So humiliated over begging texts

[Souldier1234]

I know you have a lot going on in you mind and some issues may be deep rooted, but I just have one question.

 

you said:

He told me just before he left after having an affair...that I would never move on with my life, il be used and abused like the sl** I am and I will never amount to anything! It's always stuck with me and it's 5 years later.

 

Is you son's dad a prophet or a living god that can predict the future? Why is he right about you and whats going on in you life, and your own words about how positive and a loving person you are, who has a bright future and future loving soul mate are not not correct?

 

If this man can see 5 years down the future, can you please tell him to call me and give me the lottery numbers...

 

We all believe in you rachel39. We just need you to believe in yourself.

[Rachel39]

I needed to hear that and from a different angle! I know I will get through this.... and I want to just mention how much I appreciate everyone's help and guidance during this.

[Rachel39]

I am on 4 months of break up and day 14 of nc, I have been been a little emotional today but not to the point that I want to break it.

 

I still think about him constantly but I'm just letting the thoughts Come and go. I still have a lil hope that he will come back but I'm just doing telling myself that's a normal part of grieving.... Well I hope so.

 

On a more positive note I stuck my head in my books last week and completed an assignment in which I received a distinction.... I am starting to feel a lil proud of myself for how heartbroken I am to now re focusing my energy on my education and my career.

 

I have a night out planned tomorrow a meal and an 80s night with some beautiful friends that I am looking forward to.

 

My heart is still with him I'm just taking it day by day !! I still love him !!

[Weathersf1]

I am on 4 months of break up and day 14 of nc, I have been been a little emotional today but not to the point that I want to break it.

 

I still think about him constantly but I'm just letting the thoughts Come and go. I still have a lil hope that he will come back but I'm just doing telling myself that's a normal part of grieving.... Well I hope so.

 

On a more positive note I stuck my head in my books last week and completed an assignment in which I received a distinction.... I am starting to feel a lil proud of myself for how heartbroken I am to now re focusing my energy on my education and my career.

 

I have a night out planned tomorrow a meal and an 80s night with some beautiful friends that I am looking forward to.

 

My heart is still with him I'm just taking it day by day !! I still love him !!

 

Great job. We all have ways of refocusing ourselves. You seem to be coming around to your reality. You can ignore reality but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. They are gone and that is our reality. Acceptance is inevitable.

 

Gym helps me as does work. The void will be there for sometime but at least it's getting smaller by the day.

[Rachel39]

I went out tonight with the girls but it made me miss him like crazy, Why is that ?..... I didint contact him but I so wanted to and it just made me feel empty inside .... I don't drink so it's not like I can go out get drunk and forget about him.

 

In fact it made me just want him more ?

[BC1980]

I went out tonight with the girls but it made me miss him like crazy, Why is that ?..... I didint contact him but I so wanted to and it just made me feel empty inside .... I don't drink so it's not like I can go out get drunk and forget about him.

 

In fact it made me just want him more ?

 

Sometimes, happiness can be bittersweet. It can make you sad that he isn't there to share in your happiness, or it can simply be weird to feel like you are doing something without him. Going out and having fun without him might be uncomfortable for awhile. It's a foreign thing, and you are adjusting to the new norm. Sometimes, you get emotional at the weirdest of times. I'm glad you didn't contact him. Hang in there.

[Rachel39]

As you know I'm 4 months in and 19 days no contact. I am depressed Iv been crying on and off for the last 3 days and I have been going to bed at 8:30 in the evening I als otero really sick and anxious all day.

 

I'm eating still and sleeping but just I feel terrible... I'm managing to work and have college today... I'm still thinking about him everyday but it's not as strong and I still think he's coming back ( deep down I know he won't )

 

Is this normal, I feel it's all been delayed as Id hoped hed come back, so I feel like I'm just starting to grieve for the loss of him and our future...

 

I havent got time for this ....I'm at the end of my course with exams and assignments. I am just doing a little bit each day. But I'm just so devastead about the loss.

 

I do not want to take antidepressants as they make me so I'll.... I know I need to get a grip and try take some control any advice would help....

 

I was thinking about going to the gym before college but Iv got such a headache with crying.

 

I have bought a yoga mat and also ordered some insitiol has Iv read it can help with depression and anxiety.

 

Everything hurts the weather , it's sunny, music, memory's everywhere. Planes,

 

I have an appointment for therapy tomorrow

 

It hurts all of it and I know he won't of even give me a second thought through any of it he will be on holiday this month I know he will of booked one on his own.... As he likes been on his own and it's his birthday ...Which he has every right too but Im struggling give no go into college.

 

I wish I was as strong as him and not weak like I am

[Rachel39]

Just had a call they have had to cancel my first appointment the lady isn't well so they have arranged it for next Thursday!

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh dear.

 

That was hard to read, as your pain is palpable. Keep writing it all out, it really does help.

 

There's no "normal" when it comes to how we process break-ups. There are so many variables and everyone is so different. I think you'll find therapy very beneficial and I am happy to hear you're going next week. Sorry it was postponed!

 

I have found that when I felt really down about a break-up, part of it of course was due to missing an ex and the prospect of not seeing him again. But the other part, perhaps more significant, was what I told myself about it. I wasn't lovable, I wasn't good enough, I was going to forever alone. I really needed to change my self-talk. My ex certainly wasn't the authority on me, and therefore wasn't a reflection of my value. It took me a while to really get that, but once I started sending myself more positive messages, I started to feel better. Once I realized that I really did (and do!) have a lot going for me and that he wasn't the right person to truly appreciate it, I took a lot of pressure off myself. Think carefully about the way you're talking to yourself - what negative beliefs do you hold about yourself, and why do you give those beliefs power? It's a bit of rhetorical question, but I found it helped me a lot.

 

Keep us posted on your progress!

[bathtub-row]

Rachel, I'm just going to say something that you probably don't want to hear -- but you need to. You're victimizing yourself and letting this situation nearly destroy you. Emotions are fine but you're letting them control everything. You DO control your emotions and, unless you want to continue this zombie-like existence, you might want to try and get a handle on them.

 

First of all, if that relationship was meant to be, then it will happen. Who knows if he will or will not come back? Why not go on with your life with a "I'll see what happens" attitude? Not to minimize your pain, but a billion, trillion other people have experienced the loss of a relationship just like you - and many have experienced worse. You can go to therapy until the cows come home but, ultimately, the healing process is up to you. There's nothing wrong with therapy, so don't misinterpret my words. And it's OK to cry your eyeballs out every now and then, but you just need to get a grip and realize that these emotions that you're experiencing are running every aspect of your life.

 

I'm not saying I don't sympathize with you or that I've never been through this myself. But there comes a point when you look around and realize that there's a great big world out there and it's passing you by while you're sitting around letting your emotions cage you. He's not necessarily stronger than you, he just perhaps isn't letting emotions run his life. You think you know what's he's thinking and feeling, but you really don't. How about changing your thinking process? How about getting past the part of this that's ego-based and you're just plain pissed that he has made a choice that doesn't involve you?

 

The truth is, real love would not hurt you in this way so it would really benefit you to look at this from a different angle. Basically do whatever is necessary to talk yourself out of this downward spiral you're on. Why not have some faith in life to present you with something better someday? Why not fall in love with your life and all the possibilities in front of you? Let new doors open to you. Enjoy your life without the burden of a relationship! Look at your life for what it is and stop giving this break-up so much play-time in your head.

 

When you start thinking of how perfect and wonderful he was, train yourself to think of something else. Stop feeding this monster. And no matter what you think, he's not all that great because he has hurt you. That alone should stop and make you think. Are you ok with a guy who has done this to you? I wouldn't be. I'm very cautious with anyone who hurts me and I'm not really concerned about why they felt it was ok.

 

I hope some of this helps. It's time to stop wallowing in misery and stop idealizing a situation that was obviously not at all ideal. You're only hurting yourself.

[Rachel39]

Thanks this isn't about how I feel about myself as I'm quiet confident in who I am, I know I'm a generally happy positive person and ambitious, outgoing ect and I know I will move on eventually

 

I don't want to I thought I'd found the person I'd spend the rest of my life with I loved him and his family he had 4 sisters similar ages to myself and we got on so well I spend family gatherings, Xmas ect and with one who used to visit me whilst I was with him.

 

We had so much in common traveling, sea, motorbikes, same morals, wanted the same things to live by the sea even viewed houses.

 

Iv never felt so comftable in someone else house as I do his parents and his friends back in his home town.

 

It's all gone I'm heartbroken Iv never had that before with anyone.

 

He's all Iv ever wanted in a man how do I get over that !

[Rachel39]

I do understand what your saying and this is why I want to help myself! I am depressed I think that's why I have these feelings and thoughts.

 

I also have OCD (thoughts) have done for 13 years ...which plays a massive part in all of this if I could switch them off I honesty would.

 

It makes my recovery worse because the thoughts are there all day long from the moment I get up till I go to bed no matter what I do which have now turned into me feeling the way I do.

 

I do have him in on a pedestal and I guess that's because I have nothing else to compare him to other than the other relationships Iv had and he was by far the one I'd want to spend my life with.

 

Maybe that will change but at the moment it's still here and I don't honestly want to waste my time when its a beautiful day.... Feeling like this!!

 

I guess it's part of my illness I have suffered with severe depression on and off and it lingers around.....

 

I have had break ups before and this one has really had a massive effect on me for some reason !

[Rachel39]

Bathtub

 

Sometimes hearing how it is helps! I am greatful for your response and I probably am guilty of been the victim.

 

I need to get a grip of my thoughts, it's my thoughts that have put me in this situation with feeling so low and depressed.

 

I do know I have so much going for me and I may not have much but I'm a good person and that will get me where I need to be.

 

I have never been single from the age of 16.... I want to be happy single and confident with it... I want to make myself happy and be proud of who I am but it's something Iv never done.

 

I haven't got a clue how to be or where to start

[bathtub-row]

I'm just so sad that you're going through this, Rachel. I see what you're saying -- you lost a bf and a family you dearly loved. It's often hard to recover from a blow like this but it may help to think back to the relationship. It was probably not ideal in many ways and your ex somewhat pushed you to end things because he was too much of a coward to talk to you about the problems.

 

I know you think you shouldn't be feeling this way because of your age but that really has nothing to do with it. We mourn at any age. It really hasn't been that long since your break-up so try not to be too hard on yourself. You're still reeling and trying to find your balance. But sometimes it does help to start looking at the relationship with an unclouded view; to stop idealizing something that most likely wasn't ideal. Hugs.

[Rachel39]

On a more positive not I have managed to secure a part time job they have phoned today and I start tomorrow for a trial, I'm hoping it will help with taking my mind off this whole situation well for a while whilst in there.

 

I have also got a distinction on my assignment I handed in and 100% on my exam yesterday

 

I'm trying to be proud of myself underneath all this pain. !!

[Kelsy]

Good job!!!!

 

You know when I noticed my healing started? I was able to concentrate on other things/topics in my life. It took a long time for me and still thinking of him but I am able to function again. I got over this over analyzing Decided to back it up and put it away. If I can say so Different self-help videos on youtube distracted my mind. It is like mind training. You really have to help yourself and start to believe in better future and take actions.

I hope you can concentrate on new topics now. Doesnt it feel good when at least something positive happens in our sad life? In time you will feel better.

[Souldier1234]

I've always believed that the best investment is in yourself, so every success towards you personal growth is something to be celebrated.

 

Success is the best revenge, trust me.

 

Well done to you Dear one, and keep the momentum going. Do not let anything or anyone stop your growth.

[BC1980]

On a more positive not I have managed to secure a part time job they have phoned today and I start tomorrow for a trial, I'm hoping it will help with taking my mind off this whole situation well for a while whilst in there.

 

I have also got a distinction on my assignment I handed in and 100% on my exam yesterday

 

I'm trying to be proud of myself underneath all this pain. !!

 

Great! I'm glad you are being proactive and going to therapy. It's normal to feel depressed for awhile. I was very depressed for several months. A very deep depression that never seemed to let up. It's part of the grieving process. Through it all, I stuck with my daily routine and made an effort to be around friends. I think you have to embrace that sadness to find happiness on the other side. Don't wallow in the sadness, but don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. I think a therapist will be able to help you develop coping strategies for this time in your life. You are only just starting your grieving process, so it's normal to vacillate between denial, depression ect.

[Rachel39]

Thank you .... Iv struggled with believing in myself and my abilities so this is something I'm working on.

 

Il keep pushing through and giving myself things to achieve or face my fears to help over come this and maybe gain some self confidence.

 

I won't lie I wanted to message him early afternoon and I didint and I feel so relieved I didn't it will be 3 weeks tomorrow and that's an achievement Iv only ever lasted 2 weeks at a push

 

☺️

[bathtub-row]

Excellent accomplishment on the test and with not texting him. You know you're going to feel bad if you contact him. Look at the title of this thread. Lol.

 

I hope you'll remember that you're the one who was brave enough to end things with him. And while I know it hurts like nothing else, at least you did something proactive to deal with things while he moped around and did nothing.

 

The pain will stop someday. I can promise you that.

[Rachel39]

Excellent accomplishment on the test and with not texting him. You know you're going to feel bad if you contact him. Look at the title of this thread. Lol.

 

I hope you'll remember that you're the one who was brave enough to end things with him. And while I know it hurts like nothing else, at least you did something proactive to deal with things while he moped around and did nothing.

 

The pain will stop someday. I can promise you that.

 

 

Thank you for that because I have never ever looked at it like that and you are right I did end it because it wasn't right, well the way he was with me for the last couple of months .as much as I don't want to it couldn't get f continued the way it was .. but I panicked and wanted my life back that I had with him amd yes did all the begging lol !!

 

For some reason I miss him like mad but I'm in such a good place today maybe it was the new job I started and I went to a roller skating disco on my own... This evening I'm in bed and feel content and at peace for the first time

 

Starting to be independent and I want to enjoy been single and find it out who I actually am without a boyfriend ?

[Rachel39]

I just thought I would post an update to my progress:

 

Today marks a full 1 month of nc, it's hard to believe how broken I was to been ok 1 month on.

 

It's not been hard I haven't wanted to contact him but I have felt a complete sadness within me and I miss him at times this eve has been one of them but not enough to contact him or give him any idea that I'm weak.

 

I have just kept myself busy I have a new part time job just studying hard and concentrating on my career. I'm not sure if I love him anymore but that may come and go.

 

I even thought today what if I was to contact him? What would be the point of that be and he could of possibly met someone else and I was ok with that.

 

I don't wish him any badness or hurt I'm sad for what we lost and what we could of had but he didn't want it enough to work things out even tough I ended it. It was the right thing to do.

 

I don't think about him all the time anymore but still everyday it's a distant thought in the back of my mind if that makes sense.

 

So here I am 4 months in and 1 full month of no contact ... I wonder what he must think Iv gone from humiliating and begging to been strong enough to not contact him I was completely broken and honestly so scared for my mental health but i did it I'm through the worst I would say and without antidepressants.

 

If I have got through this anyone can Iv never been on my own before it's a strange feeling and I do feel lonely but it's a journey I need to take now to heal and to see what I really want. I'm sure I will have my ups and downs and will still need to vent her but for. Ow I'm actually ok

[Rachel39]

Hi guys it's nearly 5 months on the 5th of June and I'm some what better and moving forward but today I just feel so low and tearful.

 

I had no contact with him for over a month and I didn't send him a birthday message but I stupidly texts him asking a favour of him, which he didn't respond to. As we'd left things on ok terms after collecting my belongings..this message was in no way an indication of me missing him or wanting to be with him.

 

As he didint respond it has really upset me just a yes or no would of been ok but nothing hurt so much it stirred something up with in me that has made me feel low.

 

He didn't want me , he didn't really love me, why can he be friends with his exs on fb but can't even reply to my message, it unbelievably hurtful to me especially been pregnant to him and spending time with him and his family for the last two years ..

 

Today I just feel down been crying on and off I just feel worthless.

 

Other than that I have started a part time job, booked some course to further my career, went on an 8k walk yesterday in my own.

 

I miss him terrible he doesn't know that ! I never imagined my life without him..... Should I still be feeling this way nearly 5 months on!

[stillafool]

No you shouldn't still feel this way after 5 months. He has moved on and doesn't want to respond to you in any way because he feels it might give you hope and he doesn't want you to have hope that you two will get back together. This is also the reason he doesn't want to be your friend because he knows you are not over him. His other exes are over him and have their own new lives that is why he doesn't mind being friends with them. You need to stop thinking about this guy and by all means do not contact him for anything anymore because he doesn't want to hear from you. For goodness sake, it's a holiday get out and do something!

[Rachel39]

After 5 months I should of forgotten about him and be ok ? After looking at. House together a 2 year relationship future plans of marriage and me pregnant to him. And our children been so involved

 

I can't just Erase all of that from my heart and mind

 

Wow I wish I was as hard as you!