Marriage - An outdated concept?

[BettyDraper]

Yeah marriage is a huge responsibility. Being independent is less stressful as less respondsibilities.

 

I don't agree that being independent is less stressful. There's loneliness to consider which can lead to depression.

 

There's also the pressure of doing everything on your own with nobody there should anything go wrong.

[Dolfin80]

I don't agree that being independent is less stressful. There's loneliness to consider which can lead to depression.

 

There's also the pressure of doing everything on your own with nobody there should anything go wrong.

 

Ived travelling through 40 countries by myself i didnt get lonely (seriously ive never experienced that emotion). Whats loneliness even feel like?

 

What do u mean by go wrong? I lost my passport in china once was needing it to get to london the next day. I found it adventurous to try to locate it, given the fact no one spoke any english lolzzzzzz

 

I strive by myself. Im trekking in the himalayers next oh no not much oxygen and risk of avalaches. Bring it on i live for adventures.

 

I climbed a volcano recently, had to run away from the spirting molten lava otherwise my leg would have burnt off. Awesome fun.

 

Being independent is absolute freedom and happiness. No one will ever take this away from me.

 

Have you ever been truely independent and free, where you reach 100% happiness?

 

I enjoy being on my own, its awesome.

 

You might enjoy living off another person but thats not me, i prefer to be by myself.

 

Also I had something 'go wrong' last month whilst hiking in El Chalten in Argentina. El Chalten ran out of money, yes no money left in the ATMs or bank in the entire town as money only gets brought to the town every week from El Calafate. So I had no cash to buy food and no food places took credit card.

 

So I survived off a packet of spagetti, Parma cheese, packet soup and a packet of biscuits for 3 days until my prepaid bus took me to the airport for my flight to Buenos Aires. Lol I survived!

Edited March 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[TrustedthenBusted]

 

Have you ever been truely independent and free, where you reach 100% happiness?

 

 

I lived the kind of life you describe. It was great. Logged thousands of miles on foot across many many countries with nothing but a small pack, a few bucks, and a sense of adventure. I was free and independent, and young, and happy.

 

I also recently went on a 10 day backpacking trip with my 11 year old son. We caught fish out of a small lake at 10K feet that probably sees 10 people a year.

 

Free? Nope. I've got a child to care for miles and miles away from any medical assistance.

 

Independent? Nope. I had a GPS locator, sat phone, and radio in case something went wrong.

 

Happy? You bet your ass. Never been happier or more proud in my life.

 

I'd trade all those years of packing around the world by myself for a single summer's worth of the trips I've taken with my family.

 

As someone who has done both, I applaud your lifestyle, and totally appreciate it.

 

But passing those lessons, and skills, and experiences on to my kids...there is simply nothing better that I've experienced.

[xxoo]

Marriage is boring a lot of the time. It seems few are really prepared for that.

 

That's an interesting observation, and you're definitely not wrong.

 

But--

 

--the purpose of marriage is stability, not excitement

 

and--

 

--people can live very interesting lives while married.

 

Too me, it's sort of like saying that a home with two loving, supporting parents is boring. Yes, but it provides the stable foundation so that a child can grow and thrive and achieve personal goals. Marriage serves the same purpose: a stable foundation from which each partner can thrive and achieve personal goals. A solid marriage can support us in living fulfilling lives.

[Dolfin80]

I lived the kind of life you describe. It was great. Logged thousands of miles on foot across many many countries with nothing but a small pack, a few bucks, and a sense of adventure. I was free and independent, and young, and happy.

 

I also recently went on a 10 day backpacking trip with my 11 year old son. We caught fish out of a small lake at 10K feet that probably sees 10 people a year.

 

Free? Nope. I've got a child to care for miles and miles away from any medical assistance.

 

Independent? Nope. I had a GPS locator, sat phone, and radio in case something went wrong.

 

Happy? You bet your ass. Never been happier or more proud in my life.

 

I'd trade all those years of packing around the world by myself for a single summer's worth of the trips I've taken with my family.

 

As someone who has done both, I applaud your lifestyle, and totally appreciate it.

 

But passing those lessons, and skills, and experiences on to my kids...there is simply nothing better that I've experienced.

 

I find that the pressure and stress in a relationship is unbearable. I cant be myself. I seem to prefer being by myself as i find being around others annoying.

 

My therapist says there nothing wrong with this as marriage is not for everyone there are people out there who are happiest alone.

Edited March 21, 2016 by Dolfin80

[Dolfin80]

That's an interesting observation, and you're definitely not wrong.

 

But--

 

--the purpose of marriage is stability, not excitement

 

and--

 

--people can live very interesting lives while married.

 

Too me, it's sort of like saying that a home with two loving, supporting parents is boring. Yes, but it provides the stable foundation so that a child can grow and thrive and achieve personal goals. Marriage serves the same purpose: a stable foundation from which each partner can thrive and achieve personal goals. A solid marriage can support us in living fulfilling lives.

 

What ive found in relationships is that the spouse may prevent you from reaching your goals as its not something they want you to do. Mostly when it comes down to money, they say no to alot of purchases and holidays or even education.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I find that the pressure and stress in a relationship is unbearable. I cant be myself. I seem to prefer being by myself as i find being around others annoying.

 

My therapist says there nothing wrong with this as marriage is not for everyone there are people out there who are happiest alone.

 

Totally agree with your therapist. Relationships certainly aren't mandatory. And a lot of the time they are a big pain in the ass. I just happen to believe that my life is richer for having them. ( in general, not saying its richer than yours )

[todreaminblue]

Julie Clow, author of The Work Revolution: Freedom and Excellence for All, is an advocate for unconventional thinking about work and life.

 

the author of this is an advocate for unconventional thinking.....which is cool.....

 

but personally i believe, there is a place for convention and there is a place for marriage...might not be everyone's cup of coffee but there is a place for convention....at least to define and signify the unconventional......

as for marriage being outdated......it was quite common for people not to remarry.....for widows etc to not remarry in the "olden days"....divorced women as far as i have a concept of....... were tainted after divorce......so i dont see it as outdated a concept....

 

 

i believe what has adapted are different views with more acceptance of divorced people remarrying.....and or not remarrying.....

 

 

theres a need for marriage in the world now as there was back in the past as there is a need for others to be accepting and understanding of convention as well as an understanding of the unconventional.....

 

we all have the choice .....and those choices we make in regards to marriage are our own...for it is after all....freedom or agency to choose marriage...marriage may not be important for some...and thats fine for them......but for others....it is important...and thats fine too.....i think the article is quite bias...........deb

[ShatteredLady]

I'm married.

We've travelled extensively. We've supported & pushed eachother to do & achieve things....Often working together to grow & inspire the others idea for them.

 

We've had some fantastic partying years!!

 

We've held eachother as we've cried. Taken the weight & helped in funeral arrangements for each others families.

 

We've had 2 beautiful, wonderful little people to raise.

 

We've swam naked in the Thames river in the middle of the night!! We've danced on a rooftop in Venice by the light of a full moon.

 

Boy have we hated eachother at times. We've laughed until we can't breathe. We've cried until we can't breathe. We've shared a life for better or worse so far.

 

We've seen life together. It would of been very different apart. "Together we've seen things I'd never see". I'm a nester really. I've always been shy. Confident & successful but honestly shy. I feel more complete, safer, more secure, protected. At least I did. It meant the world to me. It was My Little FAMILY

 

I suppose one could say 'You can do that as a couple without being married!'. I completely agree. As long as the commitment is there. I like being Mrs. Somehow that's more than just living together (We lived together for nearly 7 years before getting married). We're no more or less committed by being married. We could still be a forever family. I just like being a forever family with all the same sir names.

 

I love marriage. Husbands suck sometimes but I REALLY LOVE MARRIAGE

[nymphetgrown]

If everything that goes with being married happens before the wedding, sure, don't bother: sex, cohabitation, kids, joint financial interests/assets. Be prepared for a lot of pain, though, if you separate and have to decide what's what. In that respect a binding contract is dead useful.

 

I no longer buy the whole marriage before the wedding deal. I don't want someone who will ask me to essentially be his wife before the legalities are worked out, and for me, those legalities are very important. Marriage is important enough to me that it should be for life, barring certain major dealbreakers, which can be explicitly stated in a prenuptial agreement. I don't want it to be easy for one of us to walk away.

 

I also, personally, do not want to slide lazily into a pseudo-marriage. I want the anticipation of that time when we will be setting up house together. They called it a hope chest for a reason! I want the happy discoveries that come with being really and truly together. I want, socially, to be a confirmed "us" from the day we choose to solemnize that bond. I'm not a hardcore Christian, but I like the "one flesh" concept, casting your lot in together, for better or worse, etc.

 

Most of all, I want to have a really good idea of who I'm with before I agree to certain intimacies. I want that person to have a good idea of who I am. We should know each other's families -- be they families of choice, blood, or both. We should know each other's friends. Character references aren't just for employment. Due diligence isn't a guarantee of future happiness, no. It serves as risk reduction: this person is decent, is known to be decent, hasn't got any dealbreakers or red flags. Whatever pops up later, you both did your best. You were both sensible.

 

I don't want to be the same idiot I was eight years ago, I guess. I want a courtship before a wedding before a marriage to one person. If that's too much to ask, obviously that person isn't right for me, I move on, no regrets.

[ShatteredLady]

Honestly, I've always loved the idea of being one of those extended families that lives in the old ancestral homes surrounded by paintings & stories of all the ghosts who came before. We have the eccentric characters for it!

 

WE're all different. I have a friend who sees my dream as a complete nightmare. She would love to move every so many years. Sell everything, dump all her clothes etc. Start brand new. Spring cleaning her entire life. Ugh! How horrible!

 

A blissful Sunday afternoon is listening to my older relatives telling all of their stories, our FAMILY stories, history, dreams & realities. (My friend sees family as an ordeal to be tolerated once or twice a year, at most!)

 

For me, family, marriage is about belonging. Being safe, part of something permanent. Part of that history. Part of a forever family, the past, the future. HOME.

 

I met my H young. We fell in love. We lived in love. He was my 'other half', my love & then he became my FAMILY.

 

It's not my broken heart, loss of innocence & faith that I mourn. It's not the horrific pain & damage done to our marriage.... He stopped feeling like my FAMILY.

 

To my family...FAMILY is everything. All the generations before & all the generations to come. We romanticize family. So many of us widowed young & never imagining marrying again, living romance novels. Love stories. Jews & Catholics marrying for generations....love trumps religion! All of either religion blessed & supported the 'love'.

 

My family is gentle. They constantly talk & they laugh at each other, with each-other. My family is very kind & incredibly loyal with each-other. I don't think it's equipped me with the tools to live in the 'modern disposable age'. Maybe I'm completely "outdated".

 

I guess in my head marriage = family. How can family be an outdated concept? How on earth do you just stop being a family?