I am stuck

[Amillionpieces]

It's a coincidence but I see my shrink tmr morning. It's the best thing that could happen.

 

I. Am. Losing it.

 

Except I'm still. Like a statue. Frozen. No shower no housework no supper. Just frozen. I have to work tmr. WITH MM.

[ChickiePops]

For me I think it comes down to how it's dispensed with regards to how well it will be received.

 

I'm talking in generalities of these threads here, and not specific to this one per say. But even in my short time here, I've seen some pretty harsh words and advise sent at OW's.

 

It's a coincidence but I see my shrink tmr morning. It's the best thing that could happen.

 

I. Am. Losing it.

 

Except I'm still. Like a statue. Frozen. No shower no housework no supper. Just frozen. I have to work tmr. WITH MM.

 

Don't you have kids? You need to pull it together for them.

[sandylee1]

Don't you have kids? You need to pull it together for them.

 

The kids are with their dad. This is evidence that affairs can drive you to a really bad place mentally. Is this the price of love for you? Your sanity.

 

Maybe this will be your happy ever after with your AP if his wife fully gives him the boot.

[privategal]

A million peices, unfortunately it is inpossible to have sympathy for you as you came here and literally asked, postef a thread on how not to get caught.

You were warned and had your eyes wide open as a long standing member here.

You chose this, you need to face this but you dont get to cower and whine how you are frozen and cant eat when you were told many times over that this would be the outcome if you proceed.

You chose to proceed in a really calculated way admitting to knowing full well you could be caught.

Its so senseless you dont sit down now and come clean. How cold can you be so cold when you and ap were caught red handed?

He has your kids right now and is in confusion and broken and your letting him proceed to try to find the truth while you cry over it all. Woman UP...the gig is up. You look like oj in the courtroom.

Be honest. Make one good decision finally.

Edited June 6, 2016 by privategal

[Bittersweetie]

Million,

I didn't see your thread until now.

 

I had a d-day. It was one of the worst days of my life. Seeing my husband angry and in pain, all because of MY ACTIONS.

 

I wanted to not tell him things, keep it inside until the day I died, because I didn't want to hurt him more. Plus I was ashamed of myself and what I'd done.

 

However, I realized I had two choices. I could continue to be an unhealthy liar or I could start to live with integrity. My personal integrity by then was non-existent.

 

I chose integrity. It was really, really freaking hard. I'm not going to lie. But I told him it all. And that was where my life turned. My integrity and self-esteem slowly, slowly, started to grow. Not only because I was no longer lying to my partner, but I was no longer lying to myself. Plus my husband had all the facts and was able to make choices his life based on reality, not what he thought was reality.

 

Come clean with your H. Not telling him is only going to make things worse. He deserves to know the status of his life, give him that respect. I know it will hurt and will upend everything your life has stood on. Because I've been there.

 

But now, six years later, I am better. I am so much more healthier than I was back then. I walked one step at a time, slowly, painfully, afraid, toward an authentic life. But I got here. You can too.

 

Also, please stop with all the drinking especially on the medication. I know you want to escape, and feel numb so not to face everything. But please, it is not healthy and not safe.

 

Good luck.

[Amillionpieces]

Well he kicked me out. I'm at my step mom's house.

[66Charger]

Your life needs a time out.

[Onlywhenitrains]

I mean this in a very nice way without trying to be harsh - how about trying to re-read some of the advice you've gotten on this thread? And, re-read, and re-read...especially the advice from privategal for example.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Sorry but...you are not on point.

Op posted here in January...6 months ago with the thread "how did you get caught" seeking advice how not to get caught....shes read here for 6 months noe her and her AP are both....."CAUGHT" and both spouses, both APs and children are paying.

Should people have been kinder and more sugar coated witnessing the results? She didnt listen. The consequences for all involved will be devastating so sorry if people arent gentle with her feelings while innocent people are now devastated and suffering.

 

 

Yes, there were posters who advocated ending the affair and being honest.

 

To be fair to the OP, she did "listen" to the more than one poster who suggested to continue to lie and deal with it "if" she were to be caught. There was a lot of minimizing of how important honesty (self-incrimination) would be for her.

 

Was this foreseeable? Absolutely.

Were there folks offering her a flashlight? Absolutely

 

I guess when you are residing in a munitions building...it's hard to tell the flashlights from the sticks of dynamite.

[ChickiePops]

Well he kicked me out. I'm at my step mom's house.

 

I mean..what were you expecting to happen? You're very lucky you have someplace to go. Use this time wisely and come up with a plan on how to get your life back on track.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Well he kicked me out. I'm at my step mom's house.

 

My mom keeps telling me "this too shall pass" i tend to agree. Once you hit rock bottom there is only one way to go and that is up.

[Friskyone4u]

Well he kicked me out. I'm at my step mom's house.

 

Just curious OP. What did you expect him to do?????

 

You have not uttered one word about your husbands feelings, have done nothing but try to protect this OM regardless of the consequences to your family, but it seems you expected your husband to just shrug and say no problem finding out how meaningless he was to you.

 

I hope your shrink can help you. It did not matter how good or bad the advice was on your other thread, as you had no intention of taking any of it so this outcome was inevitable. unfortunately, so are the consequences.

 

Marriages have a much better chance of surviving infidelity if there is a total cessation of the lying and betrayal. You apparently have decided that if your husband never finds out who this guy is that you can continue to work with him and continue the affair.

 

Very sad because you had plenty of time to come to your senses.

[66Charger]

You should read other threads on this side and the infidelity side to see your future.

 

How long will it be before your mm is on his knees to his wife and children? Who do you think is going to get thrown under the bus? Mm lie really good. He might save his marriage. You refused to come clean and give your husband information. You probaly wont save your marriage, nor should you.

 

If i had any advice it would be to call a time out. Save yourself. Don't fall. Stop with the pills and alcohol. Take a breather from the ap and clear your head.

 

Why do I bother. More than likely, you are back at work, desperately trying to talk to your mm.

[whichwayisup]

Well he kicked me out. I'm at my step mom's house.

 

How did your counseling session go?

 

Did you expect anything less? As per your husband kicking you out....

 

I do hope now you come clean, admit everything even if it hurts him to hear it all...He deserves to know the absolute truth so when he wants to talk and ask questions, please answer all that he wants to know. You are rock bottom pretty much... Maybe, just maybe, if you're honest with your husband he'll find some respect for you and be willing to at least mend fences so you two can co parent your children together without hating you. Or maybe you should divorce him since it seems you don't love, respect or care about your husband.

[Jersey born raised]

Why did you actually leave. Legally a spouse cannot kick the other out. You can only force a spouse out if you obtained a TRO.

[immokk]

Why did you actually leave. Legally a spouse cannot kick the other out. You can only force a spouse out if you obtained a TRO.

 

I'd like to re-iterate this.

 

I haven't read the whole thread, there seem to be plenty of folk involved in this and although I would not advocate hurting you H any further I would kindly say that neither of you should be 'homeless'.

 

See a lawyer and try and get yourself together. Good luck.

[Amillionpieces]

I told the kids that we are separating. They took it as well as can be expected. The two younger ones came out with me for a few days. I'm lucky that my step mom is excellent and is giving us use of the car and so on.

 

I still haven't communicated with husband. He refuses. However he will text with me about the kids which is all I can ask for.

 

I don't know what will happen here on out but I know husband and I need a sit down. He said he might be ready next week.

[HeCantBreakMe]

I told the kids that we are separating. They took it as well as can be expected. The two younger ones came out with me for a few days. I'm lucky that my step mom is excellent and is giving us use of the car and so on.

 

I still haven't communicated with husband. He refuses. However he will text with me about the kids which is all I can ask for.

 

I don't know what will happen here on out but I know husband and I need a sit down. He said he might be ready next week.

 

Do you still love your husband? Give him some time to deal with this but if you really love him- fight for him!

[DKT3]

Do you still love your husband? Give him some time to deal with this but if you really love him- fight for him!

 

As a former betrayed husband I'm not sure that is good advice. When my wife fought to save our marriage it left me confused and angry. Many times a ws see their actions as those to minimize the pain but we see them as simply dishonest and disingenuous. As he starts to put the puzzle together over the course of her affair if she is too present (against his wishes) it will intensity his angry. In my opinion the best thing to do, if she is interested, is make her intentions known leave the doors of communication open and exist stage left.

[HeCantBreakMe]

As a former betrayed husband I'm not sure that is good advice. When my wife fought to save our marriage it left me confused and angry. Many times a ws see their actions as those to minimize the pain but we see them as simply dishonest and disingenuous. As he starts to put the puzzle together over the course of her affair if she is too present (against his wishes) it will intensity his angry. In my opinion the best thing to do, if she is interested, is make her intentions known leave the doors of communication open and exist stage left.

 

Come from a husband who has been through a WS I will defer to you on this one. What about MC? Did you and your WS go through MC together?

 

Were you able to reconcile DKT3? Did you catch her or did she confess?

 

Sorry so many questions but I would be very interested in your thoughts.

[anika99]

I told the kids that we are separating. They took it as well as can be expected. The two younger ones came out with me for a few days. I'm lucky that my step mom is excellent and is giving us use of the car and so on.

 

I still haven't communicated with husband. He refuses. However he will text with me about the kids which is all I can ask for.

 

I don't know what will happen here on out but I know husband and I need a sit down. He said he might be ready next week.

 

Thank goodness for both of you that your husband took some action and put a stop to the ongoing charades. There really was no point in continuing on in the marriage as things were. You being in love with another man and lying to your spouse while pining for another, and your spouse being in misery knowing that his wife is choosing to protect her lover over being honest. That's a really crappy marriage and not worth maintaining. If you are going to have a talk with him next week I hope you will be honest with him as he is obviously desperate for that.

[DKT3]

Come from a husband who has been through a WS I will defer to you on this one. What about MC? Did you and your WS go through MC together?

 

Were you able to reconcile DKT3? Did you catch her or did she confess?

 

Sorry so many questions but I would be very interested in your thoughts.

 

My story is posted in all its nasty details as well as my wife who also posts here, not much anymore.

 

We were divorced spent years apart and remarried last November.

 

A combination, she made comments that sealed the deal, mostly I knew the entire time I was cursed with this unbelievable ability to pick up on minor changes. I noticed everything but fought my mind with my heart and ego every step of the way

[sandylee1]

There's a few posts about Amillionpieces trying to save her marriage, but she's made it clear she doesn't want that. She's previously asked for D, but finances were an issue.

 

She is passionate about another man and isn't about her husband. Continuing would be a waste of everyone's time and moving on to find a woman who loves him and vice versa will be much better.

 

Even though you didn't want your husband sexually, you said in another thread you couldn't handle him being with another woman when in house seperation and independent dating was suggested. You didn't want him, but he shouldn't have a woman who does .... that's just selfish and hypocritical.

[Amillionpieces]

It's not like that. I want husband to be happy. I hate what this has done to him. He doesn't deserve it.

 

I'm focusing on my kids right now because it's all I can do.

 

I cried at work yesterday like a blubbering mess. It just all came out. The end of my marriage but also the end of all my hopes and dreams for my life.

 

And it's all my fault.

 

I have been very selfish and The realization that I am not the good person I thought I was hurts me the most. I don't know what I am.

[malvern99]

Have you told your BH the truth yet or are you still denying him even that?

 

Now is not the time to throw yourself a pity party OP. You need to put your big girl pants on and deal with this mess head on. Your words say you hate what you have done to your BH, but your actions so far say the complete opposite. Broaden your perspective a little OP. This situation is about much more than just you. You may have created it, but others are now paying the price.

 

Are you in IC OP?