Men who follow lot of women at Instagram?

[Buddhist]

Sorry folks but I just can't stand the gender bias being displayed here. No-ones gender makes their intent inherently more sexual than otherwise merely because they look at a member of the opposite sex. It's basically being touted that it's impossible for a man to look at a picture of woman without feeling sexual excitement and that must be his sole intent in doing so.

 

I just cannot agree with that, it's so close to the Victorian idea that women are inherently emotional because they are women. And if anyone on LS had dared to state as much there would be no end of the drama it creates. Sadly I'm actually not at all in agreement with the people on this thread putting forth that idea. It is projection and pretty lazy projection at that.

 

If the OP doesn't like this habit of her boyfriends then she is free to find someone who doesn't have it.

Edited May 28, 2016 by Buddhist

[SammySammy]

But these guys on social media are doing more than looking snd moving on. They add these women as "friends", they follow them...so, each time they put up another scantily selfie the guy is notified and he "likes", comments, and/or stares at it.

 

Yes, I look up images of guys and gals and my intent isn't to bone them. Sometimes I'm comparing dress style, fitness, looks, to mine....I look at Angelina Jolie now and then and yes, if she'd invite me to a 3some I'd be there with bells. But then again, I'd be intimidated by her prowess But really, I look at her images out of admiration - not cuz I'm some guy getting a hardon.

 

I mean really? A guy looks at fitness models cuz he's admiring their workout routine? Come on, really? Modern day fitness models are just like strippers...they run around half naked and dance all over.

 

As I was saying earlier, I think what you really have a problem with is the liking, commenting and contacting the women. That's a separate issue from just looking at a picture. In my opinion ....

 

However, in fairness to you, I realized that my perspective may be different from others because of the photography background. I look at lots of pictures. I've taken lots of pictures. Lots of pictures of women. I've taught photography classes. Critiqued lots of pictures. So, what I'm seeing may be a lot different from what others see.

 

I prefer Tumblr to Instagram and contacting people there is even easier than Instagram. I never have. It's about the pictures for me. I'm interested in and appreciate a lot of things. Some happen to be women.

 

Your problem is with guys violating the bounds of their relationship by reaching out to other women. Not the pictures themselves.

Edited May 28, 2016 by MidKnightDreams

[bluefeather]

The men who do this, I see as creeps. But what of the women who allow it? They, too, play a part in it.

 

I remember a girl I was starting to talk to telling me to follow her on one of those sites. I had heard of them before, but never looked into what they were about. So I asked, "What is it?" She then walks me to the computer and brings up her site, and shows me... pictures.. and more pictures... scroll down and yet more pictures. Some of them flirtatious and revealing. It seemed odd, like I'd accidently stumbled into pictures she'd sent to lovers. But I didn't. They were there for anyone.

 

I later found out that random people followed her, people she didn't know, yet they had access to personal images and whatever comments were on her pages. A stalker could gather a lot of information from that. But to her, it seemed like a popularity game. It's a strange time that we live in. It's as if voyeurism is a hidden norm, inside social media. That's not to say voyeurism is bad. But when a guy is giving 100 "likes" to girls' various poses (especially if while in a relationship), and it's masked as simply "following," there is something twisted about that. And just the same for the girl who is not only ok with that, but feeds off of it, in the guise of self-expression.

[Fruitee]

As I understood it, your original Q had to do with a guy following women on social media. To me that means the guy is "friends" with these people & as such receives photos they chose to share with the world, him included because they accepted his friend request. He may or may not like the pictures he sees & he may or may not comment on them. He's not forcing himself on someone who doesn't want to be associated with him. He's not harassing these women. He looks at the photos the women posted.

 

 

To me the above behavior is no big deal & the # of women a man is friends with OL is irrelevant to any analysis I would do about the man. Social media doesn't mean that much to me.

 

 

His behavior is clearly making you crazy. So that means if his behavior is unacceptable to you, then you get to vote with your feet & dissociate yourself from him. Just because I think that would be an overreaction also has no moment. I'm not you. You and I don't know each other. So my opinion doesn't have to matter to you.

 

 

What you can't do is try to force this guy to change his ways to suit you.

 

 

If he is cyber bullying somebody that may be a different story All you said was that he was "following" a large # of women. Now following them IRL would be stalking but the OL meaning is far more innocuous. You never said his behavior was vulgar. All he did was react to what the posters put out there. While I really don't blame the victim, I do think that when women act a certain way, they can't complain too loudly about certain reactions, e.g. you wear a short skirt & high heels, getting indignant & throwing a feminist rant is not fair but on the other end of the spectrum, you walk down the street naked, that is still not an invitation to rape or sexual assault.

 

The make one thing clear 1st. His behaviour is not driving me crazy. And secondly my point about cyber bullying etc was about someone stating that social media is pointless and meaningless. When it clearly isnt.

[Emilia]

Sure, if I walk by a pretty girl, I will check her out. I don't equate that to following a bunch of Instagram attention seekers though. To me, that is more like hanging outside the window of the yoga class and watching those women all day, and smiling, and waving to them while you do it.

Yes this is a good analogy.

[mikeylo]

Modern day fitness models are just like strippers...they run around half naked and dance all over.

 

True that ! And you see so many men drooling over them and their workout regime.

 

Like I said in another thread, people are very accepting , open etc to each and every behavior behind the screen and I'm sure, in real life it's not even 10% that are accepting !

 

Social media is ruining an already lost generation in relationships. Everyone wants a healthy , happy relationship but doesn't wanna do dime of a work and learn the basics.

[SammySammy]

This is absolutely ridiculous. Makes no sense whatsoever.

 

Some women are always looking for someone or something to blame for their problems.

 

It's like those women whose husbands stop having sex with them. One of the first things someone here asks is does he masturbate or watch porn. Invariably she says yes and the hoards chime in chanting that he MUST stop masturbating and watching porn because THAT is the problem.

 

When the truth of the matter is if he was proposition by his favorite celebrity he would have no trouble getting aroused and giving her his very best.

 

The painful truth is the guy doesn't want to have sex with his wife ... because he doesn't want to have sex with his wife. Not because he masturbates or watches porn. But, don't tell the masses here that.

 

If your man is trying to pick up women on social media, he's probably texting women, calling women, and trying to pick up women in person also.

 

Some women don't want the face the fact that their man is a jerk ... because he's a jerk. Not because he looks at pictures on Instagram. Instagram models aren't making your man a jerk. He just is one. He would be a jerk if there was no such thing as Instagram.

 

And his behavior cannot be extrapolated to all men who look at pictures online. Simply because all men who look at pictures online aren't trying to pick up women online.

 

That's the truth whether anybody agrees with me or not.

[Fruitee]

^ So who has hard time accepting that guy who drools over other women or whatnot is a jerk? I thought that was already decided?

[xxoo]

People realize you can search and check out Instagram profiles without actually following them, right?

 

Also realize that others can see who/what you follow? Like your partner, you partner's friends, your partner's mother....

 

Sure, both men and women notice and check out sexy people. But mature people are discreet about it, so as not to be an embarrassment. That's what I expect in a partner, and what I offer. I mean, I like to look at men's forearms as much as the next chick, but I can use my Google skills when I feel the need for that eye candy. I don't need everyone and their mother to know that I like men's forearms.

[katiegrl]

Since the birth of social media (FB, Instagram, etc),, are there any studies that show the percentage of couples who remain in relationships long term or stay married?

 

No doubt there are marriages that last a very long time or forever, but if I had to venture a guess those couples got married before the birth of social media and don't engage/use except perhaps for business purposes or to keep in touch with close friends ...

Edited May 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[Fruitee]

Well I dont think people get divorced because of social media. I just think it has made the pool for options wider and lead to more temptation and not everyone is able to resist it. And social media makes it easier to get caught.

[katiegrl]

Well I dont think people get divorced because of social media. I just think it has made the pool for options wider and lead to more temptation and not everyone is able to resist it. And social media makes it easier to get caught.

 

I do.... for exactly the reasons you state above ^^

 

It starts out with *liking* a pic then it escalates to sending a message, to chatting then meeting....

 

I really do believe social media, dating sites are destroying relationships/marriages.

 

It started slowly but is now escalating and is getting out of control.

 

Just read these threads in the OM/OW, cheating and break up sections.

 

I have also witnessed it in real life among couples I know.

 

And it is not just men either!

Edited May 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[Fruitee]

^ People having been cheating even before social media. Now it is just so much easier.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I do.... for exactly the reasons you state above ^^

 

It starts out with *liking* a pic then it escalates to sending a message, to chatting then meeting....

 

I really do believe social media, dating sites are destroying relationships/marriages.

 

It started slowly but is now escalating and is getting out of control.

 

Just read these threads in the OM/OW, cheating and break up sections.

 

I have also witnessed it in real life among couples I know.

 

And it is not just men either!

 

Absolutely!

 

You can't be so naive to think otherwise.

 

For me, I couldn't date anyone who was so obsessed with their phone and keeping tabs on and connecting with others through all their social media channels.

 

It's one thing to use it to keep in touch with family and friends living abroad or especially a business/charity that requires effort to remain connected and current but it's another thing when it's just about satisfying some selfish need that runs deeper than innocent platonic pleasantries.

 

That's just not how I choose to relate to people nor would tolerate being with anyone who felt differently. Technology and social media has already robbed us of so much including and especially our interpersonal abilities. I prefer to remain as old school as possible while I still have the choice.

[katiegrl]

^ People having been cheating even before social media. Now it is just so much easier.

 

Yes I know but it has become much more prevalent now, for precisely the reason you say above, it has become soooooo much easier..

 

Starts out innocent enough like liking a pic, but then it escalates.

 

I would never disregard my bf liking pics of random girls on social media, and justify by saying "it is just social media."

 

It goes to intention, and jmo but this is not behavior a committed man or woman should be engaging in.

 

Recipe for disaster ......

[xxoo]

I wouldn't even be worried about cheating. I'd just be embarrassed that my man is displaying his collection of girly-pics to the world And turned off.

[Emilia]

^ So who has hard time accepting that guy who drools over other women or whatnot is a jerk? I thought that was already decided?

I think they are a jerk if they do it in front of you or if they don't care that you find out but not necessarily if they are out with their mates and get a bit of banter going. Or drool in the privacy of their bedroom (that's what watching porn is,right?) - as much as I agreed with engima's post. A lot of guys will trawl through youtube clips and stuff you'll never find out about, it's just the way it is. Men like to drool, you have to deal with that.

 

What matters is how considerate they are towards you.

[Emilia]

Yes I know but it has become much more prevalent now, for precisely the reason you say above, it has become soooooo much easier..

 

Starts out innocent enough like liking a pic, but then it escalates.

 

I would never disregard my bf liking pics of random girls on social media, and justify by saying "it is just social media."

 

It goes to intention, and jmo but this is not behavior a committed man or woman should be engaging in.

 

Recipe for disaster ......

But guys collect pics today the way they used to collect porn mags in the old days. I don't see the difference if they don't contact the women.

[katiegrl]

Please.

 

Men see pretty women walk in front of them, take a glance ... and go about their business. Men do that all day, every day around the world. IN PERSON! Do you mean to tell me we can't do that to a picture!? Are you serious?

 

I'm not buying it, enigma.

 

Yes they do glance which is fine, but a man in a committed relationship actually *liking* a pic is the equivalent of a guy in a committed relationship approaching a strange woman on the street and telling her how hot she is.....

 

What is his intention for doing that? What if she tells him she finds him hot too?

 

Then they start chatting, then exchange numbers.... you get the pictute.

 

How would you feel if your gf did that?

[Fruitee]

Well i dont think liking a picture is that bad but if dude or gal spends like most of their time doing that he or she has a problem.

[katiegrl]

But guys collect pics today the way they used to collect porn mags in the old days. I don't see the difference if they don't contact the women.

 

Not talking about looking and even collecting if that's his/her thing..

 

But actually liking a stranger's pic? A woman he doesn't know?

 

Read my previous post 72 about real life, what if she likes his photo back?

 

Now he is really curious and sends a message.

Then she sends one back.

 

And thus the impropriety begins....... what is his intention for liking her pic and her seeing that he liked her pic?

 

Why not just look and admire ?

 

Why is that not enough? He is in a committed relationship for heaven's sake.

 

Asking for trouble IMO.

Edited May 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[SammySammy]

Yes they do glance which is fine, but a man in a committed relationship actually *liking* a pic is the equivalent of a guy in a committed relationship approaching a strange woman on the street and telling her how hot she is.....

 

What is his intention for doing that? What if she tells him she finds him hot too?

 

Then they start chatting, then exchange numbers.... you get the pictute.

 

How would you feel if your gf did that?

 

Funny you should ask. My last girlfriend is part of the reason I feel the way I do.

 

She and I were very secure in our relationship. People outside of our relationship finding us attractive was an everyday occurrence. We were both aware that we found others attractive. She knew my ideal type, I knew hers (I was not it), but, that knowledge was not a threat to our relationship because we CHOSE to be together. We never freaked out or gave each grief because there were other people in the periphery.

 

What would have threatened our relationship is deciding to pursue one of those people.

 

Still, that would have been a decision we made. It wouldn't be social media causing a rift in our relationship, but our own actions.

 

My point all along is that we have to put the blame in the right place. Following a model and viewing pictures is one thing. Contacting a model and seeking to meet up ... while you're in a relationship ... is something else.

 

I think it's possible to separate the two. Viewing pictures, in and of itself, is not automatically a threat to a relationship in my opinion.

[katiegrl]

Funny you should ask. My last girlfriend is part of the reason I feel the way I do.

 

She and I were very secure in our relationship. People outside of our relationship finding us attractive was an everyday occurrence. We were both aware that we found others attractive. She knew my ideal type, I knew hers (I was not it), but, that knowledge was not a threat to our relationship because we CHOSE to be together. We never freaked out or gave each grief because there were other people in the periphery.

 

What would have threatened our relationship is deciding to pursue one of those people.

 

Still, that would have been a decision we made. It wouldn't be social media causing a rift in our relationship, but our own actions.

 

My point all along is that we have to put the blame in the right place. Following a model and viewing pictures is one thing. Contacting a model and seeking to meet up ... while you're in a relationship ... is something else.

 

I think it's possible to separate the two. Viewing pictures, in and of itself, is not automatically a threat to a relationship in my opinion.

 

Once again I am *not* talking about *viewing*. Viewing, looking, admiring, collecting is FINE.

 

Please read my posts again....

 

Thank you.

 

If you still don't understand my point and the difference between looking, viewing and admiring ..... which again is fine..... and actually clicking and *liking*.... then I don't know what else to say.

 

That said, if you and your gf don't have a problem with each of you liking stranger's pics (and I don mean silently liking but actually clicking on like so she can see you liked it) or approaching a strange woman/man on the street and telling her/him how hot they are, which is no different IMO, then that is okay!

 

Whatever works for you......none of my business.

 

Just not for me, tis all.

 

While innocent enough on its face, clicking and liking a pic or pics and the women seeing that you liked them, which may prompt her to like back or even send a message, I think leads to trouble... for reasons explained in my previous posts....

Edited May 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gloria25]

I think they are a jerk if they do it in front of you or if they don't care that you find out but not necessarily if they are out with their mates and get a bit of banter going. Or drool in the privacy of their bedroom (that's what watching porn is,right?) - as much as I agreed with engima's post. A lot of guys will trawl through youtube clips and stuff you'll never find out about, it's just the way it is. Men like to drool, you have to deal with that.

 

What matters is how considerate they are towards you.

 

And many people who carry out real life affairs are also lying to their SO, smiling in their face and treating them with "consideration"...in other words, they're capable of living a double life. Does that mean it's ok that they cheat then?

[Revolver]

Many of those instagram "models" are prostitutes