WomenWubber Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Maybe you two are a true cuck-hotwife couple and the only problem is you two haven't come to terms with that. You think your wife, in her own twisted way, loves you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Nickle It is obvious you already have made the decision that you are going to buckle under and that getting out of infidelity is less important to you than staying married at all costs is. That is your call. Saying you still love her is NOT a reason to share her with another man. But that is the choice you are making so I do not know why anyone is now still bothering to try to talk you out of it. At this point she is NOT having an affair. What she is having is an open marriage, a one sided one at that/ A fairly prominent PHD on infidelity, name is Dr. Hartley, advises men whose wife cheat to do exactly what you are doing. Great talks, still have sex, and just compliment her as you share her. His theory is that affairs usually end in a year. Sounds great in theory but Dr. Hartley also states clearly that only a small percentage of men can emotionally share their wives for 6 months to a year. You are obviously one of that small percentage. There is no more cheating here so folks should stop treating it that way. I really think you should visit for your own good a polyamory forum where you will get a lot of support from men who are in the same situation. The term they use is called "compersion". The only way you will get divorced is if and when she chooses him. We all know playing the pick me game rarely works but you have decided to play. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 It's been a very strange experience, this affair, and the ending of a life. We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. She is asking that I let her explore her relationship with the OM. That we don't know what the future holds. That she isn't sure what she wants. I know you are all thinking she just wants to eat cake. I agree with you to a certain extent. But we are still best friends and yes, I still love her. I'm 90% sure the marriage is over, but I still am having a hard time ending it. She leaves tomorrow for a 5 day camping trip with his children and Father. She will be camping and I'll be home taking care of our children and working two jobs since she is now unemployed. Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? If I stop supporting her? This sucks. I think you should tell her while she is exploring her relationship with the OM you will be exploring relationships with other women. What BS. she needs to get a job and get out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Hot girl, His wife will most likely not care if he tells her that. It will give her more reason to do what she is doing without a second thought. She has made it perfectly clear she is not going to stop this and is manipulating him into agreeing to it by engaging in discussion and playing make believe with him. Even acting totally married while she is at home. That is the "model" for polyamory, namely her ability to be with and love two men. He has chosen to accept it as this is not something just discovered. Until OP changes his mind to the point of taking some action to make her choose, like in the next 30 minutes, nothing is going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 It's been a very strange experience, this affair, and the ending of a life. We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. She is asking that I let her explore her relationship with the OM. That we don't know what the future holds. That she isn't sure what she wants. I know you are all thinking she just wants to eat cake. I agree with you to a certain extent. But we are still best friends and yes, I still love her. I'm 90% sure the marriage is over, but I still am having a hard time ending it. She leaves tomorrow for a 5 day camping trip with his children and Father. She will be camping and I'll be home taking care of our children and working two jobs since she is now unemployed. Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? If I stop supporting her? This sucks. Her future is having sex with the other man while you babysit at home. Definition of friend = trustworthy, honest and loyal. She's not your friend. You're being played for a fool here. End it. You need to read "No a More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 I really need to remind myself to stop reading this thread. How depressing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 It's been a very strange experience, this affair, and the ending of a life. We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. She is asking that I let her explore her relationship with the OM. That we don't know what the future holds. That she isn't sure what she wants. I know you are all thinking she just wants to eat cake. I agree with you to a certain extent. But we are still best friends and yes, I still love her. I'm 90% sure the marriage is over, but I still am having a hard time ending it. She leaves tomorrow for a 5 day camping trip with his children and Father. She will be camping and I'll be home taking care of our children and working two jobs since she is now unemployed. Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? If I stop supporting her? This sucks. So, you're officially in an open marriage. Ok. When is she watching the kids so that you can take 5 days off to spend screwing your lover under the stars? Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 It's been a very strange experience, this affair, and the ending of a life. We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. She is asking that I let her explore her relationship with the OM. That we don't know what the future holds. That she isn't sure what she wants. I know you are all thinking she just wants to eat cake. I agree with you to a certain extent. But we are still best friends and yes, I still love her. I'm 90% sure the marriage is over, but I still am having a hard time ending it. She leaves tomorrow for a 5 day camping trip with his children and Father. She will be camping and I'll be home taking care of our children and working two jobs since she is now unemployed. Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? If I stop supporting her? This sucks. Nicklee you are in control of your life if you are okay with the Open M situation then you both need to work on the ground rules. Are you also in an open R yourself or is this only one-sided? Do you want monogamy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wade Lamare Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? Who cares? As far as I am concerned it is more to the point that you make sure you respect yourself. Why would you want somebody like that to respect you anyway? If you're doing something to 'make' her respect you, you're merely doing another version of the Pick Me Dance. Link to post Share on other sites
just got it 55 Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 It's been a very strange experience, this affair, and the ending of a life. We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. She is asking that I let her explore her relationship with the OM. That we don't know what the future holds. That she isn't sure what she wants. I know you are all thinking she just wants to eat cake. I agree with you to a certain extent. But we are still best friends and yes, I still love her. I'm 90% sure the marriage is over, but I still am having a hard time ending it. She leaves tomorrow for a 5 day camping trip with his children and Father. She will be camping and I'll be home taking care of our children and working two jobs since she is now unemployed. Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? If I stop supporting her? This sucks. Good God Nick at this moment she could not possibly respect you less It's not 90% over It's just over Please save yourself 55 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 It's been a very strange experience, this affair, and the ending of a life. We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. She is asking that I let her explore her relationship with the OM. That we don't know what the future holds. That she isn't sure what she wants. I know you are all thinking she just wants to eat cake. I agree with you to a certain extent. But we are still best friends and yes, I still love her. I'm 90% sure the marriage is over, but I still am having a hard time ending it. She leaves tomorrow for a 5 day camping trip with his children and Father. She will be camping and I'll be home taking care of our children and working two jobs since she is now unemployed. Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? If I stop supporting her? This sucks. Nicklee, I know this is the hardest thing you've ever been stuck in. I've truly been there. I get you. Ofcourse your emotions are everywhere and I'm absolutely CERTAIN you're more worried about keeping the family together. Fear of the future. Working 2 jobs. Raising the kids by yourself. Losing the family. Would you ever find another partner? How will you cope with it all etcetera. There are NO definitive answers to ALL those questions and I had those concerns and possibly many more. ONE DAY you'll wake up and KNOW that you're done for these reasons: 1) she's USING you for nothing more than free rent and food and STRING free access to the children. 2) she's NOT in love OR loving you in ANY way. NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS. Her actions speak WAY LOUDER than any BS that flows from her cheating mouth 3) you are DESPERATE and LOOK that way and ARE that way right now. But believe me you WON'T ALWAYS BE this way. 4) you are in the midst of a total sh****y situation and IT'S ALL HER DOING. YOUR CHOICE NOW is to get out to save yourself further trauma. Cost of your head, heart and wallet. YOUR DIGNITY and self-respect NEEDS RECOVERING NOW. Help your daughters recover. Give THEM the stability they need without having this woman FLAUNT her disgusting behaviours in front of them and TOWARDS them. ie WHEN IS SHE taking her OWN children camping? She won't. She plainly doesn't care about them the way she cares about herself, OM and HIS children now. 5) YOU CAN DO this single parenting thing and believe me IT'S WAAAAAAAAY EASIER WITHOUT ALL THIS Brazen garbage disturb your peace and healing process (I have twin sons and a daughter still at home. Eldest D, Son-in-law and grandson nearby who need me too. Yes I work). 6) there are plenty of sweet people who've been treated abhorrently by their spouses, who wonder exactly the same thing as you do. Will I find another woman who loves me? Even with 2 D and a crazy situation. YES YOU WILL. Your job NOW is to CLEAR YOUR PATH of all the pathological craziness going on BECAUSE WW is still there. Many people (ESPECIALLY WW FAMILY) WANT YOU TO CONTINUE HOUSING WW. THEY DO NOT WANT THAT PROBLEM OF HER IN THEIR HOMES. They are embarrassed about her. Etcetera. WHO CARES. YOU have 2 CHILDREN TO RAISE AND A BUSINESS TO RUN. 7) WW IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's in bold and emblazoned with every neon light available. She's made her bed VERY CLEARLY WITH OM. SHE WANTS HIM. SHE will find out that he's using her for all sorts one day. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Nicklee you will have SO MUCH PEACE. TIME. HAPPINESS. CALM. OPPORTUNITY. JOY!!! WITHOUT HER. Sorry. No one's attractive to me at all once I know they boinking OP. Especially not MY SPOUSE. Change your attitude towards her. See her AS SHE IS. SHE disrespects you in the WORST possible ways. Rubbing your nose in her A. Watching you suffer endlessly. THAT IS NOT LOVE IN ANY FORM. IT'S UTTER DISDAIN. She doesn't even CARE about you. Nor her daughters. 180 all the way to freedom! IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL LIFE WITHOUT THIS POLLUTING EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR. Lion Heart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 I've avoided this thread since the beginning bc I can't take doormat threads. But dude, enough is enough. Is this seriously the life you want to choose for you and your children? Think about that.... Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 It's been a very strange experience, this affair, and the ending of a life. We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. She is asking that I let her explore her relationship with the OM. That we don't know what the future holds. That she isn't sure what she wants. I know you are all thinking she just wants to eat cake. I agree with you to a certain extent. But we are still best friends and yes, I still love her. I'm 90% sure the marriage is over, but I still am having a hard time ending it. She leaves tomorrow for a 5 day camping trip with his children and Father. She will be camping and I'll be home taking care of our children and working two jobs since she is now unemployed. Will she respect me more if I ask her to leave? If I stop supporting her? This sucks. Dude if you don't talk to a lawyer tomorrow you're shooting yourself in the foot. And the answer to your question is yes. Right now you are PAYING her to **** other men. Why would she stop? You don't have her respect right now. She is ****ting all over you and you're just saying 'that's okay dear'. If you cheated what would she do??? Would she just take it? Your love didn't stop her from cheating. It shouldn't stop you from divorcing her. I was in your shoes. I tried to self medicate for months with alcohol while coming to grips with reality. That's months I wasted. Find your righteous anger. Start the legal paperwork that makes her actions official. Teaching your kids how to be a doormat is in your plans? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 We have had more in depth talks in the past month than in the last two years. You are feeding her emotional monster by giving her a stage to spew her narcissistic manifesto. You are giving her nurturing and emotional validation on her abominable behavior instead of disallowing it. You are enabling and supporting her narcissism and feeding her ego. That which is fed, grows. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Maybe you two are a true cuck-hotwife couple and the only problem is you two haven't come to terms with that. You think your wife, in her own twisted way, loves you? I was thinking this. I'm wondering if the OP has a cuckold fantasy..... Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 I see where I made mistakes in our marriage and so does she. This is classic blameshifting and the food she is using to feed her ego to justify her using you while she screws the OM. None of us is the perfect spouse. But her behavior is over the top and it is due to bad character. Her character flaws are what is behind this. Not that you didn't give her foot rubs at the end of the work day every day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nicklee1019 Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 So on Thanksgiving day I will mark the 6 month anniversary of my wife's on going affair with her old boyfriend Bill. It has been the roughest, most lonely, soul shaking, event in my 45 years. She is still in my home and until I get her out. I can't begin to start my divorce proceedings. In our state you must be legally separated for 90 days before you can file for a divorce. She won't go and if I leave I lose everything. So we occupy the same space. She sleeps in one room imsleep in another. We are cordial but distant. Every other week she gets in her car and drives 3.5 hours to her lovers he and stays for a week. Then she returns home and pretends nothing is going on. I had to take a second job since she quit hers to make ends meet, so I am rarely home and when she is with her lover I struggle to find sitters for our kids so I can work. If I don't work, we can't pay our bills. She doesn't care. She is in love with this man. At least she says she is. He uses her as a sexual plaything, often doing kinky things to and with her that she has always told me we're off limits. I never wanted to do Those things. I respected her. She has become someone I just don't know. She often tells me she respects me and still cares for me, but that he excites her and has a hold in her she can't break. She spends time with his children and does family things with him. She just spent a week at the beach with him, his kids, and his parents. She has just become a pet if their family. Meanwhile her own children wait at home for their mom. Now here is the part where you guys roast me. I still love her. I still want her back. I still want to save my marriage and I miss my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 I'm sorry but hearing the same thing over and over again is getting very tiresome. You know what you have to do, but you just won't do it. I think that at this point your life must seem to you like one of the ancient Greek versions of Hell. The ball has been in your court for some time now but you refuse to make a play. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 When she goes on one of her week long trips,pack up all her stuff and drop it off at her parents house...relatives, whoever. tell them what she has been doing and that she refuses to leave and that you are having trouble caring for the kids and laying all the bills because she quit her job to be in this affair. Tell them she refuses to get a job and she refuses to leave and you don't know what else to do about it. Oh and by the way, she's with him now. Don't be held hostage. She needs to be outed. Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 If you want to save your marriage you must be prepared to lose it. Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Is it possible that you enjoy the cuckold lifestyle and self-pity that comes being the victim? If so, that's fine--whatever works for you. Some men even like to watch their wives have sex with other men. But there's no need to engage the rest of us if we're just going to be having the same conversation over the next year. You should consider getting some therapy to explore this side of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 I will kindly roast you. I have read an responded to your post from the beginning. I feel so sorry for you and your children. I pray, and I am not a praying man, that some how you will find your self respect and do what has to be done. You are so close to this that you cannot even understand the damage that this is doing to you and your children. Do you think they really don't know what is going on. And look at the example that you are setting for them. It does not matter how much you love her, she does not love or respect you in any way no matter what she says. She is never coming back to you, ever. Please do whatever is necessary to get out of this, if not for you at least for your children... Link to post Share on other sites
Liammackerr Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 WHY Are you financing her lifestyle choice ? Working two jobs while she swans off to get a good old deviant banging,cut off the money ,she couldn't afford to put fuel in your car to go three minutes down the road . You say you love her ,start with loving your self respect This Has got to be fantasy! Nobody is this stupid 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 I told myself I wouldn't read this thread and I did it again.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Now here is the part where you guys roast me. I still love her. I still want her back. I still want to save my marriage and I miss my wife. Don't worry we all know this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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