What do woman in there 40/50s find attractive in men? What gets your attention

[GemmaUK]

Ironic this follows the previous comment about women being more forgiving over looks.

 

I think women are equally superficial, and this actually increases with age.

 

First post in this thread for me.

Someone else might be forgiving over looks but I want equal to me, why should I not?

[hippychick3]

As someone who's in her mid forties, I would like to date and be in a serious relationship with a man my age but have found myself dating men much younger instead.

 

Why? Because they have a joie to vivre that matches my own.

 

If men my age weren't severely jaded from their past relationship/marriage, they were behaving like children or worse, are "old" in their mind, body and soul. Not attractive.

 

Apart from having an adventurous spirit and zest for life, I like a man with a strong character, life experience that doesn't just come from years on earth, intelligence is huge, sense of humor, ability to carry conversation is also paramount. And someone who can listen as much as talk.

 

Unlike Buddhist, I don't mind chatting about past relationships and children. For me, it's kind of a test to see how they speak about their ex's. That says a lot about someone in my humble opinion. It's a quick way to determine if we're going to get along or not. I'm not interested in being with anyone who's still angry at the world or can't see the parts they played in their break-ups etc. I think that makes for some nice honest and heartfelt conversation and at this age, I would rather get that stuff out in the open early so i don't waste my time or his.

 

 

I could have written this post word for word!

[Jacques on stage]

First post in this thread for me.

Someone else might be forgiving over looks but I want equal to me, why should I not?

 

Previous comment by another poster.

 

No you can want whatever you want. If that's how to categorise people in this world then good luck to you.

[GemmaUK]

Previous comment by another poster.

 

No you can want whatever you want. If that's how to categorise people in this world then good luck to you.

 

I don't categorise.

I simply find attractive what I find attractive, just like you and everyone else does.

We'd all be jumping each others bones if attractiveness didn't come into it after all...

[Jacques on stage]

I don't categorise.

I simply find attractive what I find attractive, just like you and everyone else does.

We'd all be jumping each others bones if attractiveness didn't come into it after all...

 

What if you find someone who is not 'equal to you in looks' attractive? Or is that impossible?

[GemmaUK]

What if you find someone who is not 'equal to you in looks' attractive? Or is that impossible?

 

I didn't say equal to me in looks - please re-read my first post.

I said I like someone who is equally as fit/slim as myself whose face I found attractive (to me).

Then obviously personality, lifestyle etc all weighs in - as is the norm when you're getting to know someone.

 

You seem to have an issue with my choice.

Odd for such a new member, why the issue?

[Jacques on stage]

I didn't say equal to me in looks - please re-read my first post.

I said I like someone who is equally as fit/slim as myself whose face I found attractive (to me).

Then obviously personality, lifestyle etc all weighs in - as is the norm when you're getting to know someone.

 

You seem to have an issue with my choice.

Odd for such a new member, why the issue?

 

No issue. I was more pointing out the irony that your post followed a previous post and contradicted it, that's all.

[Miss Peach]

The other post was from me. Yes, I need to feel attraction. What I meant is that I constantly see men talk about going to the gym and doing things THEY would be attracted to; not what attracts women. Women are often guilty of doing they things THEY would feel attracted to rather than what men look for. Many women are able to overlook some level of the physical if they feel good around someone and feel chemistry. There needs to be some attraction but IME women are often better at having attraction grow or fade than men do.

 

To give you an example, one of my good male friends is 50s, never married, emotionally disconnected, underemployed, unfit, short, stalky, balding, etc. But he is able to get very attractive, successful women 10-20 years younger because he's great at making people feel comfortable and make them laugh.

[Gloria25]

My issue with guys my age or older is that they "look" old.

 

I know people with kids and fitness is a priority for them. So sorry, not gonna buy that excuse.

 

I already "liked" opinions I agree with.

 

I now see where some cougars are coming from. Tired of lazy, flabby, and/or lack of having a "life" that comes with some older guys.

 

And yes, not a fan of guys trying to be younger than their age either.

[grays]

I'm 46 and been dating for about 18 months, mostly online. I've felt like I wanted different things and been attracted to different things over that time. I think most important is to be relaxed and confident and be yourself. It's all about chemistry and connection.

 

A couple of posters have said that it's really important to them that their dates are very fit and workout all the time. Well, there are also women out there who find that to be a bit of a turn off. You can't please everyone! I happen to like love handles more than six packs. I find labs way cuter than greyhounds. But generally, I'm pretty open about looks and can be attracted to a wide range as long as there's a good connection.

 

When I think about the three guys I've kinda fallen for, there seems to be almost no common ground between them. It feels pretty random. Just be yourself!

[Buddhist]

I'm 47 so at the lesser spectrum of your age range.

 

I exercise 7 days a week (not a gym rat as I hate gyms).

I'm slim and petite and I like a guy who is lean with some muscle tone same as me pretty much. I'm not a fan of tummies hanging over a belt, nor moobs.

 

Yes this is me too. I've not stepped inside a gym in the last decade. I maintain my physique with yoga and outdoor activities. When I said great physique I'm not talking body builder or gym rat. I'm talking athletic, toned, with that glow that says vitality. You know how people who never exercise get flaccid skin and a very grey cast to their skin. I've seen 30yr olds who look like that. You can just tell their cells never receive oxygen properly and the muscles are atrophying. That's the look you want to avoid. And I've seen 70yr olds you can successfully avoid it!

 

It's not about looking 20, it's about maintaining the physical vehicle in a state of healthy homeostasis which requires blood flow, oxygen and proper nutrition. Recapturing lost youth is not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about cultivating vitality in the physical form which is something every single person on the planet can do at any age and doesn't require a gym membership.

[Gloria25]

Yes this is me too. I've not stepped inside a gym in the last decade. I maintain my physique with yoga and outdoor activities. When I said great physique I'm not talking body builder or gym rat. I'm talking athletic, toned, with that glow that says vitality. You know how people who never exercise get flaccid skin and a very grey cast to their skin. I've seen 30yr olds who look like that. You can just tell their cells never receive oxygen properly and the muscles are atrophying. That's the look you want to avoid. And I've seen 70yr olds you can successfully avoid it!

 

It's not about looking 20, it's about maintaining the physical vehicle in a state of healthy homeostasis which requires blood flow, oxygen and proper nutrition. Recapturing lost youth is not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about cultivating vitality in the physical form which is something every single person on the planet can do at any age and doesn't require a gym membership.

 

Thank. ...you

[thefooloftheyear]

Its a huge world with tons of people....

 

Bottom line is that if you are actively seeking a relationship and years go by and you haven't had any real success, then maybe the people that you pass on because you think they are below your level in whatever criteria you place on it...well...perhaps they are likely to be more at your level than you think or believe....Its just a reasonable assumption at that point...

 

Not referencing anyone in particular.....Just sayin'

 

TFY

[Gloria25]

Its a huge world with tons of people....

 

Bottom line is that if you are actively seeking a relationship and years go by and you haven't had any real success, then maybe the people that you pass on because you think they are below your level in whatever criteria you place on it...well...perhaps they are likely to be more at your level than you think or believe....Its just a reasonable assumption at that point...

 

Not referencing anyone in particular.....Just sayin'

 

TFY

 

I disagree...

 

I've been on the "hunt" for a while and with my current guy I'm very satisfied. Trust me, and of the guys I met during the "hunt" that I didn't see myself going on a 2nd date with, I had my reasons.

 

Thing is with age yes, your options get more smaller cuz people who aren't coupled up already come with divorces and/or baggage...and/or are undateable (like the guys we describe in this thread)

[bathtub-row]

You need to be who you are. Don't be a fake.

 

What I personally find attractive in a man is wisdom, kindness, self-assurance, he laughs easily, is in control but not controlling, and wants to take care of his lady.

[Tayla]

Since it does weave itself thru this post, with age comes processes of the body. skin will wrinkle, muscles will be less flaccid. When blessed with aging, consider it your blessing to walk, to see, to simply make it a live able and love able day.

 

A guy I was smitten with once said, No doubt if blessed we will be old enough to see the wrinkles and still find each other attractive. For we will lose our sight or even our speech... It's part of the body tenderly surrendering, yet our love will sustain.

 

I respect nature and understand that by 80, Things are going to shift and somethings will be no more. so whilst in the most of looking long term or even enjoying that person, know that the health of the love is what's valued.

 

I've watched a couple where the husband had a stroke. slurred speech, left body functions gone, and the lady would say, dear.. You are still strong in carrying our love.

 

So it won't be the "money", or how "fit" that person is, it will be that eternal desire of what each of you admire and compliment. Otherwise, just keep "trading" up . which is odd since humans are basically composed of skin, brains, bones , organs, and fluids.. So what are you trading up on?

[GemmaUK]

No issue. I was more pointing out the irony that your post followed a previous post and contradicted it, that's all.

 

Must admit I didn't read the post you were referring to but having read it it appears you misinterpreted it.

Miss Peach also requires attraction in order to date.

 

MP, apologies to you that you felt the need to explain yourself - it wasn't necessary having read back your original post.

[alphamale]

Nothing is sexier than empbracing ones age and the life experience that comes with it...

i would agree with this

[Gloria25]

Since it does weave itself thru this post, with age comes processes of the body. skin will wrinkle, muscles will be less flaccid. When blessed with aging, consider it your blessing to walk, to see, to simply make it a live able and love able day.

 

A guy I was smitten with once said, No doubt if blessed we will be old enough to see the wrinkles and still find each other attractive. For we will lose our sight or even our speech... It's part of the body tenderly surrendering, yet our love will sustain.

 

I respect nature and understand that by 80, Things are going to shift and somethings will be no more. so whilst in the most of looking long term or even enjoying that person, know that the health of the love is what's valued.

 

I've watched a couple where the husband had a stroke. slurred speech, left body functions gone, and the lady would say, dear.. You are still strong in carrying our love.

 

So it won't be the "money", or how "fit" that person is, it will be that eternal desire of what each of you admire and compliment. Otherwise, just keep "trading" up . which is odd since humans are basically composed of skin, brains, bones , organs, and fluids.. So what are you trading up on?

 

It's not about "trading up".

 

I want someone to embrace "life" with me. I don't want a couch potato.

 

Surrendering to nature, IMO, isn't sitting on your couch and getting a gut cuz your metabolism is slowing down. It also doesn't mean botox, plastic surgery for wrinkles.

 

Yes, some people lose their mobility and/or other stuff from medical issues that are beyond their control...I'm not talking about those cases.

 

There's an older couple in my hood. They can barely move around, but guess what? They maintain their lawn. How? A riding lawnmower and breaking down the yardwork into several days. They, unlike younger people in my hood who let their yards turn into jungles, aren't sitting on their couch feeling sorry for themselves and letting "nature take its course". Oh, and they are not athletic, specimens, models or whatever. They got wrinkles, hunch backs, all the stuff an older person would have.

[Jacques on stage]

Well if this thread teaches us one things it's that women are far, far better than men at obscuring their superficiality with pseudo-science.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Just don't lead with any bitterness or negative things to say about your ex, or other women who have been in your life.

[carhill]

Since I'm in my 50's, and have been married and divorced, I'd like to chime in with one aspect a number of female friends in their 50's and 60's have shared with me in the course of ordinary conversation, specifically that I don't 'hate' my exW enough. I'll occasionally talk about the good times we had, or ordinary events, or things like her contacting me a couple days ago letting me know she had to put our marital cat down due to old age, etc, and my emotional reaction isn't 'negative' enough so they feel that I still love her. Evidently this is unattractive behavior in a man and, I gotta say, they may be right because my male friends who have ex-wives usually are very acerbic and coarse when describing them. These are guys who are successfully re-married and for quite some time. Still, the expletives deleted come out when mention of an ex-wife, even some 30 years ago, comes up, like with adult children.

 

Now I don't know which of these behaviors is attractive or not but the proof is in the pudding; they've been remarried many years and, heh, their wives are the ones telling me I don't hate on my ex enough Interesting world.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Since I'm in my 50's, and have been married and divorced, I'd like to chime in with one aspect a number of female friends in their 50's and 60's have shared with me in the course of ordinary conversation, specifically that I don't 'hate' my exW enough. I'll occasionally talk about the good times we had, or ordinary events, or things like her contacting me a couple days ago letting me know she had to put our marital cat down due to old age, etc, and my emotional reaction isn't 'negative' enough so they feel that I still love her. Evidently this is unattractive behavior in a man and, I gotta say, they may be right because my male friends who have ex-wives usually are very acerbic and coarse when describing them. These are guys who are successfully re-married and for quite some time. Still, the expletives deleted come out when mention of an ex-wife, even some 30 years ago, comes up, like with adult children.

 

Now I don't know which of these behaviors is attractive or not but the proof is in the pudding; they've been remarried many years and, heh, their wives are the ones telling me I don't hate on my ex enough Interesting world.

 

I tend to believe extreme emotion for an ex after many years of being apart is unhealthy. I'm single and don't think I'd date, much less marry, a man who hates his ex.

[carhill]

Yes, I hear this a lot on these forums and only mentioned my real life experiences because they seem at odds with the conventional wisdom here. I don't really have a dog in the fight since I'm not looking to be attractive to women in my age group but found the dichotomy interesting, especially the opinion from female peers.

[hasaquestion]

Yes, I hear this a lot on these forums and only mentioned my real life experiences because they seem at odds with the conventional wisdom here. I don't really have a dog in the fight since I'm not looking to be attractive to women in my age group but found the dichotomy interesting, especially the opinion from female peers.

 

The variable is you, no?

If you pose it as a question online, the man in question is a hypothetical abstract man that the message board posters imagine themselves dating. He's presumably seen as responsible for the breakup.

Your real life female friends know you and the details of your marriage. They don't have to use their imagination to fill in the rest. Besides, if you're a timid kind of person maybe your female friends think you look better when you've got a little more fire in you. Whereas "hypothetical man who message board poster imagines themselves marrying and doesn't work out" has enough of that already.