Should I make other plans?

[BluEyeL]

I would send him a text asking for confirmation but I don't like how this sounds and I'm inclined to say it will not work out. But who knows?

[katiegrl]

The key to ending up in relationships with good men is to focus on those who respect you and your time. ES should spend her time and energy on men who show genuine interest and enthusiasm about dating her!

 

You don't end up in a stable, healthy relationship by having no standards and chasing after men who by their very behavior, lack of contact post-date, and lack of follow through screen you contact them, are telling you they're not really interested. Stringing yourself along, making excuses for guys who are wasting your time, and trying to nail them down to date you simply distracts you from focusing on guys worthy of your time and energy. That's a recipe for frustration and struggling to land in a solid relationship.

 

It has nothing to do with multi-dating, which I did briefly to land in my last and my current LTR.

 

How do you know he is NOT respecting ES or her time? Hell he could be super excited about their date tomorrow for all we know. Probably is!

 

If he blows her off tomorrow, okay then you can say he is not respecting her or her time. And if that happens, then as I said, block delete next.

 

But they have a date scheduled tomorrow, how is he supposed to know that ES expects or requires a confirmation one or two days prior? Did she tell him when they made the date that she would like him to confirm one or two days prior?

 

Unless she did, then how is he to know? He is not a mind reader, geez.

 

I certainly don't expect confirmation the day prior.... nor do other women I know. The day of is fine, preferably in the morning. If it's dinner, then by noon.

 

Or I am also perfectly capable of picking up the phone and calling or texting asking if we're still on.

 

My god all these rules, expectations and requirements, no wonder dating is so screwed up.

 

Is everyone so afraid of being blown off, faded or ghosted that they are not even willing to give each other a chance?

 

I don't get it....

Edited June 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[angel.eyes]

You have a date tomorrow, plan on either you or him confirming then...

 

Do they have a date tomorrow? What time is it? Where are they meeting? Yeah, he was going to get back to her about this...still waiting.

 

He made no contact with her after the date. When ES contacted him, and said she was interested in seeing him again, he gave her the equivalent of the end-of-date "We should do this again sometime" before the person scurries away into oblivion, never to be heard from again. He's been AWOL ever since.

[MissBee]

Whenever I make a date with a friend or even a man, we are usually in touch the day of the date.... if it's lunch then we touch base in the morn. If it's dinner, we touch base in the afternoon.

 

With dating, especially very early on, I don't expect, or even want to be in touch every day. Ugh that would suffocate me to no end.

 

Unless it was like with my ex, where we practically fell in love at first sight. But a regular date with a new man? No thank you.

 

No I don't recommend sitting around waiting for him to call.... go out and live your life.

 

You have a date tomorrow, plan on either you or him confirming then...

 

If he blows you off, block delete next.

 

Easy peasy.

 

I think there is a big difference between being in touch daily and being in touch in advance of a date to confirm the date.

 

It would have been one thing if this man had said on Monday "Let's do dinner on Saturday at 8pm at X place and we'll touch bases." You have a clear notion of the time and place and then on Saturday morning or whenever you can check in to make sure all is well.

 

However, if someone says Monday "Let's go out Saturday, I'll be in touch about the details..." and Friday rolls around and nothing...and you already felt like you had to reach out to him after your initial date, that's bizarre. That can hardly be considered "plans." That's a vague "we should go out..." plans include a time and place, which seemed like this guy never confirmed. But it also comes down to how you want to be treated and what kind of relationship to plans and time you have. ES's gut seems to already be telling her that this guy's style of communicating (or lack thereof) makes her uneasy and puts her in this position of guessing and ambiguity, and I say, if you feel that way, it's probably for a reason and you are probably better off with someone whose style of communicating is far clearer and more timely.

 

I don't like flakiness and unreliability and am probably more sensitive to it than some, therefore I don't like dating men who are very loose and ambiguous about plans, mainly because from experience it usually points to some kind of unavailability, disinterest and poor manners wrapped in one. Whereas with men where things went well, they were clear, direct, I didn't guess, they needn't have called me daily, but there was sufficient communication where I never had to wonder if a date was gonna happen or not and it decreased my anxieties greatly to be with someone who respected my time and communicated plans or any changes. The latter is just a decent reliable human being in my experience, and the former is usually the making of a relationship or dalliance that's mostly tinged with uncertainty.

Edited June 22, 2016 by MissBee

[katiegrl]

Do they have a date tomorrow? What time is it? Where are they meeting? Yeah, he was going to get back to her about this...still waiting.

 

He made no contact with her after the date. When ES contacted him, and said she was interested in seeing him again, he gave her the equivalent of the end-of-date "We should do this again sometime" before the person scurries away into oblivion, never to be heard from again. He's been AWOL ever since.

 

Well.... all I can go by is my own personal experience I guess....

 

Whenever a guy has asked me out for a particular day or night, let's say on Monday for a Saturday night, he usually contacts me the day of by noon, no later than 1:00 pm.

 

That is when we decide when and where.

In the meantime, during the week, I don't sweat it... I simply live my live and assume we have a date.

 

I have never been disappointed. Never been blown off or stood up.

 

So my experiences with being asked out in advance and contacted the day of have been positive... perhaps that explains my carefree and easy going attitude about it.

 

I suppose had I been stood up or blown off, then I would feel differently....

Edited June 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[angel.eyes]

I haven't been stood up either. I'm not a fan of wasting my time and energy on a guy who is barely interested. I can do better than that, and so can ES. Of that I'm certain.

 

If she hadn't contacted him after their first date and expressed interest in seeing him again, I doubt she would ever have heard from him again.

[katiegrl]

I haven't been stood up either. I'm not a fan of wasting my time and energy on a guy who is barely interested. I can do better than that, and so can ES. Of that I'm certain.

 

If she hadn't contacted him after their first date and expressed interest in seeing him again, I doubt she would ever have heard from him again.

 

That's ditto for me. I don't tolerate BS, I have said that many times on this board.... in fact, I often get criticized for ditching guys so early on.... but when I spot BS, I am outta there.

 

I guess, for me, being contacted the day of does not constitute BS. Not yet anyway...

 

I also have extremely low expectations for the few couple of dates. This is their second date, right?

 

Seriously if I were ES (and I am NOT by any means telling her what to do or how to feel)... but for me, my attitude would be if he contacts me (by noon tomorrow) great, if not, no big deal, I will make other plans, block delete next.

 

Unless it was a love at first sight situation like with my ex, where we had such a strong connection from the get go, and he asked me to be exclusive on the second date.... I really don't sweat it too much, again the first couple of dates....

 

Later on, if we decide we want to continue to date, my expectations start to increase.

 

Just me, everyone is different.

 

That said, I just read ES's post, and I do understand how she feels.

 

Had she not contacted him the next day after their first date.... it is anyone's guess if he would have contacted her at all.... let alone asked her out.

 

So if this really turning ES off, then by all means she should make other plans and forget it.

Edited June 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[S2B]

I have made other plans with friends. If I hear from him tomorrow, I will ask him to reschedule to another night as I haven't heard from him.

 

Eh, I quickly lose interest when the guy is lukewarm. Now going back over the date, while it felt like he was really physically attracted to me, we had almost nothing in common. Seems like it's almost impossible to find both.

 

I never understand why guys don't call anymore.

 

Call! When asking for a date specify what you have in mind - what day and what time. Anything less is inadequate.

[katiegrl]

I never understand why guys don't call anymore.

 

Call! When asking for a date specify what you have in mind - what day and what time. Anything less is inadequate.

 

JMO but from reading this board, many guys don't call cuz they're afraid they will come as clingy....

 

So they wait to call for fear of turning a chick off, and let's face it, there is a certain demographic of women who do get turned off if a guy calls too much.

 

Problem is he doesn't know what type of woman she is yet so he opts to play it cool.... keep her wondering a bit, thinking it will increase her attraction.

 

So he ends up waiting to call.... which causes a whole set of other problems.

 

Like a woman thinking he doesn't care, like in this case.

 

When what HE is thinking is that he needs to play it cool, so as not to come off as too clingy. And he will contact he tomorrow.

Edited June 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[Eternal Sunshine]

So I received a text at 8am this morning that he booked a table at a certain restaurant at 7pm since I usually get out of work at 6:30....but to let him know if 7pm is no good so that he can re-book it for a different time.

 

I haven't responded yet.

[S2B]

So I received a text at 8am this morning that he booked a table at a certain restaurant at 7pm since I usually get out of work at 6:30....but to let him know if 7pm is no good so that he can re-book it for a different time.

 

I haven't responded yet.

 

I'd encourage him to CALL you to discuss it.

 

Then you can explain that it needs to be a different evening. Line up a day and time and go with that.

 

Changing the date by text could get misconstrued...call him or have him call you.

[clia]

So I received a text at 8am this morning that he booked a table at a certain restaurant at 7pm since I usually get out of work at 6:30....but to let him know if 7pm is no good so that he can re-book it for a different time.

 

I haven't responded yet.

 

You agreed to go out to dinner with him tonight. He's going to think you are a flake if you cancel.

[angel.eyes]

Are you still free, or do you have other plans set up?

 

If you're free, confirm. If you're not, call him up and explain that it will have to be another night. Then offer up a couple of options.

 

Of course, this assumes you're still interested. If you've lost interest, tell him you don't think you're compatible, and wish him well with his search.

[Dis]

So I received a text at 8am this morning that he booked a table at a certain restaurant at 7pm since I usually get out of work at 6:30....but to let him know if 7pm is no good so that he can re-book it for a different time.

 

I haven't responded yet.

 

Ahhh hun respond! I'm telling you...guys are kind of oblivious to this kind of stuff. It doesnt occur to them to contact you 24hrs in advance, 48hrs in advance....they dont think of these things

 

I understand you would have appreciated more communication but alot of guys are clueless in this area...and that doesnt mean they'd be bad bf's...it just means they dont think as much as we do

 

My bf is one of these guys. He's a good guy and a good bf but he's a typical guy...not much going on up there lol. But he did pursue me and texted me right after every date...asking me on another (but not the details)...he would text me with the details later on...sometimes the day of the date....he kept the communication up so I didnt have to wonder whether he was insterested or not.... So thats the only thing that worries me (alittle) about your guy...the fact he didnt text you...you texted him

 

But its still to early to kick this guy to the curb

 

Pls dont assume that because he wanted till the morning to text you that he was trying to waste your time or thats hes not interested...too soon to assume that

 

Give him one more date

[Ruby Slippers]

I think it was kind of weak to text you the date plan instead of calling. If he had called it would have been a fun, stressfree exchange, but the way he handled it had you questioning things and doubting.

 

On the other hand, nobody's perfect. I might give it one more date and see.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I responded and told him that I am catching up with friends but can have dinner later, at 8:30pm or so or to pick another day if that's too late for him. He responded that he rang the restaraunt and changed the booking to 8:30pm.

 

After this date, I am going to do zero initiation and see if he ever contacts me again.

[frus69]

After reading some of your threads here I feel you are very strict/harsh on men. To me this guy hasn't don't anything wrong. But for you you are already "punishing " him for not confirming plans early enough.

 

 

Maybe you should chill out a bit, if you want to ever find a BF.

[JuanDelToro]

To me it's more than obvious that he`s being "tutored" into dating but he`s very confused and he messes up.

 

I'll bet you that all these days appearing silent, he was counting the minutes until he was in the clear to contact and had his phone glued on him just in case.

 

However, confirming and re-confirming on plans, it's silly and i also find it disrespectful. Personally when i set a date, it's definite. That day, at that time, i'll come and pick you up and we'll go there, end of story. Unless a meteorite falls on my head, the date will proceed as planned without any further communication necessary.

[MidwestUSA]

Poor men. Gotta play the game without being given the rule book.

 

Or even being told what the game is. Why all the tests? Just write this one off already, no need to make him jump through hoops.

[Emilia]

I responded and told him that I am catching up with friends but can have dinner later, at 8:30pm or so or to pick another day if that's too late for him. He responded that he rang the restaraunt and changed the booking to 8:30pm.

 

After this date, I am going to do zero initiation and see if he ever contacts me again.

I would have a brief chat with him about it during dinner and see what he thinks. In my view, it's much better to have an honest conversation and nip it in the bud - or manage expectations - than start playing the 'who contacts whom first' game.

 

You will know from his reaction the type of man he is and you can draw your conclusions there and then rather than wait around for days to see what he is going to do.

[Haydn]

I responded and told him that I am catching up with friends but can have dinner later, at 8:30pm or so or to pick another day if that's too late for him. He responded that he rang the restaraunt and changed the booking to 8:30pm.

 

After this date, I am going to do zero initiation and see if he ever contacts me again.

 

Do you like this bloke? If yes,

 

Just see what happens?

 

Why all the mystery?

 

Frankly if i was him, i wouldn`t bother.

 

Oh well, good luck. Hope it goes well, whatever you decide.

[joseb]

I responded and told him that I am catching up with friends but can have dinner later, at 8:30pm or so or to pick another day if that's too late for him. He responded that he rang the restaraunt and changed the booking to 8:30pm.

 

After this date, I am going to do zero initiation and see if he ever contacts me again.

 

I am really struggling to see what this guy did wrong.

He asked the OP to pick an evening that suited her.

Then he told her he would contact her closer to the time.

Then he did that early the day of, with a time that he picked to suit her based on what they talked about before.

Then she says she is busy at that time but could do later. So he went and changed the booking (and his plans) for later.

 

If anyone should be pissed off, it''s him.

 

OP, I get the feeling you have little or no interest in him and are making up excuses to not pursue this.

You pretty much called him ugly.

If you are not interested, that's fine, then just say so.

[No_Go]

I responded and told him that I am catching up with friends but can have dinner later, at 8:30pm or so or to pick another day if that's too late for him. He responded that he rang the restaraunt and changed the booking to 8:30pm.

 

After this date, I am going to do zero initiation and see if he ever contacts me again.

 

Ugh I'd be turned off if I was him... 'Catching up with friends' seems like a desperate excuse to catch his attention Or to save yourself the pain if he rejects you.

 

Anyway, hope you can enjoy the evening together and decide afterwards what's best for both - proceed or not.

[tinkerbell16]

I responded and told him that I am catching up with friends but can have dinner later, at 8:30pm or so or to pick another day if that's too late for him. He responded that he rang the restaraunt and changed the booking to 8:30pm.

 

After this date, I am going to do zero initiation and see if he ever contacts me again.

 

I really don't see where this guy has done anything wrong. How is he in the wrong for not meeting your unspoken rules for response timeline? Poor fella probably didn't want to look to eager and decides to text you bright and early the day of your agreed date. Then immediately switched plans to accommodate your schedule. Nothing about his behavior is bad so far imo.

Edited June 23, 2016 by tinkerbell16

[katiegrl]

So much for this guy being "barely interested," "rude and unreliable" and *disrespectful of her time.". As some women deemed him on this thread.

 

Seems the only thing he is guilty of is not being a mind reader......