NTV Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Ironpony, I believe that you have some growing to do as a person before getting married. That's not a bad thing. Considering your current circumstances, it's a good one. Let me try to answer some of the most recent concerns you spoke about: 1. Talking to another chick about personal stuff is wrong. But you have stated your GF has talked to other dudes about it too, so you're both wrong. Especially because it appears she's trying to lay a guilt card on you for talking to this chick when it's something she's equally guilty of. 2. You GF is very manipulative and vindictive. She really sounds like the type of person that will use other folks for all they can give her and then drop them. Like a leach. It is not your job to support her. She should support herself. 3. Besides sex, I don't see what she brings to this relationship. And even the sex, you stated appears to be more about her trying to get pregnant than an adventure into happy-fun-time. 4. I did get frustrated speaking to you earlier in this thread because you seem to remain indecisive even after multiple folks have given you really really good advice. I am unsure why you are unsure. You have 35 pages worth of advice and discussion on your engagement. Would you recommend a friend get married to or be in a relationship with a woman that takes this much energy to divest whether they should? You likely have enough source material description of your circumstances here to generate a lifetime movie or two.... so I have to ask... is asking us questions and getting feedback beneficial to you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Okay thanks. Did I say something about suicide before? I do not remember us having any suicide problems. I don't want to go back through the whole thread but you mentioned she wasn't feeling stable, might hurt herself, or something along those lines. This was after the initial talk that led her to throw up. I believe it was before she starting talking to her bother. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 One thing a lot of people don't get in relationships is they think if their partner is nice most of the time, but horrible when they have a disagreement that it is fine and normal because they are nice most of the time. The thing they miss is that EVERYONE is nice most of the time. The most violent abusers, are nice most of the time. The horrible vindictive people are nice most of the time. You can only truly judge the character of the person you are with when you have disagreements, when times get hard, when there are challenges. That is how you know the person you are truly with, and in my opinion based only off of what you've told us, she is not a good person. This is the first of many issues that will have in your lifetime, and your life will be a constant roller coaster with her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Okay thanks. Did I say something about suicide before? I do not remember us having any suicide problems. The lawyer I contacted hasn't gotten back to yet on certain things. Maybe I should find a new one. But I don't think she will allow me the time to find a new one as her patience is going to run out. She is so depressed she said she was having suicidal feelings, and that's not good. I am so heartbroken over this whole thing. There was considerable discussion and feedback to you about this. Have you seen a marriage counselor with her yet? I posted earlier on this thread and I was rooting for you to come to a mutually beneficial compromise/agreement and was hoping things would work out between the two of you. I don't think that's possible anymore. You have a lot of issues to work out. I suggest making a long list and bringing it to your marriage counselor, and have your girlfriend do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 I haven't read all 36 pages and I know this topic is several months old. I'm middle class to upper middle class. After my divorce it took nine years of working double jobs, odd jobs to get back on my feet again. I should have declared bankruptcy. I'm getting ready to sell my business and retire. I'm around 50. That's pretty young. I'm getting ready to buy my next to last house before my dream house. I should have dream house in 3-5 years. I've worked hard to get here. Hell, yes, I'm going to have a prenup. Hell, yes, i, going to insist on your money, my money and our money in a marriage. And I'm going to be very involved in the "our money" account. Chances are the man I meet is going to be moving into my house or we are building one together. If I put down $100,000 and he puts down $40,000, in the event of a divorce is he truly deserving of $70,000? Without a prenup, the law would say he is. And if I do meet someone who is able to put down $150,000 to my $100,000 am I entitled to $125,000? Nope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 I don't want to go back through the whole thread but you mentioned she wasn't feeling stable, might hurt herself, or something along those lines. This was after the initial talk that led her to throw up. I believe it was before she starting talking to her bother. Suicide was specifically mentioned by her. Just another one of her childish threats. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Ironpony, I believe that you have some growing to do as a person before getting married. That's not a bad thing. Considering your current circumstances, it's a good one. Let me try to answer some of the most recent concerns you spoke about: 1. Talking to another chick about personal stuff is wrong. But you have stated your GF has talked to other dudes about it too, so you're both wrong. Especially because it appears she's trying to lay a guilt card on you for talking to this chick when it's something she's equally guilty of. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with bouncing things off of a friend. Isn't that what friends are for? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) Ironpony, I know you don't want to admit it, but you have a big problem where this girl is concerned. I hope you will tread very carefully and not rush into getting married to her. She has some very serious issues. Normal and stable people don't flip flop the way she does and they don't make crazy threats and accusations. She will make your life miserable if you marry her. Do not underestimate how bad people can start acting once that marriage license has been signed. Your gf is already showing the signs of very bad behavior. Edited July 13, 2016 by bathtub-row Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted July 14, 2016 Author Share Posted July 14, 2016 (edited) Okay thanks. Her behavior has been talked about, but what is my problem exactly? As for it being wrong to ask a friend for advice, it was mentioned that asking a chick is wrong. If I asked a guy friend for advice, is that any different? She wants me to apologize to my friend for doing so, saying that I blew things out of proportion and I need to defend her to my friend. Should I do that, if it was a mistake? I told her that I asked for a friend's opinion and got it, and I am not going to defend her. Is that wrong me, since it was wrong to go to a friend for advice? Edited July 14, 2016 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 Male, female - what difference does it make who you asked? I wouldn't apologize for anything. Sorry, I think I've lost track. What are you referring to as your current problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 Okay thanks. Her behavior has been talked about, but what is my problem exactly? As for it being wrong to ask a friend for advice, it was mentioned that asking a chick is wrong. If I asked a guy friend for advice, is that any different? She wants me to apologize to my friend for doing so, saying that I blew things out of proportion and I need to defend her to my friend. Should I do that, if it was a mistake? I told her that I asked for a friend's opinion and got it, and I am not going to defend her. Is that wrong me, since it was wrong to go to a friend for advice? I use friends as sounding boards for things all the time. That's part of friendship. Unless you told secrets or went into great details of private moments IMO it's fine to discuss things with friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted July 15, 2016 Author Share Posted July 15, 2016 Oh okay, she said that I crossed a boundary, by doing so, and by making her look bad too my friends, about things that are not their business, but ours. She also said she does not like coming on here to talk about it. I didn't show her the thread exactly, she just said she knows I am doing it, cause she knows me, but says that it hurts her feelings, cause these people on here do not know her. Male, female - what difference does it make who you asked? I wouldn't apologize for anything. Sorry, I think I've lost track. What are you referring to as your current problem? Bathtub-row said I have a problem but I wasn't sure what he/she, was referring to, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 She asked me to discuss the budget of the wedding. So we talked about it, and she suggested that she will pay half, but see if she can get a loan from the bank, because she does not have a lot of money. I suggested that instead of doing that, and owing the bank money, why don't I just pay for the wedding now, and she can pay me back later. OMG. This is so over the friggen top. You actually suggested she PAY you back for half 'her' cost of the wedding? I'd be so gone by now if I were her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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