Popsicle Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I ALWAYS think people should divorce after this but to my surprise they often reconcile. You should prepare yourself for them reconciling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 I ALWAYS think people should divorce after this but to my surprise they often reconcile. You should prepare yourself for them reconciling. What she decides to do will be her choice and I will support her whatever she decides as I have always done. If she decides to try to make her marriage work, who am I to say she shouldn't? Her Father and I did. We're taking it a step at a time with her for now, and I'm enjoying extra tea times with our little ones.. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Mom In Law do not have to like their Son in Law, but they should respect them. And understanbly you don't. Hell, you call him "daughters partner" not SiL. If they do reconcile, you tell him that unless he earns it, he has no respect from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Mom In Law do not have to like their Son in Law, but they should respect them. And understanbly you don't. Hell, you call him "daughters partner" not SiL. If they do reconcile, you tell him that unless he earns it, he has no respect from you. Buddy, he was always respected as our daughters partner, but we predicted that things would change when they married, and change they did. I can't tell all here for many reasons, but I CAN tell you that there are some things he's done that have made us not only lose respect for him all together, but be very concerned about his lack of respect for his wife and children. There is no physical abuse of any sort, to my knowledge, but sometimes psychological abuse can be equally as damaging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 I feel I need to say that I do feel very sad for the boy, for that it what he really is. A boy who hasn't been allowed to grow up and take responsibility for his behaviour and actions. He's a very effed up young man...... Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I am so sorry you had to go through this. I am sure the hours before you were able to tell your daughter were excruciating. When I was in my early twenties, my stepdad had one too many and, “thinking of me like a friend,” basically told me he cheats on my mom because he likes women who are twenty/twenty-one. I didn’t know how to tell my mom that she had ended up with another womanizer, liar and sleaze (she didn’t have much choice in either marriage; long story). Did she already know? How could I put my little brother in the same position I had been in as a child that had been so difficult? I was not brave enough for a long time, and coupled with feeling uncomfortable and gross around my stepdad, I did not come home for a year. I finally came home when I was ready to tell her. It was a hard year to live with myself; I was so confused and scared and ashamed. I hate thinking I waited that long. But I have to be honest, even as a woman in her early twenties, I was quite naive about sex as I had only really had sex with one person, who I dated from high school through most of college. I didn’t think about the ramifications of STDs and all that. I mostly knew they weren’t sleeping together, as he had a drinking problem and travelled a lot, and my mom would sleep in another room with my brother, but I wish I had thought it through. Hindsight. Your daughter is lucky to have you. I wish you and your family all the best. You all will get through it together, whatever she decides. I also wanted to give you a special hug, because I can’t imagine what a big trigger this must be for you. I am so sorry. Please don’t forget to take good care of yourself while you are focused on caring for your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 I am so sorry you had to go through this. I am sure the hours before you were able to tell your daughter were excruciating. When I was in my early twenties, my stepdad had one too many and, “thinking of me like a friend,” basically told me he cheats on my mom because he likes women who are twenty/twenty-one. I didn’t know how to tell my mom that she had ended up with another womanizer, liar and sleaze (she didn’t have much choice in either marriage; long story). Did she already know? How could I put my little brother in the same position I had been in as a child that had been so difficult? I was not brave enough for a long time, and coupled with feeling uncomfortable and gross around my stepdad, I did not come home for a year. I finally came home when I was ready to tell her. It was a hard year to live with myself; I was so confused and scared and ashamed. I hate thinking I waited that long. But I have to be honest, even as a woman in her early twenties, I was quite naive about sex as I had only really had sex with one person, who I dated from high school through most of college. I didn’t think about the ramifications of STDs and all that. I mostly knew they weren’t sleeping together, as he had a drinking problem and travelled a lot, and my mom would sleep in another room with my brother, but I wish I had thought it through. Hindsight. Your daughter is lucky to have you. I wish you and your family all the best. You all will get through it together, whatever she decides. I also wanted to give you a special hug, because I can’t imagine what a big trigger this must be for you. I am so sorry. Please don’t forget to take good care of yourself while you are focused on caring for your daughter. What a difficult situation for you to find yourself in yodel, and how far reaching the consequences of being exposed to that kind of information from someone who should have protected you from it. That sort of thing alters a persons perspective and changes their outlook doesn't it? I'm sad that happened to you, and Thankyou for your kind thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 Yesterday was a rather difficult day. Our daughter is finding being in the house difficult as the more he plays 'normal' the angrier she is becoming. I think that anger is probably what's keeping her afloat at the moment, and she did say that his confidence that we haven't told is rising and he is behaving more as he normally would. The investigator is to report to her after the weekend, and in the meantime she has been looking at her financial situation and has contacted an appropriate solicitor. A few more days and she should have enough to make a decision. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Your posts break my heart for you. Ive had something similar happen to my daughter and so I can relate. She found out her fiancé was cheating on her for the last two years and she found out at 8 months pregnant. She was hormonal and just a wreck. The baby is now almost 3 months and they are trying to work through. It's brutal for a mom to see your daughter in this sort of pain. Hugs....it'll work out one way or another and she will be ok...that's what I tell my daughter at least. Oh gosh that's horrendously awful. I went through the same thing and had trouble bonding with my daughter. It feels like you had even the nice dream of a family stolen from you even before you had a half of a chance to enjoy it. It took YEARS to recover and frankly, it will come up in the weekly MC we still attend. A part of me still truly hates him for ruining it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Yesterday was a rather difficult day. Our daughter is finding being in the house difficult as the more he plays 'normal' the angrier she is becoming. I think that anger is probably what's keeping her afloat at the moment, and she did say that his confidence that we haven't told is rising and he is behaving more as he normally would. The investigator is to report to her after the weekend, and in the meantime she has been looking at her financial situation and has contacted an appropriate solicitor. A few more days and she should have enough to make a decision. Good for her playing the long game. He's an idiot. So many cheaters get so puffed up with confidence and get way too cocky and sloppy. My father was like an overgrown peacock during his affair. I am surprised he wasn't exposed on Day 3. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Good for her playing the long game. He's an idiot. So many cheaters get so puffed up with confidence and get way too cocky and sloppy. My father was like an overgrown peacock during his affair. I am surprised he wasn't exposed on Day 3. Fool thinks he got away with it. Your daughter has a few more days to keep it all in and pretend that everything is okay and normal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
frogss29 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Your daughter is so lucky she has you. The ONLY thing that got me through that awful time was my mother. She was a sane person at a crazy time. I had always had a difficult relationship with her but now see her through different eyes. She was/is amazing .....as you are. I always look for a reason why things happen - maybe you went through all your heartbreak so you would have the wisdom to help your daughter through all this xx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I feel I need to say that I do feel very sad for the boy, for that it what he really is. A boy who hasn't been allowed to grow up and take responsibility for his behaviour and actions. He's a very effed up young man...... Good point. Parents don't always do a good job and rather than set their kids straight when they're young... they defend blindly. Things like "the school isn't challenging him enough" or "you only have to sneeze and you get detention" Those kids grow up to be useless irresponsible adults. Parents are not doing their kids any favours by spoiling them and handing them stuff on a platter. I'm so sorry for your situation with your DD. I wonder how your husband feels knowing he did the same thing to you... he probably can't say awful things about your SIL for fear of sounding hypocritical. I do say to some of the WH'S I support ...how would you feel if someone did this to your daughter /sister etc. ... it gives a lot to think about. I remember saying the same to my uncle .....when one of his friends got a girl I knew pregnant... I said how would you feel if that was your DD. He was speechless! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 My parents where amazing parents. Among many things they did right two standout at the moment. First growing up they practiced what I call "pocket poverty" with their children. Their children left the house with funds for what they where going to do with a few dollars extra. It is very hard to get into trouble with drugs or alcohol with no money. The biggest thing they did right was never allowing us to avoid taking responsibility for our action. Yet they where completely supportive of us at the same time. At the same tme they taught us we where indeed our brothers keepers. Not in the sense of running to them and saying they did or are doing that but rather "why didn't you stop them"? Cloudcuckoo you are doing amazing allowing your daughter to find her own way yet being supportive. You are creating an enviroment that allows her to make decisions without fear. Loss yes, not fear and that makes a huge difference. Be well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 It's been quite a day.... My lovely girl has been devastated by her husband's treachery.... There are photographs, phone calls, voice recordings and other plain as day evidence that he has been conducting this affair with a woman living just 4 miles away... She hasn't said anything to him yet, and she and the wee ones are spending the night here with my husband and I while he is up the line on a course, due back tomorrow. Cuckoo Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 so very sorry...bless her heart She is gonna need you mom. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Can you elaborate on the evidence? Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 (edited) I hope this sh*t hits him like a brick when he returns. I feel so much for your daughter! I wish I could personally kick your son in law's azz. And i hope your daughter exposes this concubine! Edited May 9, 2016 by ladydesigner 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Fool thinks he got away with it. He'd have to be the dumbest human on earth to think that. I'm more worried he's planning his exit (with cash and prizes) in the buffer between when he was discovered and today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 Can you elaborate on the evidence? Why?...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Why?...... There are photographs, phone calls, voice recordings and other plain as day evidence that he has been conducting this affair with a woman living just 4 miles away... I know I thought this ^^^^^^was enough evidence to make a person wanna puke 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloudcuckoo Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 He'd have to be the dumbest human on earth to think that. I'm more worried he's planning his exit (with cash and prizes) in the buffer between when he was discovered and today. Then allow me to allay your fears... He's worth bug**r all..... Any money he's had to fund his dalliances he's gained from his parents..... He can plan his exit all he likes...he's in for an almighty shock tomorrow.. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Why?...... Just curious about methodology. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Just curious about methodology. I think Cloudcuckoo (or her daughter) has hired a PI Link to post Share on other sites
getsmartie Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Then allow me to allay your fears... He's worth bug**r all..... Any money he's had to fund his dalliances he's gained from his parents..... He can plan his exit all he likes...he's in for an almighty shock tomorrow.. That's terrible for both your daughter and you guys. Has your daughter figured out if she even wants to work through this if he begs for her forgiveness? My daughter decided to stay and work through it....albeit she was 8 months pregnant and he's been remorseful and transparent....so far. Link to post Share on other sites
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