Can a dog really end a relationship

[Emilia]

She's education and holds amazing conversations. She's been pretty rational for the most part while we have these conversations, but the choices she makes for the dogs in my opinion are poor. The thing with coming from one extreme is in order to find middle grounds the person coming from the extreme has to travel a bit further. This part of her with the dogs is how she was raised. Her parents were this way with dogs and typically that tends to stick with children, so to her this is who she is.

 

'Rational' comes into play when you are discussing things that matter to you as a couple. I appreciate this is a big leap for her of course.

 

I see animals very differently from the way my parents did, they saw them purely as working animals. In my opinion saying this is to do with her parents is absolving her of her responsibilities. We are not carbon copies of our parents.

[amaysngrace]

It is his business if they are in a relationship. Or if they are bringing up the topic over possible future circumstances. If her business ends up all over his clothes, interrupts their time together, and causes a possible breakup, how ISN'T it his business?

 

I'll add that I would have no problem with how she treats her dogs, I just wouldn't go over to her house. Not my cup of tea, but neither person is more right than the other here. Personal preferences is all.

 

It's her house and what she does in her house is not his business. And like you said, you don't need to go there and neither does he.

 

But trying to get somebody with a socially needy dog to start putting their dog outside because you don't like the dog being in the house is being controlling and, frankly, none of his business. He should stay home.

 

ETA from the experts:

http://www.pethealthnetwork.com/dog-health/dog-behavior/can-i-leave-my-dog-outside-all-time

 

So it actually is a matter of right or wrong.

Edited April 4, 2016 by amaysngrace

[Toodaloo]

If you can't agree how to look after dogs you are not going to agree on how to raise children. So I am afraid it can be a very big deal breaker.

 

I actually do not think they are too big.

 

I am like your GF.

 

Actually I am probably worse as mine sleep on the bed with me. My deaf one gets really distressed if she is not touching me at night... The others sometimes sleep on the bed and sometimes sleep on the sofas or in their own beds... They have the run of the house when they are in it regardless.

 

One of them was on medication a while ago that made her incontinent I just cleaned it up when she had accidents and opened the windows...

[Erik30]

Her house, her dogs, her rules.

You might not like it, but I totally get where your girlfriend is coming from. Every dog that I've also ever owned was basically part of the family.

So maybe it's a dealbreaker if you feel this strongly about it.

[bathtub-row]

Then what's the problem? Honestly you sound like a control freak when you tell her how to care for her dogs.

 

It's really none of your business.

 

It's very much his business if they end up together. I dated someone who, I felt, took things too far with a dog but we reached a compromise. I'm usually ok with dogs in the house but his dog was huge and shed like crazy. It really irked me and I'm very much a dog lover. This would've been a dealbreaker in our relationship. OP has every right to be concerned about this.

[bathtub-row]

Probably the most doable compromise for the two of you would be that you get a house that has a laundry or mud room connected to the back yard, and install a pet door. That way, while the two of you are gone, the dogs can go in and out as they please, stay out of the rain and cold and heat, have fun in the yard, but not shed all over the house during the day.

 

When you're home, the dogs can be in the house with you. Yes, even the kitchen. When you go to bed, the pups go back to the laundry room. If they bark at night and bother the neighbors, close the pet door and keep them in. That's about as much compromise as you'll get out of her, if that.

 

And, yes, many people would choose a pet over a human. They don't see that as illogical because they are so completely connected to the animal. And animals are loyal and accepting, where people often are not. Hey, if I dated a guy who was allergic to cats, there's no way in hell I'd get rid of my cats. It simply would not happen.

[longjohn]

I've left a lady before because she had this tiny flat.. about 800/900sq ft and had this (unknown breed) massive dog inside. It was way too big to keep in a place that small however it wasn't destructive while she was out. It just made a ton of noise at night if it walked around. Once in a while it'd get bored and chew things up at night then.. promptly throw it up again. Not to mention you might be sleeping in bed then boom.. there's this giant dog in beside you.

 

For me personally if it's a smaller dog that's not destructive then I'm ok with it. If it's destructive or large then I'm already writing that relationship off.

[xxoo]

It wouldn't be the dog ending a relationship. It would be you ending it, over a dog.

 

A lot of this is cultural. In my part of the country (upper middle class suburb, professionals), having a dog live outside is nearly unheard of. It's a little shameful--low class--to have a "yard dog". Dogs live among the family and are well taken care of. In fact, in my community it is illegal to keep your dog outside unattended

 

If you want to save the relationship, address the specific issues that bother you and work together to find solutions. Dogs can be kept out of beds and off couches. Smell can be effectively addressed in a variety of ways. Kicking the dog out of the house is not necessary, as my entire community demonstrates.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I’ve dated this girl for nearly 4 months now, and thingshave progressed very fast between us right out of the gate. All in a good wayof course, we have many things in common and see eye to eye on a lot ofdifferent topics, which has brought us very close in a short time. Except forwhen it comes to dogs. We couldn’t be more different. I grew up with dogsthroughout my life but they have always been outside dogs, and the ones I didown all lived well into their older years 15+. They were always treated well.Lived happy and loving lives. She also grew up owning dogs and multiple dogs atonce. She was raised to see dogs as part of the family. Just like anyone elsein the family. So to her she treats the dogs almost like another human being. Needles to say. She is a dog lover. She hasowned these dogs before we met, so I knew she liked dogs, but I was alwaysexposed to treating dogs for what they are, so this has been a uniqueexperience for me thus far. Looking for some advice, or just another persons opinion.

 

 

She owns two English Springer Spaniels and they are bothinside dogs. She lives in an average size place that’s around 1700 square feet,and the dogs are allowed to go everywhere. They have no boundaries for the mostpart. However, when she is gone they do get put away in their own room becausethey can sometimes miss behave and chew up furniture, or the walls. This is a rarecase but as a precaution they have their own room so they don’t get bored anddestroy parts of the house. The remainder of the time the dogs get exclusiveaccess to the entire place. And here lies the problem…

 

 

I feel these dogs are too big to keep inside the house. Especiallytwo of them in the size of her place. They stink up the entire place. No matterhow many times a dog person tells you their dogs don’t smell. They do, and sodoes the place they reside. That’s just the way it is if you own animals. Theyshed hair everywhere no matter how much she cleans there is hair everywhere andno way to stay on top of the cleaning. The dogs jump all over the furniture,which has dog hair on it. She allows them to cuddle with her. They also sleepwith her in her bed. The two dogs play together on her bed. They eat in herbedroom. If I lay on someones bed, I don’t expect to have dog hair coming offof my hair, or if I walk around bare foot on the carpet. I wouldn’t expect to betaking dog hair out of my shoes days later. This is all due to the fact thatthe dogs are in her master bedroom a lot. They sleep on the bed all the time,in fact one of them even sleeps on her pillow with her at all times. I thinkall these things are pretty excessive and over the top, but to a dog lover.These appear to be normal as dogs shed and they are part of the family. For me.This is not normal, nor clean. So I’ve limited my visits to her place andinstead we visit mine.

 

 

The dogs are well cared for. In my opinion, I think they aretoo well cared for and put on pedestals, which is partly why they act the waythey do. Dogs do what their owners allow them too. I think in this case thesedogs get to do way too much. They took basic training so they do listen tobasic commands, but she allows them to do whatever they want, and she wants itthat way as she wants to be with them at all times. She enjoys having themaround all the time. She calls them her Velcro dogs. She goes out of her way togive them bottled water, and buy them expensive ($150 monthly) special meals. Thedogs are extremely high maintenance. They eat special food. They eat out ofspecial bowls because if they don’t they might get sick. They cant be outsideby themselves because they are allergic to somethings and can possibly die. Thisis only scratching the surface because it gets worst, but I think you all getthe idea.

 

 

I’ve told her how I felt about the way she treats her dogs,which typically leads to uneasy conversations, but its better to have them nowthan later down the road. She is willing to work on putting the dogs in theirown room if I come over, but that still doesn’t address the hair, and how badit smells like dogs. Plus, when they are locked in their own room they crybecause they are not used to being locked up while she is home. When she letsthem out they are literally wrapped around her neck or by her side at all times.They’re her shadow. If she is getting too much attention. One of the dogs willcry, and try and jump up on us to try to get attention. If we’re eating at thekitched table. She wants to dogs there as well near by our feet. Which I thinkis gross. These are not small dogs so smelling their breath while they sitaround begging for food is not something I consider to be a romantic meal. They’realways walking around panting. It’s a bit out of control. I do see her tryingto compromise, but in my opinion its very little because she just wants thedogs around almost all the time. Whereas I do not. I don’t mind playing withthem outside for a bit, but then. I’d like to relax and enjoy my time with herand not have to worry about taking the dogs out to the bathroom every 2 hours. Shesbasically willing to keep the dogs off her bedroom if I come over, but the restof the house they should be able to do whatever. Kitchen, family room, hallway,dining room, etc…

 

 

I think you all get the idea, and if you made it down thisfar. Note – No I’m not jealous of the dogs, and no I wouldn’t ever ask she getrid of them, but I think she really needs to adjust her outlook on how dogsshould be treated. From her point of view. She thinks I need to be more openminded. I’d welcome your opinion.

 

 

I actually like dogs, but there was this one woman I dated, she owned FIVE dogs and a cat. Not sure why on Earth a single woman would need THAT many animals in the house, but I"m sure this had been a deal breaker for a lot of men in her life. I wound up stepping in a piss puddle once in her living room.

 

There's no way you can keep up with that many dogs pee schedules.

[Haydn]

Dunno about Dogs but Cats can look into your soul......

 

Especially when sat on the edge of a bed while you are.......

[LookAtThisPOst]

. In fact, in my community it is illegal to keep your dog outside unattended

 

Even if it's fenced in?

[xxoo]

Even if it's fenced in?

 

I just looked it up. THey need to have a shelter that is 200 square feet with a roof and walls on 3 sides. It's illegal to tether them. Basically, the community strongly discourages keeping dogs outside.

[BeyondConfused1n]

Then what's the problem? Honestly you sound like a control freak when you tell her how to care for her dogs.

 

It's really none of your business.

 

 

I don't tell her how to care for her dogs in her own place. Typically when a relationship progresses you tend to start building a future with one another, and that usually entails moving in together. At which point her, those dogs, are very much my business.

 

 

Lastly, I'm not sure how that sounds like a control freak just because someone has an opinion that differs.

[BeyondConfused1n]

Probably the most doable compromise for the two of you would be that you get a house that has a laundry or mud room connected to the back yard, and install a pet door. That way, while the two of you are gone, the dogs can go in and out as they please, stay out of the rain and cold and heat, have fun in the yard, but not shed all over the house during the day.

 

When you're home, the dogs can be in the house with you. Yes, even the kitchen. When you go to bed, the pups go back to the laundry room. If they bark at night and bother the neighbors, close the pet door and keep them in. That's about as much compromise as you'll get out of her, if that.

 

And, yes, many people would choose a pet over a human. They don't see that as illogical because they are so completely connected to the animal. And animals are loyal and accepting, where people often are not. Hey, if I dated a guy who was allergic to cats, there's no way in hell I'd get rid of my cats. It simply would not happen.

 

I think this could be a fair compromise. However she doesn't believe the dogs should be able to go outside as they could get extremely sick, or die outside in the backyard if they are unsupervised. (Over protective)

 

 

Animals are not always loyal and accepting. If that were the case, you wouldn't hear of a single dog attack. Regardless of the reason they attacked.

 

 

Choosing a pet over a human you love in my opinion is a bit strange. When we progress through a relationship you tend to chose the person you love over your best friend over time. Not to say you shut out your best friend, but your priorities shift to focus on the person you're with. Yet, when it comes to dogs that's not the case? That goes back to my example of sleeping with your pets and that causing co-dependent issues. If you should be sleeping with your children for that same very reason, why would it be any different / okay with an animal? To me it sounds like its mostly for personal gain.

[Toodaloo]

Dunno about Dogs but Cats can look into your soul......

 

Especially when sat on the edge of a bed while you are.......

 

My best friend has a cat that shags your leg while you are sleeping...

 

She has gone down from 12 to 9 cats and a big dog...

 

Its a lot of cats...

 

I have already given her an angora hat... I think one of the cats peed on it..

[preraph]

Yes, dogs can end a relationship. Asking someone to give up or put their dogs out, for people with a strong love for them and sense of responsibility, is asking them to give up something they love or to treat something they love badly. I would never ever give up one of my loyal loving 24/7 dogs for any man who didn't have it in him to appreciate that kind of nurturing and love or wanted to deprive me of it.

 

I get that not everyone is the same. I even have a couple of friends who aren't into animals, but I'd never ever let them live with me because my dogs are my responsibility just like if they were children. They can't fend for themselves either, and the person I'm not letting move in can.

 

Dogs offer real security and love. Men come and go and sometimes cheat and betray and don't hold up their end of things. Dogs are unwaivering and always there for you. Anyone who asks me to give that up isn't my type of person.

[amaysngrace]

Typically when a relationship progresses you tend to start building a future with one another, and that usually entails moving in together. At which point her, those dogs, are very much my business.

 

Okay well you're not at that point. You don't live together.

 

Consider it all you want but it's currently not your place to expect her dogs to be put outside just because there are two or because they're very large.

 

It's her house.

 

My dog is like my other child and she is probably of the same mind. She's a package deal and they're her "babies".

 

If you have a choice to make after four months on where this relationship is headed you should probably bail.

 

I'm not calling you a control freak for having a different opinion. I say that because trying to justify keeping dogs outside when she loves her pets dearly is bordering on being one.

 

They're HER dogs.

[Gaeta]

You will lose this battle.

 

When I met my boyfriend I had been living alone with my Spaniel for 9 years. I got my dog for companionship, not to guard my property. I have always allowed my dog on furniture next to me and allowed him to sleep on my bed. I also will spend a lot of money on vet, quality food & grooming.

 

My boyfriend is like you. He loves dogs but they were always kept outside but he is a man with an open mind so he understand some people grow very attached to their animal AND he understood it was cruel to change my 9 years old dog's habits.

 

He told me the 1 thing he could not live with was my dog sleeping on my bed as he is asthmatic. I agreed to change that part for him. My dog is not allowed on my bed when my boyfriend is staying over. I make sure the bed has cleaned sheets, the bedroom is vacuumed often and my bedroom door is closed so my dog doesn't get in it. That's my compromise. If boyfriend had asked me no more dog on furniture, or in the house, it would have been a definite no.

 

Pick what is the 1 thing you can't live with and ask for a compromise, she will be open to make a few changes. Your mistake is to want to change and criticize everything and to make it sound like your way is the right way.

 

I am a package, just like your girlfriend is a package. I come with dog hair, you take it or you leave it.

[Dirt]

Dogs offer real security and love. Men come and go and sometimes cheat and betray and don't hold up their end of things. Dogs are unwaivering and always there for you. Anyone who asks me to give that up isn't my type of person.

 

That's because humans are more complex than dogs. You can lock your dog in the trunk of your car or leave it in a hot car and it will still be happy to see you when you come back. A human not so much. Humans aren't perfect but they can do so much more for you can a dog ever could.

[amaysngrace]

You can lock your dog in the trunk of your car or leave it in a hot car and it will still be happy to see you when you come back. A human not so much.

 

You can't leave your dog in a hot car in my state. You'll get arrested and you'd never see your dog again.

 

Thank goodness.

 

16 States With Laws To Protect Dogs In Hot Cars - BarkPost

[Jejangles]

You will lose this battle.

 

When I met my boyfriend I had been living alone with my Spaniel for 9 years. I got my dog for companionship, not to guard my property. I have always allowed my dog on furniture next to me and allowed him to sleep on my bed. I also will spend a lot of money on vet, quality food & grooming.

 

My boyfriend is like you. He loves dogs but they were always kept outside but he is a man with an open mind so he understand some people grow very attached to their animal AND he understood it was cruel to change my 9 years old dog's habits.

 

He told me the 1 thing he could not live with was my dog sleeping on my bed as he is asthmatic. I agreed to change that part for him. My dog is not allowed on my bed when my boyfriend is staying over. I make sure the bed has cleaned sheets, the bedroom is vacuumed often and my bedroom door is closed so my dog doesn't get in it. That's my compromise. If boyfriend had asked me no more dog on furniture, or in the house, it would have been a definite no.

 

Pick what is the 1 thing you can't live with and ask for a compromise, she will be open to make a few changes. Your mistake is to want to change and criticize everything and to make it sound like your way is the right way.

 

I am a package, just like your girlfriend is a package. I come with dog hair, you take it or you leave it.

 

I agree with all of this! And am the same. I have had my dog for 6 years, my boyfriend has been in my life for 3 months. My dog is allowed on my sofa and bed, and my life accommodates my dog (I won't leave him for more than 6 hours) and my boyfriend understands this. When I got my dog I made a commitment to him for the span of his life and I take my commitments seriously. My boyfriend will get the same loyalty to him if he chooses to stick around. My dog is my family and any man in my life needs to share that core value otherwise we will not work out.

 

Having said that, I am willing to compromise. To me a compromise would be the dog sleeping off the bed when my boyfriend is over, and not being allowed on the sofa. But I would never put him outside or in any other way remove him from the family environment. I got a dog because I wanted him around. Any guy who doesn't get that is not the guy for me.

 

OP, you and your girlfriend may not share this core value around companion animals. And if so, that may be a dealbreaker.

[Dirt]

You can't leave your dog in a hot car in my state. You'll get arrested and you'd never see your dog again.

 

Thank goodness.

 

16 States With Laws To Protect Dogs In Hot Cars - BarkPost

 

I'm aware of that but my point was that you can neglect a dog and it'll still be happy to see you. That's why you can't compare a dog versus human. A dog is a perpetual child that you take care of and have to clean up after.

[hotgurl]

It's her house and what she does in her house is not his business. And like you said, you don't need to go there and neither does he.

 

But trying to get somebody with a socially needy dog to start putting their dog outside because you don't like the dog being in the house is being controlling and, frankly, none of his business. He should stay home.

 

ETA from the experts:

Outdoor Dogs - The Truth About Leaving Your Dog Outside all the Time

 

So it actually is a matter of right or wrong.

 

I so agree that dogs shouldn't be keep outside all the time esp chained. And the ASCPA agrees with me. I local man just had his dog taken away because he kept it out all the time.

 

That being said. While I agree dogs/animals are a part of the family. You get a pet you keep it for life.

 

All pets needs to be taught manners. But it really depends on the owners rules. So people allow dogs on the furniture and beds some don't.

 

Although dogs who care potty trained it a no go for me. Also it seems like you have two diffident issue. !. being boundaries of the pets. 2. being hygiene.

 

Fortunately my husband and I have similar outlook son pets. But we wouldn't have worked if we didn't

[d0nnivain]

I think she really needs to adjust her outlook on how dogsshould be treated. From her point of view. She thinks I need to be more openminded. I’d welcome your opinion.

 

You two are at an impasse. This is one of those issues where the other person is not going to change their mind. You don't want dogs in the house & she thinks they are part of the family.

 

Neither of you is wrong but you are wrong for each other because you will never see eye to eye on this.

 

So to answer the Q in title of your thread: yes, in your case dogs can & are breaking you up.

[xxoo]

I think this could be a fair compromise. However she doesn't believe the dogs should be able to go outside as they could get extremely sick, or die outside in the backyard if they are unsupervised. (Over protective)

 

 

Animals are not always loyal and accepting. If that were the case, you wouldn't hear of a single dog attack. Regardless of the reason they attacked.

 

 

Choosing a pet over a human you love in my opinion is a bit strange. When we progress through a relationship you tend to chose the person you love over your best friend over time. Not to say you shut out your best friend, but your priorities shift to focus on the person you're with. Yet, when it comes to dogs that's not the case? That goes back to my example of sleeping with your pets and that causing co-dependent issues. If you should be sleeping with your children for that same very reason, why would it be any different / okay with an animal? To me it sounds like its mostly for personal gain.

 

It's not overprotective. That's your opinion, but the common opinion in my culture is that dogs belong in the home with a family. Leaving them outdoors is neglect.

 

Since you bring up dog attacks, which are overall uncommon, the most common factor in a dog that attacks is that it is a "residence dog" (a dog that lives outside, apart from the family) rather than a "family dog" (a dog that lives in the home with the people). Living in the home makes dogs safer.

 

Finally, why are you even asking her to choose between you and her dogs? If you don't like this about her, if it's a deal breaker for you, leave. It's unfair to expect her to radically change a significant part of her family structure for you.