My Ex Broke Up With Me & I Broke The No Contact Rule **Updated**

[Matthew1211]

You're welcome. If you're still friends on social media then you aren't in NC, and you're holding your healing back for as long as that's the case.

 

Liking a post or two shows that she saw the post and took the half second necessary to tap "Like." Not unfriending you just means she doesn't mind having you on her friends list. You're really grasping at straws here by putting so much stock into what she does or doesn't do on social media.

 

I understand that it's hard to let go of that last link to an ex, but you'll be saving yourself a lot of future pain. You've already stalked her social media plenty and made yourself feel lousy by seeing all of her life updates and pictures. It's going to feel about fifty times worse when you see a picture of another guy with his arm around her. When you see her update her status to "In a Relationship."

 

I understand what you're saying and I agree.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Why not be open about it? I guess in a way she was trying to protect me from everything I was going through? But like I said I personally don't think it's fair to ditch me because I'm struggling. I've been through a lot of negativity lately, why not be supportive? I was supportive of her, even if what I said to her didn't come off super supportive I never ditched her. I get that her romantic feelings changed as I became a negative person and that's hard to deal with, but what about our friendship and the bond we built the past 2.5 years? How does that just vanish once she says we are broken up? That makes no sense to me at all.

 

I guess because they are afraid that if they voice their doubts then they have to deal with the pressure of partner wanting to know where they stand. They have to rush a decision. Whereas if they stay quiet they can take all the time they need to be sure.

 

I know it hurts to think the person you love could be so cold and throw it all away, but the right woman won't do that. She will stand by your side through the good and the bad times and will remain loyal to you.

[Matthew1211]

I guess because they are afraid that if they voice their doubts then they have to deal with the pressure of partner wanting to know where they stand. They have to rush a decision. Whereas if they stay quiet they can take all the time they need to be sure.

 

I know it hurts to think the person you love could be so cold and throw it all away, but the right woman won't do that. She will stand by your side through the good and the bad times and will remain loyal to you.

 

I agree. It's just really hard to fathom as I stuck by her side through all her problems. And there were times I felt like I should go but I toughed it out because I knew we could work through it. And because I loved her unconditionally and I honestly thought she did too as we were good about working through things.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

That just shows what a great catch you are. You deserve someone just as willing to put the effort into making the relationship work.

[Matthew1211]

That just shows what a great catch you are. You deserve someone just as willing to put the effort into making the relationship work.

 

Thank you, her family thought I was for her compared to her past, awful boyfriends. That's why I don't get why trying to work through this isn't an option. She even said I'm a great guy, but what she told me are "deal breakers" apparently. To be honest today I'm having a really hard time. I really want to talk to her. I extended the No Contact an extra 30 days from when I broke NC and she said no more (April 25th). You know I keep reading up on stuff, what you should say, what you shouldn't. Deal breakers, etc. To be honest all of this just feels like a huge mind game..why do you have to play stupid games with your partner? Especially when you were together several years? If you were dating a month I can understand, but not a few years...

 

I just really want to talk to her, but I will control myself til later this month. I just really don't understand how you can give up after 2.5 years and not even be willing to try again. I want to reason with her, but I read you need to take things really slow and not even bring up the past or how you changed because it will push her away more? Is that true? I've done so well and I seriously miss her so damn much, she was such an important aspect of my life. She was my best friend and we were so close...I feel like crying right now. When you love someone unconditionally for 2.5 years you can't just throw that away and I'm sure she still thinks about me too. I just want her back, I didn't even do anything to her on purpose, never physically hurt her or anything, I just struggled really bad internally as life became really hard all of a sudden and put a lot of strain on us...why wouldn't you be willing to try again? Especially when both of us are in happier places? I just want to tell her everything that I've changed...I just want her back...when I talk to her am I not even allowed to tell her I miss her and our friendship? Because it comes off "needy" I guess? I have to basically just become good friends with her again? As if our past relationship didn't even happen? It's just such a load of crap to me. Where did that love go suddenly? I don't get how you can just literally turn it off...you can't.

 

Would reaching out to one of her best friends for advice be a bad idea?

 

This is what I want to say to my Ex when I reach out in a few weeks:

 

"First off, I want you to know I have come to terms with everything. I just want to say I'm sorry I jumped the gun a few weeks ago. I acted out emotionally not because you didn't answer the phone, but because everything of us was vanishing and I didn't understand. I'm sure you thought I was unstable the way I was acting and I totally get it. The truth is I wasn't changed then, I was simply just making changes in my life.

 

I can say that now I feel cleansed after this 30-45 day break. I really stepped back and looked at our relationship. I realized how needy, clingy, overbearing and insecure and just downright negative I became this past year and I'm sure it was extremely hard to tolerate after awhile. I really lost myself and relied on you to make me happy, which wasn't fair and I'm sure drained you. Besides the physical changes I told you about I realized I was really immature during our relationship. I just didn't want to face the reality of everything. I was extremely selfish in so many ways, even when I didn't handle your anxiety or respond to you maturely while you struggled with your hardships. I just wasn't patient at all. It upsets me that I acted such a way, but I didn't know how to react and I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I was very conceited at times.

 

The truth is I've honestly eliminated all these horrible habits and mentalities since, I mean that. I started seeing a therapist to help me work through the anxiety I developed, it's nothing severe, it's just something that surfaced due to the hardships I've dealt with. I've started to feel liberated as I break away from all the toxicity. It's a great feeling honestly. I had a lot of obsessive behaviors that gave me a temporary fix of happiness and I'm sure it scared you and I totally get it as I look back. I don't know what I was thinking.

 

E, I'm so proud of the progress you've been making, you seem so happy and healthier just like I am. You look great, too. I love you and miss you dearly, I just miss talking to you about life and seeing how your day is and just our friendship and special bond in general. I miss my best friend. I honestly accept all your baggage because you're not perfect and I clearly am not either, I have my baggage, too. But I want to help you unpack. When we last skyped I never told you that I warmed up to the fact you wanted mom to live with us. It's something that clearly means the world to you and I should accept that because I know you'd do the same for me. We always love having family around and that would be a great thing. As far as everything else, we could worry about that when the time comes. I just don't want you to have the mentality you'll die alone like you said because I am always here for you and love you for who you are, baggage and all. You've been through a lot. We have so much in common, enjoy doing so much together, and our differences bring us together. Yes I made a lot of ****ty mistakes but during this break I really learned about myself and how toxic I truly was/became. It takes a lot to realize this and make an effort to change. There's nobody else I want to spend my life with but you. I've known that since we started dating. I promise I will never ever let myself get to as low of a point as I did and I'm sorry you had to witness it to begin with as I've never seen this side of me before. This whole thing was such a learning experience for me I wish I learned sooner because it's really opened my eyes and helped shape me to be the person I'm supposed to be than the kid I was who didn't want to grow up. You honestly brought out so much good in me, it just took a mature me to realize it. I know you said how much I changed won't matter and that you don't want to be with me anymore, but trust me, I'm in such a better place now and I know you are, too. Would you be willing to try again? I know this time around would be night and day compared to before because I'm a mature adult now, not an immature child like I was before."

 

Would this really turn her away than make her realize how much I've changed for the better??

Edited May 12, 2016 by Matthew1211

[lana-banana]

Your first order of business is to stop reading those get-back-your-ex sites right now. That garbage is designed to scam people who are vulnerable and very desperate (e.g. you!). Clear your browser history. Clear your search history. Throw your laptop into the ocean if you have to.

 

Your second order of business, maybe after getting a new laptop, is to recognize you can't contact her again. Not after 30 more days, 60, 90, even 300. She said no more and you have to honor that. Block her on every available channel if you haven't already. Use Facebook's breakup tool. Do everything you can to erase her from your life. If that sounds harsh, think honestly: even if you burned every last picture of her, you've still memorized her face, right? Getting rid of her digital presence is really more for your own sake.

 

Next you need to start planning the sh-t out of your day. Buy a planner if you have to. You should know exactly what you're doing every minute of every day, even if it's binge-watching Netflix for three hours or doing dumbbell lunges until your thighs turn into rubber. Make sure you don't have so much as a spare second to be lost in thought. You've already done too much thinking and none of it's been healthy.

 

I say all this because I don't want you to focus on why she did what she did or what she's thinking now. It no longer matters. No one is obligated to stay in a relationship that doesn't make them happy anymore, and you can't try to predict what she's thinking. You need to start weaning her and the thoughts of her from your life. Go cold turkey. It's hard, but you can do it. We're here to support you.

[Matthew1211]

I'm new to relationships, my Ex of 2.5 years, we lived together for 2 years, broke up with me about a month ago, we are still friends on social media. Her family loved me and mine her. We're 25. I broke No Contact a few weeks in after she removed photos of us on social media as well as me as her boyfriend and then she told me she wasn't into me romantically anymore, no matter how much I change won't matter, we didn't work and that she wanted to be friends, etc. I said ok and have given her space since, adding an extra 30 days to our NC rule.

 

**She broke up with me because I had become borderline depressed for a year due to a lot of negative things happening back to back in my life and I didn't know how to handle it, so I put a lot of strain on her for my happiness and became clingy/needy/over emotional...so nothing I did to her was done on purpose, I just relied on her for help while I suffered.**

 

My question is this, why do you need to walk on egg shells after NC to get your Ex back?

 

I've been reading up on this on so many different sites and I feel people (coaches) give you different answers. Then I see like what my Ex said to me is considered a "deal breaker" but if you have a long history with someone and didn't end on a true negative note, why can't you just be open with them about how much positive changes you've made instead of just ignoring everything that happened and just trying to be friends again? To me that defeats the purpose doesn't it? Why can't I be open with her like we always were and just try to work through it like we always worked through things?

 

I don't get how you can have a pretty good history with someone and then just throw it all away because of one breakup? You can't just instantly turn that off.

 

These relationship games are driving me nuts...you've built up all these memories and experiences with one person and then it just goes away? I'm getting anxious because I just want to do what's right. I've literally done a 180 since we split and am doing well and so is she, I just don't know what to do based on all the things I read? Am I just overthinking/overanalyizng because I'm paranoid?

 

Your input is appreciated, thanks!

Edited May 12, 2016 by Matthew1211

[LD1990]

 

This is what I want to say to my Ex when I reach out in a few weeks:

 

"First off, I want you to know I have come to terms with everything....

 

Really man, she is not going to respect you or be attracted to you at all if you send her that. Women are attracted to confident men. Men who show that they value and respect themselves, not those who desperately chase after a girl that wants nothing to do with them, promising they've changed and they'll be everything she wants this time.

 

Your letter makes you come across as spineless, like you'll say anything to get her back. You basically tell her "everything's my fault, I'm sorry, I've fixed all my problems so I'm exactly what you want, you're great and I'll accept you no matter what." She's not gonna believe you've really changed, because it hasn't been that long and no one makes all these drastic changes overnight. She's gonna see it as a pathetic attempt to get her back. You're trying to bargain your way back into a relationship with her. It's one step up from begging and pleading.

 

She has made her choice perfectly clear to you. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Trying to be her friend won't work. Talking to her best friend won't work. You can't make someone love you. At best, she'll take pity on you. At worst, you'll start annoying her by not leaving her alone.

Edited May 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added quote reference ~6

[lana-banana]

Why can't I be open with her like we always were and just try to work through it like we always worked through things?

 

Because you are no longer in a relationship. You are no longer committed to each other (she, at the least, is no longer committed to you); there's no obligation to work through it. She will always care about you on some level as her first love but with regards to your former relationship, she no longer cares.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. It will take a while to adjust to your life without her. You'll have to re-learn what your life was like without her and discover yourself again. The most difficult part is making the mental shift, where you acknowledge her as just someone you used to know versus a current, active part of your life. She's a part of your past now. She's no longer relevant to your future.

 

Stop reading that junk about getting your ex back. It doesn't work. When couples do reconcile, it's because both partners want to try again. In your case she said she had no desire for a romantic relationship anymore. She's changing and growing, just as you are. But she doesn't want to change and grow together. You have to respect that.

[Matthew1211]

Your first order of business is to stop reading those get-back-your-ex sites right now. That garbage is designed to scam people who are vulnerable and very desperate (e.g. you!). Clear your browser history. Clear your search history. Throw your laptop into the ocean if you have to.

 

Your second order of business, maybe after getting a new laptop, is to recognize you can't contact her again. Not after 30 more days, 60, 90, even 300. She said no more and you have to honor that. Block her on every available channel if you haven't already. Use Facebook's breakup tool. Do everything you can to erase her from your life. If that sounds harsh, think honestly: even if you burned every last picture of her, you've still memorized her face, right? Getting rid of her digital presence is really more for your own sake.

 

Next you need to start planning the sh-t out of your day. Buy a planner if you have to. You should know exactly what you're doing every minute of every day, even if it's binge-watching Netflix for three hours or doing dumbbell lunges until your thighs turn into rubber. Make sure you don't have so much as a spare second to be lost in thought. You've already done too much thinking and none of it's been healthy.

 

I say all this because I don't want you to focus on why she did what she did or what she's thinking now. It no longer matters. No one is obligated to stay in a relationship that doesn't make them happy anymore, and you can't try to predict what she's thinking. You need to start weaning her and the thoughts of her from your life. Go cold turkey. It's hard, but you can do it. We're here to support you.

 

I hear all what you're saying, I'm just thinking emotionally at the moment, but she wants us to be friends, not out of her life 100%. She wouldn't keep me on social media if that were the case. Yeah all the thinking definitely isn't healthy as I am so new to this experience I don't understand how to cope with it or make sense of it really.

[Matthew1211]

Really man, she is not going to respect you or be attracted to you at all if you send her that. Women are attracted to confident men. Men who show that they value and respect themselves, not those who desperately chase after a girl that wants nothing to do with them, promising they've changed and they'll be everything she wants this time.

 

Your letter makes you come across as spineless, like you'll say anything to get her back. You basically tell her "everything's my fault, I'm sorry, I've fixed all my problems so I'm exactly what you want, you're great and I'll accept you no matter what." She's not gonna believe you've really changed, because it hasn't been that long and no one makes all these drastic changes overnight. She's gonna see it as a pathetic attempt to get her back. You're trying to bargain your way back into a relationship with her. It's one step up from begging and pleading.

 

She has made her choice perfectly clear to you. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Trying to be her friend won't work. Talking to her best friend won't work. You can't make someone love you. At best, she'll take pity on you. At worst, you'll start annoying her by not leaving her alone.

 

You're right, well I haven't spoken to her in a few weeks. I can't force her to do anything, not that I want to, I just don't get how we can't work through it that's all. Can't just drop someone out of my life like that that meant so much to me. My mentality is that if I can tell her how I've come to acknowledge all these things, which to me takes a lot of maturity to do, that maybe she'd realize I'm on the right path than not changing anything that bothered her to begin with.

[lana-banana]

I hear all what you're saying, I'm just thinking emotionally at the moment, but she wants us to be friends, not out of her life 100%. She wouldn't keep me on social media if that were the case. Yeah all the thinking definitely isn't healthy as I am so new to this experience I don't understand how to cope with it or make sense of it really.

 

Do you know why she said that? Because she doesn't care about what happens in your life anymore. She has already moved on. She doesn't particularly care whether you stay in touch or not. If you got a new girlfriend tomorrow she would genuinely be happy for you. She wouldn't be hurt at all. Meanwhile, you need to block her because when she starts seeing a new guy it's going to be devastating.

[Matthew1211]

Do you know why she said that? Because she doesn't care about what happens in your life anymore. She has already moved on. She doesn't particularly care whether you stay in touch or not. If you got a new girlfriend tomorrow she would genuinely be happy for you. She wouldn't be hurt at all. Meanwhile, you need to block her because when she starts seeing a new guy it's going to be devastating.

 

I just don't get how people can be like that...especially with the history we have. We didn't date a month. Yeah it will be devastating, but probably the reality of it for me. I guess I don't understand how I can't fight for someone who meant so much to me.

[quattrob]

I hear all what you're saying, I'm just thinking emotionally at the moment, but she wants us to be friends, not out of her life 100%. She wouldn't keep me on social media if that were the case. Yeah all the thinking definitely isn't healthy as I am so new to this experience I don't understand how to cope with it or make sense of it really.

 

Her keeping you on social media doesn't mean what you hope it means. Don't just think that just because this person broke up with you, they can just forget about you that instant, it takes time and her offering you friendship is what most exes do and say. You're overthinking and reading too much into her actions, instead of doing that you should focus on moving forward and having her in your life to any degree at this stage isn't helping you do that. Perhaps once you get over her and have a strong grasp of your own emotions, MAYBE THEN you can consider it but that will not be anytime soon and it shouldn't be.

 

You need to look after yourself, no one else can do that but you.

[lana-banana]

I just don't get how people can be like that...especially with the history we have. We didn't date a month. Yeah it will be devastating, but probably the reality of it for me. I guess I don't understand how I can't fight for someone who meant so much to me.

 

It doesn't matter how long you dated. She's moved on. She no longer thinks of you romantically, she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. For all intents and purposes you may as well be her brother.

 

And you can't fight for people who don't want to be fought for. People have this notion that if they're just loving enough, just dedicated enough, just somehow perfect enough, the other person will have no choice but to realize how blessed they are and accept them. It doesn't work that way. If someone doesn't want you there's absolutely nothing you can do to change it.

[Matthew1211]

Her keeping you on social media doesn't mean what you hope it means. Don't just think that just because this person broke up with you, they can just forget about you that instant, it takes time and her offering you friendship is what most exes do and say. You're overthinking and reading too much into her actions, instead of doing that you should focus on moving forward and having her in your life to any degree at this stage isn't helping you do that. Perhaps once you get over her and have a strong grasp of your own emotions, MAYBE THEN you can consider it but that will not be anytime soon and it shouldn't be.

 

You need to look after yourself, no one else can do that but you.

 

It's just really hard to come to terms with. How someone can drop you after 2.5 years, when you didn't really do anything to them purposely, and just move on...I'm just not like that, people who are important to me matter too much to me to just let them go like that.

[neowulf]

I just don't get how people can be like that...especially with the history we have. We didn't date a month. Yeah it will be devastating, but probably the reality of it for me. I guess I don't understand how I can't fight for someone who meant so much to me.

 

I've noticed you keep repeating that statement over and over again..

 

"I just don't get how people can be like that..."

 

I understand deeply how hard the mind struggles to make scense of things that hurt us.

 

But friend, please, understand this;

 

You don't need to understand something to accept it.

 

You will most likely never really understand her position, unless some day, you find yourself on her side of the fence with someone else.

 

This obsessiveness, the clinging. It's all normal, but extremely unhealthy for you.

 

You're not going "No contact" for her. You're doing it for you. It's like pulling the knife out, so that the wound it made can have a chance of healing. You can't feel the way you do about someone and attempt to remain friends with them.

 

The most helpful piece of advice I can give you is find something to distract yourself. Every time you're tempted to think about her, *DO* something else.

 

For your own peace of mind, let. Her. Go.

[LD1990]

Working through it, keeping someone in your life, fighting for a relationship, these aren't things you can do alone. They require effort from both sides, effort that she's not going to give because she's done. How can people do this after so many years together? Because they feel it's the best move for them. Because it's what they want. Really, the why doesn't matter. She is gone. The relationship is done.

 

Saying you can't just let her go because you're not like that is an excuse to continue obsessing over her. You could let her go, it's obviously what she wants you to do and what everyone else recommends you do. You're choosing to bury your head in the sand and ignore reality here.

[Matthew1211]

Yeah, it's just hard to face the reality of it all. It's because I don't want to accept it clearly. I considered her my best friend and love of my life, like she told me at one point. Her being my first and losing someone who meant so much to me is really difficult. When it was routine to talk to her everyday about whatever and now that's gone, it's just such a huge change and a huge gap to fill. I just feel really empty without her. And hearing I can't try again really hurts.

[neowulf]

Yeah, it's just hard to face the reality of it all. It's because I don't want to accept it clearly. I considered her my best friend and love of my life, like she told me at one point. Her being my first and losing someone who meant so much to me is really difficult. When it was routine to talk to her everyday about whatever and now that's gone, it's just such a huge change and a huge gap to fill. I just feel really empty without her. And hearing I can't try again really hurts.

 

All of us, at some point in our lives, deal with true heart break.

 

It is easily one of the most painful and difficult experiences a human being can go through emotionally.

 

Something I've used that helped;

 

Write letters to your ex, saying all the things you want to say. Take a few days. Draft it a few times. Add to it, adjust it. Make sure it says everything you really feel, about the relationship, your regrets, your loves. Pour your heart out.

 

Then, once it's written.. print it out.. take it some place quiet.. and burn it.

 

I've used the above several times and found it to be very cathartic. Watching that paper burn, it helps hammer home the fact, face the reality of the ending.

 

You might have to repeat the technique a few times, but each time, it becomes easier.

 

We've all been were you're standing. You'll recover and move on. All of us do in time. Just take it one day at a time.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I would strongly advise you not to contact her friends about this. It will only make her feel resentful, as will any attempts to try and persuade her to reconsider.

 

Even if you have the best intentions I can almost guarantee that she will see it as emotional blackmail, and it will drive her further away.

 

It isn't fair, but I am being completely honest with you. I know the last thing you want is to push her away more, but you will if you break no contact right now. It is too raw for you.

 

I can hear your pain and frustration. You miss her terribly, it's like having an open wound, I understand. I wish I could take it away or give you the magic answer to get her back, but it isn't that simple.

 

She has things that she needs to sort out alone. It's that old cliche saying, "If you love someone, set them free". It hurts so much but you have to resist the urge to push. It wont work.

 

You are doing the right thing with therapy. Stick with it. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Let your emotions out and don't keep them bottled up.

 

Use this forum as a place to vent. We are all here for you when you need it.

[Matthew1211]

I just never expected her to break up with me, not in a million years.

 

I have my good days and bad days, I just feel so in the dark that my mind wanders a lot. The fact I'm still looking for a full-time job makes it hard as I'm not distracted daily, so it's usually what comes to mind and I overthink and over-analyze things, giving myself hope or getting sad. Just being in this transition period of my life is hard. The fear of finding someone new scares me, being close with someone else. She broke all those fears for me by giving me a chance. She did a lot of good for me in many ways, as well as helped me realize I needed to change when we broke up. It's hard to paint her in a negative light because I don't want to hold a grudge against her. Sure she broke my heart and it hurts a lot, but she did a lot of good for me.

 

It's just really hard to close that chapter. I miss her a lot and still of course love her, I probably will for a long time because of what she's done for me.

[Matthew1211]

I would strongly advise you not to contact her friends about this. It will only make her feel resentful, as will any attempts to try and persuade her to reconsider.

 

Even if you have the best intentions I can almost guarantee that she will see it as emotional blackmail, and it will drive her further away.

 

It isn't fair, but I am being completely honest with you. I know the last thing you want is to push her away more, but you will if you break no contact right now. It is too raw for you.

 

I can hear your pain and frustration. You miss her terribly, it's like having an open wound, I understand. I wish I could take it away or give you the magic answer to get her back, but it isn't that simple.

 

She has things that she needs to sort out alone. It's that old cliche saying, "If you love someone, set them free". It hurts so much but you have to resist the urge to push. It wont work.

 

You are doing the right thing with therapy. Stick with it. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Let your emotions out and don't keep them bottled up.

 

Use this forum as a place to vent. We are all here for you when you need it.

 

I sincerely really appreciate it. It means a lot, seriously. Everybody commenting, as harsh as it is to hear, helps a lot. I won't contact her friend, it was just a thought. She felt resentful when I broke no contact and it broke my heart. I acted emotionally seeing our history was disappearing. It really hurts because not only did I lose her, but I lost her dog (whom I loved SO much) and her family whom loved me so much. Her grandma was really sad she broke up with me. I lost a lot, I lost what I considered my second family. It's just such a huge pill to swallow. This is the first time I've cried in a little while...it's just the reality of the situation. Therapy is definitely helping, I never thought I'd ever go to a therapist and I wish I did a long time ago to help me break this sooner...but now it's preparing me for the next person.

 

Deep down I know the differences with my Ex would've made things hard, not to mention us living in different states would be very hard as well as we both moved back to our family homes after college ended, but I didn't want to face the reality of it as I felt we could work through it as I thought that's how committed we were to each other. But she did tell me I deserve the love I'm so willing to give as she felt she can't match it and that I'm a great guy who will make someone very happy one day...it's just all really tough to accept.

[BC1980]

I hear all what you're saying, I'm just thinking emotionally at the moment, but she wants us to be friends, not out of her life 100%. She wouldn't keep me on social media if that were the case. Yeah all the thinking definitely isn't healthy as I am so new to this experience I don't understand how to cope with it or make sense of it really.

 

Do you know why she wants to be friends and keep you on social media? Because she is so emotionally detached from you that doing those things won't hurt her. Her feelings for you aren't deep enough for it to bother her. She can see that you are dating someone on social media, and she will be okay with it. That is the honest truth. It's not because she is open to reconciling.

 

I know that you can't understand that because you still love her. You cannot fathom that she has lost feelings for you, but it's the truth. I'm not saying you have to accept this, but at least know that it's true. You can accept it in time. Do you really want to be friends with her and keep her on social media knowing all that?

 

Also, she does not care about any positive changes you have made or how you have deconstructed your mistakes in the relationship. People don't care about that stuff after a relationship ends. She might entertain you if you tell her all that, but she truly doesn't care. I'm just trying to give you some friendly advice to stop going that route.

Edited May 12, 2016 by BC1980

[Dell Monitor]

This might be controversial, but I would not always listen to these forummers and random articles. Usually they are not the top 1% in relationship/dating-category. But are you?

 

If you really wanna be the best and be with the love of your love (you gotta be 100% sure), then its not impossible, but it will be very difficult.

 

Skip these ****ty "how-to-get-your-ex-back"-articles, skip advices from random forummers and do what you think is right. This advice was given to me by another forummer, when I was in a situation like yours (havnt read all posts sorry).

 

Make a plan. It could be like, I approach her in some way in three weeks and until that date, do everything to optimize that meeting. Work out, eat well, sleep enough, dont spend a single hour alone doing nothing etc. Find out what is working for you.

 

It is possible, feelings just dont go away.

 

Ps. My girl told me never to contact her again, I did with a plan and now we are back talking, she is very much in doubt, but its much more close, than if I not contacted her.