Wife having affair while we are still living together

[CommittedToThis]

This is definitely a cuckold situation, OP clearly embraces the humiliation his hotwife delivers in spades, despite coming here to LS and whining about it where she can't hear him.

 

I'd bet she never leaves for the OM, she'll stay with the cuckold because he allows it, and that's ok because everyone's mileage is different.

 

As for me, my mileage would've been 500,000 and counting as I left that cheating whorebag behind as fast as I could.

[oldshirt]

Some times people come on here looking for actual advice and insight about their issues.

 

Some times people just want to vent and get something off their chest.

 

Some times people want someone to pat them on the back and give them an attaboy and tell them that they are doing the right thing.

 

Some people come here looking for a shoulder to cry on and someone to wipe the tear from their eye.

 

And then there are those that just want other people to cheer the heros (ie them for enduring their pain like a good martyr) and to boo the villains (ie their big bad mean ol' WS)

 

So Nicklee here it is - BOOOO! to your mean ol' wife for treating such a fine example of a wonderful husband and martyr such as yourself. BOOOO HHISSSSS!!!!

[JoeSmith357-1]

This is just unreal...

[40somethingGuy]

My wife and I have been married 16 years together 18. We have one child together and one she had from a one night stand before we met that I adopted and consider my own.

 

Our marriage had the same issues as a lot of the stories on this site. Poor communication, depression, no sex/intamcy, etc. we still managed to stay best friends and treated each other well. My hope was that given enough space, she would find her way back to the intamcy that we had lost.

 

7 weeks ago she turned to me and said, "look, I found my old boyfriend, Bill on Facebook!" I asked if she was going to friend request him and she said no. 2 days later she called me at work and said she had sent him a request and he now only lives 3 hours away and wanted to meet her for lunch. She asked me if that was okay with me and did I trust her. I said I did trust her but I was uneasy with this man coming into our lives. She said don't be silly, it's just one lunch.

 

I reluctantly agreed. In the week before her lunch she changed. She became distant, put a lock on her phone. Turned of location services. And blocked me from seeing her photos. She kept the phone on her at all times. The night before her lunch we sat outside and I said I was uncomfortable with this lunch. Told her she had been acting strange. She looked at me and said "I'm not happy anymore in this marriage, I want a divorce". I was shocked. She refused to talk about it anymore. The next day she left st 8:00am for her lunch with Bill and didn't come home till 11:00pm. She wouldn't answer my calls or texts the whole day. When I asked her if anything happened between them she said "no"

 

They had just talked. In the days that followed I checked into her email and found that she had been emailing him and he her. They were graphic in what they wanted to do to each other sexually and that they had kissed the night she met him but did not have sex. I confronted her with the emails and begged her to help me save our marriage and family. She refused. She said "Fate" brought them together and she loved him and always has. She also informed me she was going to stay 4 days with him at his home in another state 3 hours away. I begged her not to go, but she went anyway. When she returned she told me they did have sex. She loved him. And she wanted out if our marriage. I hired an attorney and found out that this guy is a low life. Has no money. Been arrested for domestic violence. Lives in a dump and is involved in a custody dispute.

 

We have spent time during this being ok and times being nasty. I tell her I'm still in love and forgive her and I want to save the marriage. She says the classic "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". She has alienated herself from my family and her own and justifies her actions by saying she is finally doing something for herself and she's going to make herself happy for a change. She has seen him 2 times, all multiple day stretches. We still live in the same house. I have told her if she wants a divorce she needs to sue me for it. I am hoping she will eventually see that this guy is only after her money and her body nhenwint make any commitments to her and she knows she can't move to him or lose custody and he won't move to her. She says she's okay with that.

 

What should in do? I have gotten into therapy and back in antidepressants and feel normal for the first time in years. She says she can see and tell the difference in me. Should I stay or wait it out?

 

 

You have nothing to lose. Man, I thought my story was bad as my ordeal started with my wife wanting to catch up lunch with an old friend from back in the day. Failed to tell me they were lovers on and off for 5 years b4 we met. I seriously would contact the guy. Make him realize that you are not going to let him ruin your life. Not too much you can do and I am so sorry that she wasted 18 years of your life. Man, social media and smart phones have really screwed up marriages. I feel for ya.

[40somethingGuy]

My wife of 18 years, together 20 is in the midst of an affair with an old boyfriend she reconnected with on Facebook. They live 3 hours apart in different states, but she goes to him every two weeks and stays for 3 to 5 days. We still live together and I refuse to divorce her in the hopes that she will eventually realize that she is making a huge mistake. She is high on the affair and him right now, Remembering her time with him when she was 22 and she was young, she's 44 now.

 

She forgets telling me how awful he treated her when we discussed old flames in the past. She only remembers the good times. This guy is a bum. He is using her for money and sex. That's all. He makes no commitment to her. Meanwhile, my children and I wait for her at home and when she's here she is distant and defensive. I am following the 180 rule as best as I can, which isn't easy as we live together and own a business that requires us to work together daily. She basically comes home and goes to her room and doesn't come out for anything but food and drink and then every two weeks she's fine telling our children she's going to visit a friend. They aren't dumb, they know what's going on but choose to not discuss it.

 

I prefer that for now, they don't need any added stress to their lives. She says she is in love with him and she deserves to be happy and that everyone in our families sit in judgement on her and they are all sinners too. She says this is her time now. It's her turn to be happy. Up till now, our marriage was good. Not great, but good. We had ups and downs like everyone but we rarely argued. We had crappy communication. But we were always best friends. Even now, she comes to my room to talk about this and that and it's like old times. She knows thisnismkilling me, but doesn't care. She's devoted to him and his issues 100%.

 

My question is this: will she come out of this fog? How long before she can see she's being used? Since they only see each other twice a month, but have daily skype, phone calls, and texts will that make this more difficult and longer. Yes, they have sex. Lots of it. Kinky sex she once thought was not her thing. Will she come back or am

I fooling myself? Thanks

 

Even of she came back, you will have thoughts in your head of them being sexual and the knife being twisted in your back. She is tainted now. There really is no going back. Just know that not every woman is like this and while you will need time to recover from this, do not take out this experience on your next lover/wife. You are fooling yourself that she will come back. You really don't need this in your life. The best scenario is that when they get together permanently and if he is the loser you say he is, he eventually will let his real self show and she will leave him and realize what a selfish idiot she was for throwing her family away. But hopefully by then you will have moved on and it will always be her scarlet letter to live with. It never pays to get in bed with a loser and the thrill is all she is concerned with right now. Eventually it will catch up.

[Chi townD]

 

Now here is the part where you guys roast me. I still love her. I still want her back. I still want to save my marriage and I miss my wife.

 

Your wife died. The wife you had is gone forever and isn't coming back. She's been replaced by someone that has no respect for you or your kids, that would rather go to the OM and spend time with his family rather than with you and your kids. This woman stopped contributing to the family and now you're working your ass off to keep the family above water as she has already checked out of the marriage and the family.

 

Document all the times she leaves for weeks at a time. Notate that she quit her job and you had to take up a second one. Write it all down. Then, see a lawyer. You want full custody of the kids, and you want her to vacate the martial home. She will need to pay you child support and half the expenses for the kids. Half the medical and dental, half of the cost of school supplies....time to slap her with a dose of the real world. And here's the sick rub of it all. She's so deep into this affair fog, that she may jump on the chance to live with this guy full time and will agree to anything you want.

 

Dude, you need to start mourning the loss of her and your marriage. That's over. You need to be focused on you and being the best father you can be to your kids. They need you right now, more than ever. One of you has to be there for them and it seems like your Ex already checked out.

 

See a lawyer and get started with the divorce dude. It's time.

[Cephalopod]

Nicklee why do you ask for advice when you have no intention of following any that is given you?

[40somethingGuy]

I think the OP is hoping like heck that she will snap out of it and come to her senses. We wants to forgive and have things like b4. Problem is that is now impossible since she is tainted and had sex and God knows what else since. She chose this guy over her children essentially and you. It is over and you have to come to that realization. The more she is irrelevant to you (or at least show that) the more you will win. The more you beg for her to come back, the faster she will drive to see and be with him. It sucks and my heart goes out to you. Please take care of yourself and your kids. The kids takeaway will be that you were always there for them and she wasn't. They will remember that. And if and when the OM shows his true colors and she comes crawling back- DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. She has to live with her decision. She threw her life away for him and have to deal with it.

[Friskyone4u]

There comers a point where any more advice is useless

 

You are there.

 

You are wasting your time on an infidelity web site.

 

You need to find a polyamory website to help you cope since you have basically accepted what she is doing. And yes you have because you have know about it for six months and done nothing.

 

Great example for your kids.

[Superchicken]

Well, you asked for others not to call you an idiot.

Well, the reason they say it is because YOUR AN IDIOT.

I'm tired of reading the crap you keep spinning out, going back and forth.

I have had it reading your tripe !.

Stay with the two timing looser, as she's got you around her finger. Tattoo "Door Mat" on your forehead and live unhappily every after.

 

 

You don't listen to anyone, you obviously do things half ass'd and keep grasping at an image of how it "Used to be".

 

 

For crying out loud !.

 

 

Grow a pair and USE THEM !.

 

 

Ted.

[why1234]

Oh for crying out loud.

 

Let me spell it out for you. A woman can't be attracted to someone she doesn't respect. Do you think your actions will command her respect?

 

It is clear what's happened here. She is a low quality person who got knocked up and needed a provider. You were her meal ticket until her child got old enough. She wasn't attracted to you in the first place but she needed you to take care of her and her child.

 

Now her child is old enough that she doesn't have to stick with you any more.

 

This is what you need to do.

 

First, start working out. At your age and your wife's age, you will be able to upgrade to a much better woman than her.

 

Second, stop supporting her. Don't give her food you've bought. Don't pay for her gas. Cut off her credit cards.

 

Third, find a new, better woman.

[Nicklee1019]

I have good news everyone! I was able to get a cross of halos at cost! I can begin to start passing them out to all you perfect people! Jesus! I thought this was a support board. I. Was. Wrong. This is a board for trolls who just want to talk **** and make people feel bad. Cuckold? I admit, I had to look that one up. That's disgusting. If you think that's what I want you are a sick person. And no, *******, I don't want a poly life (had to look that one up too). I posted my story here because it felt good to get this stuff off my chest. Hey, I admit that the path I have chosen may not be what most of you feels is the right one. But I have taken some of the steps suggested here. Divorce papers are at the court house. I don't give her any money other than what she needs to buy goods and services for our home. She must show receipts. Am I a door mat because I won't put my children's mother, a person I spent over half my life with out in the street? Just because she chooses to forget her morals and ethics, doesn't mean I have. So, I hope making me feel like **** got all your rocks off. I hope you smiled lording your perfect opinions over a lost and sad man. If my failures brought you a small bit of joy, I'm happy for you. As far as I am concerned 90% of you are bitter *******s who need to take a long look in the mirror. Your on this board for a reason. Most likely because you failed too.

 

I'll leave this up for a few days and then I will delete the whole thread. God forbid I continue to inflict my dumb ass in you anymore.

 

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you choke on the wishbone.

[40somethingGuy]

I have good news everyone! I was able to get a cross of halos at cost! I can begin to start passing them out to all you perfect people! Jesus! I thought this was a support board. I. Was. Wrong. This is a board for trolls who just want to talk **** and make people feel bad. Cuckold? I admit, I had to look that one up. That's disgusting. If you think that's what I want you are a sick person. And no, *******, I don't want a poly life (had to look that one up too). I posted my story here because it felt good to get this stuff off my chest. Hey, I admit that the path I have chosen may not be what most of you feels is the right one. But I have taken some of the steps suggested here. Divorce papers are at the court house. I don't give her any money other than what she needs to buy goods and services for our home. She must show receipts. Am I a door mat because I won't put my children's mother, a person I spent over half my life with out in the street? Just because she chooses to forget her morals and ethics, doesn't mean I have. So, I hope making me feel like **** got all your rocks off. I hope you smiled lording your perfect opinions over a lost and sad man. If my failures brought you a small bit of joy, I'm happy for you. As far as I am concerned 90% of you are bitter *******s who need to take a long look in the mirror. Your on this board for a reason. Most likely because you failed too.

 

I'll leave this up for a few days and then I will delete the whole thread. God forbid I continue to inflict my dumb ass in you anymore.

 

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you choke on the wishbone.

 

 

 

I think you are taking it the wrong way with most. For me, my heart ached like crazy reading your story. Man, I have prayed for you that things work for you and you prevail in the end. Just know that many here are victims as well, many who survived, and hate seeing and hearing other victims get the shaft so bad. Bottom line is that you are in the process of divorce, there for your kids, and your soon to be ex has to live with the consequences. I am interested in how you and your kids are doing and hope you won't get so upset with others. I don't think they are trolls rather people that have been through this ordeal and know how to survive. While I won't call it 'love' it is kind of like the 'tough love' concept. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you don't wish choking on anyone. I lost a close friend's father to choking a month and half ago and it is nothing to wish on anyone.

[DKT3]

I've avoided posting on your thread because, well frankly you're not going to do any.

 

Your wife is so far gone, and one of the worse WW I've ever heard of. She has identified you as weak and treats you accordingly. She has sat you down in front of a plate of sh*t, instead of pushing away you've tucked a napkin in your shirt and ask for more.

 

The woman you married is gone, in here place is a untrustworthy extremely selfish woman devoid of guilt and or remorse. She has convinced herself she deserves to have this guy and you should provide the way.

 

This isn't a choice of saving your marriage or yourself. Nothing to save, except yourself.

 

Btw your "wife" is. Big girl I'm sure she won't be on the streets, hell she can go stay with her boyfriend in his mom's basement.

 

You should be focusing on your kids and yourself, she has made her choice and its clearly not you.

[BluesPower]

Nick, I am sorry some of us were harsh...

 

It is just that some of us have been where you were and finally got to where you are. It is a very difficult journey.

 

You are doing all the right things now. You should be proud of yourself for how far you have come. I know that the whole situation was horrible and hurtful for you the entire time and it probably still is.

 

I am proud of how far you have come and wish you much happiness in the future...

[DKT3]

Nick, I am sorry some of us were harsh...

 

It is just that some of us have been where you were and finally got to where you are. It is a very difficult journey.

 

You are doing all the right things now. You should be proud of yourself for how far you have come. I know that the whole situation was horrible and hurtful for you the entire time and it probably still is.

 

I am proud of how far you have come and wish you much happiness in the future...

 

I disagree with the idea he is doing everything right now. I don't see it.

 

A while back she asked him to allow her to have this other relationship, and he is doing just that. Explain to me how a woman with no job jumps in a car every other week drives 3 hours and bangs another guy for a week then returns home? He funds it. He hasn't really taken any steps towards divorce. If his State requires 90 day separation and they are still together then nothing is moving. She is stalling and he is hoping....hoping she will wake up and say I want you. Nothing about that is right, not for him, not for his children

[BluesPower]

He is moving forward with the divorce...

 

He may still be giving her too much support, but don't you think that will stop soon and he will let her sink or swim without him.

 

If I am wrong I would welcome correction.

 

For me, it has taken him too long to get here and he still has a ways to go, but I am looking at progress not perfection.

 

What does everyone think?

[Cephalopod]

He is moving forward with the divorce...

 

He may still be giving her too much support, but don't you think that will stop soon and he will let her sink or swim without him.

 

If I am wrong I would welcome correction.

 

For me, it has taken him too long to get here and he still has a ways to go, but I am looking at progress not perfection.

 

What does everyone think?

 

I would agree. He's not being cuckolded. A cuckold is a man who willingly allows his wife to cheat without consequence. Nicklee is leveling consequences against her via a divorce petition.

 

Where he is failing is that he is hoping beyond reason that she will return to him. His passive behavior towards her is predicated on this. As long as she knows he will take her back, and that she still has him on the hook, she will continue to cheat. He has to make her believe he will follow through on his promises. Up to this point, I do not see where he has done that.

 

He needs to start detaching and assuming she will not come back to the marriage. He needs to follow through with filing the petition and behaving as if he is already divorced from her.

[DKT3]

He is moving forward with the divorce...

 

He may still be giving her too much support, but don't you think that will stop soon and he will let her sink or swim without him.

 

If I am wrong I would welcome correction.

 

For me, it has taken him too long to get here and he still has a ways to go, but I am looking at progress not perfection.

 

What does everyone think?

 

But he isn't moving towards divorce, he is in the exact spot he was in when he started posting. He is quietly going along with her plan of having both. He is wishing for her to have a change of heart. 90 days is 90 days...which will only start once they actually separate or sign the agreement to. I find it odd that an attorney would process divorce preceding without a separation agree in a State that requires 90 days.

 

Worse part is he convinced himself it moral what he is doing

[LargoLagg]

Google Dr. Nancy Kalish. She is an expert on rekindled romances, and has a short checklist of the typical characteristics of these relationships.

 

Long story short, if you're fighting one of these where they both feel the same now, you might as well quit banging your head against this wall. You have no chance (as in zero) against the power of this kind of relationship. Old pathways in the brain are being reinvigorated, and they run a lot deeper than anything she ever had with you. You are trying to win her from the person she has always considered her soulmate. You were a consolation prize, and she may not have even realized it.

 

I'm not saying that's your situation, but you owe it to yourself to read up on that and see if any of it sounds familiar.

[Marc878]

Maybe you'd better start thinking of how this is affecting your children. Your wife has zero respect for you. What do you think your kids are thinking about their father? You're in a bad spot how you handle this will affect them as well.

 

You can't control or make your wife do anything but how you handle this is on you.

 

When your son grows up and would happen to find himself in your situation what would you advise him to do?

[why1234]

Am I a door mat because I won't put my children's mother, a person I spent over half my life with out in the street? Just because she chooses to forget her morals and ethics, doesn't mean I have.

 

No, you're a doormat because you

 

1) married a single mother and raised her child

 

2) are letting her bang another guy without consequences

 

and most importantly,

 

3) letting her treat your child like **** without consequences.

 

How is she getting gas money to drive over there?

 

The moral and ethical thing to do would be to protect your child, which means getting rid of her.

[usa1ah]

I have good news everyone! I was able to get a cross of halos at cost! I can begin to start passing them out to all you perfect people! Jesus! I thought this was a support board. I. Was. Wrong. This is a board for trolls who just want to talk **** and make people feel bad. Cuckold? I admit, I had to look that one up. That's disgusting. If you think that's what I want you are a sick person. And no, *******, I don't want a poly life (had to look that one up too). I posted my story here because it felt good to get this stuff off my chest. Hey, I admit that the path I have chosen may not be what most of you feels is the right one. But I have taken some of the steps suggested here. Divorce papers are at the court house. I don't give her any money other than what she needs to buy goods and services for our home. She must show receipts. Am I a door mat because I won't put my children's mother, a person I spent over half my life with out in the street? Just because she chooses to forget her morals and ethics, doesn't mean I have. So, I hope making me feel like **** got all your rocks off. I hope you smiled lording your perfect opinions over a lost and sad man. If my failures brought you a small bit of joy, I'm happy for you. As far as I am concerned 90% of you are bitter *******s who need to take a long look in the mirror. Your on this board for a reason. Most likely because you failed too.

 

I'll leave this up for a few days and then I will delete the whole thread. God forbid I continue to inflict my dumb ass in you anymore.

 

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you choke on the wishbone.

 

No you acting the way you do is the problem. What do your kids see. Do you think they will be proud of you. You are teaching them that it is ok to be walked over. Wake up, none of us are saints but kids learn by example, what are you teaching yours when it comes to relationships.

[Friskyone4u]

Nickle,

 

As from the beginning you got it wrong again, and forget the word cuckold ( they enjoy it, you do not).

 

Instead of accepting that the reason you are getting the responses you are from people who have been through it is because we ****ing can't believe what you are tolerating, you are I guess wanting someone to tell you what a great job you are doing and what a true ****ing hero you are.

 

You say you are not interested in polyamory. Instead of the advice from us ****heads here, you would get nothing but encouragement there and praise for being such a loving husband that you are letting her pursue her desires. How blissful.

 

We here assume that you WANT to get out of infidelity and no one ever guaranteed you that you could stay married to her and do that.

 

When you've had enough of her **** and have endured enough pain, the same folks here who you hate will be here to again try to help you

[stillafool]

Nicklee I wish you and your family a happy Thanksgiving as well as a happy holiday season. Goodbye and good luck!