Struggling with feeling no connection to men I date

[Leigh 87]

Well, let me tell you it gets worse.

 

When I was in my 30s, I was stuck in the bottom-of-the-barrel situation. The single men I met were either dumb (couldn´t have a conversation), broke, not interested in relationships, living with the parents, etc.

 

The ones that liked me and wanted a relationship I didn´t even date for more than a couple times because it felt wrong.

 

I even had a boyfriend for two years. I was not in love with him and neither was he, but he made for a good companion...someone to spend the weekends with, go to dinner, talk about my day, help when I needed it. But after some time even that wears off.

 

Well, after I turned 45 all those guys vanished! No "meh" guy, no guy that was interested but I wasn´t, no guys interested in FWB, nothing! It was almost as if I had become grandma from one day to the other. Invisible to all.

 

I guess if you are over 45 and want to date, you better look like JLo or like the wife of Donald Trump. That´s it!

 

The only guys that have "hit on me" in the past few years have looked like grandpa. Imagine this guy trying to date you and thinking that you´ll be happy to!

 

No problem to me because I´m fine as it is and the "meh" guys were nothing to miss, really.

 

 

Maybe you just weren't very pretty? Most 30 something women can at least find men to date that aren't some gargoyle look alikes living with mum.

 

Honestly. ... I am only cute and not that much kf a looker yet at age 30, I have plenty of decent guys expressing interest. Even thoughI am taken.

 

I feel that as long as you are half decent and have good style, and a POSITIVE outlook, you will more often than not at least find decent men to date!

 

So either your standards were too high, you didn't radiate a position vibe or you were really plain without anything to catch a guys attention. I am merely cute and 30 and never suffered your problem.

[Leigh 87]

I love you Leigh, but what are you looking for here.^^

 

Some acknowledgement that you are attractive (because you are).

 

I just find it odd that in nearly every post, you bring this up.

 

We have all seen your pictures and you are very attractive.

 

I am not surprised men fall for you.... please stop self-deprecating.... it's not necessary to make your argument.

 

Actually, all my life people told me I was NOT attractive enough to ever find love.

 

Even in adulthood mean girls in my exes circle ALL made fun of me and told him that he could do better. Despite his cute but not gorgeous looks himself.

 

I was bullied mercilessly.

 

His friends would hit on me and when I told the truth everyone assumed that I was lying because apparently "she is no ones type ":sick:

 

So ya. Pretty girls don't get bullied like I did.

 

I am just a person that believed I'd always have SOME men who were into my look! I have amazing style and dress in feminine and flattering atture and never doubted that I would be alluring to SOME men despite the majority of men not being into me.

 

So if I can garner the attention I get then most 30s women can if they get better style and loose excess weight and etc........

[katiegrl]

Actually, all my life people told me I was NOT attractive enough to ever find love.

 

Even in adulthood mean girls in my exes circle ALL made fun of me and told him that he could do better. Despite his cute but not gorgeous looks himself.

 

I was bullied mercilessly.

 

His friends would hit on me and when I told the truth everyone assumed that I was lying because apparently "she is no ones type ":sick:

 

So ya. Pretty girls don't get bullied like I did.

 

I am just a person that believed I'd always have SOME men who were into my look! I have amazing style and dress in feminine and flattering atture and never doubted that I would be alluring to SOME men despite the majority of men not being into me.

 

So if I can garner the attention I get then most 30s women can if they get better style and loose excess weight and etc........

 

Fair enough... but ya know what I think? Men fall for a woman's "essence," her energy, her positive outlook on life and love, how she carries herself, how she speaks, how she interacts, how she presents herself to the world. I have had many men tell me this!!

 

Some women convey that positive attitude more so than others-- you may be one of those women -- which is fabulous!!

 

There is a sensuality there that men find VERY appealing. That goes beyond mere looks.

 

Has little, if anything, to do with looks, although looks are subjective and as you've said yourself, some men find you gorgeous! A real knock out!

 

I am sorry YOU don't think so.

 

Oh and BTW, women can be MEAN. More so to the pretty girls. There is jealousy and envy... pretty girls are often bullied more so than the non-pretty girls.

 

Anyway, I wish you would stop knocking yourself down in your posts. That's all.

 

Luv ya girl....

Edited February 17, 2016 by katiegrl

[Eighty_nine]

I feel like dating, at least OLD or set ups or any dating where you really have no idea what you're getting into beforehand, sucks. Between being set up & OLD, I think I went out with 14 guys in two months. I was only even vaguely interested in 3 and of those 3, only 2 were interested back. One of those ended up as a friend and one is my current boyfriend. Almost all of the ones I wasn't into contacted me for second dates, and ignoring or rejecting all those people sucked too.

 

I guess my point is, I feel like it's a misconception that dating is fun. Dating someone who you like who reciprocates your feelings is a TON of fun. But going on a bunch of random dates... it was just a means to an end for me, not something I really enjoyed at all.

[Ariadne]

If a woman like me can find the connection at age 30 despite being the least pretty of her friends ......then anyone can ... it's not as rare as you think. I got a lot of offers prior to meeting my bf.....

 

It´s not only about being pretty. ES´s problem is that she is top 1% (to take a guess) in intellingence, so that limits the available guys to the top 1%.

 

Out of those guys she is limited by what is single after 30. Couple that to the fact that she makes more money that most single guys, and it´s even worse.

 

If a random woman of average/low intelligence who is slim (hot) is looking to date, she won´t have such a hard time.

[Redhead14]

Actually, all my life people told me I was NOT attractive enough to ever find love.

 

Even in adulthood mean girls in my exes circle ALL made fun of me and told him that he could do better. Despite his cute but not gorgeous looks himself.

 

I was bullied mercilessly.

 

His friends would hit on me and when I told the truth everyone assumed that I was lying because apparently "she is no ones type ":sick:

 

So ya. Pretty girls don't get bullied like I did.

 

I am just a person that believed I'd always have SOME men who were into my look! I have amazing style and dress in feminine and flattering atture and never doubted that I would be alluring to SOME men despite the majority of men not being into me.

 

So if I can garner the attention I get then most 30s women can if they get better style and loose excess weight and etc........

 

You're not realizing/embracing the fact that most, if not all, bullies bully because of their own insecurities, their own personal hurts and/or abuse, a perceived threat to them on some level, not because of the person who is being bullied. If they are bullying because of the way a person looks, it's usually because that person resembles or reminds them of someone has had a negative influence/impact in their lives. There are deep seeded reasons and they don't even know themselves why they do it usually. Some bullies are kinda opposite, they are so full of themselves, enamored with themselves and anyone who is not up to their standards, is a target.

 

And, they travel in packs, Why? Because it makes them feel more secure . . .

 

Even in adulthood mean girls in my exes circle ALL made fun of me and told him that he could do better. - If these women were friends with him before you came along, and he shifted his focus from them, they viewed you as encroaching on their "territory" so to speak, breaking into the friendship. They were immature.

 

Bottom line is, it's not you, it's them. Embrace your awesomeness. Carry your yourself and your head high.

[Leigh 87]

It´s not only about being pretty. ES´s problem is that she is top 1% (to take a guess) in intellingence, so that limits the available guys to the top 1%.

 

Out of those guys she is limited by what is single after 30. Couple that to the fact that she makes more money that most single guys, and it´s even worse.

 

If a random woman of average/low intelligence who is slim (hot) is looking to date, she won´t have such a hard time.

 

I am slim and have the body men perve on yes. But honestly, a pretty face is what most men fall for ( and I am only a 6/10 in the face)...... Not your legs abd butt and boobs.

.

Her superior intellect is actually a hindrance. ... but really. ... I got in the 90s in my college entrance exam and that doesn't make me intelligent. It means I know how to study effectively. I know girls in my high school who I scored much higher then go in to get PHDs.... cos they had the drive and passion to succeed. ....Yes ET is definitely smart and successful. But perhaps she is writing off men who are less successful on paper than her because she makes a connection between academic success and intelligence?????

 

I am "smarter" academically than people I know personally that now have their doctorates..... I even dated a PHD professor not long ago and we connected intellectually despite me not even having a degree.

 

Just sayin'. Eternal Sunshine is a pretty girl with a really pleasant sounding personality and she's really successful! She probably has higher standards insofar as intellect and also wanting the fireworks.

 

I never had fireworks for the top tier men by societal standards. Those men marry the prettiest girls anyway. Maybe she should be open to all types and stop discounting their intelligence simply because their academic aptitude isn't brilliant?

 

I dunno. Eternal Sunshines is seriously one of the most pleasant and funny posters here snd I just wanna throw out any little thing that could help her!

[Ariadne]

I am slim and have the body men perve on yes. But honestly, a pretty face is what most men fall for...

 

Well, that too. And sometimes you can just get lucky and meet the perfect guy!

[Ariadne]

I also had a theory that Alpha: Strong, independent, rich, intelligent, beautiful women got themselves off the market. There´s no men for them.

 

I have a few favorites that I love. One of them is Patti Stanger. Next on my list were, Heidi Klum, Paris Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, and Tyra Banks.

 

Well, not all is lost! Tyra Banks found a boyfriend, a Norwegian photographer (perfect!) and they just had a baby!

 

So, there is hope, maybe you´ll just have cast the nets wider.

[Leigh 87]

Well, that too. And sometimes you can just get lucky and meet the perfect guy!

 

Well yes. I guess I got *lucky *. After first meeting a bunch of duds who cheated on me and ruined my self esteem:lmao:

 

But alas. I got back on the wagon lol and continued to date. I went on copious anounts kf dates eventhough I felt like I was just going through the motion.

 

I am a huge connections person though. I really believe that most people are lead to a soup mate or twin flame at one stage in their life.

 

So I had an unwavering belief that a true connection with the magnetism and whole body and mind connection, would come. Maybe this belief made me more attractive to available men?

 

Some women give up and perhaps their energy repelled all the good men?

[Leigh 87]

I also had a theory that Alpha: Strong, independent, rich, intelligent, beautiful women got themselves off the market. There´s no men for them.

 

I have a few favorites that I love. One of them is Patti Stanger. Next on my list were, Heidi Klum, Paris Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, and Tyra Banks.

 

Well, not all is lost! Tyra Banks found a boyfriend, a Norwegian photographer (perfect!) and they just had a baby!

 

So, there is hope, maybe you´ll just have cast the nets wider.

 

Paris isn't strong or successful. Barf. She inherited dads bank balance:sick: and is famous for nothing

 

Tara Banks is stunning and could have had a boyfriend any day if the week mate . ......

 

Eternal Sunshine I feel could no doubt find men to date. Just not men she feels are halfdecent.

 

The thing is, without actually knowing her or he men she tries to date, we will never know jf her standards are just too high or if no guy around really matches up to what she has to offer.

[katiegrl]

I also had a theory that Alpha: Strong, independent, rich, intelligent, beautiful women got themselves off the market. There´s no men for them.

 

I have a few favorites that I love. One of them is Patti Stanger. Next on my list were, Heidi Klum, Paris Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, and Tyra Banks.

 

Well, not all is lost! Tyra Banks found a boyfriend, a Norwegian photographer (perfect!) and they just had a baby!

 

So, there is hope, maybe you´ll just have cast the nets wider.

 

Patti Stanger is married.

 

Oprah Winfrey has had the same boyfriend for like 20 years.

 

Heidi Klum was married, divorced and has been dating the same guy since last year.

 

And yes Tyra Banks has a boyfriend and just had a baby.

 

Not sure about Paris Hilton though.

 

With respect to ES....she stated in her OP, her problem is she does not feel emotionally connected to any of the men she meets.

 

To me, that sounds more like an emotional block within her.

 

I find this to be true with many intellectual-type people, especially scientists.

 

Their minds view the world and people through a more intellectual lens, rather than an emotional lens.

 

I dated a scientist, a PH.D and he was very much like this. Found it very difficult to connect with people on an emotional level.

 

He had an IQ of something like 160.... but again found it very difficult to connect on an emotional level.

 

I am thinking this may be part of ES' problem. Not her looks, not her success, not her education, not the men she meets, but something within her that is preventing her from connecting emotionally.

Edited February 17, 2016 by katiegrl

[Ariadne]

Patti Stanger is married.

 

Oprah Winfrey has had the same boyfriend for like 20 years.

 

Heidi Klum was married, divorced and has been dating the same guy since last year.

 

And yes Tyra Banks has a boyfriend and just had a baby.

 

Not sure about Paris Hilton though.

 

(54) dated younger guy for 3 yrs broke up, not married, (42) dating 29 yr old, crossing fingers/looking good, (35) dating 24 yr old.

[Gold Pile]

Maybe you just weren't very pretty? Most 30 something women can at least find men to date that aren't some gargoyle look alikes living with mum.

 

Honestly. ... I am only cute and not that much kf a looker yet at age 30, I have plenty of decent guys expressing interest. Even thoughI am taken.

 

I feel that as long as you are half decent and have good style, and a POSITIVE outlook, you will more often than not at least find decent men to date!

 

So either your standards were too high, you didn't radiate a position vibe or you were really plain without anything to catch a guys attention. I am merely cute and 30 and never suffered your problem.

I happen to know that the next guy to reply here looks like a Gargoyle and lives with his folks. Why ya gotta be so mean?

[William]

OK, that'll cover the Gargoyles, though it has inspired me to look for a new avatar.

 

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