My daughters partner is having an affair....

[Cloudcuckoo]

Cloudcuckoo, what is the drama here? Your own flesh and blood is being disrespected. She's at risk from STIs, some of which can prove fatal. Grab this nettle, tell her and support. You are not the victim, but a source of horrible facts that must be passed on. Sit on this, whilst she's humiliated and you run the risk of losing her respect for you.

 

Pardon me, but I don't believe I'm making this horrid situation a 'drama'!

 

I don't either remember claiming to be any sort of victim.

 

Also if you'd read my previous post, you would have seen that she's been told, Thankyou.

 

As for having my daughters respect? I've always had that....because I've always given it.....

[ShatteredLady]

I wish I had some great advise to give you. This is so horrible. It's worse watching a loved one experience these things than going through them yourself! I'd do anything to take pain away from my loves

 

After d-day I was a complete wreck. My head would get 'stuck' on certain thoughts, almost like mantras, spinning around & around in my head. For the longest time my brain kept saying, "I want home! I want my Mum & Dad!".

 

Just be there for your beloved. Just be her Mum

 

Do her sisters know yet? It would of been wonderful to have sibling support too. Give her a hug from me. Poor lady. I'm so sorry.

[Cloudcuckoo]

I wish I had some great advise to give you. This is so horrible. It's worse watching a loved one experience these things than going through them yourself! I'd do anything to take pain away from my loves

 

After d-day I was a complete wreck. My head would get 'stuck' on certain thoughts, almost like mantras, spinning around & around in my head. For the longest time my brain kept saying, "I want home! I want my Mum & Dad!".

 

Just be there for your beloved. Just be her Mum

 

Do her sisters know yet? It would of been wonderful to have sibling support too. Give her a hug from me. Poor lady. I'm so sorry.

 

Thankyou shattered, my daughter has been here again this evening while he is at home and the wee ones are in their bed.

 

We've talked about what she thinks, what she wants to do next, and we've cried together. It's so painful when all we want to do is carry their pain for them isn't it?

 

After all they've been through I'm just astounded that he's done this to her.

 

Our first granddaughter was stillborn in 2008, and they seemed so strong as a couple when they grieved their loss.

 

She has said she needs to know the when where who and how long and she believes that he's said nothing because he's afraid, so she intends to do her own investigating, gather as much information as she can, then decide what to do from there.

 

She s broken, I can see it, but her stoicism and the support of her two sisters as well as Mum and Dad will hopefully bolster her. She's a wonderful Mum herself and will work hard to make sure our little people live as normal.

 

Thank goodness we all live just a few miles apart, me, and my three daughters. We're a very close family.

 

Oddly, I've had a couple of hang up calls today....probably nothing, I'm just paranoid.

[BuddyX]

Not sure if it was asked, but has he ever proposed? We're they ever talking about marriage?

 

From what you describe the guy's immature, irresponsible and will never commit.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Not sure if it was asked, but has he ever proposed? We're they ever talking about marriage?

 

From what you describe the guy's immature, irresponsible and will never commit.

 

They have been together for 8 years and married in 2013.

 

 

I believe you're right. He's not capable of being a responsible husband and father because he's never been mature enough.

[Mrs. John Adams]

please keep us updated if you have a chance.....i am so worried about all of you

[getsmartie]

Your posts break my heart for you. Ive had something similar happen to my daughter and so I can relate.

 

She found out her fiancé was cheating on her for the last two years and she found out at 8 months pregnant. She was hormonal and just a wreck. The baby is now almost 3 months and they are trying to work through. It's brutal for a mom to see your daughter in this sort of pain.

 

Hugs....it'll work out one way or another and she will be ok...that's what I tell my daughter at least.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Your posts break my heart for you. Ive had something similar happen to my daughter and so I can relate.

 

She found out her fiancé was cheating on her for the last two years and she found out at 8 months pregnant. She was hormonal and just a wreck. The baby is now almost 3 months and they are trying to work through. It's brutal for a mom to see your daughter in this sort of pain.

 

Hugs....it'll work out one way or another and she will be ok...that's what I tell my daughter at least.

 

oh getsmartie....i am so sorry....I hope your daughter is doing ok

[getsmartie]

Thanks mrs A, she is holding up not too badly. He only fessed up because she backed him into the corner with proof. He's doing everything to repair this but obviously her trust in him is not there. She even postponed their wedding plans.

 

It's really as a parent to see this unfold. I don't know what I would have done in Clouds case....would have took everything I had to not cause a scene in that restaurant.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Thanks mrs A, she is holding up not too badly. He only fessed up because she backed him into the corner with proof. He's doing everything to repair this but obviously her trust in him is not there. She even postponed their wedding plans.

 

It's really as a parent to see this unfold. I don't know what I would have done in Clouds case....would have took everything I had to not cause a scene in that restaurant.

 

bless her heart....i tell you what...i think she should think a long time about marrying this guy...as a matter of fact...I wouldn't

 

i am just sad

 

these poor little girls...they should be experiencing happiness and instead they have to face devastation

[getsmartie]

Totally agree. Instead of being excited to be a mom and future wife she's dealing with this shyt! This is stuff you deal with when you've been married for a long time not at this early stage.

 

So sad!

 

Keep us updated Cloud.

[Cloudcuckoo]

After lengthy talks with our daughter today, my husband and I have agreed that a private investigator might be useful at this point.

 

She's been so amazingly stoic, and I'm just very aware that she's really working so hard to keep a rational head while she focuses on the wee ones and begins to collate the information she needs about her partners indiscretions.

 

I've suggested that she keep a little space between her and him without drawing attention to it if she intends to face him when she has all the information she needs. He's still not said a word about us seeing him.

 

She says he's acting weird but saying nothing. I've given her a key so that she and the children can come home whenever they need, just to breath a little easier.

 

I'm lost honestly, and although of course, all those memories of what my own dday was like are there, it's like a dull ache whereas I know for her it's a screaming and constant pain.

 

I'm just being guided by her at the minute, and trying to give her whatever she feels she needs.

 

The investigator starts work tonight, as our daughters husband is supposed to be at a football match..

 

Thankyou to those of you who've been generous with your support and your kindness. Having a place to put it down while I'm alone has been a bit of a sanity saver!

[Mrs. John Adams]

I am very glad she has you to depend on mom.....

Prayers coming your way

[jen1447]

Just to clarify - they're married and he's the father of your grandchildren?

[elaine567]

I think this may go some way to explain you son in law. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/579401-attorney-consulation-4.html#post6887134

[Cloudcuckoo]

Just to clarify - they're married and he's the father of your grandchildren?

 

Yes. Together 8 years, married in 2013 and they have actually had three children together. Our first granddaughter was born sleeping.

[Poppyolive]

Momma, you're doing everything right. She is incredibly lucky to have your support, advise and love. I know it's a very hard, infuriating time, but having read all your posts, I know he'll get his Arse handed to him on a plate. I'm glad you can't vent here.

[jen1447]

Yes. Together 8 years, married in 2013 and they have actually had three children together. Our first granddaughter was born sleeping.

 

Ok thanks.

 

First things first, you need to know what your end game is before you start taking action. I assume you gave the PI a retainer? I'd find out what your daughter wants first after the dust settles a bit (as in a couple days for her to decompress) and then go from there. If the PI's on retainer he won't mind waiting.

 

If divorce is in the cards, you'll have to consider child custody. Usually infidelity isn't a contributing 'reason' for divorce itself, as most states don't have what's called fault divorce, and all states have no-fault divorce. (Which just means you don't really need a reason.) Infidelity can affect child custody/visitation rights however. So you need to be smart and be deliberate with your strategy.

 

Best first step to do that, after you've made up your minds, is to get a divorce attorney if that's the route you're gonna take. They can then help with an effective strategy for gathering evidence etc., as well as court matters and consultation. If she doesn't want a divorce then you have the bigger question of where the hell do you go from here, which presents its own challenges.

 

Since your SIL saw you at dinner, he'll be wise and will likely be on his best behavior for a while, so the PI might not find anything yet. (If this all ends up being a go you'll want the biggest bang for your buck going forward, not just pointless expenses.)

[Poppyolive]

Momma, you're doing everything right. She is incredibly lucky to have your support, advise and love. I know it's a very hard, infuriating time, but having read all your posts, I know he'll get his Arse handed to him on a plate. I'm glad you can't vent here.

 

Can vent. Oops

[ladydesigner]

(((Cloudcuckoo & Daughter))) I am so sorry your daughter has to experience this with 3 kids. Her WS is a coward and I'm glad you caught this shady mofo red handed. I love when a cheater's game gets blown up!

[whichwayisup]

You've raised one smart and brave daughter!

 

He's probably thinking 'no way will my MIL tell my wife" and since she hasn't blown up on him, he's weary and her not reacting at all is making him think he's in the clear. That's a good thing, gather the evidence and then talk to your daughter about the next step. No point in upsetting the kids lives quite yet until a decision is made.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Jen; thanks very much for your practical advice. We're British, so it's quite common for parents to be granted shared custody of their children through divorce, although of course the grounds for that are determinate, and I'm unsure of the legalities of it when suing for adultery.

 

I don't think she knows what she's going to do with the information she collates just now, but we have an old adage in our family passed on from my dear Mummy that we use for a bit of breathing room while we decide what to do.

 

In all fairness, my lovely girl doesn't know her ass from her elbow at the moment, but we're doing it and as a family we've closed ranks around her and the children and letting her lead the way.

[Cloudcuckoo]

(((Cloudcuckoo & Daughter))) I am so sorry your daughter has to experience this with 3 kids. Her WS is a coward and I'm glad you caught this shady mofo red handed. I love when a cheater's game gets blown up!

 

Thankyou for your kindness.

 

She has given birth to three children, but is bringing up two. Our little bonbon was born asleep in 2008...

 

Which I've just realised makes me mistaken. They've been together for closer to 10 years, not 8 as I'd mentioned.

 

He's still said nothing, but she says he's acting strangely. Makes me wonder what he's up to. He's very close to his Mother, who lives further up country, and as I've already mentioned, they still pay his mobile phone bill, buy his cars and anything else he wants while my daughter has given him everything and sacrificed so much.

 

It used to make me really cross that he'd spend their money on smoking while she would never get anything for herself. All her time, money and effort has been put into my beautiful grandchildren and her husband and this is how he repays her for her devotion....

 

Sorry everyone, having a s****y morning ....

[Mrs. John Adams]

Thankyou for your kindness.

 

She has given birth to three children, but is bringing up two. Our little bonbon was born asleep in 2008...

 

Which I've just realised makes me mistaken. They've been together for closer to 10 years, not 8 as I'd mentioned.

 

He's still said nothing, but she says he's acting strangely. Makes me wonder what he's up to. He's very close to his Mother, who lives further up country, and as I've already mentioned, they still pay his mobile phone bill, buy his cars and anything else he wants while my daughter has given him everything and sacrificed so much.

 

It used to make me really cross that he'd spend their money on smoking while she would never get anything for herself. All her time, money and effort has been put into my beautiful grandchildren and her husband and this is how he repays her for her devotion....

 

Sorry everyone, having a s****y morning ....

 

My daughter had a little girl in 2008 that only lived 2 hours...my little angel.

 

See the things we share with strangers?'

[Cloudcuckoo]

My daughter had a little girl in 2008 that only lived 2 hours...my little angel.

 

See the things we share with strangers?'

 

Indeed Mrs JA, it's a small planet to be sure ...