He is chasing after someone else ... [updated 2016-07-10]

[sandylee1]

After how bad he treated me and we aren't even friends yet his sisters other friend( well not really close anymore ) he is commenting on her profile pics on Facebook.

It's really winding me up.

He knows she is on my friends list and it's sickening me that afte everything he can't acknowledge I exist but can be friends with her and comment on her Facebook yet can't be friends with with me.

I'm so angry when I see him comment on her status or picture because I feel like it's salt in the wound.

He knows il be able to see but doesn't even care

 

You continue to keep this family in your life and as such the pain will NEVER end for you. How many times and how many ways do you need to hear that he doesn't care about hurting you?

 

I don't wish to sound harsh but at some point in life...... We are responsible for our own happiness and you need to stop being in victim mode, otherwise you will be stuck in a cycle of misery and become depressed. At which point you won't be appealing to the decent men out there.

 

It's time to put a stop to it all and take control of your future. Cut ties with them or prepare to feel low when it's his kids birthday or other event in their lives and your so called friend tells you all about it.

[Joie]

I agree with the PP's. He probably isn't doing this to hurt you. You aren't even FB friends with him, let alone real life friends. He isn't thinking of you. He isn't manipulating you. He is living his life. I hope that you start to live yours.

 

I understand that you use to be close but the FACT is that you are not close with him now. He doesn't call or text you. He isn't your facebook friend. He doesn't seek you out. Whatever you had is over. Honestly, it doesn't sound like you had much to begin with.

 

You are not the first person to ever have a friendship end. As time passes people drift apart. Even those closest to you.

 

I had a BF in college. We talked every day. We continued to talk after we broke up. We continued to visit each other after it was over. However, as time passed we grew apart. We talked less. Found other people to talk to and share with. Days turn to months and months turn to years. He is Facebook friends with many of my college friends. He is NOT Facebook friends with me. (He did not accept my request). I will never know why he didn't accept. Did he not want to see how I turned out, does he still think of me, does he compare me to his girlfriend? Yes, these thought ran through my head. The difference between you and I is that I didn't stop my life over a facebook request. I didn't think about it more than a couple of minutes. It really doesn't matter. There are billions of people on this planet. I don't need to think about someone who moved on. Not to mention I have moved on. I am living my life. I am happy.

 

Please just stop thinking about it. What you are doing is placing your life on hold for someone who isn't even thinking of you.

Edited April 19, 2016 by Joie

[anyonecandoit]

I want to say something honestly. Hope you don't think my words are harsh.

 

Basically, you're just broken.

 

To fix yourself, follow my suggestion(these are the steps you can implement):

1. Deactivate your fb account.

2. Take a long vacation. Find a friend/relative who lives hundreds or thousands of miles from where you're living and start a new life there for six months or longer.

3. Start doing something new. Give up your old job. You need something else to wake you up.

 

I think you're just trapped in a narrow well that you cannot get yourself out. In computer, this is called deadlock, meaning it is just consuming the resources endlessly until all the resources are burnt out and the computer dies(I think if you don't get out, this basically means that your life is doomed). What you basically need to do is that, forget about the past, forget about everything now. You need to REBOOT yourself just like you reboot your computer. Clean up everything and restart.

[Adoraxx]

I want to say something honestly. Hope you don't think my words are harsh.

 

Basically, you're just broken.

 

To fix yourself, follow my suggestion(these are the steps you can implement):

1. Deactivate your fb account.

2. Take a long vacation. Find a friend/relative who lives hundreds or thousands of miles from where you're living and start a new life there for six months or longer.

3. Start doing something new. Give up your old job. You need something else to wake you up.

 

I think you're just trapped in a narrow well that you cannot get yourself out. In computer, this is called deadlock, meaning it is just consuming the resources endlessly until all the resources are burnt out and the computer dies(I think if you don't get out, this basically means that your life is doomed). What you basically need to do is that, forget about the past, forget about everything now. You need to REBOOT yourself just like you reboot your computer. Clean up everything and restart.

 

 

I love what you wrote!

[Louisesarah]

I want to say something honestly. Hope you don't think my words are harsh.

 

Basically, you're just broken.

 

To fix yourself, follow my suggestion(these are the steps you can implement):

1. Deactivate your fb account.

2. Take a long vacation. Find a friend/relative who lives hundreds or thousands of miles from where you're living and start a new life there for six months or longer.

3. Start doing something new. Give up your old job. You need something else to wake you up.

 

I think you're just trapped in a narrow well that you cannot get yourself out. In computer, this is called deadlock, meaning it is just consuming the resources endlessly until all the resources are burnt out and the computer dies(I think if you don't get out, this basically means that your life is doomed). What you basically need to do is that, forget about the past, forget about everything now. You need to REBOOT yourself just like you reboot your computer. Clean up everything and restart.

 

Thankyou

I do think I am mentally broken

It's hard to just go away or stay fresh air when you don't have a lot of money to do this.

I know a couple of posters have said things like she takes no notice or she is washing her etc but today is the first day in about 10 days I have got up washed my hair and did my makeup.

I take sertraline for depression and some days it's a struggle to do things.

Someday a everything gets on top of me and I can't cope so I start thinking about all the people who've screwed me over and it makes me even worse.

Today is a ok day.

For some to say it's for attention etc hurts me because anyone who knows me in real life knows what type of person I am.

[Louisesarah]

I know that people on here think I'm mad or deluded thinking that he might of had some feelings for me but I don't think he would of spoken daily for 2 years just for one thing but I'm not going to bang my head against a brick wall.

For all his faults I don't believe he would of kept in touch or cared if I loved him if it was just for sex but I can't keep dwelling on it

[whatatangledweb]

Thankyou

I do think I am mentally broken

It's hard to just go away or stay fresh air when you don't have a lot of money to do this.

I know a couple of posters have said things like she takes no notice or she is washing her etc but today is the first day in about 10 days I have got up washed my hair and did my makeup.

I take sertraline for depression and some days it's a struggle to do things.

Someday a everything gets on top of me and I can't cope so I start thinking about all the people who've screwed me over and it makes me even worse.

Today is a ok day.

For some to say it's for attention etc hurts me because anyone who knows me in real life knows what type of person I am.

 

It sounds like your AD is not working well for you any more. Go see your Dr. about a med change. I know when mine are no longer doing it as I go through the same thing as you are doing now.

[ChickiePops]

I know that people on here think I'm mad or deluded thinking that he might of had some feelings for me but I don't think he would of spoken daily for 2 years just for one thing but I'm not going to bang my head against a brick wall.

For all his faults I don't believe he would of kept in touch or cared if I loved him if it was just for sex but I can't keep dwelling on it

 

It's not that anyone things you're crazy for thinking there was a time when he cared about it..it's that he clearly doesn't care anymore and you won't accept that, and what you're doing (the online stalking, getting dressed up to walk down his street, keeping tabs on him, and generally just obsessing) is neither healthy nor useful.

 

Yes, he may have had feelings about you at once point. Do you feel better now?

 

But he certainly doesn't now, considering the way he treated you. Please..block him and begin moving on.

[Louisesarah]

I don't get dressed up to walk down his street???

I live on a Main Street where he was at a local store.

I didn't know he was going to be there.

I certainly don't walk up and down looking for him.

Even I'm not that pathetic.

From my point of view it is hard when I'm close to his sister she is my best friend even through our differences.

I can't imagine us not being friends,and when she says he had feelings for me but felt too guilty and if he cut me off its like it didn't happen and he doesn't have to deal with the guilt of cheating.

It all just goes round and round

[Louisesarah]

That's the thing that replays in my head.

So if one night he told me he couldn't leave his son and asked if I loved him,so the next day did he just wake up and not have feelings anymore.

When did he stop ..why did he stop ,at what point do you decide to treat people like that.

I know it's not healthy to keep thinking things but how do you stop when you never got proper answers

[SoleMate]

Louisesarah......what is your goal? Can you clarify that?

 

* Here on Loveshack

* Out there in real life

 

Maybe some answers about your goals would put this thread on a productive track.

[elaine567]

He is in a relationship.

He lost control one night and had sex with you, so he feels guilty.

As he has a baby son and a gf to look after, he knows what he has to do.

So no matter how good the sex was, no matter how much he likes you, he weighed up his two options, and he chose the son and the gf.

He then cut off all interaction with you.

 

No-one really knows if the feelings he expressed to you were genuine, or if he was just trying to get sex all along.

However love for a son is very genuine, so he was never going to choose a woman he had a ONS with, over his son.

NO decent man would, would he?

[Louisesarah]

I just want to be happy.

Get to a point where I feel nothing.

I knew he wasn't going to leave and be with me,he told me he couldn't leave his son that wasn't why I'm upset.

I thought he cared and respected me and the fact it ended in such a way of me being thrown down like rubbish.

I genuinely thought he cared and he wouldn't dismiss me cruelty.

I wanted him to just be respectful.

If he hadn't of done it in such a callous way.

It's hard when you believe someone does care even if just a friend then shows you no respect.

[Louisesarah]

And now the fact after how close we were not to be even a friend or added to his Facebook hurts.

We would spend 10 hours a night just talking and now nothing.

I mean this on my mums grave,I enjoyed just being a friend.

I miss his friendship.

We did connect well and it hurts that sex spoilt it all.

[ChickiePops]

Well he sucks at life. That's all there is to it. You need to toughen up..not everyone will treat you the way you want to be treated. You can't control what other people do or say, but you can control how you react and handle things.

 

Take control and let it go.

 

No, sex didn't ruin it, and you can't obsess over what could have been. We have all done that and it doesn't get you anywhere.

 

The result would've been the same no matter what..beating yourself up isn't going to help.

Edited April 19, 2016 by ChickiePops

[elaine567]

I just want to be happy.

Get to a point where I feel nothing.

I knew he wasn't going to leave and be with me,he told me he couldn't leave his son that wasn't why I'm upset.

I thought he cared and respected me and the fact it ended in such a way of me being thrown down like rubbish.

I genuinely thought he cared and he wouldn't dismiss me cruelty.

I wanted him to just be respectful.

If he hadn't of done it in such a callous way.

It's hard when you believe someone does care even if just a friend then shows you no respect.

 

OK but how could he end it with you "nicely", without you getting the wrong idea and suddenly you are both in bed again.

He shut it down to make sure that would never happen again.

He was being cruel to be kind for you both here.

[Louisesarah]

OK but how could he end it with you "nicely", without you getting the wrong idea and suddenly you are both in bed again.

He shut it down to make sure that would never happen again.

He was being cruel to be kind for you both here.

 

I know..but I would of rather kept it friendly.

I think it's a shame when you get on so well with someone and you can't have them in your life.

He told me he dreaded the day I met someone because it wasn't him yet he can cut me out just like that ..if you can do that I'm sure he could of quite easily seen me with someone.

[Louisesarah]

Well he sucks at life. That's all there is to it. You need to toughen up..not everyone will treat you the way you want to be treated. You can't control what other people do or say, but you can control how you react and handle things.

 

Take control and let it go.

 

No, sex didn't ruin it, and you can't obsess over what could have been. We have all done that and it doesn't get you anywhere.

 

The result would've been the same no matter what..beating yourself up isn't going to help.

 

I think if we hadn't of slept together that night it would of happened at one point.

And he would of reacted the same and I would still be sat here obsessing..it was never going to end well for me really was it.

[sandylee1]

That's the thing that replays in my head.

So if one night he told me he couldn't leave his son and asked if I loved him,so the next day did he just wake up and not have feelings anymore.

When did he stop ..why did he stop ,at what point do you decide to treat people like that.

I know it's not healthy to keep thinking things but how do you stop when you never got proper answers

 

You stop for your own sanity.

You stop because he's not worth getting stressed and depressed over.

You stop because no man is worth driving yourself crazy over.

 

You stop for YOU. Because you should love yourself enough to want and get better.

 

No matter what else you do.... your contact and friendship with his sister will be your ultimate downfall.

 

Life's too short to be dealing with this. I really don't know what else to tell you.

[Louisesarah]

You stop for your own sanity.

You stop because he's not worth getting stressed and depressed over.

You stop because no man is worth driving yourself crazy over.

 

You stop for YOU. Because you should love yourself enough to want and get better.

 

No matter what else you do.... your contact and friendship with his sister will be your ultimate downfall.

 

Life's too short to be dealing with this. I really don't know what else to tell you.

 

I do want to stop for me.

I want to find someone who knows he wants me and just me.

No secrets or messing with my head.

Just wants me,respectful

I want kids and a family.

[ChickiePops]

I think if we hadn't of slept together that night it would of happened at one point.

And he would of reacted the same and I would still be sat here obsessing..it was never going to end well for me really was it.

 

Nope. It wasn't.

 

I'm sorry he strung you along for such a long time but it's highly unlikely that you'll ever get the answers you want. So at this point, being miserable is your choice.

 

Will you block him now?

[renaissancewoman]

And now the fact after how close we were not to be even a friend or added to his Facebook hurts.

We would spend 10 hours a night just talking and now nothing.

I mean this on my mums grave,I enjoyed just being a friend.

I miss his friendship.

We did connect well and it hurts that sex spoilt it all.

 

The fact of the matter is, you just can't be friends. This is for you. So you can move on and be happy. I realize it hurts you because you have lost a relationship that obviously meant a lot to you. And there is a grieving process you need to go through, but you're not going to get there by focusing on the last. you both allowed it to get too far and crossed a point of no return, you can't just go back and wish for things the to be the way they were, because frankly, the way it was before as you say, sex spoilt it, was already inappropriate and wrong.

 

Truly, I'm trying to be empathetic here. If you were my friend who made this mistake, I would want you to stop continuing hurting yourself by carrying on the way you are. It's not healthy. Remove yourself from Facebook and go away for a bit. Just change up the scenery. Spend some time for yourself and see that you don't need respect from someone else to be a person of worth. You are worthy of more, regardless of how someone treated you. As soon as you believe that for yourself, then you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[Louisesarah]

The fact of the matter is, you just can't be friends. This is for you. So you can move on and be happy. I realize it hurts you because you have lost a relationship that obviously meant a lot to you. And there is a grieving process you need to go through, but you're not going to get there by focusing on the last. you both allowed it to get too far and crossed a point of no return, you can't just go back and wish for things the to be the way they were, because frankly, the way it was before as you say, sex spoilt it, was already inappropriate and wrong.

 

Truly, I'm trying to be empathetic here. If you were my friend who made this mistake, I would want you to stop continuing hurting yourself by carrying on the way you are. It's not healthy. Remove yourself from Facebook and go away for a bit. Just change up the scenery. Spend some time for yourself and see that you don't need respect from someone else to be a person of worth. You are worthy of more, regardless of how someone treated you. As soon as you believe that for yourself, then you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

I know ..I think I convinced myself if we liked each other then why was it wrong.

He wouldn't set me up with his friend yet I had to watch him have a gf..how was that ok.

I can't go back I know I just wish I hadn't of spoilt things.

[Louisesarah]

Nope. It wasn't.

 

I'm sorry he strung you along for such a long time but it's highly unlikely that you'll ever get the answers you want. So at this point, being miserable is your choice.

 

Will you block him now?

 

I've blocked him on Facebook I just hope I stay strong.

He didn't really strong me along..I guess I strung myself along listening to his words.

[elaine567]

I know..but I would of rather kept it friendly.

I think it's a shame when you get on so well with someone and you can't have them in your life.

He told me he dreaded the day I met someone because it wasn't him yet he can cut me out just like that ..if you can do that I'm sure he could of quite easily seen me with someone.

 

Well yes, as time has moved on and he has chosen to be with his gf,

then he is less likely to be upset if you move on, as that is what people do in your circumstances.

He had his chance, he refused to take it, so you go find someone who will love you.