Can a dog really end a relationship

[BluEyeL]

Ours bark outside and all but the house is in the middle of nowhere and that's fine. No HOA no problem .

[kismetkismet]

I haven't read all the responses because it's too long at this stage!

 

But I'll just say that ANY situation/behaviour/lifestyle can end a relationship if it has deep meaning to either person.

 

To you it may seem like "just a dog" ending the relationship, but the dogs may be of deep emotional importance to her. Some people think of their dogs as their children/part of their family (i'm not one of those people, but i've definitely seen it) so to HER it might be like you telling her she shouldn't be so kind to her children, or should see her family less. It could come across as being cruel or heartless. I'm more similar to you in how you would deal with your dogs, but I've had friends that are like that with their pets and they tend to judge people who aren't that way with their pets as being insensitive people. Your behaviour towards/opinion on her dogs could be weighing at least as heavily on her as it is on you.

[salparadise]

OP, I see it from your perspective. It's not the dogs per se, it's her relationship with them and how she manages them in the house. I couldn't live in a house covered in dog hair and smelling foul. And I love dogs. But dog are dogs.

 

The way to do it is crate training. The crate is their place, their home. They aren't allowed on the furniture, in the bed or to be around when we're eating. They're restricted to the family room and never allowed in other areas like bedrooms. If you have a dog that sheds this is about the only way to contain the mess and smell. Most of it can be eliminated by cleaning the floor in the family room and changing the bedding in the crate. The other option is to have the crate in the garage and just let the dog in for periods of time to play and socialize.

 

I've visited places like your girlfriend's house. I wouldn't do it. I doubt that she will compromise enough to bring thing under control, so if I were you, and if you're not head over heals in love already, I'd move on. If you are, then it's going to be a tough choice to have to make. And she'll probably resent you if she has to give them up for you.

[BeyondConfused1n]

I so agree that dogs shouldn't be keep outside all the time esp chained. And the ASCPA agrees with me. I local man just had his dog taken away because he kept it out all the time.

 

That being said. While I agree dogs/animals are a part of the family. You get a pet you keep it for life.

 

All pets needs to be taught manners. But it really depends on the owners rules. So people allow dogs on the furniture and beds some don't.

 

Although dogs who care potty trained it a no go for me. Also it seems like you have two diffident issue. !. being boundaries of the pets. 2. being hygiene.

 

Fortunately my husband and I have similar outlook son pets. But we wouldn't have worked if we didn't

 

 

I'd agree that I for sure have two different issues. Boundaries are one of them, and the hygiene being the other. Hygiene to me would be a no brainer, but clearly that's not always the case when it comes to dogs. And boundaries should also be taught to dogs. These are my opinions. Again, she can raise her animals however she wants, but at the end of the day. It is a reflection of how you are, and if we decided to have a future together. This could be an outlook of what that my entail when it comes to the dogs.

[BeyondConfused1n]

Why does she think the dogs would get sick and die if they were left outside?? That's pretty extreme. You had me at "the whole house stinks of dogs". That's a major problem for me. I love dogs and my giant retriever is my best buddy, but I cannot stand people who don't clean their homes and live with animal smells. His hair gets out of control too, but I keep him well groomed and vacuum all the time. He's well potty trained and I make sure he gets lots of outside activity. He loves to be outside, though he hates being less than ten feet away from me at the same time.

 

One of my old roommates had the sweetest, cutest little Terrier in our house. But she was not potty trained at all. My roommate used these washable pee-pads- ugh so so so disgusting- during the day while she was at work. I loved her dog, but also fought with my roommate all the time as I thought it was unsanitary for her to wash the pads in our clothes washer, not to mention rude to ask the other housemates to deal with the smell of dirty pads in our kitchen for hours at a time. I wanted her to get disposable ones but she'd argue that they were bad for the environment (during a drought in CA, where it's apparently better for the environment to run a load of wash every day to clean your dog's pee pad...), not to mention poor dog, who is left in her little fenced in area all day smelling her own pee and poop. The WORST dog owner ever, has no business with an animal. Anyway...excuse my rant.

 

I don't blame you at all for being bothered. Her house is way too small for two dogs, and she doesn't keep it clean if it smells that bad. And I think it's safe to say she'll have weird beliefs about raising her children someday, too. She's probably the type who will make you change all the poopy diapers.

 

 

She's very over protective of the dogs. Like I mentioned in my OP. They are on a pedestal. A bit extreme in my point of view. The reason I saw they cant be outside because apparently one of her dogs could die if it ever got stung by a bee. Also, they cant eat chicken because their allergic. The cant have regular sink water because it can cause a UTI. They cant have regular pet food because its bad for them so they need the premium stuff. They cant play with a kong dog toy because those are bad for dogs since a dog once died from it. The list goes on and on... I think its all extremely excessive, but as stated within this thread time and time again. To a dog lover these are all normal circumstances.

[AMJ]

I think its all extremely excessive, but as stated within this thread time and time again. To a dog lover these are all normal circumstances.

 

OMG those are not, not, no way normal beliefs for a dog owner. That is crazy. I'd go nuts with a person like that. You wouldn't believe the things my dog eats. Sink water gives them a UTI?? You've got to be kidding me. I tend to buy natural dog food but it's not expensive. Dogs will not die from a bee sting! When mine was a puppy, he got stung by a bee from digging around in bushes. His nose was all swollen and huge and I did panic a little bit, but gave him some benadryl and he was fine. I do google lots of dumb things. Anyway she sounds extremely paranoid and overprotective.

[BeyondConfused1n]

Totally agree it's a hygiene issue. When people don't take care of their dogs, clean up after them, potty train them, etc., and your house smells like animals, so disgusting.

 

I'm assuming, when I talk about leaving a dog outside, that it's decent weather (not snow or rain, or freezing) and that the yard is fenced in and safe. I've known dogs who stay on a property even without a fence, because they're well trained. I was asking OP if his girlfriend refuses to leave the dogs outside ever, even for short amounts of time...and why. Most dogs love to be outside, it's their nature. I think owning a dog is cruel if you don't have the ability to ensure they have at least a few hours outside each day.

 

To clarify when I say leave the dog outside. I didn't mean to leave the dog outside for 10 hours out of the day while everyone is gone to work. That's certainly not what I mean. What I meant was to let the dog have access to the garage and be able to go outside during the day. It should be allowed to choose what it wants to do when it comes to entertaining itself in the garage, and or outside.

 

 

She refuses to leave them outside because she believe they can be injured being outside unsupervised, and because one of them maybe allergic to bees so if it gets stung it could die. She's really driven that point a few times so outside I would say it out of the question. They can really only ever be outside if we are watching them 110% of the time. That's up to her how she treats the dog, but these types of dogs are active. Given she does take them for 2 walks daily, but I'd think letting them play in the backyard would help them chill out a bit and stop panting around all the time looking for attention.

[mrldii]

... I think its all extremely excessive, but as stated within this thread time and time again. To a dog lover these are all normal circumstances.

 

 

Nope, I'm a dog lover and those read as excessive to me, too.

 

But here's the bottom line (and you have said so, yourself, repeatedly):

 

you don't like the way she treats/raises/caters to her dogs; you don't agree with it. And, you believe it to be indicative of other things that are going to be *off* between the two of you.

 

You've got a few choices: *hound* her (pardon the pun) to death to change how she interacts with her dogs to better suit how you would like to see them treated;

 

make peace with it within yourself;

 

or, see it as the warning sign you've spent this thread convincing yourself it is and an indicator that you two are NOT meant to be together, in the long run

 

 

and find someone more suitable to your personal Goldilocks preferences.

 

 

There's no *right* or *wrong* here...she has the right to be the way she is just as much as you have the right to be the way you are. Stop treating it as if one of you is *wrong* and needs to see the light and has to change to accommodate the other.

 

Dating her for 4 months has proven to you that you two are NOT compatible...and, yes, it became apparent to YOU over "dogs".

[BeyondConfused1n]

I think people seriously don't realise that ALL dogs stink. Agree that they can be outside and often prefer it too, you can have heated kennels, it's much kinder to have another dog for company than humans. All this humanising is so needy and unattractive, can't imagine being around that 24 hours a day.

 

And kids don't stink the same way that dogs do. Not even when they shlt themselves.

 

Totally agree. All dogs have an odor. Especially wet dogs. Anything that moves and doesn't get a shower for several weeks to a month will have odor. That's a fact.

 

 

I also agree that a dogs company could be much better company for one another.

 

 

IMHO, I don't understand humanizing any animal, or anything for that matter. It's great and all that you love the dog, and you want to give it a wonderful home and treat it right, but there's a line in the sand with all that. A dog is nothing more than a dog. As for being around all that 24/7 that is also my concer. Hence why I opened this thread. I feel in this exact situation that she has going on. There is no way for me to be able to compromise at this level. It's too extreme. That doesn't mean I wouldn't compromise because I sure would. A successful relationship takes exactly that, but if you have to keep compromising on everything. Then I can understand the fit just isn't there. However, we don't have that problem, but only on this specific top we have very different views.

[xxoo]

My dog isn't allow upstairs in the bedrooms. She'd think I'm cruel.

 

But leave my dog in the garage? Oh, heck no. What is the point of having a dog?

 

The way I see it, she's WAY on one side of me, and you're WAY on the other side....so you will never see eye-to-eye. Just accept different living situations if you wish to be together.

[mrldii]

...IMHO, I don't understand humanizing any animal, or anything for that matter...

 

SHE does. If you think this is the ONLY issue (her dogs and how she treats them) between the two of you, you're sorely mistaken.

 

This is a basic "values" difference, which will keep popping up in other areas. In time, you'll find her "stupid" and "naive"

 

and she'll find you "insensitive" and "uncaring".

 

 

Not the stuff Great Love is made of, over the long haul and in the long run.

[BeyondConfused1n]

OP, I see it from your perspective. It's not the dogs per se, it's her relationship with them and how she manages them in the house. I couldn't live in a house covered in dog hair and smelling foul. And I love dogs. But dog are dogs.

 

The way to do it is crate training. The crate is their place, their home. They aren't allowed on the furniture, in the bed or to be around when we're eating. They're restricted to the family room and never allowed in other areas like bedrooms. If you have a dog that sheds this is about the only way to contain the mess and smell. Most of it can be eliminated by cleaning the floor in the family room and changing the bedding in the crate. The other option is to have the crate in the garage and just let the dog in for periods of time to play and socialize.

 

I've visited places like your girlfriend's house. I wouldn't do it. I doubt that she will compromise enough to bring thing under control, so if I were you, and if you're not head over heals in love already, I'd move on. If you are, then it's going to be a tough choice to have to make. And she'll probably resent you if she has to give them up for you.

 

 

This is exactly what I had in mind. Literally to the T. Pretty much what I would be suggesting and willing to compromise to this level. I think this is extremely fair. But I also think to her she needs more of the dogs to be in her daily life inside the house. She also feels they need to be under our feet or staring at you panting while we're eating dinner. Again, these are not small dogs and there are two of them. In my opinion. I don't see what the need of having a dog star at you while you eat. Besides, it's not like I can feed it anything or else it might get sick. As for them getting on the furniture. Yes, they run around jumping from couch to couch while they play chasing one another. I don't see how this is acceptable behavior when 99% of parents don't even allow their kids to express this kind of misbehavior.

 

 

Having the crate in the garage is an ultimate sin in her eyes. You don't do that to family members. Even while they play. They belong inside.

 

 

The dogs are crate trained inside their own room. However when they are inside their crates within their room and we are around. They cry for attention. This is the needy behavior they project due to having no boundaries.

 

This really is a tough choice to make. I would never ask her to give up her dogs for me. She loves them way too much. And you might be right. She maybe unwilling to compromise so much (in her eyes) and I don't think I can see myself living in a dog house, which in this exact case that's kinda how her place is in my opinion. Can it be cleaned, possibly. However, one would have to pay big bucks to have cleaners clean the place every other day. I don't know of anyone with enough spare time to clean that often.

[BeyondConfused1n]

SHE does. If you think this is the ONLY issue (her dogs and how she treats them) between the two of you, you're sorely mistaken.

 

This is a basic "values" difference, which will keep popping up in other areas. In time, you'll find her "stupid" and "naive"

 

and she'll find you "insensitive" and "uncaring".

 

 

Not the stuff Great Love is made of, over the long haul and in the long run.

 

It's totally a value issue. I can see that from a mile away. The dogs are the fallout of it. For the lack of a better term.

 

 

You're absolutely right major difference in values, or any major differences typically is not the stuff love is made of.

[Gaeta]

How old are these dogs?

 

Honestly I think you should break up with her, you are both on opposite ends of the spectrum and both unwilling to meet in the middle.

 

I think it's perfectly fine to crate the dogs inside in the room and they don't need to be put in the garage. I would not put my dog in a garage, it's too humid and could create painful health issues with time. Dogs need to be crated when you are gone, not when you're home. Like I said before, dogs are pack animals, they need to be with their pack.

 

I also think she is wrong for not letting her dogs outside just because one might be allergic to bees. Being outside is essential for a dog's health and brain stimulation. She should have an allergy test done to confirm if he is indeed allergic before forbidding her dogs to experience something vital for them: The outdoor. Especially them being spaniels. Raising hunting dogs as lap dogs is cruel in my book.

 

Last resort: Offer your girlfriend to take training lessons with the dogs. You all go together. Make it fun, make it an experiment, a challenge.

[kendahke]

IMHO, I don't understand humanizing any animal, or anything for that matter. It's great and all that you love the dog, and you want to give it a wonderful home and treat it right, but there's a line in the sand with all that. A dog is nothing more than a dog.

 

And this is why your relationship with this woman isn't going to progress any further than where it is right now. You're trying to struggle and fight against that truth--that much is obvious. But at the end of the day, how you esteem dogs and how she esteems dogs are at the opposite ends of the universe--and she's not going to put her dogs out for someone she hasn't nearly known as long.

 

Some people really love their dogs and they do humanize them. You either get with that with her or find another girl who doesn't own dogs or feels about them the way you do. There is nothing anyone here can say that's going to persuade her to flip into being someone she's not and put her dogs outside and feed them crap food. We can all spit on her all we want, but it's not going to change how she views her dogs.

[hotgurl]

You live in the sticks? I'm in the burbs. Barking for 15 minute outdoors warrants an Animal Control visit and warning. Repeats warrant fines.

 

I think it would be more dangerous in the sticks, predators etc... Also god forbid the dog gets out somehow and start running deer.

 

My friend dog's did that she came home with a bullet in her chest.

 

When I say outside I am picturing the dog out while people are at work for 8-9 hours. Not outside for a few hours while you are home

[LivingDeadGrl]

I have two dogs and they really are my babies. I sleep with them and they are basically my shadows wherever I go. They both shed like crazy and track their dirty paws into my house when they have been outside, they get fed at the same time everyday and go for two walks a day... BUT, I know they are dogs. They are crated when I am not home, and they are not allowed upstairs unless it's bed time (I block it off with a gate). There should always be limits to everything...

I get both my dogs groomed regularly which helps with shedding and smell, I also have all leather furniture so nothing sticks to it. I do sleep with one of the dogs, because he sheds less and only weighs 3lbs. The other one is still in my room on his bed, however. I vacuum regularly and spray my carpets upstairs and make sure my house smells good. I've never had anyone tell me my house smells like dog, but then again most of my friends have dogs themselves and probably can't smell anything.

 

I think you could definitely compromise with the dogs. I know how she feels. It does sound like she could up her tidying and hygiene skills a bit though. That is something that can bring tension in, if you mention her lack thereof.

Maybe you should consider that you aren't compatible? Some people are dog people and some people aren't. You say you're a dog lover but really, you kept your dogs outside all the time. You don't sound like a dog person to me.

 

I prefer to date men with animals personally. They tend to be more accepting of mine and know what it's like to have one, hair on your clothes and all