Marriage - An outdated concept?

[underpants]

It's kind of difficult to take you seriously with a screen name like "underpants" Just sayin'

 

You should always take your underpants seriously.

 

Well, nothing wrong with staying SINGLE

 

Thanks, nothing wrong with anyone else's choices either.

 

If however someone chooses marriage, society should encourage and support monogamy.

 

I agree to the extent to which one of those parties lies, and stupid stuff happens, to which I personally write one or both off to navel gaze, while I do some stuff.

 

How come it's not okay to break a business contract without being sued, but it is okay to break a marriage contract, without any real consequence.

 

I've never been divorced, but I'm pretty sure it is a legal dividing of a business partnership, much akin to dissolving a business partnership (which I have been a party of). When you rule out emotion, things become clear. Divorce is very much a legal dividing of shared assets and dissolution of legal partnership. ...but the children, you monster. Yes, that can and should be handled maturely.

 

 

If someone is miserable divorce is an option, not cheating. If cheating were not so celebrated in our society, fewer people would cheat.

 

I agree, I have never cheated. Choosing to not marry or to remain single does not make one a cheater.

 

I don't believe cheating is celebrated. I did not even read the cheating topic into the op. Since you bring it up, or maybe I touched on experiences I've seen, I do think sometimes it is a hot button, trigger, pull out the pitchfork topic for those who choose to stay in relationships where cheating is involved.

 

Anyway, life can be good away from all that nonsense.

 

I encourage people to leave bad situations, and to always have clean underpants.

[Dolfin80]

 

I agree, I have never cheated. Choosing to not marry or to remain single does not make one a cheater.

 

I don't believe cheating is celebrated. I did not even read the cheating topic into the op. Since you bring it up, or maybe I touched on experiences I've seen, I do think sometimes it is a hot button, trigger, pull out the pitchfork topic for those who choose to stay in relationships where cheating is involved.

 

Anyway, life can be good away from all that nonsense.

 

I encourage people to leave bad situations, and to always have clean underpants.

 

I agree. I also have never heard anyone celebrate cheating, I don't even know anyone that has cheated. Being single means you don't want a relationship, so cheating isn't possible anyways.

[Liam1]

 

 

I agree, I have never cheated. Choosing to not marry or to remain single does not make one a cheater.

]

 

I never said someone who remains single is a cheater. Maybe you need to check your underpants. Do they speak?

 

I don't believe cheating is celebrated.

Really. Have you ever heard of ashley madison? Do you watch movies in which people cheat on their spouse and it is turned into some kind of love story for the cheater who claims to have all of a sudden found their soulmate?

 

Cheating today is socially acceptable. Woman too are now cheating as much as men. That was unheard of years back. My affair partner initiated our affair claiming she was looking to supplement her marriage. Of course when dumped, she has turned into a stalker, but that's another story.

 

Anyway, life can be good away from all that nonsense.

So, as I said, it's perfectly fine to remain single and play the field.

 

I encourage people to leave bad situations, and to always have clean underpants.

Doesn't everyone have clean underpants? What is your point?

 

And, yes, if someone feels they are in a bad situation, divorce is the best option. Cheating wrong. I know from experience.

Edited March 4, 2016 by Liam1

[Dreamworld]

I don't think marriage is outdated. I think it is hard to really describe it like that, because I think it is just personal preference, and people's life experiences steer their preferences in one direction or the other. And no preference is right or wrong.

 

Personally, I have been hurt so badly in my marriage, (husband was a serial cheater) and have seen marriages around me where the majority was miserable and/or cheating, that I have become jaded about the concept of marriage. I was also briefly an OW, and have seen the extent of how far people can go to cheat, so I know I am not, and may never be, in the mindset to ever marry again.

 

And I am from a place where the culture is where if you dont get married by a certain age, there is something horribly wrong with you, so people get married for the wrong reasons, and cheating happens all the time. In fact, divorce is more of a taboo than infidelity so you can see how there can be a lot of dysfunctional marriages.

 

But I am jaded so of course people's opinions will differ. But I dont ever want to get married again. It is a lot more fun being single.

[Dolfin80]

]

 

 

Doesn't everyone have clean underpants? What is your point?

 

 

His point was to make us laugh, it's a joke.

[BetheButterfly]

This is an interesting article...

 

"Why I am not marriage material"

 

It is an interesting article. I am "marriage material" though, so I can't relate.

 

But she has surmised that people do change as they grow older and the inevitably of divorce will always be there...so why get married? At least...again...with her.

 

People do change. That's natural. It's beautiful though when a married couple change and grow together. The key therefore is growing together as change takes place.

 

The reason I got married to the man I love is mainly due to Jesus' confirmation of marriage while ironically addressing divorce (Matthew 19:4-6).

 

Definitely we could have not gotten married, but since we both love God and believe marriage is a family unit instituted by God, we married.

 

Would some of you be content on just living your entire life with just female/male romances that never wind up in marriage?

 

If I weren't a Christian, that's possible. As a Christian, I can't because it goes against my beliefs.

 

Those here who ARE married now, would you be biased in saying that this woman is correct?

 

No. However, I respect her point of view and believe she has the right to a view that is different than mine.

 

 

Would you be biased as a married person to disagree that "Nothing lasts forever" when it comes to marriage or even relationships for that matter?

 

I agree that nothing in this world lasts forever. Jesus addressed the fact that people will not be married at the Resurrection, for example. So, my marriage with my hubby is truly till death do us part.

 

 

Thoughts?

 

It really depends on what people believe marriage is. As a Christian, I believe marriage is a covenant with my husband, where we both promise to be faithful to each other and to support each other. So, marriage is more than just a slip of paper that the government gives. It's a covenant before God.

 

For people who do not see marriage in this way, marriage is much more unnecessary and expendable.

[Dolfin80]

Marriage is purely about needs and wants.

 

When people want to be in a relationship, when they are sexually active, they marry.

 

When people have no desire to be in a relationship, want to live independently, marriage is the last thing on their mind. They think marriage is outdated as they have no desire to go on a date or have sex.

 

Equality for all. The people who want marriage and the people who want to be independent (live alone, no dating).

Edited March 4, 2016 by Dolfin80

[Dreamworld]

Marriage is purely about needs and wants.

 

When people want to be in a relationship, when they are sexually active, they marry.

 

When people have no desire to be in a relationship, want to live independently, marriage is the last thing on their mind. They think marriage is outdated as they have no desire to go on a date or have sex.

 

Equality for all. The people who want marriage and the people who want to be independent (live alone, no dating).

 

I agree with some parts of this but I love going out on dates and I freaking love sex. With the freedom and independence to do it in a way marriage may keep me from doing. Marriage is a huge commitment so kudos to those who can do it. I think I am just too much of a free spirit to adhere to the responsibilities but I didnt know that when I got married very young.

 

So yeah all about personal preference...

[Dolfin80]

Yeah marriage is a huge responsibility. Being independent is less stressful as less respondsibilities.

[georgia girl]

To answer the original poster's question, I don't think marriage is outdated or that someone who chooses not to marry has somehow missed out. I say this as someone who had a very successful lie and never intended to marry until I met my husband (first marriage for both of us) in my late, late 30's. He was just 40.

 

Marriage for me was never a goal or a destination. It was an act you did if you wanted to create a family with another living human person. No, we cannot have children so I don't mean the statement above in that particular way. I meant that when I realized I loved him as deeply as I did and that I was willing to go through anything with him - and we had a very life-threatening experience together - and that despite any outcome, being a family with him would bring more joy than I thought would be possible in my life, I decided to marry my husband.

 

Would my life had somehow been less had I never met him? No, actually. I had a full, incredible, engaging life. It would have been different but not less. Am I so incredibly happy that I chose this path? Absolutely.

 

Married or single, we are given a finite amount of time on earth. My personal belief is that we should embrace what we have, live with integrity and passion and genuinely not compare the path we have chosen vs. someone else's path.

[Bobbi7]

Marriage is an outdated concept, very old fashion now a days. I noticed alot of people are just in relationships living together are happy without the legal papers. Marriage isn't necessary and people who don't want it shouldn't look down on them, especially women. Women need to stop fantasizing about walking down the aisle and wearing that white dress. I say, "fack the white horse and carriage!"

[TrustedthenBusted]

Marriage has always been difficult. Infidelity, as one example, has been a struggle forever. Helen of Troy anyone?!?

 

The only reasons it probably seems like marriage was less difficult in the past is:

 

A: We weren't there.

 

and

 

B: They didn't live as long.

 

No, marriage hasn't changed one bit. What HAS changed is our sense of entitlement and an overwhelming global epidemic of narcissism.

[mcjordan]

Marriage is an outdated concept, very old fashion now a days. I noticed alot of people are just in relationships living together are happy without the legal papers. Marriage isn't necessary and people who don't want it shouldn't look down on them, especially women. Women need to stop fantasizing about walking down the aisle and wearing that white dress. I say, "fack the white horse and carriage!"

 

 

This is a very valid opinion. However, it is not a universal fact.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Marriage is an outdated concept, very old fashion now a days. I noticed alot of people are just in relationships living together are happy without the legal papers. Marriage isn't necessary and people who don't want it shouldn't look down on them, especially women. Women need to stop fantasizing about walking down the aisle and wearing that white dress. I say, "fack the white horse and carriage!"

 

Just what is it you are "facking?" Sounds like you are against weddings, and not necessarily marriage.

 

What is the difference between a married couple and the people you know who are living in happy, loving relationships anyway?

 

Are they not committed to monogamy? Are they not committed in some cases to raising children together? Do they not combine their income for mutual benefit? Would they not devote the whole of their resources to save the life or address the medical needs of the other?

 

Just what differentiates them from married couples other than the legal separation of joint assets once they decide to split?

 

Is that what is outdated? Because long, committed exclusive loving relationships is all that marriages are. And that sounds a lot like what your friends have.

[Dolfin80]

Just what is it you are "facking?" Sounds like you are against weddings, and not necessarily marriage.

 

What is the difference between a married couple and the people you know who are living in happy, loving relationships anyway?

 

Are they not committed to monogamy? Are they not committed in some cases to raising children together? Do they not combine their income for mutual benefit? Would they not devote the whole of their resources to save the life or address the medical needs of the other?

 

Just what differentiates them from married couples other than the legal separation of joint assets once they decide to split?

 

Is that what is outdated? Because long, committed exclusive loving relationships is all that marriages are. And that sounds a lot like what your friends have.

 

In Aus defacto relationship separation comes under the same law as marriage separation, gay couples included too. If you want your partner to turn off your life support you can get all that put in their will or other legal document just go see a solicitor.

[TrustedthenBusted]

In Aus defacto relationship separation comes under the same law as marriage separation, gay couples included too. If you want your partner to turn off your life support you can get all that put in their will or other legal document just go see a solicitor.

 

Exactly. So this is why I don't really understand the perceived benefits of remaining unmarried vs married, provided all other living arrangements and commitments are otherwise identical.

 

Personally, I didn't feel any different the morning I woke up after my wedding, than I did the day before.....except I had a monster hangover, and a huge bill on the desk from the caterer.

 

I guess my real question for the OP is," If marriage is outdated - what should it be being replaced with?"

[JourneyLady]

The thing is, you get into a relationship nowadays and some men and some women expect you to continuously spend all your time and effort with them and on *their* life without giving anything in return.

 

While I was with my "boyfriend" (he was my fiance' until I called it off because he wasn't committed) I was spending time in another state while my house didn't get cleaned, I didn't see my friends, I wasn't investing my time in the community I wish to stay in (he lives here part time). He had proposed (under some pressure, I admit, after he cheated while we were apart). Dumb me - I should have not even mentioned it.

 

Still, I thought we were on the right track after that. I was buying artwork and things for his "other" house, doing favors for him and his kids, took care of his incontinent mom for a couple weeks, and spending time in another state. What happened? He starts stalling and has doubts, wanting to put off the date.

 

I am content being his "girlfriend" but I'm not willing to put time and effort into his family and homes unless I am part of his family. Also we have friends in the "other" state but I have not met his buddies here - which makes me suspicious... I want to know I will be in his life -permanent- before I make that kind of effort. He certainly has not made the same effort on my behalf.

 

When we met, I had told him the "other guy" (previous relationship) was like that and he was all "he was just using you" etc. Now that it's him doing this he's not happy that I went home and refused to stay in the other state full time.

 

I loved being married and having a partnership for 3 decades. I like my independence, but I won't give it up for someone who doesn't want me enough to marry me. I may remain his "girlfriend" for the rest of my life (or I might run into someone who cares for me enough to actually make that commitment - even though I shall not be looking for it). We'll see what happens.

 

It's a piece of paper. But it's one that says we are not wasting effort into homemaking, cleaning, and beautifying someone else's house and not getting paid for it. I love him - but I'm not an unpaid slave. I'll be his lover as long as he's mine; but if he wants more, he can go the distance. I've got the time to find out while I'm constantly improving myself for the better!

 

JL

[basil67]

Exactly. So this is why I don't really understand the perceived benefits of remaining unmarried vs married, provided all other living arrangements and commitments are otherwise identical.

 

Personally, I didn't feel any different the morning I woke up after my wedding, than I did the day before.....except I had a monster hangover, and a huge bill on the desk from the caterer.

 

I guess my real question for the OP is," If marriage is outdated - what should it be being replaced with?"

 

The benefit to me was that we didn't have a huge bill from a caterer. And we didn't have to deal with issues such as "a wedding isn't just about the bride and groom". Honestly, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than deal with a wedding.

[mcjordan]

If you are going to spend you whole life together anyway, the ONLY benefit I can see from not marrying is that it makes it easier to get out. You can go to the courthouse and get married for around 40 bucks.

[TrustedthenBusted]

The benefit to me was that we didn't have a huge bill from a caterer. And we didn't have to deal with issues such as "a wedding isn't just about the bride and groom". Honestly, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than deal with a wedding.

 

I admit that wedding planning was not my idea of a great time. And I've long since given up shaking my head about some box in the attic that contains a very very expensive dress that has only been worn once.

 

That said, my entire family flew across the country to be at my wedding, and it was one of those wonderful weekends together that only seem to happen when one of us gets married, or dies. ( funerals in my family are actually pretty fun and positive family events in most cases )

 

So in the end, it was worth it, and I'd do it all over the same way. Great memories....if a little spendy.

[Dolfin80]

I admit that wedding planning was not my idea of a great time. And I've long since given up shaking my head about some box in the attic that contains a very very expensive dress that has only been worn once.

 

That said, my entire family flew across the country to be at my wedding, and it was one of those wonderful weekends together that only seem to happen when one of us gets married, or dies. ( funerals in my family are actually pretty fun and positive family events in most cases )

 

So in the end, it was worth it, and I'd do it all over the same way. Great memories....if a little spendy.

 

But on the other hand if you came from a horrible abusive family you probably wouldnt even want to have a wedding as you never want to see these people ever again.

[nom_de_plume]

As a married woman, I personally think marriage is outdated. For most of human history, marriage was a business arrangement. Prior to that, partnering up and having extended families ensured the survival of our species. In my grandma's situation across the pond, you married the first man who asked because not many came back from the front. It's a fairly recent phenomenon that we marry out of love here in the West. And to further break tradition, we marry and then postpone or opt out of starting a family. But you don't need to be married to buy a house together, start a family, combine assets, and build a life. I personally like the legal and tax benefits of being married that are not yet available to common-law partners but until our laws and tax code catch up to the realities of the 21st century, I think marriage will still be a thing. For many people, marriage is a religious event. For others, they feel the need to express their love publically.

For me, it was just the next step. I was far too young to fully understand the institution of marriage. I don't think I'd love my husband any less if I didn't get to legally call him my husband. And I won't pretend that my marriage will conclude in a storybook ending because the odds are stacked against me. But

I'm going to try to make my marriage work for as long as possible. For the longest time, divorce was taboo. Now we have the option to start over with someone new, to get out of unhappy or abusive relationships. Just because divorce rates are high doesn't mean that marital problems suddenly appeared. They've always been there. Now we just have many ways to resolve them.

 

As for myself, if I ever find myself single, I certainly will not marry again or even seriously commit. Relationships are hard work and you give a piece of yourself up when you get involved with someone. I'm far too independent for that and it's something I've struggled with since I got married. If there is a next relationship, there will be boundaries. We may live together, we may be in love, but I will insist on maintaining a sense of autonomy. Getting to a place where you're on the same page, have the same goals, etc is a long journey, one that I can say I've done and never have any desire to do again.

 

Sounds cold and harsh, but I'm not very emotional. I like to keep it real.

[TrustedthenBusted]

But on the other hand if you came from a horrible abusive family you probably wouldnt even want to have a wedding as you never want to see these people ever again.

 

Well I'd have one, and just not invite them. I'd invite only friends and loved ones, plus my wife's family.

 

Weddings are fun, and if you can afford them, I say why not?

[TrustedthenBusted]

Marriage is boring a lot of the time. It seems few are really prepared for that.

[OneLov]

But what about when you're 80 (if you are lucky enough to see it)? I think your views will change compared to when you are 40. At 40, your life is full of distractions and you are physically and mentally able to conquer the world by yourself. I agree that some people may view their spouse as dead weight holding them back from the happiness they are entitled to.

 

I think a lot of people realize that if you are always thinking of yourself first -- then in the end, that is all you will ever have. That scares the daylights out of them. At 80, you are not so physically able to conquer the world and must rely on people to help you with certain things. Without a family, life would be very hard and lonely.

 

Now that is to say you do not need marriage to have children and a partner. But most people want a symbolic commitment before they are willing to invest such a large part of themselves. Nobody wants to give another person so much of their valuable time only later to find they are cut off like dead weight.

 

Marriage is an investment. Most believe that it will pay dividends in the future for years to come.

 

(This is coming from a person who is not married. So what do I know? It is not gospel, just my opinion).

 

 

I would recommend the author of that article listen to an old song from the 70s by Harry Chapin called "Cats in the Cradle." It is not directly on point, its message is still relevant.

 

Edited March 18, 2016 by OneLov