Obsessively stalking the wife

[Midwestmissy]

same, red 123. He can't believe he fell for the over the top attention from someone he barely knew instead of appreciating the people who truly loved him. He thought he was playing her, he sees they were playing each other and none of it was based on anything other than a shared lie. He lost a lot in 6 months, time with his kids he won't get back - time when they respected him.

 

As to the original post, I think a lot of women are nosier than men - not all - but I can guarantee you my husband doesn't google his xmow, he's too ashamed of himself. And she's not particularly attractive. He said (as an analogy, not the same thing) it feels like when you've gone a drunken bender, danced on tabletops, danced with anyone, made a dam fool of yourself publicly, thought it was awesome then wake up the next day and just cringe as the events start to replay in your mind. And you certainly don't want to see the pictures or find the receipts in your pockets, etc - you just want the whole thing to disappear. However, I find her tweets amusing and so I continue. Plus, she looks like a hot mess and things don't seem so great for her, and that makes me feel good. Her career and marriage are in the toilet (she's 50) and she's onto other married men, she's like a broken record. It's shallow and immature behavior on my part, but there you go. It beats the heck out of getting revenge, or harassing her or contacting her or doing things I'd regret.

[ladydesigner]

same, red 123. He can't believe he fell for the over the top attention from someone he barely knew instead of appreciating the people who truly loved him.

 

Totally! I will never understand this. My WH actually told me he needed to be sure that I was "The One." What does that even mean? I thought I was "The One" when he married me.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Totally! I will never understand this. My WH actually told me he needed to be sure that I was "The One." What does that even mean? I thought I was "The One" when he married me.

 

Crikey LD, what a thing to say! But then I think we've heard some ridiculous nonsense out of the waywards mouths to be sure haven't we?

 

That one just seems particularly daft!

[xxoo]

His wife is stunning.. I can't get over that.. I have to do something about my esteem damage at this point..

 

 

I feel for you, and wish you freedom of mind from this man.

 

When considering his wife and her choices, imagine the self esteem damage she's been subjected to for the entire length of her marriage. This man is poison. You are blessed to be free of him. She hasn't been as lucky, but at least you can empathize and understand why she may not make the best choices.

[Doublegold]

Fakebook is best when it is treated as a book of "tall tales" and not a non-fiction history book.

 

That being said, HLS has a Fakebook, and was quiet happy posting standard photos of her extended family or sentimental areas. She was told by AP not to post anything about him or any photos of him. She was happy to oblige because as he said she really had more interest in her world.

 

Until he sat her down and told her some revelations. Basically things he felt he would be judged for. And also the I don't love you romantically anymore and we will tie up the loose ends of our business and live separate lives until our crap gets straightened out and then move on. And took his wedding ring off.

 

Thats when she posted the profile pic of them at a family wedding, posing with the kids like happy family. It stayed up perhaps an hour--he told her to take it down...."But how will it look to others if I take it down"?? Bingo.

 

The ironic part about this Facebook discussion some of us are having on this thread in our case is--he has a FB himself.

 

But she doesn't know.

Edited May 28, 2016 by Doublegold

[KathL]

Okay update:

 

After not hearing from MM for one month (the longest ever non-contact), exactly since our last meet up, he finally messaged me few hours back.

 

I didn't click on the messages coz otherwise, it would have been shown with the two blue ticks on whatsapp. I just directly deleted the messages.

[Cymbeline]

That was a strong thing to do. I'd have found it hard - and I'm a stalked wife! Congratulations.

[lemondrop21]

Okay update:

 

After not hearing from MM for one month (the longest ever non-contact), exactly since our last meet up, he finally messaged me few hours back.

 

I didn't click on the messages coz otherwise, it would have been shown with the two blue ticks on whatsapp. I just directly deleted the messages.

 

Enjoy that little boost you'll get today from having completely ignored! You're taking your power back. Not that you ever lost it to begin with, you merely thought you did .

[loveisanaction]

Okay update:

 

After not hearing from MM for one month (the longest ever non-contact), exactly since our last meet up, he finally messaged me few hours back.

 

I didn't click on the messages coz otherwise, it would have been shown with the two blue ticks on whatsapp. I just directly deleted the messages.

 

 

 

Isn't it amazing that is wife is actually beautiful? Goes to show that you could be the prettiest girl in the world and that will not prevent your husband from cheating.

 

Many times i have read that people cheat because they're unhappy in their marriage or that something is missing in it. I disagree; you could be the happiest person in the world and still cheat. I've read stories on here of women having wonderful husbands, husbands who love and adore them, nothing is wrong with the marriage but the woman meets a guy, has this amazing spark with him, gets into affair with him, falls crazily for him and because she can't be with him becomes so miserable she's put on anti-depressants.

 

Men are the same...they'll have a wonderful marriage with a great wife and family yet still go outside of the marriage for sex and/or companionship.

 

Humans...

[Doublegold]

Sounds like La La Land from all sides to me.

 

But then again you just post, you have never been in an affair, correct?

[13Hearts]

Okay, obviously this is not something I am proud to confess.

 

MM told me long time ago that he doesn't have a FB account. But some time back, I tried to search relentlessly by typing in the keywords on FB search machine which led me to his high school friend's profile with the mention of the birth of their first daughter and the wife's name, as well as a bunch of high school reunion photos etc.

 

Subsequently, I found their wedding albums online where the bride and bridegroom looked happy in photos!! I cant believe that MM lied about the age he got married!!

 

Oh gosh, I know mine was a physical affair but MM did compliment a ****load about me from the start to make me feel so goddamn special. Now, that was a real slap in the face because I felt like a piece of garbage if I were to stand next to the wife because the wife is undeniably stunningly gorgeous. And me, being nothing more than a 10 years younger fresh meat, was naively ridiculous to think that MM was happy when he was with me because maybe.. the wife at home was possibly unattractive.. but that was obviously not the case.

 

Then I found out the wife's FB account, her full names, her workplace, her cellphone number (I added her as my contact just so I could get to see her changing the whatsapp profile pic) and her colleagues. Through there, I found out another bunch of her photos (dated many years back till the most recent ones), be it through the work events she participated in or taken from her friends' social media accounts. So she is still a working professional, keeping herself in good shape despite the age.. with nice make up and whatnot..

 

Since then, I loathed myself. The last meetup with MM was more than 3 weeks ago. We have yet to text each other once ever since then. Then I realized another hard truth - apart from the initial wooing stage, I was mostly the one initiating the contact for remaining of the year and creating/ manipulating the opportunities to meet him, without knowing the true extent of his enthusiasm. I guess whenever I did offer to meet him, men generally would feel flattered and would not turn down such effortless booty calls.

 

Now when I finally stopped the initiating ****, as time passed by, I could finally see the reality for what it is. I went from the initial confidence that he would surely contact me by the first week to depression when he is still not contacting me now when entering the 4th week. I have yet to block him because I am still waiting for him to initial contact just so I can ignore him (what a sweet revenge it is gonna be).. but these days, it is really hard to stomach the reality that I am worse than a prostitute or escort, not even a friend whom he would spend 5 minutes asking how I was doing lately albeit how busy he was..

 

I haven't read your entire thread but here is my advice: Block him, block his phone number from your phones, block his email, and for God's sake, block his wife from your social media accounts so you can stop obsessing over them and him. You need to do this for yourself. This is how you take care of YOU.

 

You are not going to win at the revenge game. You are not going to be able to tell him off, cuss him out, or in any way verbally communicate with him in any satisfying manner. Why? Because he is a sick person who will never be able to validate your feelings or your self-worth the way you need. You gain that by moving on, strengthening yourself, and talking to people who love and care about you. And this guy's not it.

 

He is bad for you and I hope you remove him from your life soon, and completely.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Okay update:

 

After not hearing from MM for one month (the longest ever non-contact), exactly since our last meet up, he finally messaged me few hours back.

 

I didn't click on the messages coz otherwise, it would have been shown with the two blue ticks on whatsapp. I just directly deleted the messages.

 

KathL, i just did a little happy dance for you!:laugh: Nice job! Now, block and delete! You took the power back now keep it. It took him one month to reach out to you? that should tell you where you fall in his life.. Block and Delete and MOVE on!

 

Great job you are a lesson to me!

[KathL]

KathL, i just did a little happy dance for you!:laugh: Nice job! Now, block and delete! You took the power back now keep it. It took him one month to reach out to you? that should tell you where you fall in his life.. Block and Delete and MOVE on!

 

Great job you are a lesson to me!

Thanks hehe..

Finding out their wedding photos is the final blow for me.. then I recalled all the little things happened that made me mad or miserable over past 1 year, thing has never been this clear to me and now I am firmer than ever not to ever go back there

 

Hope you find your power, peace of mind and happiness soon!!

[HeCantBreakMe]

Thanks hehe..

Finding out their wedding photos is the final blow for me.. then I recalled all the little things happened that made me mad or miserable over past 1 year, thing has never been this clear to me and now I am firmer than ever not to ever go back there

 

Hope you find your power, peace of mind and happiness soon!!

 

I have blocked mine from social media. I just couldn't stand to look at pictures of him and his wife all love dovey. I know that it is Fakebook and I understand that but I do know that one time when we were fighting he put a picture up at them and then later told me it was to get a reaction from me. I figure if i can't see anything he can't get a reaction!

 

lesson to all OP. Remember Fakebook can just be your MM trying to get a reaction from you especially if you are in NC.

[ladydesigner]

Okay update:

 

After not hearing from MM for one month (the longest ever non-contact), exactly since our last meet up, he finally messaged me few hours back.

 

I didn't click on the messages coz otherwise, it would have been shown with the two blue ticks on whatsapp. I just directly deleted the messages.

 

You go girl!!! Where is the emoji for fist pound?

 

Strong move on your part KathL.

[lemondrop21]

I have blocked mine from social media. I just couldn't stand to look at pictures of him and his wife all love dovey. I know that it is Fakebook and I understand that but I do know that one time when we were fighting he put a picture up at them and then later told me it was to get a reaction from me. I figure if i can't see anything he can't get a reaction!

 

lesson to all OP. Remember Fakebook can just be your MM trying to get a reaction from you especially if you are in NC.

 

How very mature of him. What on earth would his wife think if she knew he was using their photos to play games with his AP. That is shameful.

 

I hope this is on your list of reasons why you're done with him.

[Girlfromcali]

Wow...this brings back bad memories. When I broke the A off about a year ago, immediately after (I mean one day after we broke up) every single social media was filled with how he loves his W to death, she's his soulmate, how they need to spend quality time together -this was the same time I was supposed to have been there having sex with him!

Thank god I didn't go...thank god it ended when it did.

 

I remember the pain I felt reading all that back then. I do not look any social media or Internet site where there's any possibility I could see anything about him or the W anymore. That is unbearable to even remember now.

 

And yeah...I do not believe anyone's happy Fakebook posts about their happy family anymore..

[Raena]

The OW in my situation did this to me and I have to tell you, it made me sick to my stomach to know that some stranger was not only screwing my man but that she was stalking me also. It's creepy. Stop that!

 

OK... to be fair, I did it right back to her once I found out who she was. I found all sorts of pictures and whatnot. It made me laugh really because it showed me what a fraud she was. She called me fat and then I found old pics of her on myspace where she was chunky. She commented that my house is a pigsty but yet every picture she posted that I found had a pigsty in the background.. much worse than my house has EVER been. She went on and on about how my ex doesn't like it when brunettes dye their hair blond and then have dark roots... I found a picture of her with her dark hair dyed blond with dark roots. I also realized that her comments about my ex... during and after we split up... her calling him "My sexy" all over fb and twitter... she made the exact same comments about her exhusband when they were together (saw them in the old pics on myspace). I also found a picture she had posted for some contest where she's half naked and posing with christmas lights around her. It was nasty. And even better... pictures of her dancing on a pole in her house like a stripper. The best yet was the pic she sent of herself getting her hooch waxed by some naked girl to my ex while he and I were still together. It took every ounce of my energy not to post these pics on twitter myself in response to all her ranting about me on there but I didn't do it.

 

You'll drive yourself insane with the looking and it could come back to bite you if you haven't been careful with your own digital footprint.

[HeCantBreakMe]

How very mature of him. What on earth would his wife think if she knew he was using their photos to play games with his AP. That is shameful.

 

I hope this is on your list of reasons why you're done with him.

 

Oh dear! I never thought of it that way. Yes ugh!!! Chalk that up to ahole reason 100 thanks!!!!!

[HeCantBreakMe]

Wow...this brings back bad memories. When I broke the A off about a year ago, immediately after (I mean one day after we broke up) every single social media was filled with how he loves his W to death, she's his soulmate, how they need to spend quality time together -this was the same time I was supposed to have been there having sex with him!

Thank god I didn't go...thank god it ended when it did.

 

I remember the pain I felt reading all that back then. I do not look any social media or Internet site where there's any possibility I could see anything about him or the W anymore. That is unbearable to even remember now.

 

And yeah...I do not believe anyone's happy Fakebook posts about their happy family anymore..

 

Sounds like that was a big cry for attention if you ask me. What a poser!

[OneMoreBW]

Two years ago my H told me he had an OW for many years (5!) and she just had a baby!

I was completely astonished! I would say I had a perfect marriage with a loving and caring H, beautiful house, amazing kids. I'm a quite good looking, sexy and bright woman, at least many people say so (brunet, 5'4, 127lb, long shining hair). Our sex life was just amazing and our relationship was great. Nothing could gave me a hint that something was wrong. My H never spent a single weekend away from home, although he uses to travel a lot on business trip.

Guess what: she used to be a co-worker, and they used to travel together (weekdays!). That's how they kept having an affair for so long without notice.

 

Fasting forwarding two years, H is still at home, going to CT with me, dealing with share custody, ....

 

So not all BW are denying sex at home, nor loving their H, nor mistreating their H as many MM like the OW to believe and have a good excuse to screw up someone else.

 

Not all BW deserve the crap treatment their H are giving to them. The A is H and AP problem, mistake, whatever you want to call it. If so, the H would have chose to leave before f*** around with whoever is available.

 

BW has no wrong doing with AP. Please stop the stalking. No one deserve this. Get a life for yourself. A full life and don't want to live someone else's life including their husband's. Don't do this to yourself as at the end, your are the one who is suffering more. The BW and the MM are still together trying to fix whatever is left from their marriage and is their option to stay together.

 

Don't lose such precious time of your own life.

[Love2015]

I can relate, same thing happened to me. Except my MM told me lies about his wife and how unattractive she was, she didn't keep her self up, etc etc.

I found her facebook and was beyond shocked at how stunning she is!!

 

My MM has since had a D-Day and I am out. Just like that! I was the same as you, the one mainly doing the chasing. When I think back to the beginning of it all I had thought he was doing a lot of the initiating by flirting and complimenting me, talking to me when he could. But as time passed and looking back now, I realize all he did was flirt and somewhat chase me and I was the one who opened up the invitation to go further. This makes me ill as I realize I chased a married man who clearly lied about his situation.

 

I still have not heard from my MM. We do act civil as we still work together. I am currently looking for another job and setting up interviews. I have been an emotional wreck, bitter, depressed and any other emotion you can imagine.

 

I almost wish she didn't know so I could feel better by outing him to his wife!! If she didn't know, I would have told her by now! When I look at him at work I just seethe with anger and resentment! How he can just carry on living his life, wife seems happy, he seems happy, they affair is out in the open in their marriage and I'm left here all alone as my husband has left me and moved on to someone else. I reached out to my husband after my affair ended in a desperate plea for some attention or a friend, and he was cold and said that divorce papers are on the way. So, alone again I am. And for what? a married man who felt he had to fill an emotional void with me bc he wasn't getting it from his wife!

 

I keep obsessing over her page as well I know I need to stop but I just can't seem to let that go yet. I feel your pain. Every day for weeks I kept wishing that mm would just send me ONE email, just ONE message. and nothing!!! nothing at all. When I see him at work and he's "forced" to talk to me to act civil around others, you can tell the difference. He doesn't even want to talk to me anymore, look at me. He avoids me at all costs and looks at me like I'm the most disgusting person ever when just months ago I was the best thing to ever have happened to him! So so sorry you are going through this as well

 

Being the WIFE...or better say EX WIFE...I am bitter against OM and OW. Seriously...with what right do you just enjoy being with someone taken and expect to be treated with respect from the cheater? In my case, she came to the wedding and you know what....she WON! Well..I didn't know she was competing with me...until I saw a msg saying she had the possibility that he would choose her? I thought the wedding vows meant he chose? In sickness and health for better or worse? Seriously people Other...u are OTHER for a reason! It took him 3 months after vows...and he fell for her. He is mistreating me ever since he left to live with her....and I wonder does she understand how much damage he is doing to me ? As a Wife I can tell you...we have dreams and they showed us they loved us and chose us...and then you come along and seriously you think he loves you instead?

 

Well let me break the news...HE DOESN'T LOVE EITHER OF US! If he is with WIFE, and chooses wife ...it may be convenience, commodity, kids...if he chooses MISTRESS (oh yeah that is what you actually are) ... he chose because he is a coward and couldn't resolve his issues....THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS .....BE ALONE! And mind you alone doesn't mean lonely....

 

Lonely is the VOID we all feel in this triangle !!!

 

Anyways...I am sorry for your pain. I have friends who for years have been the OW and honestly speaking I wish they would just give up. They have been suffering so much. One of them managed to make his Wife move countries...and HE did not commit to her even after that! I am sorry your husband left you. I hope you learn the lesson which is to talk to yourself and choose wisely next time. I can tell you I wish your husband truly loved you more so he could choose you(some women and men do forgive spouses) ...just like I was willing to work on it and do so in the beginning but then...on the other hand its for the best as you can start afresh. Think what you want and go for it WITHOUT HURTING OTHERS!

 

I hope you don't have kids ..it becomes complicated otherwise.

[Poppy47]

I have lasted more than 3 weeks without initiating any contact with him. I will last however longer it takes till he reaches out for me first..

 

I might or might not block him but I wouldn't respond to him sweetly like last time

 

If you don't block him you will end up back where you were.

Why would you respond to him at all? HE'S MARRIED.

 

Well done on 3 week NC, Block the BASTARD!

Poppy.

[KathL]

If you don't block him you will end up back where you were.

Why would you respond to him at all? HE'S MARRIED.

 

Well done on 3 week NC, Block the BASTARD!

Poppy.

Thanks of retrieving this thread.

 

Anyway, updates since my last post in this thread:

- I managed to go NC for one and a half month (6 weeks). In between, he did reach out to me once on the 4th week. That struck me with realization of how unimportant I was in his life, that he could carry on for a month without the bother to take 5 minutes to check on me. Well, I finally replied to him on the 6th week when he reached out to me for the second time, and since then he was texting me min once per week, telling me how much he couldn't wait to see me, so on and so forth.

- Funnily I see things clearer than ever now. Bet he realized he is/was losing me so I actually got to experience how he slowly tried to get me back in by feeding me all the things I wanted to hear which would have made me a happy little girl previously (but not anymore). It also disgusted me that it was always about sex - be it the sexting or the suggestions to meet up for pleasure.

- Since it is long distance, meeting requires efforts or opportunities which in the past, I was willing to do whatever it took to get my monthly dosage of cure for my addiction but now like I said, I am clearer than ever that I wouldn't want to meet him ever again.

- But why didn't I block him? Because I love the idea of him realizing that he is losing me, thus starting to woo me again like how he did it in the beginning stage. Of course, I am going to string him along by promising him that I would meet him soon (which not gonna happen) & playing hot and cold- it would be so sweet when he soon finds out that I don't mean a thing about my words, that he is losing me forever, that he has to look around again for another fuss-free willing woman

[ChickiePops]

Thanks of retrieving this thread.

 

Anyway, updates since my last post in this thread:

- I managed to go NC for one and a half month (6 weeks). In between, he did reach out to me once on the 4th week. That struck me with realization of how unimportant I was in his life, that he could carry on for a month without the bother to take 5 minutes to check on me. Well, I finally replied to him on the 6th week when he reached out to me for the second time, and since then he was texting me min once per week, telling me how much he couldn't wait to see me, so on and so forth.

- Funnily I see things clearer than ever now. Bet he realized he is/was losing me so I actually got to experience how he slowly tried to get me back in by feeding me all the things I wanted to hear which would have made me a happy little girl previously (but not anymore). It also disgusted me that it was always about sex - be it the sexting or the suggestions to meet up for pleasure.

- Since it is long distance, meeting requires efforts or opportunities which in the past, I was willing to do whatever it took to get my monthly dosage of cure for my addiction but now like I said, I am clearer than ever that I wouldn't want to meet him ever again.

- But why didn't I block him? Because I love the idea of him realizing that he is losing me, thus starting to woo me again like how he did it in the beginning stage. Of course, I am going to string him along by promising him that I would meet him soon (which not gonna happen) & playing hot and cold- it would be so sweet when he soon finds out that I don't mean a thing about my words, that he is losing me forever, that he has to look around again for another fuss-free willing woman

 

This is a terrible (and very immature) idea. The best thing to do is to actually follow through on your plan to cut him off instead of leaving the door open.