UPDATE: Sexless Marriage

[Phoenician]

Now that we have more details from OP ,

 

 

Assuming that it is accurate , I would agree with previous poster that the best would be to seperate from him at least for a while to see if he sees you as a sex object only !

 

 

I thought that your story is similar to this one , because actually I suffered a lot from rejection , and I am sensitive to this issue :

 

Sexual Rejection?s Effect On A Marriage ? Marriage Helper

 

sorry , I understood wrongly the issue , but you are better to judge if you are in the same position of the lady in the article ...

 

I do use porn less than a dozen times per year , but it only comes sfter deprivation , and I still try and try and try and try before using porn ....

 

To tell you the truth I don't see a hope with a man like him ...

[Soxfaninfl]

Hello,

My husband and I have been together for about 10 years, married for 3. Throughout our relationship I have known (we keep no secrets) that my husband enjoys porn, and has a collection on the computer. He watches porn almost daily. He has also had issues with keeping an erection, and according to him, this is something he suffered from even before he met me, and even during his "alone" time. My husband is 42 years old.

 

I am not the most sexually adventurous person, and I admit that. However, we NEVER have sex anymore. What troubles me, is that my husband continues to watch porn, and I have caught him masturbating in bed after I get up. I know he does this is the bathroom as well and when I leave for work. When we talk about it, he says that sex together is "vanilla" and boring and that I do nothing to arouse him. He also says that by doing things "solo" he doesn't have the pressure of performing. He told me that I have made him feel shameful and "dirty" all these years, finding what turns him on disgusting and letting him know every chance I get.

 

He continues to look at other women on the street, watch porn, masturbate, and never touches me. It makes me feel horrible to think that I am in a marriage like this. I feel as though he prefers to watch porn rather than be with me. And what he said about our sex life being "vanilla" hurt my feelings as well. Any thoughts?

 

Your situation cannot be fixed without counseling. He is addicted to porn plain and simple. If he's not willing to fix the situation then you need to move on with your life and file for divorce.

[dreamingoftigers]

Your situation cannot be fixed without counseling. He is addicted to porn plain and simple. If he's not willing to fix the situation then you need to move on with your life and file for divorce.

 

Unless you make some weird relationship arrangements.

 

Like "you can have a boyfriend on Wednesday as long as he okays it" or whatever. I've never seen a non-mutual "arrangement" work. And it will probably decimate whatever self-esteem you have left.

 

Either way, this guy needs a kick to the head.

 

Look at the excuses: "you make me feel disgusting" "you're too vanilla."

 

Well he's making you feel pretty disgusting and inadequate! And he's not even being "vanilla!"

 

If he wants a "blah blah blah sex partner" then he would need to be ready to provide the same satisfaction to you. He isn't. He's completely non-reciprocating and then blaming YOU for being a dud.

 

Don't accept that. I don't care how you don't accept it. But just don't. I hate seeing people be treated as "less than" by people who are giving "less than" a reasonable effort.

[Orion39]

That is a very difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry to hear you are going through it.

 

As a man I can tell you that porn is an issue, while I can't speak for all men I know that those I have talked to candidly have admitted to this issue. Even as a Christian-still struggle with this. I notice that the more I focus on porn and the less on my wife it is more difficult to stay aroused with my wife. We've also had discussions about not being intimate as often as I would like (once a month).

 

While the porn and all that feels good it takes away from the intimacy I need to and should share with my wife. I would see if your husband would be willing to do counseling or move more away from porn. It's not always about focusing on the vanilla sex it's being together. Porn will make you want a bigger and bigger hit needing more erotic scenes to be aroused. It acts like a drug, so you need more of a drug to get that hit get that high. Just as drugs you can work off of this. And maybe you can spice up the bedroom some, don't need to get into whips and chains to be more than vanilla.

 

I hope this helps and your husband is willing to seek help and work with you.

[standtall]

Remember OP..your getting a lot of one sided of opinions here. There are millions of couples who use porn together without a problem. If he is replacing your sex life with it, then it is a problem...but since your married you should at least step up and give it the old college try before you punt.

[dreamingoftigers]

For more than information you can read Hope and Freedom for Sexual Addicts and Their Partners

 

Or Out of the Shadows

 

The Porn Trap

 

Etc.

[Lois_Griffin]

Yes, exactly right! He was into online porn from the beginning. But he was never secretive about it. He never has been secretive because he wants a relationship "where he can be himself" (his words) and he wants a "partner". I have simply asked him throughout the years "do you know how I feel when you look at other women and you watch porn everyday?' "What do you think that does to my self-esteem and my motivation to try and seduce you?" "How would you feel if I had sex with you once in a while, but everyday I watched porn, at times took pictures of other men walking around?" His answer to the last question has always been: "I feel secure in our relationship and I wouldn't care. At the end of the day you are with me. Looking doesn't matter."

He has an answer for everything. Yesterday morning I got up and went downstairs to make coffee. He was still in bed. I went back up to the bedroom and he put the covers back on himself quickly..

This guy is just so gag-worthy.

 

Isn't he the disordered one who seems to have no clue when he's overstepping his boundaries and coming off very creepy to women? Didn't he have a coworker that he was acting inappropriately towards and she stopped being friendly with him when he asked her where she lived or some such nonsense?

 

And didn't you guys live at his mother's house for eons until you finally convinced him that you need to be in our own place? Not sure if I remember your situation correctly but I think I do.

 

This is just another of his flaws that makes him so damned undesirable. I don't understand why you cling to this guy. I just don't. I think he'd be better suited to moving back to his mother's basement and masturbating all day.

[Sammy1974]

Hi,

I have tried. I haven't tried doing anything too crazy, but I have initiated every single time lately. That last time I tried, I believe it was about two weeks ago, he went along with it, and could not maintain an erection. I feel like I am living with a roomate and not a spouse. I feel completely disconnected from him and not wanted at all. Another example that doens't have anything to do with sex. I am a very affectionate person. So, I will go up to him and kiss and him and hug him spontaneously. Almost every time, he rushes me away. He'll say: "OK, OK." while at the same time, gently pushing me away. When I confronted him about that, he said "well, its always bad timing. I'm either eating or have just eaten and not brushed my teeth. You know I am sensitive about that." But, yesterday, he was on his laptop looking ato buy sunglasses online, and I went over to hug him, and he did the same thing. I told him: "You weren't eating that time. You still pushed me away." His excuse then: "Well, I was in a hurry to look at that page because you said dinner would be ready soon."

Bottom line: At this time, no matter what my husband says to me, (that he is still attracted to me, he loves me, blah, blah, blah) I don't believe him. I feel as though he has absolutely no attraction to me at all, and I honestly don't know why he is with me. Perhaps, for the money. He's unemployed and I own my own business and I am very successful. Maybe he just needs me.

[Sammy1974]

Hi Lois,

Yes, you remember correctly! And by the way, that person disappeared. My husband was working in a school as an aide last year. School ended in June, and that is when he and I moved out of his parents' house. That woman (girl, really) he was being inappropriate with disappeared. There are more times than not, that I feel so much happier just with the thought of leaving him. I am embarrased to think that I am too weak to leave and that is why I stay, out of habit. The truth is, I don't need him for anything. I am completely financailly independent, we do not have children, we do not own property, and we have no relationship to speak of. So, what's the point?

[wmacbride]

Remember OP..your getting a lot of one sided of opinions here. There are millions of couples who use porn together without a problem. If he is replacing your sex life with it, then it is a problem...but since your married you should at least step up and give it the old college try before you punt.

 

it's not just the sex. It's a whole lot of things about him.

 

For some, porn replaces real life relationships because it's easier. It's completely one sided, there when he wants it to be, and when he's done, he can just turn it off. He doesn't have to put any effort in.

 

She has spoken with him, expressed her feelings and tried really hard to accommodate him and his wishes.

 

That didn't work.

 

op,

have you tried to get him into counseling? I'm asking because it sounds as if you need to know that you have done everything you possibly can before you can begin to really detach yourself. that is why I suggested that you have a trial separation with him. It will give you both some time to think about what you really want, and whether or not your relationship is realy working for either one of you.

[elaine567]

He's unemployed and I own my own business and I am very successful. Maybe he just needs me.

 

Sorry, but nail on head.

[Sammy1974]

Hi,

Yes, I have suggested counseling many times in the past and more recently. I asked him if he would go to marriage counseling with me, and he said that I need to get myself to a better place first. So, no, based on his answer he is not willing to go to counseling. I believe he believes that there is nothing wrong with him, and that what he is doing and how he is, is perfectly normal and should be accepted. I should also mention, that prior to meeting me almost 10 years ago, he had never been in a relationship. He would only "hang out" with women, have sex with them 2-3 times, and then that was it. He has told me this himself. Putting everything together and spending the last few days really thinking about things, I realize that it is not me. He could have been with the most stunningly beautiful, voluptuous woman for the last 10 years, and he would still be doing what he is doing. I think its monogamy he has a problem with. Why he hasn't cheated on me I don't know. It would fit with everything else. Meet someone online, meet up, and just have sex. I honestly don't know why he hasn't done that. Then again, maybe he has.

I don't think anything can satisfy him, and no matter who he is with, she would have the same issues. When he and I first met, things were totally different. I would lay on the couch with him to watch a movie and we could'nt get through the movie because he was so sexual. The novelty wore off and with it, our connection, and our relationship. How sad. But I feel completely disconnected from him. I do believe this needs to end. Soon.

[wmacbride]

Hi,

Yes, I have suggested counseling many times in the past and more recently. I asked him if he would go to marriage counseling with me, and he said that I need to get myself to a better place first. So, no, based on his answer he is not willing to go to counseling. I believe he believes that there is nothing wrong with him, and that what he is doing and how he is, is perfectly normal and should be accepted. I should also mention, that prior to meeting me almost 10 years ago, he had never been in a relationship. He would only "hang out" with women, have sex with them 2-3 times, and then that was it. He has told me this himself. Putting everything together and spending the last few days really thinking about things, I realize that it is not me. He could have been with the most stunningly beautiful, voluptuous woman for the last 10 years, and he would still be doing what he is doing. I think its monogamy he has a problem with. Why he hasn't cheated on me I don't know. It would fit with everything else. Meet someone online, meet up, and just have sex. I honestly don't know why he hasn't done that. Then again, maybe he has.

I don't think anything can satisfy him, and no matter who he is with, she would have the same issues. When he and I first met, things were totally different. I would lay on the couch with him to watch a movie and we could'nt get through the movie because he was so sexual. The novelty wore off and with it, our connection, and our relationship. How sad. But I feel completely disconnected from him. I do believe this needs to end. Soon.

 

Just based on my own personal observations, some men and women have a monogamous nature, some don't but can be very happy settling down with one person, and some will never be happy with just one person.

 

It sounds like he is non-monogamous to a point that he simply can't be satisfied with one woman, no matter who she is. You could be every man's dream, but it wouldn't be enough for him.

 

If it's in his nature to be that way, you can't change him, and he probably can't change himself.

 

It may well come down to you having some very limited choices. You can either maintain the status quo and be very unhappy, you can tell him you are not satisfied with the quality or quantity of your sex life with him and ask for an open marriage, or you can tell him you have had enough and want to divorce.

 

As it stands right now, your marriage is not fair to either one of you. You are miserable, and he feels constrained. he has a lot of growing up to do, and is not really ready for an adult style relationship. In essence, you have become his mother, there to look after him and make sure he has what he needs, but he is not willing to reciprocate. That is not a good type of situation for you to be in.

 

In the end, it may be best for you to do both of you a favour and cut him loose. He can live his life the way he wants, and you can begin to process of moving on to a better place in your life.

 

One thing I would highly advise against is having an A- I'm not suggesting that is even on your radar, but that is how some choose to handle a situation like yours. It won't solve or change anything.

[Liam1]

There lies the root of your problem. What did you do / say ? Once you make someone feel shameful for being sexual in a committed relationship, you bring the downfall yourself. I dont blame him for taking charge !

 

This is a good point.

 

However, her level of comfort is important, too.

 

What is he asking her to do that turns her off.

 

Maybe they need counseling to discuss this openly in a supportive environment.

 

Obviously this woman enjoys vanilla sex, and he is bored by that.

 

Is that fair? I don't think so.

 

He may have certain exotic desires but it is not only about him. It is about the two of them as a couple. Maybe his exotic desires upset her or make her feel degraded.

 

IMO, if you love your spouse vanilla sex is not something you should ridicule to that spouse.

 

If the wife is a tad too prissy about sex, counseling can help her open up.

 

If she is shaming him about sex, he is also shaming her by deriding her for enjoying vanilla sex.

 

Personally, I do not understand men's interest in porn. I find porn ludicrous and fake and I do not enjoy watching it at all. I prefer the intimacy of a real person.

Edited May 2, 2016 by Liam1

[Michelle ma Belle]

Hi,

Yes, I have suggested counseling many times in the past and more recently. I asked him if he would go to marriage counseling with me, and he said that I need to get myself to a better place first. So, no, based on his answer he is not willing to go to counseling. I believe he believes that there is nothing wrong with him, and that what he is doing and how he is, is perfectly normal and should be accepted. I should also mention, that prior to meeting me almost 10 years ago, he had never been in a relationship. He would only "hang out" with women, have sex with them 2-3 times, and then that was it. He has told me this himself. Putting everything together and spending the last few days really thinking about things, I realize that it is not me. He could have been with the most stunningly beautiful, voluptuous woman for the last 10 years, and he would still be doing what he is doing. I think its monogamy he has a problem with. Why he hasn't cheated on me I don't know. It would fit with everything else. Meet someone online, meet up, and just have sex. I honestly don't know why he hasn't done that. Then again, maybe he has.

I don't think anything can satisfy him, and no matter who he is with, she would have the same issues. When he and I first met, things were totally different. I would lay on the couch with him to watch a movie and we could'nt get through the movie because he was so sexual. The novelty wore off and with it, our connection, and our relationship. How sad. But I feel completely disconnected from him. I do believe this needs to end. Soon.

 

This kinda says it all. Again, I've been here myself. Nothing will EVER work until he admits there is a problem and at the very least, makes an effort to meet you half way. It's as simple as that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Dear OP - I feel your pain. I'm not going to rehash my history but I have discussed my story at great length on here many times.

 

I went through the same thing with my husband and it was one of the most painful and destructive things imaginable. I was with my husband a total of 20 years (4 years dating/16 years married) and spent at least half of my married life completely sexless because of his porn addiction...coupled with ED...add a heaping pile of denial...and a dash of resentment for always nagging him and VOILA! A cocktail for disaster.

 

All I'm going to say to this is that my happily ever after did not end happy. After fighting to save the marriage that included counselling and therapy, I couldn't bare the thought of living out the rest of my life sexless with a man who just wasn't "getting it". I was far too young and vibrant to be left for dead.

 

Hopefully you story has a better ending but the odds are against you. Until your hubby sees the affects his porn addiction is having and is willing to seek counselling, it will never get better. And your resentment and anger and frustration will only grow more toxic for both your marriage and especially for you and your well being.

 

There are no easy answers here just self-awareness and lots of hard work.

 

Good luck.

 

This is kind of a spin on things, but when you think "sexless marriage" I always think it's the wife that stops putting out. I figured since men are visual creatures that can be ready at the drop of a hat, it'd be a non-issue for them.

 

Although, I would imagine it DOES happen the other way around, but I would say it doesn't surprise me either. But in real life, I've always hear men kind of complaining about their wives that stopped putting out after having the kids. Or sometimes even stop putting out after their marriage.

 

VERY rarely I hear of non-married couples that co-habitat complain of a sexless relationship. It appears once marriage is put out there, they figure there's no real reason to have sex. Not sure why.

[Michelle ma Belle]

This is kind of a spin on things, but when you think "sexless marriage" I always think it's the wife that stops putting out. I figured since men are visual creatures that can be ready at the drop of a hat, it'd be a non-issue for them.

 

Although, I would imagine it DOES happen the other way around, but I would say it doesn't surprise me either. But in real life, I've always hear men kind of complaining about their wives that stopped putting out after having the kids. Or sometimes even stop putting out after their marriage.

 

VERY rarely I hear of non-married couples that co-habitat complain of a sexless relationship. It appears once marriage is put out there, they figure there's no real reason to have sex. Not sure why.

 

Exactly. Can you imagine how that made me feel? Knowing that my situation was pretty rare?? Ugh.

 

Whatever. My ex has a lot of regret about how it all played out. He never thought I'd leave him...but I did and now he's having to live with that.

[oldshirt]

I think you need to manage this as if he was embroiled in a long term affair.

 

This is basically adultery and cheating only instead of a flesh and blood woman, it is an infinate number of cyber women.

 

The catch is from your perspective the result is the same.

 

Since the impact to you is great, I think your response to it will need to also be very significant. I recommend pulling the nuclear option and moving out, starting the paperwork and preparations for divorce and start moving on with your life without him.

 

If he wants to stay together and you are willing to give him a chance then lay out exactly what you will need in order to have a happy and healthy marriage and then confirm that has actually changed and transformed into a completely different person before you drop the divorce proceedings and take him back.

 

That won't be a week or two of sending flowers and cards.

 

It may take him a year or more of therapy and counseling and serious work and adaption for him to get off the porn and develop real world relationship and intimacy skills, if ever.

[wmacbride]

It may all come down to what he is attracted to, and what things he finds stimulating.

 

If he has certain sexual preferences, and that si the way he is "wired" he may not be able to chnage. it's like expecting someone to be able to chnage their sexual orientation.

 

This goes beyond just denying sex because he's not aroused at all, but it ventures into the realm of being aroused only by things the op has no interest in or finds degrading, offensive, etc.

 

She can't force herself to be aroused by looking at women or taking photos of them on the beach, looking at porn, etc. If she isn't, she isn't, yet he expects her to be just because he is.

 

Even if he "changes" for a few weeks, there is a high risk he will go back to his current behavior, as it is tied in to what he finds sexually stimulating. He may simply take this behavior underground and start cheating if he hasn't already done so.

 

On a side note, I wonder what he would say about his wife if he were asked. I expect he'd blame all f this on her and label her as a cold fish, 'too vanilla", etc.

[Lois_Griffin]

Hi Lois,

Yes, you remember correctly! And by the way, that person disappeared. My husband was working in a school as an aide last year. School ended in June, and that is when he and I moved out of his parents' house. That woman (girl, really) he was being inappropriate with disappeared. There are more times than not, that I feel so much happier just with the thought of leaving him. I am embarrased to think that I am too weak to leave and that is why I stay, out of habit. The truth is, I don't need him for anything. I am completely financailly independent, we do not have children, we do not own property, and we have no relationship to speak of. So, what's the point?

Damn, Sammy!

 

I would have been out of there so freakin' fast he would have had to FedEx my shadow to me the next day. He's got NOTHING going on and you're the ONLY one bringing anything to the table. Let me guess - YOU'RE the one who bought this cretin his phone - and the one who pays for the internet/calling plan on it - that allows him to surf porn all day on it and send inappropriate texts to women.

 

Turn off his phone, stop wiping his ass and chewing his food for him, and send his unemployed worthless ass back home to mommy. He would have lived in her house forever - and was happy to do it - had you not put a stop to it. He has ZERO ambition, is always either under-employed or not employed at ALL, thinks it's his birthright to be supported and catered to by women, and thinks he's SUCH a prize that you're not 'worthy' of his affections or sex with him. Not to be harsh, but I'm picturing a balding, unattractive, socially disordered dough boy who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse if he walked through the door with a $100 bill in his mouth. Someone needs to bring this fool back to reality because I highly doubt he's the prize he thinks he is.

 

You've got the perfect situation to lose this guy. I'd be ALL over that.

[Sammy1974]

Lois,

Thank you for that! It put a smile on my face, and it is so true! I didn't pay for the phone, but since I am the only one working for the last year, I guess I do pay for that, and everything else. Its funny, because this morning we had an argument because he said to me that he is seeing his savings go down and that I am not bringing in the business I should be. I told him, that perhaps, his savings would not be going down if he was working. He told me: "how dare you? When you know I am doing everthing in my power to get a job?" By the way, in August he had a teaching job and quit two days before school started. He claimed that he panicked because kids would be in the classroom in 48 hours and he did not have a curriculum. I felt so frustrated because I feel that he looks to me to be the breadwinner while he does the following everyday. Applies for teaching jobs online, (takes literally 5 minutes), works out, drinks protein shakes, watches television, and visits his parents. Oh, he takes the dog to the dog park also. What am I doing? Working and trying to grow my business. His response? I'm not growing fast enough! I cannot believe the position I have put myself in. How completely stupid and blind of me. He is delusional but I think I'm worst.

[Bufo]

Play "Let's Make a Deal"' with him. Tell him he can choose door number one or door number two. One of those choices forces him to get a job so he can pay for his own internet, phone, protein shakes and whatever else suits his fancy as you will not be doing so. At the end of a year you'll reevaluate the utility of this marriage. The other choice means you will file for divorce without question.

 

No money no sex no real communication no ambition. Sounds like a real prize that many women would be yearning to have for their very own.

But I can't but think that you must be deriving some sort of satisfaction from this relationship. Whatever it is, it isn't worth it. Next year you'll be older and less wealthy. Don't go there. And if your business takes off I suggest The Little Red Hen as required reading for you. Remember that book from elementary school?

 

Maybe you could google "useless husbands" and see if he fits the mold.

Edited May 4, 2016 by Bufo
Iphoneitis with too small keys!

[LimeBlue]

Dear OP - I feel your pain. I'm not going to rehash my history but I have discussed my story at great length on here many times.

 

I went through the same thing with my husband and it was one of the most painful and destructive things imaginable. I was with my husband a total of 20 years (4 years dating/16 years married) and spent at least half of my married life completely sexless because of his porn addiction...coupled with ED...add a heaping pile of denial...and a dash of resentment for always nagging him and VOILA! A cocktail for disaster.

 

All I'm going to say to this is that my happily ever after did not end happy. After fighting to save the marriage that included counselling and therapy, I couldn't bare the thought of living out the rest of my life sexless with a man who just wasn't "getting it". I was far too young and vibrant to be left for dead.

 

Hopefully you story has a better ending but the odds are against you. Until your hubby sees the affects his porn addiction is having and is willing to seek counselling, it will never get better. And your resentment and anger and frustration will only grow more toxic for both your marriage and especially for you and your well being.

 

There are no easy answers here just self-awareness and lots of hard work.

 

Good luck.

 

I feel I could have written exactly what the original poster wrote.

 

Are you glad you left? I am on the verge of leaving, I cannot do this anymore. My husband won't even admit to a porn problem even though I have seen it with my own eyes. Together 20 years and have sex maybe once every 3 months, if that. Porn is causing ED problems and I am only 39 and wondering if this is going to be my life forever if i don't get out? Does this ever improve?

[DevastatedDiva]

My STBX hasn't had sex with me or anyone else in over a decade. I'm working on my divorce. I'm worth someone at least wanting to hold me and kiss me and make love with me sometimes.

[Sammy1974]

So, things have become worse. It started yesterday morning. I went to meet with a client who cancelled last minute so I came home early. I called my husband on my way home and he didn't answer. I came home and found him in front of the computer. When I asked him what he's doing, he said he was watching a porn scene.

 

I did not get upset or angry. In fact, I smiled and said, turn it off and let's do something together. He said: "Well, can I at least take a shower first?" I said sure. So, off he went and as he was looking throught the closet for something to wear later, he said "Just so you know, I can't do this. It's not going to work." I asked him why not and he said he was actually experiencing some erectile problems even while he was watching that scene.

 

I didn't buy it for a second. So, we erupted into a huge argument. He completely lost it, accusing me again of making him feel dirty and that he was caught doing something, that I treat him like a little boy, etc. He was screaming at me at the top of his lungs and I could see nothing but hate coming from him. Hate and frustration. He went into the bathroom and I could hear him talking to himself: "I can't do this anymore, I just can't." He told me that he was so embarrased that I caught him, that killed his desire. Again, I don't believe it.

Things calmed down a bit, and then in the afternoon I had to leave again for work.

 

I got home at 7 and he was listening to music and was very emotional. He was having a drink and almost in tears. I cooked dinner, he had the music blasting, served himself his food, sat down, continued to listen to music, and cry. Never offered to turn off the music so we can eat together. I left the room. When I came back a few minutes later, he accused me of not understanding him, that I saw him crying and I leave the room. He said that I should have sat there with him and listened to music. I asked him: "What are you talking about? Did you ask me to do that? I'm not a midn reader." He said: "You should be able to empathize and see that I am upset and sit with me. That's more proof of how disconnected we are."

 

He has accused me a lot lately of not having empathy and not understanding him. We then proceeded to have another argument, and he told me he is not happy in the relationship, we have nothing in common, and I make him miserable basically. I asked him "what do you want from me?" he said "a divorce". I said fine. He told me he feels as though he does a lot for me and that I don't reciprocate. When he lost his job 4 years ago he wanted to leave the state to start fresh and I didn't want that so we stayed for me.

 

He hold a lot of resentment towards me. Towards the end of the conversation divorce was taken back, but he said he has been thinking about it for some time. He said its not a good sign when he prefers to spend time alone and not with his wife. He said he sees couples in public, laughing, holding hands and being happy and he envies that. I told him I do too, but we have never been like that.

Bottom line is that I agree with him that we should part ways. We have been together for ten year and it will be hard. A lot of memories, but a lot of bad memories also. I can almost feel myself free. What do you all think?

Edited May 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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