Trying to work it out [updated 2017-03-17]

[JS84]

I agree it's worth at least a consultation with a lawyer. Where I live there are a lot of rules about establishing paternity. If you do that, you would be able to get cs but you likely will have to give up some level of custody and decision making. Since you are not married, someone would have to establish paternity first typically.

 

I know of several women in your situation who just left it for the man to fight for paternity. I know of people who tried to make the man who didn't want to become a father (which never works). I also know of several who mad baby daddies who used it as an excuse to make their lives hell.

 

It's worth it to weigh your options and develop a game plan of yours and your child's best interest within the legal framework of where you live. Not sure about your area, but in mine all the lawyers did consultations for free for about an hour.

 

This is good advice. Since it doesn't sound like this guy wants to be in the child's life or yours anyway and you don't believe you need the CS (although keep in mind this could always change, you might need money down the road) you don't necessarily have to establish legal paternity with this guy.

 

As others have alluded to I know a couple of women who sued for CS and established paternity in the court but later felt they and their children would have been better off if they had simply forgotten about the biological father altogether from the start. It really became a headache and bit them in the ass down the road.

 

Also keep in mind, while you might want this man in your child's life now, you could feel quite differently 5, 10, or 15 years down the road. And if this guy is paying child support then he'll have the legal right to see his kid whether you want it or not.

 

You still have a lot of time to think about what you want to do, so there's no rush. Think things over carefully and figure out ALL your options.

[introverted1]

And if this guy is paying child support then he'll have the legal right to see his kid whether you want it or not.

 

In the US he'll have rights to see the child regardless if he pays support. The courts might garnish his wages (if he is ordered to pay but doesn't) but they do not remove visitation.

 

And, just as OP can decide now not to pursue things with the father, either the father or the child can decide down the road to re-open the door.

[kendahke]

Holy crap girl. I agree with everyone else, boyfriend is secondary. I know you said you don't drink much and you've never been drunk but even in a drunken state you should be able to remember some details. It sounds like possibly something more sinister went on... something similar happened to me in college, I got drunk at a party after getting dumped by my boyfriend of 4 years and ended up with some dude... I remembered a lot of it though... I would definitely DEFINITELY get a Plan B pill and get tested as soon as possible. As for your boyfriend, be sure to just be honest. I feel you may have been taken advantage of. Definitely don't sleep with your boyfriend until you get tested. If the guy gave you something you do not want to pass it on to your boyfriend and make the situation a lot worse. You should always cover your drinks with your hand when you're out and have someone watch your back for you. Above all you need to be safe.

 

You're a little late to the dance.

[Justanaverageguy]

How exactly are you going to support the child?

 

 

I have no student debt, my parents paid for all my school and residence costs. I have been working all through university, for the past 4 years, and save almost all of the income I made. I am not broke. When I finish my Masters (2 years) I will be making $85-90K to start.

 

 

Not meaning to be rude at all here - just trying to sprinkle a dose of reality in. Many college grads leave university thinking they will waltz into 90K a year jobs because .... hey I went to college and got the degree so that just automatically happens after I finish right ? Degree = Cushy job on good money.

 

Sadly this is really not always the case particularly in today's economy in the US and when you throw a baby into the mix and you potentially being a single mother it makes things even more complex. If you do manage to walk out of university and into a good job with good money make no mistake they will expect their pound of flesh for the money they pay you. If you're able to finish your degree on the 2 year timetable you originally planned then your going to be juggling pregnancy and then an infant child during your final year of studies and when you first enter the work force.

 

Again - I'm not saying you shouldn't have the child or even that you can't make a career work at the same time. I'm just letting you know that things are going to be much more complicated then you initially planned and may well have an effect on your studies, work plans and future earning capacities. Children demand a lot of time, effort and attention and you will have to rework your life priorities accordingly to make it work. There are compromises in areas of your personal life and work you will be forced to make if you want to raise this child yourself. Of course supportive friends and family can assist but at the end of the day the welfare of the child will fall to you not just in monetary terms - but in a more expensive and import way - your time.

 

Again good luck - I applaud your decision to have the child under difficult circumstances and wish you all the best as you move forward.

Edited June 6, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[AMJ]

I agree that you need a lawyer. All of your communications with him need to be carefully planned and documented. You need to clean up your social media profiles, you have no idea what can be used against you.

 

I know you feel more comfortable with the feeling that you somehow drunkenly consented to all of this with him, but thought you might be interested in a similar story that happened here in CA:

 

Stanford sexual assault case: victim impact statement in full | US news | The Guardian

 

Our justice system is a joke and this idiot is not getting the punishment he deserves, however he was convicted on three counts of felony assault. The victim was NOT DRUGGED, she was drunk. Luckily for her, he was stopped before he could follow through with raping her or doing her any other harm.

 

I'm astonished that people here are showing sympathy for the guy in OP's story.

Literally, shocked. Someone a few posts back even suggested that he is a "good guy"? WTF? Apart from the whole incident, the way he is treating OP in the aftermath is completely disrespectful. He got a lawyer? You haven't even accused him of anything he didn't do and haven't threatened anything. You were simply trying to once again do the right thing and tell him the truth, give him the opportunity to do the right thing as well.

Once again, he is NOT doing the right thing, he's doing the selfish childish thing and only looking out for himself. This guy is a creep, I am sorry. So so sorry.

 

OP I'm just so angry for you, and sad. Clearly you are a very strong person and will make it through whatever you decide. But it's getting clearer that you need to get a lawyer yourself.

[redbaron007]

There are some similarities between the Stanford case and this thread. OP first claimed she blacked out and remembered nothing, just like the victim in the Stanford case. Then OP remembered bits and pieces, flirting/touching/kissing, etc...I initially assumed OP was drugged, then when OP herself started revealing that she remembers certain parts of the interaction, I concluded she was not drugged after all. But was OP too intoxicated to consent to sex? Or has she mentally blocked out that part due to guilt? I'm not sure how prosecutors would view OP's case had she been US-based and had pressed charges.

 

Here's a similar story from Cambridge Univ that follows the same depressing line of two drunk young people fooling around followed by the woman alleging rape: Cambridge student found not guilty of rape - Telegraph

 

These campus rape cases involving drunk students are always a crapshoot. I can never tell if the young guy that went to jail should have walked or whether the young guy who walked should have gone to jail...I think judges find it dicey too, which explains the lenient sentencing.

Edited June 7, 2016 by redbaron007

[Var1ant]

How are u doing kailah?

[kailah]

He texted me last night asking if he can go to the ultrasound appointment I have this Friday. I called my doctor and he's allowed to go. But I don't know if it's a good idea to have him there or not. I don't really want him to go if he's only there to verify that I'm really pregnant. But at the same time, it's his baby too and if he wants to be there I shouldn't turn that down. Maybe it would help him bond with the baby and feel more real to him.

 

The posters who said in 5, 10, 15 years I may wish he wasn't in my life, that's true. I know I'd rather not share my child and miss possibly half their life. I know it may be hard down the road when I have a new partner and this guy. But having him in my life is -probably- best for the baby. Unless he's a terrible person, every child deserves to have their dad. And I know he may turn out to be horrible and I'll wish he wasn't in my babies life, but I can't make that call right now.

 

Right now, I want him to be in our lives. I'd like to get to know him so we can get along as well as possible. I don't want to be seen as the girl who ruined his life.

 

I've talked to a lawyer and she said there isn't much we can do right now but order the DNA test and wait until/if he does anything.

 

Not meaning to be rude at all here - just trying to sprinkle a dose of reality in. Many college grads leave university thinking they will waltz into 90K a year jobs because .... hey I went to college and got the degree so that just automatically happens after I finish right ? Degree = Cushy job on good money.

 

The career that I am going for is very specific and high demand. Most students in their final year get multiple job offers to start as soon as they graduate. I choose my career wisely, though I agree that most college grads do not get well paying jobs. I know many who are working for barely over minimum, because their degree/program was useless. I'm also not in the US.

[brothers343]

I read all the posts and many have given you good advise and you seem to have your head on right. Every youngster has made mistakes, myself included. Plus to me your an adult and this is an adult situation. To me the most important part of your story is the baby......one day he or she might ask you about how he came into this earth, are you going to be able to tell him or her the truth. Weather the father is in his life or not. This kind of story can change a human being for ever. Your road will not be easy but I do commend your bravery. Think wisely becouse the life as you know right now will end and a new one that can ether be positive or negative will take over. Good luck.

[Chi townD]

Did you ever get the results back from the hair sample test?

[kailah]

Did you ever get the results back from the hair sample test?

 

It was negative for everything.

[AMJ]

The hair test was negative but those tests are not 100% reliable. If there wasn't enough of the drug in your system it may not be traceable in your hair. Also, they are only able to test for certain types of drugs via hair sample.

[redbaron007]

Though OP has not revealed her location, if it happens to be a Scandinavian country or some other small EU country, then there are a few things going for her: in addition to generous maternity benefits that OP has already alluded to, these societies are smaller, hence more homogenous than US or bigger cosmopolitan societies leading to fewer social problems, the economies are usually reliant on some strong industry sectors (telecom, oil, agro, software, shipping, pharma), thus assuring highly paid employment for new grads, and so on....it's encouraging to see OP's posts getting more positive in tone and less despondent.

Good luck Kailah!

[stash]

Kailah:

You seem remarkably "balanced" for someone who has gone through all that you posted in the last 23 days (first post Monday 16th May after the party on 13th May).......

You mention an ultrasound (high-frequency sound waves to provide images of the foetus) on Friday (10th June) which would be at only 28 days / 4 weeks (maximum: if my maths / calendar is correct)....not a lot to see at that stage.........just saying......

By way of some background:

Whilst ultrasounds can be done anytime in the first trimester of pregnancy, depending on the reason for performing one (for example, a gestational sac can be visualized on ultrasound as early as 4 1/2 weeks after your last period: 30th April and a heartbeat can be detected as early as 5 to 6 weeks) do be aware whilst ultrasounds are non-invasive and very low-risk, medical guidelines caution against unnecessary exposure which is why the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists along with the Food and Drug Administration urge practitioners and patients to only use ultrasounds if they're medically necessary.

In the UK, for example, an early scan is usually only recommended if you've experienced problems, such as a previous miscarriage or bleeding in this pregnancy and, even so, would not take place until between six weeks and 10 weeks and, an early scan may be carried out as a vaginal scan rather than through your tummy because a vaginal scan can offer a clearer picture of your baby earlier in pregnancy than an abdominal scan. The "normal" dating scan is not booked until between 11 - 13 weeks plus six days of pregnancy. In addition, since a recent scientific review said ultrasound could expose a foetus to unknown risks, although there are presently no grounds for questioning the safety of diagnostic ultrasounds, the advice from the UK Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists rules against the growing trend when there is no medical reason for doing an early-stage scan.

As I said at the outset.......just saying......

All best

[Justanaverageguy]

I agree that you need a lawyer. All of your communications with him need to be carefully planned and documented. You need to clean up your social media profiles, you have no idea what can be used against you.

 

I know you feel more comfortable with the feeling that you somehow drunkenly consented to all of this with him, but thought you might be interested in a similar story that happened here in CA:

 

Stanford sexual assault case: victim impact statement in full | US news | The Guardian

 

Our justice system is a joke and this idiot is not getting the punishment he deserves, however he was convicted on three counts of felony assault. The victim was NOT DRUGGED, she was drunk. Luckily for her, he was stopped before he could follow through with raping her or doing her any other harm.

 

I'm astonished that people here are showing sympathy for the guy in OP's story. Literally, shocked. Someone a few posts back even suggested that he is a "good guy"? WTF? Apart from the whole incident, the way he is treating OP in the aftermath is completely disrespectful. He got a lawyer? You haven't even accused him of anything he didn't do and haven't threatened anything. You were simply trying to once again do the right thing and tell him the truth, give him the opportunity to do the right thing as well.

Once again, he is NOT doing the right thing, he's doing the selfish childish thing and only looking out for himself. This guy is a creep, I am sorry. So so sorry.

 

I don't want to be rude here AMJ but you seem to have a set idea of what happened you are projecting onto the situation. It was rape, she was drugged he is a terrible guy. The op had a drug test which came back negative - and said herself that she does not think she was drugged repeatedly, does not consider it rape.

 

Also the story you have linked to here is apples and oranges. It was a guy raping an unconscious girl behind a dumpster. There were multiple witnesses who reported the same guy grabbing random drunk girls at the party and them having to slap him to get rid of him. There was also witnesses that saw him penetrating her while she lay unconscious on the bitumen behind a dumpster at which time he ran from the scene and had to be chased and tackled. The evidence sounds nothing like this case. Yes that case is a rape and this is why the laws about consent exist. But you can't say the same thing for this case based on the evidence we have. All the information the OP provided based on what she remembers and was told by friends and people at the party says these two actually spent hours at the party together talking and drinking, they were playing drinking games and seen kissing and multiple witnesses said she was lucid and seemed to be enjoying her time with him. She then went back to his place and spent the night where they had sex.

 

You seem to have a particular shade of glasses on which is not allowing you to see the possibility of a far more balanced view of this story which is far less dark and sinister. Where the male is not some roaming sex fiend who was just waiting to prey on the defensless drunk girl. That story is the far more logical one where two people got really drunk, were attracted to each other and had consensual sex and regretted it the next day.

 

When you look at it through these glasses you can place yourself in the guys shoes as well and understand why he might be acting the way he is. That he was probably wasted drunk as well. That he is probably ****ting himself right now having being told she is pregnant. When your able to stop seeing him as the devil incarnate and just a typical college kid you understand why a lawyer might have been called. Because the guy might have people telling him that she is some evil girl who tricked him into having sex with her just so she could claim his money on child support in much the same way people here have been telling her she was definitely drugged and he is a rapist. The truth is usually far less exciting. Two drunk college kids both got really drunk and had sex.

Edited June 8, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[frus69]

Kailah:

You seem remarkably "balanced" for someone who has gone through all that you posted in the last 23 days (first post Monday 16th May after the party on 13th May).......

You mention an ultrasound (high-frequency sound waves to provide images of the foetus) on Friday (10th June) which would be at only 28 days / 4 weeks (maximum: if my maths / calendar is correct)....not a lot to see at that stage.........just saying......

By way of some background:

Whilst ultrasounds can be done anytime in the first trimester of pregnancy, depending on the reason for performing one (for example, a gestational sac can be visualized on ultrasound as early as 4 1/2 weeks after your last period: 30th April and a heartbeat can be detected as early as 5 to 6 weeks) do be aware whilst ultrasounds are non-invasive and very low-risk, medical guidelines caution against unnecessary exposure which is why the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists along with the Food and Drug Administration urge practitioners and patients to only use ultrasounds if they're medically necessary.

In the UK, for example, an early scan is usually only recommended if you've experienced problems, such as a previous miscarriage or bleeding in this pregnancy and, even so, would not take place until between six weeks and 10 weeks and, an early scan may be carried out as a vaginal scan rather than through your tummy because a vaginal scan can offer a clearer picture of your baby earlier in pregnancy than an abdominal scan. The "normal" dating scan is not booked until between 11 - 13 weeks plus six days of pregnancy. In addition, since a recent scientific review said ultrasound could expose a foetus to unknown risks, although there are presently no grounds for questioning the safety of diagnostic ultrasounds, the advice from the UK Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists rules against the growing trend when there is no medical reason for doing an early-stage scan.

As I said at the outset.......just saying......

All best

I startes to feel weird about her story the minute she started saying she is having feelings for this guy. I've never seen anyone moving on so fast, in such a messy situation, onto a guy who is supposed to have "hurt" her. your suspicion also sounds totally legit .

Anyway...

[kailah]

Kailah:

You seem remarkably "balanced" for someone who has gone through all that you posted in the last 23 days (first post Monday 16th May after the party on 13th May).......

You mention an ultrasound (high-frequency sound waves to provide images of the foetus) on Friday (10th June) which would be at only 28 days / 4 weeks (maximum: if my maths / calendar is correct)....not a lot to see at that stage.........just saying......

By way of some background:

Whilst ultrasounds can be done anytime in the first trimester of pregnancy, depending on the reason for performing one (for example, a gestational sac can be visualized on ultrasound as early as 4 1/2 weeks after your last period: 30th April and a heartbeat can be detected as early as 5 to 6 weeks) do be aware whilst ultrasounds are non-invasive and very low-risk, medical guidelines caution against unnecessary exposure which is why the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists along with the Food and Drug Administration urge practitioners and patients to only use ultrasounds if they're medically necessary.

In the UK, for example, an early scan is usually only recommended if you've experienced problems, such as a previous miscarriage or bleeding in this pregnancy and, even so, would not take place until between six weeks and 10 weeks and, an early scan may be carried out as a vaginal scan rather than through your tummy because a vaginal scan can offer a clearer picture of your baby earlier in pregnancy than an abdominal scan. The "normal" dating scan is not booked until between 11 - 13 weeks plus six days of pregnancy. In addition, since a recent scientific review said ultrasound could expose a foetus to unknown risks, although there are presently no grounds for questioning the safety of diagnostic ultrasounds, the advice from the UK Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists rules against the growing trend when there is no medical reason for doing an early-stage scan.

As I said at the outset.......just saying......

All best

 

How I come across online and how I'm feeling or appear in person can be two very different things. I am doing my best to handle the situation as best I can. What good will it do to completely spill all my feelings and say that I've spent days, entire days, crying and hating myself? That I flip flop on whether I'm making the right choice all. the. time.

 

I trust my doctors medical decisions over someone on the internet who could be a 10 year old for all I know. My doctor requested an ultrasound to date the pregnancy and see if it's viable. For my own peace of mind and so I know what is going on. After that there is an ultrasound at 20 weeks and that's it unless the need comes up. My doctors opinion outweighs a internet poster.

 

.......just saying......

 

I startes to feel weird about her story the minute she started saying she is having feelings for this guy. I've never seen anyone moving on so fast, in such a messy situation, onto a guy who is supposed to have "hurt" her. your suspicion also sounds totally legit .

Anyway...

 

Then go. Why keep coming back just to post something like this? I don't need more negativity.

 

Who said I moved on? Because I have not. I'm upset all the time and I am trying my hardest to just focus on myself right now. I'd love to be with my ex and pretend nothing ever happened. Or acknowledge that it did and still work on our relationship. And yes, there is always probably going to be something pulling me to the other guy. Because that's just life and the situation that I am in. I would much, much, much rather be with my ex. I know him, I love him and I envisioned our future together. I did not envision a future being with a random guy who is also my babies dad.

 

I didn't say he hurt me. I may have been swayed to that side a few times because of posters here but that was never the main thought I had in my head. People HERE are the ones that are saying he hurt me.

 

 

 

 

He did not rape me. He did not hurt me. He did not pump drinks down my throat. He did not drug me. Based on everything I remember, what friends have told me and what he has told me. This is my opinion and to be frank, the only one that matters.

Edited June 8, 2016 by kailah

[kailah]

After my boyfriend of 4 years found out I cheated he did some really terrible and mean things. We both were in the wrong, though. I cheated and got pregnant, it doesn't get much worse than that. He could have handled the situation better but he has apologize profusely. It's been just about a month and he went from wanting me to get AID's and die to wanting to work things out.

 

We went out last night and it was so bitter sweet. It felt so familiar and like everything was back in place. But really, nothing was the same and it never will be again. I'm pregnant with a baby that is not his. That baby and it's father (if he decides to step up) will always be in my life, and if we are together, his life too. There will always be the reminder right in front of him that I cheated.

 

I think he is holding onto hope that the baby will be his but I know it's not. He wants me to stop all contact with the babies father and tell people it's his baby not the random guys. I can't do that.

 

Where do we go from here? We have been talking a lot but he doesn't ever want to talk about what happened. Is that normal or is he in denial? I can't handle get my heart ripped out again, not right now, there is too much going on.

[kailah]

That's what I was afraid of hearing.

 

It doesn't feel the same. It's like a piece is missing. It's so familiar that it feels like it should be normal but it's not. But I cannot expect things to go back to normal right away. Or maybe never. When we when out we went to a place we frequented for dates and for a while it felt so normal, like going back in time. And I loved it. Then nausea reminded me otherwise.

 

He sometimes throws in punches. The other day he said that he slept with other women after I told him what I did, "but at least he used protection". Which hurts me a lot but I have no place to say anything. Or tonight he said he was going out with a couple friends to a bar, "but don't worry, he won't go home with a stranger". I know he would never get along with the babies father.

 

I feel horrible enough already. It just makes me feel even worse. I don't get to enjoy the pregnancy because I can't share it with him (or anyone else) without being judged. I just have to internalize it all. But that is my own fault and what I signed up for. It would be the same regardless of being with him or not.

 

He can be incredibly sweet and caring and try to make me feel better. He knows how terrible and disgusting I feel and he will try and make it better. He asked me to go back home (we lived together) but I'm not ready yet. He wanted to have sex after we went out and got upset when I wouldn't.

 

Then he will turn around and ask for every detail I can give him and wants confirmation that the sex wasn't good. And I don't really know what to do. Do I tell him whatever he wants to know? I try leaving things out that I don't want to admit to him or that would be more hurtful. And do I tell him that it was horrid even though it wasn't?

 

It's so hard. We were together 4 years and he is who I thought I would marry, it was going to happen soon. Then I made it all crumble apart and I have never felt this bad. I don't deserve him to give me a second chance.

[DKT3]

So how many times did you make this mistake? I ask because you said you couldn't remember anything about it, but you remember that it wasn't horrid. Kinda sounds like you had an on going thing with this other guy. If its the case you have to tell it all now. If you allow this stuff to leak out out time there is no way you will work it out.

[basil67]

The only way for him to have handled this situation better would have been to dump you immediately. Given that he is staying, I think him taking out his hurt and anger on you is totally understandable.

 

Honestly? I doubt he will be with you much longer. Or if he does stay with you and is still angry and hurt, you might have to leave him because he won't be able accept the child. It won't be fair on the child to have someone in their life who can't accept them

[introverted1]

What happened when the guy you cheated with went to the ultrasound appointment with you? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/581398-i-cheated-my-boyfriend-but-don-t-remember-18.html

[smackie9]

Sorry to say this but you are being selfish for even worrying about working things out with your BF.....you should be putting this baby you are about to have first. You need to start planning and be emotionally ready to raise this child. It's worrying when you can't get your head straight on this relationship....what's it going to be like for this child when you are busy putting up with this jerk's demands, and taking his punishment he keeps dishing you????

 

Ditch this guy, you don't need him....reality check: whatever you had with him IS GONE, it's over. Next don't wait for the daddy of your child to "step up" you go have a conversation with him about child support and set boundaries on visitation and involvement with this child. You got to get your priorities straight hun.

[kailah]

What happened when the guy you cheated with went to the ultrasound appointment with you? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/581398-i-cheated-my-boyfriend-but-don-t-remember-18.html

 

He showed up. About 2 seconds after it started he walked out. We went out for coffee twice since then but he's waiting for a couple more weeks until the blood dna test can be done.

 

The only way for him to have handled this situation better would have been to dump you immediately. Given that he is staying, I think him taking out his hurt and anger on you is totally understandable.

 

Honestly? I doubt he will be with you much longer. Or if he does stay with you and is still angry and hurt, you might have to leave him because he won't be able accept the child. It won't be fair on the child to have someone in their life who can't accept them

 

I'm supposed to just let him take his anger out of me? That's not healthy for anyone and I've told him it's not okay. I've asked him to go to couples therapy with me but he doesn't want to.

 

Sorry to say this but you are being selfish for even worrying about working things out with your BF.....you should be putting this baby you are about to have first. You need to start planning and be emotionally ready to raise this child. It's worrying when you can't get your head straight on this relationship....what's it going to be like for this child when you are busy putting up with this jerk's demands, and taking his punishment he keeps dishing you????

 

Ditch this guy, you don't need him....reality check: whatever you had with him IS GONE, it's over. Next don't wait for the daddy of your child to "step up" you go have a conversation with him about child support and set boundaries on visitation and involvement with this child. You got to get your priorities straight hun.

 

It's not like I'm trying to get into a new relationship... I'm trying to salvage the one that I already had, which was a long term relationship not a dinky little thing. The baby is my first priority. There is only so much planning you can do when you are 7 weeks pregnant.

 

I have told myself and him that he cannot treat me like that and we have to try and work it out or not be together. I wouldn't let that treatment be around a baby. We just started trying to fix it. Apparently he "had" to f*ck other women to be "even".

[DKT3]

I noticed you answered everything except the true nature of your relationship with this other guy which tells me you have indeed had more of a relationship then your even willing to admit.

 

You can run from that, if you plan a long term relationship with your boyfriend then this is something you have to be honest about. If this other guy is indeed the father then it's almost certain the sexual history will come out. Don't run from it, face it now and give the relationship a real shot.