Can a dog really end a relationship

[Gaeta]

She is willing to work on putting the dogs in their own room if I come over,

 

I would have never ever in a million years agree to lock my dog(s) in a room when you come over. I am surprised she agreed to that. She must be young and afraid to assert herself.

 

Can you even understand how bad your girlfriend feels for putting her dogs away?

 

Dogs are pack animals. If you want to keep this woman in your life you have to become a member of her pack. You're the outsider, not them.

 

The first couple of months dating my new boyfriend was quite demanding on him and on my dog. Each time he would put his arms around me my dog would separate us, jump on me, lick my face. My boyfriend was patient and decided he would play with the dog to make friends with him. It worked perfectly.

 

The first 2 months my dog was not allowed on my bed while boyfriend spent the night my dog spent that 2 months crying at the bed, jumping on my boyfriend, sitting on him to indicate he was not happy boyfriend was now taking his place. I would patiently take my dog off the bed, take him to his bed, tell him to go to sleep, several times a night. It woke my boyfriend up but he was patient, understanding, and often took the dog down himself and never ever shown impatience toward my dog. It took a full 2 months but now my dog knows when my boyfriend is over he sleeps in his bed and we don't hear him at all through the night.

 

Right now we are working on training my dog to not beg for food when we eat. We do it as a team, that's always been my boyfriend's position, we do it together and we make it fun and a challenge.

 

If my boyfriend had told me my ways are wrong, I don't do it right, he knows best than me, etc etc than I would have gotten on the defensive and never would have felt like making changes for him.

 

If you want to see some changes in your girlfriend you need to change your approach. You need to humble yourself, show patience, and offer little changes one at a time.

[AMJ]

I think this could be a fair compromise. However she doesn't believe the dogs should be able to go outside as they could get extremely sick, or die outside in the backyard if they are unsupervised. (Over protective)

 

 

Animals are not always loyal and accepting. If that were the case, you wouldn't hear of a single dog attack. Regardless of the reason they attacked.

 

 

Choosing a pet over a human you love in my opinion is a bit strange. When we progress through a relationship you tend to chose the person you love over your best friend over time. Not to say you shut out your best friend, but your priorities shift to focus on the person you're with. Yet, when it comes to dogs that's not the case? That goes back to my example of sleeping with your pets and that causing co-dependent issues. If you should be sleeping with your children for that same very reason, why would it be any different / okay with an animal? To me it sounds like its mostly for personal gain.

 

Why does she think the dogs would get sick and die if they were left outside?? That's pretty extreme. You had me at "the whole house stinks of dogs". That's a major problem for me. I love dogs and my giant retriever is my best buddy, but I cannot stand people who don't clean their homes and live with animal smells. His hair gets out of control too, but I keep him well groomed and vacuum all the time. He's well potty trained and I make sure he gets lots of outside activity. He loves to be outside, though he hates being less than ten feet away from me at the same time.

 

One of my old roommates had the sweetest, cutest little Terrier in our house. But she was not potty trained at all. My roommate used these washable pee-pads- ugh so so so disgusting- during the day while she was at work. I loved her dog, but also fought with my roommate all the time as I thought it was unsanitary for her to wash the pads in our clothes washer, not to mention rude to ask the other housemates to deal with the smell of dirty pads in our kitchen for hours at a time. I wanted her to get disposable ones but she'd argue that they were bad for the environment (during a drought in CA, where it's apparently better for the environment to run a load of wash every day to clean your dog's pee pad...), not to mention poor dog, who is left in her little fenced in area all day smelling her own pee and poop. The WORST dog owner ever, has no business with an animal. Anyway...excuse my rant.

 

I don't blame you at all for being bothered. Her house is way too small for two dogs, and she doesn't keep it clean if it smells that bad. And I think it's safe to say she'll have weird beliefs about raising her children someday, too. She's probably the type who will make you change all the poopy diapers.

[BeyondConfused1n]

It's not overprotective. That's your opinion, but the common opinion in my culture is that dogs belong in the home with a family. Leaving them outdoors is neglect.

 

Since you bring up dog attacks, which are overall uncommon, the most common factor in a dog that attacks is that it is a "residence dog" (a dog that lives outside, apart from the family) rather than a "family dog" (a dog that lives in the home with the people). Living in the home makes dogs safer.

 

Finally, why are you even asking her to choose between you and her dogs? If you don't like this about her, if it's a deal breaker for you, leave. It's unfair to expect her to radically change a significant part of her family structure for you.

 

No where have I mentioned, nor have I ever asked her to choose between me or the dogs. That's not fair to her, and I would neverput her in a situation like that.

[hotgurl]

Why does she think the dogs would get sick and die if they were left outside?? That's pretty extreme. You had me at "the whole house stinks of dogs". That's a major problem for me. I love dogs and my giant retriever is my best buddy, but I cannot stand people who don't clean their homes and live with animal smells. His hair gets out of control too, but I keep him well groomed and vacuum all the time. He's well potty trained and I make sure he gets lots of outside activity. He loves to be outside, though he hates being less than ten feet away from me at the same time.

 

One of my old roommates had the sweetest, cutest little Terrier in our house. But she was not potty trained at all. My roommate used these washable pee-pads- ugh so so so disgusting- during the day while she was at work. I loved her dog, but also fought with my roommate all the time as I thought it was unsanitary for her to wash the pads in our clothes washer, not to mention rude to ask the other housemates to deal with the smell of dirty pads in our kitchen for hours at a time. I wanted her to get disposable ones but she'd argue that they were bad for the environment (during a drought in CA, where it's apparently better for the environment to run a load of wash every day to clean your dog's pee pad...), not to mention poor dog, who is left in her little fenced in area all day smelling her own pee and poop. The WORST dog owner ever, has no business with an animal. Anyway...excuse my rant.

 

I don't blame you at all for being bothered. Her house is way too small for two dogs, and she doesn't keep it clean if it smells that bad. And I think it's safe to say she'll have weird beliefs about raising her children someday, too. She's probably the type who will make you change all the poopy diapers.

 

This strikes me as more of a hygiene issue. In general is she not a tidy house keeper.

 

When you have a dog the sheds a lot you need to grooms then and vacuum often.

 

In regards to a dog being left outside. It can be dangerous for the dog. I am assuming you would leave it out during the day when you are not home.

 

Depending where you live there could be predictors, also the dog could escape and get hit by a car, not to mention dogs do get poisoned or abused by sicko people. Then there are the elements to contend with.

[xxoo]

No where have I mentioned, nor have I ever asked her to choose between me or the dogs. That's not fair to her, and I would neverput her in a situation like that.

 

I was referring to this part of the post I quoted:

 

 

Choosing a pet over a human you love in my opinion is a bit strange. When we progress through a relationship you tend to chose the person you love over your best friend over time. Not to say you shut out your best friend, but your priorities shift to focus on the person you're with. Yet, when it comes to dogs that's not the case? That goes back to my example of sleeping with your pets and that causing co-dependent issues. If you should be sleeping with your children for that same very reason, why would it be any different / okay with an animal? To me it sounds like its mostly for personal gain.

 

No, you don't choose a person over your pet. The pet keeps the same place in its home, as it never had a human place.

 

You are asking her to change her lifestyle for you. Why?

[preraph]

That's because humans are more complex than dogs. You can lock your dog in the trunk of your car or leave it in a hot car and it will still be happy to see you when you come back. A human not so much. Humans aren't perfect but they can do so much more for you can a dog ever could.

 

With the exception of my parents, they never have. Animals have been the joy of my life (and music).

[preraph]

There's just too many animal-loving guys out there for me to pick one who isn't. And I did fall for one, but we never tried to move in. When I met him he had a dog at his house but was divorcing and then she took the dog and you could tell he wasn't all that into it. I think he has a dog now for his family but never talks about it. He'd probably balk at sleeping with a dog, whereas I'd rather sleep with a dog than a person. My best compromise would be to change the sheets daily, honestly. My dogs are my pack and I'm theirs.

[Raena]

Interesting... Maybe. Challenging. Most definitely.

 

 

I would think getting rid of an animal for the sake of just getting rid of an animal is not right. I don't think I'd ever do that to someone. Especially not over dog hair. That's immature. It would hurt the person you love, as well as the dog. That person may also end up resenting you down the road for it. Therefore, that doesn't make much sense. However, your comment about considering ending a relationship over a dog also doesn't make sense to me. What if the person you're considering pulling the plug on just so happens to turn out to be your guy indefinitely? And you pulled the plug over a dog that will give you 10 - 15 years of happiness while the person you tossed away would have given you 30+ years, and a whole lot more?

 

How would I know that he would be my 'guy indefinitely' if he has completely different views of how to handle pets and expects me to change to his point of view to make him happy? We should be able to mesh together well and figure out compromises that makes us both happy. What if he's the same way about how to raise kids, or how to cook dinner or how to clean the house or who my friends are. It's just an indication of an issue. How it's resolved makes the difference. If some guy expects me to leave my dog out in the yard or has a fit if he sleeps in the bed with us then he's not the man for me. He would just have to be the kind of person who agrees with me and isn't bothered by it.

[AMJ]

This strikes me as more of a hygiene issue. In general is she not a tidy house keeper.

 

When you have a dog the sheds a lot you need to grooms then and vacuum often.

 

In regards to a dog being left outside. It can be dangerous for the dog. I am assuming you would leave it out during the day when you are not home.

 

Depending where you live there could be predictors, also the dog could escape and get hit by a car, not to mention dogs do get poisoned or abused by sicko people. Then there are the elements to contend with.

 

Totally agree it's a hygiene issue. When people don't take care of their dogs, clean up after them, potty train them, etc., and your house smells like animals, so disgusting.

 

I'm assuming, when I talk about leaving a dog outside, that it's decent weather (not snow or rain, or freezing) and that the yard is fenced in and safe. I've known dogs who stay on a property even without a fence, because they're well trained. I was asking OP if his girlfriend refuses to leave the dogs outside ever, even for short amounts of time...and why. Most dogs love to be outside, it's their nature. I think owning a dog is cruel if you don't have the ability to ensure they have at least a few hours outside each day.

[xxoo]

You can't only consider the dogs she has right now. She'll probably get new dogs after they are gone, and have dogs in her house for life. We dog people know our way around the SPCA

[preraph]

Totally agree it's a hygiene issue. When people don't take care of their dogs, clean up after them, potty train them, etc., and your house smells like animals, so disgusting.

 

I'm assuming, when I talk about leaving a dog outside, that it's decent weather (not snow or rain, or freezing) and that the yard is fenced in and safe. I've known dogs who stay on a property even without a fence, because they're well trained. I was asking OP if his girlfriend refuses to leave the dogs outside ever, even for short amounts of time...and why. Most dogs love to be outside, it's their nature. I think owning a dog is cruel if you don't have the ability to ensure they have at least a few hours outside each day.

 

Not all dogs are making the house nasty. And I would just say if it's a hygiene issue making the house dirty and smelly and toys laying everywhere and having your sleep interrupted DON'T EVER HAVE KIDS!!!!

[Emilia]

I think people seriously don't realise that ALL dogs stink. Agree that they can be outside and often prefer it too, you can have heated kennels, it's much kinder to have another dog for company than humans. All this humanising is so needy and unattractive, can't imagine being around that 24 hours a day.

 

And kids don't stink the same way that dogs do. Not even when they shlt themselves.

[AMJ]

All dogs have a smell, sure. When mine stinks it's usually because he's been rummaging through some bushes or who knows what, and I give him a bath or take him to get groomed.

I used to visit lots of people's homes for work, and there is a real difference between "smelling a dog" and a "whole house that stinks of dogs". My worst encounter was the family who had a mama pig and three piglets living in their living room. You could smell it from the front yard

[Gaeta]

If her house stinks dogs it's because she has poor house cleaning skills.

 

I love my dog's smell. His fur's odor is synonym of comfort to me. When I give him affection I will take in a big sniff on top of his head, it's the best feeling ever.

[xxoo]

I think people seriously don't realise that ALL dogs stink. Agree that they can be outside and often prefer it too, you can have heated kennels, it's much kinder to have another dog for company than humans. All this humanising is so needy and unattractive, can't imagine being around that 24 hours a day.

 

Again, it's cultural. In my town, a dog left outdoors when the owners aren't home gets the neighbors calling and a visit from Animal Control to check up on the situation.

 

My dog is sleeping on the couch right now. I'm in the dining room helping son with his homework, monitoring dinner on the stove. She was outside in our fenced yard earlier, but she asked to come back in

[xxoo]

If her house stinks dogs it's because she has poor house cleaning skills.

 

I love my dog's smell. His fur's odor is synonym of comfort to me. When I give him affection I will take in a big sniff on top of his head, it's the best feeling ever.

 

 

Me, too! I love to sniff right between her eyes while kissing her face.

 

Dogs who live outside do tend to smell more strongly than dogs who live indoors.

[kendahke]

OP--is this relationship worth how she is with her dog? Are other aspects of your relationship enough for you to get past your own upbringing and compromise on allowing the dog(s) to be in the house, or are you completely rigid and it's "your way or the highway"?

 

And I know you're whole premise is about this hypothetical future, but the reality right now--today--is that you're talking about telling her how to handle her dogs in her home. There is no guarantee that this relationship will even be viable tomorrow.

 

If how you were raised concerning dogs is more important than a relationship with this woman, then you already know you're throwing in with the wrong person and it's time for you to just stop this and end it. She's not going to put her baby outside just because you were raised with dogs having to stay outside. That's not going to happen, so that's your starting point here. What we all think of the matter is non sequitur: there's no electronic posse that's going to make her change how she considers her dogs.

 

So you need to make a choice. Stay or bounce.

[GorillaTheater]

Again, it's cultural. In my town, a dog left outdoors when the owners aren't home gets the neighbors calling and a visit from Animal Control to check up on the situation.

 

 

This thread is surprising me in this respect. We have a fenced back yard w/ shade and water, and I don't think twice about chunking the dogs outside for the day. The kids too, as often as not.

[xxoo]

This thread is surprising me in this respect. We have a fenced back yard w/ shade and water, and I don't think twice about chunking the dogs outside for the day. The kids too, as often as not.

 

You live in the sticks? I'm in the burbs. Barking for 15 minute outdoors warrants an Animal Control visit and warning. Repeats warrant fines.

[GorillaTheater]

You live in the sticks? I'm in the burbs. Barking for 15 minute outdoors warrants an Animal Control visit and warning. Repeats warrant fines.

 

 

Now THAT I get. I thought there was concern about how the dog felt about being left outside for the day, or something.

 

 

I have three, and they seem to keep each other entertained. Usually, that seems to involve digging holes in the yard.

[BluEyeL]

I'm having similar issues with my fiancée and his two dogs , which are also not small, and go all over and smell and all that. The good news is that they have a huge yard. The bad is that they have a doggie door and they come in an out whenever and that includes jumping on the bed when coming from outside.

 

I just can't leave him because of that. He agreed to keeping them off the living room and kitchen during the day and they could go in and out just in one area of the house. And when we are home they can't go out once they're in , and have their paws cleaned. I also cannot sleep with the dogs, they need to be out of the bedroom. I love them but if it were me they'd have a lot more limits .

 

We don't live together yet but I think this will be the compromise for the most part. And he won't get new dogs once these are gone , but they are young and that will be more than 10 years

Edited April 4, 2016 by BluEyeL

[GorillaTheater]

And he won't get new dogs once these are gone ,

 

 

Famous last words.

[BluEyeL]

Famous last words.

We are not young so he'll be in his 60s when these are gone, I may have a chance. Lol

[BluEyeL]

Oh and I asked for a cleaning lady too lol

[xxoo]

Now THAT I get. I thought there was concern about how the dog felt about being left outside for the day, or something.

 

 

I have three, and they seem to keep each other entertained. Usually, that seems to involve digging holes in the yard.

 

It's mostly about expectations that dogs be supervised when outdoors, and quiet But they also have a lot of rules about how dogs can be housed outdoors, so they are concerned about the dog's wellbeing, too.