ever get those intangible experience I so want but when I look at how sore I was when I was chasing those things, look at how miserable it made me then I do wonder how fantastic those things are to begin with. Sure I do carry around a certain amount of hurt I cant have those things but I can direct that to other things, like simply being the best person I can be, irrespective as to how this measures up to what ladies find attractive or not.

 

I told a friend this and he basically said "so you are basically telling me at 32 you are giving up". I guess that's exactly what I am doing, For years I wondered what it would be like to have a relationship and I still do but the reality is the very qualities I find attractive in a person are exceedingly rare and with time my willingness to go back into that dark space of rejection has waned.

 

To those out there struggling and who have spent perpetual years being consumed by the need to find a girlfriend, maybe take a step back, look at your life, look at the positives you have, look at things you and enjoy and try find that inner peace. When you find that then if you want go looking again, I reckon most ladies can sense a guy who isn't at peace or happy with himself and in a world where ladies are simply spoilt for choice those guys fall right down the list.

 

Did you happen to go on any dates with girls you met on Tinder?

[ZA Dater]

I hear you. I just logged on to Match.com the other day and the height, race, and income requirements. Uh. Brought me back.

 

My suggestion to you would be to try and date some of the women who want you, but you don't want and see how it goes. There have been flaws with every woman I have dated and they were present up front, including the current, but there is no way I would trade back the life experience of having dated them. Well, maybe with one I would. But anyway, your choice.

 

Your attitude is very 'the best or nothing'. It's very hard to 'give up' when you have that attitude. And I think that is general a very hard way to live life. But only my opinion. Good luck.

 

Not really interested in dating people I am not interested in, that's a waste of resources and time for absolutely no benefit to me or them. The people who find me interesting do not fit into my interests, my life, my whole outlook.

 

 

Those things are all mostly impediments which I live with because none of those things seems to align with the people I can actually get. Yes, many people would love to go to fancy lunches/dinners at plush establishments, the problem most of them speak poorly, lack intellect, lack intelligence and just don't fit into that environment. I am super confident in those situations, huge success doesn't intimidate me but that's not really the case for the average Tinder/OkCupid/Dating Buzz user.

 

 

All of which sounds quite arrogant but its not meant to be.

 

 

Agreed about experience but I have again said I want to try get the best experiences I can, dating down isn't really a best experience and the truth is it would ultimately go nowhere because I wouldn't sleep with someone who doesn't wow me.

 

 

You are right it is a hard way to live life, I have a steely determination to accomplish things and that's the hardest thing to try and ignore when it comes to dating but the past years haven't really given me much in the way of success so its somewhat easier to turn ones back to something which hasn't given value or many good memories.

 

 

Yes, I do wonder "what if" but that can be torture in a way and I just torment myself doing that so I try avoid it.

 

 

Where I do agree is that guys who are trying to date should try and get dating experience but the people need to be there are thereabouts to what you actually want. Nobody I ever seem to find who is interested in me is even on the same page!

[ZA Dater]

Did you happen to go on any dates with girls you met on Tinder?

 

Just one.

 

 

No idea what the issue was, she was nice enough, nothing that wowed me but could have been a nice friend to have. She dropped me like a hot stone into a lake for whatever reason, she is still on Tinder.

 

 

I think Tinder can work if you are looking to hook up, have the ability to charm people then undoubtedly it works but my level of talent and ability, I can play with words and prose but often that just exposes the other persons weak areas so it falls apart.

[ZA Dater]

I can relate to you quite alot!

 

Please mate dont ever give up!

 

I know its not the same thing, but i sort of stopped looking and came across my mates mate(yeah I have a mate who is female) but i sort of screwed up after a couple of days of meeting her! Lesson learned I guess ready for next time!

 

I think that happened because she made a move on me although we both was drinking I just carried it on, think the only times that happens is when they make a move on me!

As when I make a move on girls I dont seem to get anywhere lol, and its like am forcing it.

 

just annoying cause it means I have to start allover again.

 

Keeps making me think am not capable of relationships I mean how can I screw up so badly after meeting her after a couple days!?

 

 

I think best bet is just go out there and enjoy life, having fun, including with girls, and try not think about getting into a relationship.

 

Just promise me to never give up though!

 

I think when you have experienced no tangible success and you feel 100% better when you aren't hoping someone will like you, aren't trying to charm people, aren't trying to self interrogate and understand why then its easier to turns ones back.

 

 

Giving up is nothing something I ever do which makes this doubly hard to do but my mind goes a bit like this

 

 

Pretty, slim, athletic brunette runner. Sure I will look but my thought will be "she is taken, why bother", this is what happens when you get rejected all the time, the want to actually try and succeed just disappears. My closest friend cannot understand it, he has tried to set me up but the people have been wholly and totally unsuitable.

 

 

Eventually as a person you need to embrace who you are instead of fighting it to try and be what you think others want you to be and to be what you think will attract someone else.

 

 

If there is one thing I have learnt, you cannot make yourself attractive to someone who doesn't find you attractive. What I find attractive is never going to like me so by chasing it all I do is sell myself a dream I have no hope of accomplishing.

[SoThatHappened]

What I find attractive is never going to like me so by chasing it all I do is sell myself a dream I have no hope of accomplishing.

At first I could really see your side of the issue, but after reading miserable post after miserable post, I dunno. Sorry if this is blunt/rough, but maybe that's why you're single and it's not the fault of every female you've come across in your life?

[carhill]

So, when a poster posts up that they've stopped looking and feel happier, the best you can offer is an analysis of 'one miserable post after another'

 

Surely your intellect is better developed than that, I mean if we're going to apply adjectives to fellow members here.

[SoThatHappened]

Come down on me if you want. I'm just calling it as I see it.

 

As I said, maybe it's not the fault of every female he's come across in the 14 years he's been trying. Sometimes you have to look at the common denominator.

 

I've done it, as have many on here. It's not easy to do, it's introspective, but it's more respectable than simply complaining about it.

Edited July 27, 2016 by SoThatHappened

[sorano]

za, Iv dated women, been in relationships, and about 7 months ago, my ex dumped me out of nowhere. I learned a lot. lots. I think I can be a therapist now lol. Just learned so much and how to cope.

 

But, in all honesty, I give up. Im just done. I am 34 years old. I cannot have this heart break happen again. I know time heals. But this time, I am calling it quits. I'm done. No more dating, no more bs, I'd rather stay single and just be alone. Hang out with friends on the weekends. Females? I am done with them.

[csj77]

Come down on me if you want. I'm just calling it as I see it.

 

As I said, maybe it's not the fault of every female he's come across in the 14 years he's been trying. Sometimes you have to look at the common denominator.

 

I've done it, as have many on here. It's not easy to do, it's introspective, but it's more respectable than simply complaining about it.

 

Right. It's not anybody's responsibility to "wow" someone. The women are being put down because they don't live up to this ONE woman who he refuses to let go of.

Now every other woman is not intelligent enough. Can't have a conversation. How insulting. I agree 100% with you.

[ZA Dater]

Come down on me if you want. I'm just calling it as I see it.

 

As I said, maybe it's not the fault of every female he's come across in the 14 years he's been trying. Sometimes you have to look at the common denominator.

 

I've done it, as have many on here. It's not easy to do, it's introspective, but it's more respectable than simply complaining about it.

 

I very much call things as I see them hence the topic at hand. Sure, I agree its not their fault, nor is it mine for wanting someone who has a modicum of intelligence and intellectual ability, not to mention the ability to understand what words like modicum mean or have some knowledge of the world around them.

 

Frankly its tiresome to spend time with people who simply lack knowledge, bare basic knowledge. I guess its my fault for taking an interest irrelevant things.

 

If you have been introspective cam you tell me what you gained by doing it? Did it really make any difference to your circumstance or did you simply wallow in self pity?

 

Here is the thing I am not that unhappy at all, it is what it is, I cant really change it and to spend most living moments being consumed by "well wish I was that, or I wish I was like him", that's no way to live.

 

Frankly I just hang onto the fact I did try, the people I tried with maybe three people I saw realistic chances of success with, the rest I met because everyone says you should meet people.

 

I can sit for hours and pull myself down with introspection, it doesn't change anything, I don't suddenly become more attractive, I don't suddenly repeat success. Why sit and think about things which make you feel bad?

[ZA Dater]

Right. It's not anybody's responsibility to "wow" someone. The women are being put down because they don't live up to this ONE woman who he refuses to let go of.

Now every other woman is not intelligent enough. Can't have a conversation. How insulting. I agree 100% with you.

 

Oh really! Yet time after time we read on this forum its the guys responsibility to wow his date with various things, be it dinners, concerts, gifts etc. Ok, sorry I forgot this is a one way street, how silly of me.

 

All I asked was to be wowed by people with some knowledge, an ability to converse about things of substance, how much you and your friends drank last night isn't substance.

 

I have always chased the same qualities, its not because of one, there have been three in total which wowed me overall with a mix of intelligence, looks and intellectual ability.

 

I am sorry that you find my post offensive but I just find it irritating to go and have coffee with people and find there are no topics of conversation at all because neither of us can relate to each other. Honesty, I'd rather just avoid wasting my time doing such things. There is no challenge with those ill informed often apathetic people, equally they see no attraction in someone who doesn't drink, club and have many load mouthed football loving friends.

 

You choose to be who you are or you choose to be a fake in the hope you may make yourself more mainstream in the hope you may attract someone.

 

OLD, a form of dating primarily defined by ones ability to communicate in a written format, I think I communicate ok in this format. Yet time after time after time I find people who simply cannot, which begs the question, why bother dating on a format defined by written communication?

 

I appreciate someone who can string a few coherent sentences together, guess how many of these I ever found on OLD, NONE, not ONE. I am not asking for a Pulitzer prize winner but are people incapable of proper written communication?

 

Of course all this will no doubt be labelled insulting but it all speaks to the core reasons why I simply cannot be bothered with this game called dating where each and aspect is defined by being superficial but to further argue my case lets try and align what I like in terms of superficiality.

 

: Well spoken: intangible, not superficial

: Intelligent: intangible, not superficial

: Classy: ditto the above

: Well written: ditto the above

: Confident: ditto the above.

: Naturally pretty: superficial.

: Ability to debate issues and have an opinion

 

You say I am insulting, on the basis of the above I fail to see how.

 

Its not about putting one person onto a pedestal, she and two other just happen to have all of the above qualities which seem so elusive in other people and simply no existent in most. Are the things like really important, to me yes, to most others not and its EXACTLY these likes which render me single.

[ZA Dater]

So, when a poster posts up that they've stopped looking and feel happier, the best you can offer is an analysis of 'one miserable post after another'

 

Surely your intellect is better developed than that, I mean if we're going to apply adjectives to fellow members here.

 

Water off a ducks back to be honest. I think we all have our own ability to cope with things and mine is to simply work and focus on other things which are important to me and challenges I want to get done, dating doesn't need to consume ones life and it shouldn't consume ones life.

 

I'd wage the more important thing any of us can do is care about something, for me that the various people I help and give opportunities to, the way I deal with people each day, simply put I just tell myself to be who I am, be the nice guy and embrace that. Its far easier to embrace who you are than it is to construct a lie.

 

I am pragmatic, sure I would like to have a relationship, who doesn't, but I also can do the impossible either and here I have simply come to the realisation you cannot make yourself attractive to people who don't find you attractive. Its really simple, its not to say you are rubbish, its just to say you aren't universally attractive to the target market you desire. In companies speak one rebrands in human speak you either lie or you make peace with what you are, improve what you can but your target market will always be what you want, your wants don't change over time, well unless you become desperate then yes, they may change.

[csj77]

Oh really! Yet time after time we read on this forum its the guys responsibility to wow his date with various things, be it dinners, concerts, gifts etc. Ok, sorry I forgot this is a one way street, how silly of me.

 

All I asked was to be wowed by people with some knowledge, an ability to converse about things of substance, how much you and your friends drank last night isn't substance.

 

I have always chased the same qualities, its not because of one, there have been three in total which wowed me overall with a mix of intelligence, looks and intellectual ability.

 

I am sorry that you find my post offensive but I just find it irritating to go and have coffee with people and find there are no topics of conversation at all because neither of us can relate to each other. Honesty, I'd rather just avoid wasting my time doing such things. There is no challenge with those ill informed often apathetic people, equally they see no attraction in someone who doesn't drink, club and have many load mouthed football loving friends.

 

You choose to be who you are or you choose to be a fake in the hope you may make yourself more mainstream in the hope you may attract someone.

 

OLD, a form of dating primarily defined by ones ability to communicate in a written format, I think I communicate ok in this format. Yet time after time after time I find people who simply cannot, which begs the question, why bother dating on a format defined by written communication?

 

I appreciate someone who can string a few coherent sentences together, guess how many of these I ever found on OLD, NONE, not ONE. I am not asking for a Pulitzer prize winner but are people incapable of proper written communication?

 

Of course all this will no doubt be labelled insulting but it all speaks to the core reasons why I simply cannot be bothered with this game called dating where each and aspect is defined by being superficial but to further argue my case lets try and align what I like in terms of superficiality.

 

: Well spoken: intangible, not superficial

: Intelligent: intangible, not superficial

: Classy: ditto the above

: Well written: ditto the above

: Confident: ditto the above.

: Naturally pretty: superficial.

: Ability to debate issues and have an opinion

 

You say I am insulting, on the basis of the above I fail to see how.

 

Its not about putting one person onto a pedestal, she and two other just happen to have all of the above qualities which seem so elusive in other people and simply no existent in most. Are the things like really important, to me yes, to most others not and its EXACTLY these likes which render me single.

 

 

I don't expect men to "wow" me. We are equals. His wallet cannot communicate anything I'd be interested in. Nor do I need him to do anything I'm not willing to do.

 

Who said that clubs and bars were the only places to meet people? Get off dating websites. If you continue to confine yourself to those avenues you will keep meeting the same people.

 

And if you're hanging around people who can only talk about how drunk they get that's on you. YOU keep doing the same thing expecting different results. Whose fault is that?

 

You're faulting an entire gender for the choices YOU make. And yes it's insulting to people that you're secretly looking down your nose at their "lack of intellect" and you're barely managing to get through a lunch or coffee or whatever because they're soooooo intellectually inferior to you.

See the faults in yourself first.

 

How many more posts are you going to make about being happy with not dating when you're clearly not.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Just one.

 

 

No idea what the issue was, she was nice enough, nothing that wowed me but could have been a nice friend to have. She dropped me like a hot stone into a lake for whatever reason, she is still on Tinder.

 

 

I think Tinder can work if you are looking to hook up, have the ability to charm people then undoubtedly it works but my level of talent and ability, I can play with words and prose but often that just exposes the other persons weak areas so it falls apart.

So you only had 1 date with her?

[ZA Dater]

So you only had 1 date with her?

 

One dinner date yes. I will say this though she was much nicer than anyone I met from a dating site.

[ZA Dater]

I don't expect men to "wow" me. We are equals. His wallet cannot communicate anything I'd be interested in. Nor do I need him to do anything I'm not willing to do.

 

Who said that clubs and bars were the only places to meet people? Get off dating websites. If you continue to confine yourself to those avenues you will keep meeting the same people.

 

And if you're hanging around people who can only talk about how drunk they get that's on you. YOU keep doing the same thing expecting different results. Whose fault is that?

 

You're faulting an entire gender for the choices YOU make. And yes it's insulting to people that you're secretly looking down your nose at their "lack of intellect" and you're barely managing to get through a lunch or coffee or whatever because they're soooooo intellectually inferior to you.

See the faults in yourself first.

 

How many more posts are you going to make about being happy with not dating when you're clearly not.

 

Where do you meet people? Serious question, that book shop on the corner, perhaps the hiking group, that coffee shop, perhaps the mall or perhaps its the cliché meet up group. If it was so spectacularly easy to meet people then why are there so many lonely people, I guess that is their fault too?

 

Not sure where I blamed an entire gender, I merely recounted my own dating experiences and the general level of apathy I came across. You are right though, its all my fault, its my fault for find what I do attractive. . Its also my fault for having interests which differ from most I seem to come across.

 

Despite what you may think I do indeed feel better. Sure I am disappointed I could never get anything to work but I know at least I tried for people I wanted rather than settled for people I didn't.

 

My self worth isn't defined by my ability go get a date/gate laid. Those I am close to respect me and consider me a nice guy so perhaps that's enough, enough for me to know I am not some terrible person, just not a very attractive one to the people I find attractive.

[SoThatHappened]

Sure, I agree its not their fault, nor is it mine for wanting someone who has a modicum of intelligence and intellectual ability, not to mention the ability to understand what words like modicum mean or have some knowledge of the world around them.

No one can be blamed for wanting to be with someone who is intelligent. And they're out there. Believe me. Beautiful and extremely intelligent women are everywhere.

 

The problem (well, your problem) is that they aren't going to go for a some guy who thinks he's smarter and better than everyone and one who has a "woe is me" mentality. They have options, and they're smart enough to see through your veil of "big" words.

 

If you have been introspective cam you tell me what you gained by doing it? Did it really make any difference to your circumstance or did you simply wallow in self pity?

 

It took a long time, but I looked at myself to see if maybe I had some issues which were causing women to flake on me. Yep, found out I did have some issues (resentment, fear, bad attitude, etc.)

 

Yes I wallowed and got upset when women flaked on me. But I'm smart enough to realize that wasn't going to do me any good. So, I improved my life in many areas, and I've even turned around a girl who just wanted me as a friend before, but who now is talking about long-term potential between us. And... crazy I know, but she's beautiful.

 

By taking on a common denominator in my failed relationships, I've improved my life immensely.

 

I can sit for hours and pull myself down with introspection, it doesn't change anything, I don't suddenly become more attractive, I don't suddenly repeat success. Why sit and think about things which make you feel bad?

My whole point. Don't just think about them, do something about them.

 

If you're as smart as you claim to be, you should be able to figure out what you need to do.

 

The beauty about women is that most of them don't put as much emphasis on physical attraction as men do.