What do woman in there 40/50s find attractive in men? What gets your attention

[brothers343]

My wife use to be onto the prepie type of guy....Im more of the rugged type.....my job allows me to work out and I own my own cross fit gym. She knows I have a stressful job at times so going to the gym is normal for her. Though Im a rugged type dude she also knows that I am a marshmellow at times. I think woman need both types of man at times. I think you need to be a man that takes care of his family and one that stands firm on some issues. And I think you also need to be that soft and tender man when she needs you to be. You just need to find the balance. People tend to change who they are in a relationship and they become someone who there not. My advise is don't change unless is for the good. Even if your in your 40s or 50s.

[introverted1]

Since I'm in my 50's, and have been married and divorced, I'd like to chime in with one aspect a number of female friends in their 50's and 60's have shared with me in the course of ordinary conversation, specifically that I don't 'hate' my exW enough.

 

Ha.

 

I (female) have also been accused not disliking my ex (or any ex, for that matter) enough.

 

Now I get that it's no fun to date someone who is still obviously hung up on an ex, but I would much prefer a guy who can discuss his ex calmly and possibly even share fond memories, as long as this isn't OTT.

 

OP, what everyone looks for will vary. For me, I prize intellectual connection. That will ramp up (or down, if absent) physical attraction significantly. That said, I am fit and active and would prefer a partner who is, too. A guy who reads, who is curious about the world, who can discuss issues reasonably (and knows when to agree to disagree) are all pluses.

[carhill]

The variable is you, no?

If you pose it as a question online, the man in question is a hypothetical abstract man that the message board posters imagine themselves dating. He's presumably seen as responsible for the breakup.

Your real life female friends know you and the details of your marriage. They don't have to use their imagination to fill in the rest. Besides, if you're a timid kind of person maybe your female friends think you look better when you've got a little more fire in you. Whereas "hypothetical man who message board poster imagines themselves marrying and doesn't work out" has enough of that already.

I don't recall ever asking for such advice here; I did once ask whether I should let women I was dating know I was separated or not and how and got some good feedback.

 

I do tend to think the best of people unless they give me reason not to. Even the dog who bit me yesterday. Had I had my gun on me (normal) it might have gone differently. Not timid, rather measured. Neutrality can be, in the vein of attractiveness, neither attractive nor unattractive, rather simply nothing. I think that's what the real life friends are getting at. They're entitled to their perspective. Like I don't know the inner workings of their M's, they did not know ours. Given what I've seen of some divorces, I thank the deity of choice every day that I can wake up and feel that calm with regard to my ex. Whatever that is on the attractiveness scale, OK. I'm good with that.

[hasaquestion]

I don't recall ever asking for such advice here; I did once ask whether I should let women I was dating know I was separated or not and how and got some good feedback.

 

I do tend to think the best of people unless they give me reason not to. Even the dog who bit me yesterday. Had I had my gun on me (normal) it might have gone differently. Not timid, rather measured. Neutrality can be, in the vein of attractiveness, neither attractive nor unattractive, rather simply nothing. I think that's what the real life friends are getting at. They're entitled to their perspective. Like I don't know the inner workings of their M's, they did not know ours. Given what I've seen of some divorces, I thank the deity of choice every day that I can wake up and feel that calm with regard to my ex. Whatever that is on the attractiveness scale, OK. I'm good with that.

 

Good. Life is too short to worry about that, just chiming in on why you might see a difference. And dogs are the kindest souls. That is someone I REALLY can't get behind a grudge against.

[Moy]

My issue with guys my age or older is that they "look" old.

 

I now see where some cougars are coming from. Tired of lazy, flabby, and/or lack of having a "life" that comes with some older guys.

 

And yes, not a fan of guys trying to be younger than their age either.

 

This works for both sexes. I'm 42 and I pride myself on my fitness, yet on dating sites I get the most attention from women in their 50s, praising me for my body, claiming that men in their age group are 'past it' while displaying all of the post-menopausal signs of aging themselves and then getting salty when I say no thanks. I guess we're all guilty of hypocrisy to some extent.

[Buddhist]

This works for both sexes. I'm 42 and I pride myself on my fitness, yet on dating sites I get the most attention from women in their 50s, praising me for my body, claiming that men in their age group are 'past it' while displaying all of the post-menopausal signs of aging themselves and then getting salty when I say no thanks. I guess we're all guilty of hypocrisy to some extent.

 

Bottom line really, everyone is looking for things they lack in others. Hardly anyone wants to actually be the things they desire, they just want to have it in some form or other. Usually some form outside of themselves.

[Moy]

Bottom line really, everyone is looking for things they lack in others. Hardly anyone wants to actually be the things they desire, they just want to have it in some form or other. Usually some form outside of themselves.

 

Nailed it!

[LookAtThisPOst]

This works for both sexes. I'm 42 and I pride myself on my fitness, yet on dating sites I get the most attention from women in their 50s, praising me for my body, claiming that men in their age group are 'past it' while displaying all of the post-menopausal signs of aging themselves and then getting salty when I say no thanks. I guess we're all guilty of hypocrisy to some extent.

 

Yeah, I think I recall dating a woman that had the propensity to gravitate towards younger men...not because she's a "cougar", but because she found most men her age (mid-40s, I was in my mid 30s at the time we dated), tend to be less active.

 

Her ex-boyfriend was as such, he was a hulking construction worker that worked outdoors all day and sat on his butt all weekend watching football...she was an avid gym go-er, but didn't expect him to be a gym person either, but did want him to spend time with her at casual/active things like a casual bike ride or kayaking...he wouldn't do ANYTHING, but watch sports all weekend.

 

I think he was in his early 40s, late 40s at the time and I think some men reach a certain age where they truly stop keeping up with their health.

 

I have a male friend who just turned 50 and he does online dating most days, but yet, is wishy-washy with these women he meets as he lacks the energy after work to really do anything social. He's even wasted some of their time. It's like he's become numb or complacent.

 

Sorry, getting on a tangent there, but she was going out with younger men, not THAT young, but young enough to want to at least leave the door of their homes. lol

 

Also, some people are blessed genetically with the, "I continue to look young for my age as even reach my 60s" chromosome. lol

 

Usually it's a nationality of sorts that make a person appear younger.

 

I.E. - Asian women look young for their ages usually.

[Michaelroyale]

Do woman over 45 like men to persue them, to be told we like you or is that to forward and comes over as needy? Part of me thinks it would be nice to show im interested and just be friendly and not pushy...and part of me thinks its best to be just friendly and see if there's any attraction there...what advice would you give a 54year old who's interested in some one but been out the dating game along time...

[carhill]

IME, as a 56yo guy, women of my generation prefer men to be forward and assertive and decisive. My marriage wouldn't have happened without it; neither would any subsequent dates. I even see it with MW's, how their demeanor changes when my style of interaction changes. That's just how it is.

 

I tend to, perhaps reflecting my generation, define 'pursue' as not taking no for an answer. This, IME, varies far more markedly. As anecdotes the women I've done this with have invariably turned out to be either attention seekers or married or both. Single women who aren't interested tend to clearly shut things down without ambiguity. Perhaps another, more skilled, man, can pursue them in a manner which they find appropriate, IDK. It ain't me.

[Michelle ma Belle]

As a woman in her mid-forties, I will agree with carhill that we tend to enjoy and appreciate more assertive men, men who know what they want and go after it but still respect boundaries. Women of our age bracket are at the stage in our lives where we know what we want and what we don't want and are done with the game playing. Confidence and humility make for a wickedly sexy cocktail.

[SixxChick]

As someone in your age category, I will give you one piece of advice. We are cautious. Not just of our hearts, but of everything we have built. I am a business owner. So I am very protective of anyone new who I bring into my life. Or as someone with children would be. I guess you could call it skeptical, especially if someone comes on too strong. So, my answer is, it's a balancing act. We've been around the corner. Now, how can you enhance my life? That's a question that anyone with emotional intelligence would ask.

[edgygirl]

Haven't read all the responses, but wanted to touch on this as I'm early 40s.

 

Every woman is different. Although I am thin (120 pounds on 5'4) I couldn't care less about a man being fit.

 

Keep that in mind...

 

I even find super fit man unattractive... I don't care about men who spend too much time at the gym, I'd go for a geeky nerd who prefers to study and read - I care more about brains than looks if someone is reasonably attractive to me.

 

Wow..that's great advice especially the fitness...makes sense so would you choose a great body over good to fair looks?

[Michaelroyale]

As someone recently back on the dating scene I'm Interested to know what woman 45 and older want...and how you like to be approached by men? Do we just be friendly and be ourselves be vulnerable with you? It's very difficult I'm 54 and been happy on my own and I'm ready to start a new relationship now. so any female advice would be appreciated.. so whats going through your minds when a man comes up to you and starts a conversation or asks you for a dance ( if you're at dance night)what are you expecting from him? What will you find attractive with him and what will turn you off him? I suppose these are questions that all men want to know the answer to ..so please help us out a little and give us some insight into a woman's mind....

[d0nnivain]

Don't over think it. Just smile & say hello.

[Popsicle]

Do not, I repeat, do NOT, be afraid to talk to her first and approach her. That is the most important thing.

 

If you can get that fear alone under control, then you won't have anything to worry about. Women want you to talk to them in person.

[smackie9]

Be confident and say Hi and then introduce yourself. Remember, smile/eye contact.

[Miss Peach]

Just talk to her like she were any stranger; not a woman. I agree with the advice to not overthink it.

[alphamale]

saying you're rich usually seems to work

[Mrin]

Oh this easy. You're in luck at that age range. Just be direct yet gentlemanly. Put yourself in her shoes - if you were a 45+ year old woman, how would you like to be approached?

 

Simply due to demographics at that age range, 45+ women (and men) don't get a lot of cold approaches so most are just very receptive to the attention if it is delivered in a proper way.

[The_Dork_Lard]

saying you're rich usually seems to work

 

 

He doesn't even have to say it, he can simply wear a white linen suit. White suits makes one look rich.

[preraph]

I'm female, but I strike up mini-conversations with strangers about just the surroundings. "Slow elevator!" to people in my office building. "I bet sometimes you feel like you're wearing a hula skirt" to a policeman in line ahead of me at a restaurant check-out line. "Shame to waste such a pretty day working, huh?"

At the grocery store: "Pardon me. Have you ever tried this?" or "Pardon me, do you know where the olives are?"

 

Now, it's hard to make the transition from any of those to asking for a date. But if you get lucky and see the person again, you can at least say hi. But more than that, other people see you being outgoing and friendly who are within earshot and if any of them are wanting to get to know you and approach you, they will know you are the friendly sort. So don't just be open and friendly to the ones you think are pretty but also random people, because then others see you are friendly and approachable, and you might attract someone nice that way.

 

If you have a dog, walk the dog and women will just come up to you. Go to the dog park. It's a great way to meet people. And your dog and their dog will insist you visit with each other so it's not even within your control and no one thinks it's weird if you just follow your dog and end up right in front of them.

 

You might try some group hobbies or meetups as well doing things you enjoy.

[phineas]

Get in shape.

They will do the rest.

 

ok, you need to at least say hi and not make things awkward.

[Yookie]

Make sure your breath doesn't stink when you talk to her.

[Poutrew]

He doesn't even have to say it, he can simply wear a white linen suit. White suits makes one look rich.

 

Unless you are possibly either Mr. Rourke or Tattoo and you own, or work for, a particular tropical island...