Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 Ok well, you have words and zero actions that are about you personally from him beyond being one single night of embarassing sex (vomiting is embarassing to me) and sweet nothings. Words are just hot air formed from lungs and larynx or through typing on technology. That's why they are called sweet nothings: they mean nothing. Without actual action, it is literally just words. You have a fantasy tied to just words. Actions are the things people DO to make things happen. It's tangible. There are one night stands that treat their hook up with more compassion and tenderness than this. You rank lower on his and his twisted sisters list than booze, than compassion for another person, than anything really. I mean this as tenderly and softly as possible but you are obsessed with the fantasy. This is beyond toxic for you. You went away from them for awhile and now you are drawn back in to the poison. You'll never get the closure you want while you are willingly drinking from the toxic elixir. It hurts/angers me at the little respect he showed me. Why was I only good enough for sneaking around ,why was he so terrified in case his mum or sister found out. Telling me how he had feelings for me was useless because he never took me out for a drink or treated me like a date. Meaningless words was all I got ..why? I was just as good as other girls he has dated. About 7 years ago he dated a girl for about a month she had no manners ,bad breath and I met her once she was full ..he treated her better than me she got dates and took to his mums as a date ..what did I get. It's so unfair Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 At one point he said he was single and wanted to date me Asked his sister and told his mum he liked me. Then organised a drink then blocked me so I couldn't text him. Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 At one point he said he was single and wanted to date me Asked his sister and told his mum he liked me. Then organised a drink then blocked me so I couldn't text him. I have never met a man (or woman) who couldn't and wouldn't make their desires happen when it comes to equal wanting among people who want to make a relationship happen with each other. People have free will. I don't want you to feel like I'm attacking you, I'm just trying to get you to see something and I'm aware this might sting a little and I am sorry if it does. You're not his girlfriend, he could've made it happen in a heartbeat. He didn't. You don't even rank as a mistress in his book. That's a terrible way to treat someone. You can feel what you want to about him, just realize all it's doing is hurting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 It isn't a fantasy tho it is everything he said..I haven't fantasised it he said it. I haven't imagined things they happened. He constantly messaged/rang me for 3 years. Poured his heart out. So trying to paint me as some obsessed with a guy girl who hates me isn't very fair. I don't believe he would of asked me if I loved him and got so upset if he didn't care. I know him,he doesn't have a heart of stone. And I'm not some obsessed fantasist either! You're obsessed because there is absolutely nothing going on with you and him but you will not put this to rest and move on with your life. How long are you going to pine for this man who is with another woman? This is complete obsession. Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) And I missed the post prior to your last, but see? He picked a stinky breath chick over you. Gross, man. Be angry if you need to until you find peace. It won't be coming from him. Your search for answers and closure will only be coming from within. Nothing he can say will erase the hurt. Again, empty words even if he did pull you aside one day to apologize. But active addicts often don't see who they are hurting and he is, even if he functions on a day to day basis. Not excusing him, because that's his choice to hurt who he does. Not every addict destroys someone else. That behavior is his to own. Even if he got sober, he's still not a good man. Being angry is ok, it's so much more healthy than desiring him. But let it out. Go beat up a punching bag, channel it in good ways. Like fully moving on. He needs to be off your radar, love. Edited March 30, 2016 by Foreverago Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 And I missed the post prior to your last, but see? He picked a stinky breath chick over you. Gross, man. Be angry if you need to until you find peace. It won't be coming from him. Your search for answers and closure will only be coming from within. Nothing he can say will erase the hurt. Again, empty words even if he did pull you aside one day to apologize. But active addicts often don't see who they are hurting and he is, even if he functions on a day to day basis. Not excusing him, because that's his choice to hurt who he does. Not every addict destroys someone else. That behavior is his to own. Even if he got sober, he's still not a good man. Being angry is ok, it's so much more healthy than desiring him. But let it out. Go beat up a punching bag, channel it in good ways. Like fully moving on. He needs to be off your radar, love. The fact he didn't even apologise to me for the dreadful way he spoke to me. That makes me upset. I wasn't worth a sorry. He opened his Facebook again and literally added everyone we know bar me..even people who he doesn't even talk to,ever spoke to random strangers. Yet I thought before it all we were friends and he can't even add me just to acknowledge I exist. It's a disgusting way to treat someone. Like a bit of used meat thrown to one side when he didn't have a purpose for. 3 years of speaking every day for what..all that angst and upset for what Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 That evening he promised he wouldn't use me and promised he wouldn't hurt me. Told me I deserved something special. It's sickening I never know if I'm upset or angry If I even still want him or just upset at my treatment Il be ok then my friend will tell me he hasn't got over it,he still thinks about it,he regrets hurting you,he isn't happy blah blah blah Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 3 years of speaking every day for what..all that angst and upset for what Why didn't you stop when it was obvious he was serious about his gf, when he moved in with her and he got her pregnant? Why did you accept such bad treatment from him? Why did you not kick him into touch when it became obvious you were not his first priority? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 They had split when we organised a drink. Then she said she was pregnant ,we kept texting then after his son was born a few days later he moved in. Then about a week later that's when he spent the night with me. He said he wasn't happy, Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 He was texting me and telling me how much he wanted me long before she was pregnant and long before he moved in with her. So I don't think it's because he wasn't getting any. And this is exactly what makes everything this guy says about only staying for his son absolute rubbish! Here you say long before his gf was even pregnant he was giving some song and dance about how he wanted you? So what was stopping him from being with you BEFORE his gf got pregnant? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 You know what's great about today's world? You can block people from your life on technology, you can change your number. You can drop people who abuse you and who you allow to darken your life. I have cut out and blocked numerous toxic people in my life who spent years dragging me down, including family who abused me. It's a step you take when you make the choice to get healthy. The only other option is to languish. I wouldn't even say hi to them on the street. That is your choice as an adult. Obsession and addiction can go hand in hand and show similar self destructive traits, maybe you will one day be willing to detox him from your system. You aren't a love to him, you are part of his addiction to his own self destructing. This part has nothing to do with you, you were just a convenient target because of your feelings for him. And that's truly terrible. Being used sucks, I know. But the rest of this is your choice. You need to take the steps to protect yourself or you're risking losing yourself completely to someone who is, quite frankly, unworthy of your heart and energy. Every day you stay in this state of feeling, is a day longer added to your healing time. I feel bad for you, I do. But you are the only person who can change this. Not this forum, not him, not his sleazy sister. You. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 He said he wasn't happy, "My wife doesn't understand me" - oldest trick in the book 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 And this is exactly what makes everything this guy says about only staying for his son absolute rubbish! Here you say long before his gf was even pregnant he was giving some song and dance about how he wanted you? So what was stopping him from being with you BEFORE his gf got pregnant? There was nothing ..he kept coming then going telling me he wanted me but then worrying what will my sister think. Telling me what will people think if they knew blah blah Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 You know what's great about today's world? You can block people from your life on technology, you can change your number. You can drop people who abuse you and who you allow to darken your life. I have cut out and blocked numerous toxic people in my life who spent years dragging me down, including family who abused me. It's a step you take when you make the choice to get healthy. The only other option is to languish. I wouldn't even say hi to them on the street. That is your choice as an adult. Obsession and addiction can go hand in hand and show similar self destructive traits, maybe you will one day be willing to detox him from your system. You aren't a love to him, you are part of his addiction to his own self destructing. This part has nothing to do with you, you were just a convenient target because of your feelings for him. And that's truly terrible. Being used sucks, I know. But the rest of this is your choice. You need to take the steps to protect yourself or you're risking losing yourself completely to someone who is, quite frankly, unworthy of your heart and energy. Every day you stay in this state of feeling, is a day longer added to your healing time. I feel bad for you, I do. But you are the only person who can change this. Not this forum, not him, not his sleazy sister. You. Why did he say he had feelings for me?ask me if I loved him? Tell me he wishes we could be together,cry. Isn't that a nasty twisted game to play? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 They had split when we organised a drink. Then she said she was pregnant ,we kept texting then after his son was born a few days later he moved in. Then about a week later that's when he spent the night with me. He said he wasn't happy, Oh for goodness' sake, enough! ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!! The tiny details don't matter! Nothing matters any more, except you getting over this! Who cares who did what, when, why, how, or where?! It's finished!! OVER!! DONE - WITH!! It's time, now, right now, for you to drop all this, and MOVE - ON!! He doesn't care, so he doesn't matter any more because you are not in the picture! Stop grinding your gears and goping over every little detail because none of it, not one word, makes the slightest bit of difference! This is what you are letting your mind do. Stay stuck, wallow and keep yourself from getting over this. You self-sabotage. Toyally. I mean, if there was a University course on Self-Sabotage, you'd come out with a 1st class with Honours. Stop. Don't keep chewing it over, and going over things past. Stop this, and stop it now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 "My wife doesn't understand me" - oldest trick in the book He did break up with her tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 Oh for goodness' sake, enough! ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!! The tiny details don't matter! Nothing matters any more, except you getting over this! Who cares who did what, when, why, how, or where?! It's finished!! OVER!! DONE - WITH!! It's time, now, right now, for you to drop all this, and MOVE - ON!! He doesn't care, so he doesn't matter any more because you are not in the picture! Stop grinding your gears and goping over every little detail because none of it, not one word, makes the slightest bit of difference! This is what you are letting your mind do. Stay stuck, wallow and keep yourself from getting over this. You self-sabotage. Toyally. I mean, if there was a University course on Self-Sabotage, you'd come out with a 1st class with Honours. Stop. Don't keep chewing it over, and going over things past. Stop this, and stop it now. How do you know he doesn't care? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I really don't care whether he does or not. Frankly, it's irrelevant what he thinks, because he's not with you. If he cared enough, he would be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Foreverago Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Oh please. My exMM, I didn't even know he had gotten married while "dating" me, told me he loved me all the time...and then went home and had sex with his wife. Having sex with us both in the same day. That was fun to find out during one of the final arguments. People can be cruel and they can lie. He also would ask me all of those pretty things we hope for and want to hear. It doesn't mean they care. WORDS. MEAN. NOTHING. Without action, it's empty. He doesn't give a damn that you are hurting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 Oh for goodness' sake, enough! ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!! The tiny details don't matter! Nothing matters any more, except you getting over this! Who cares who did what, when, why, how, or where?! It's finished!! OVER!! DONE - WITH!! It's time, now, right now, for you to drop all this, and MOVE - ON!! He doesn't care, so he doesn't matter any more because you are not in the picture! Stop grinding your gears and goping over every little detail because none of it, not one word, makes the slightest bit of difference! This is what you are letting your mind do. Stay stuck, wallow and keep yourself from getting over this. You self-sabotage. Toyally. I mean, if there was a University course on Self-Sabotage, you'd come out with a 1st class with Honours. Stop. Don't keep chewing it over, and going over things past. Stop this, and stop it now. I really don't care whether he does or not. Frankly, it's irrelevant what he thinks, because he's not with you. If he cared enough, he would be. I agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 How do you know he doesn't care? Whether he cares or not is irrelevant. He's not taking any action to be with you, see you, or speak to you. If he wanted to, he would. Just go ask him yourself. You will obviously never let this go unless you do, so quit stalling and do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 (edited) The fact he didn't even apologise to me for the dreadful way he spoke to me. That makes me upset. I wasn't worth a sorry. He opened his Facebook again and literally added everyone we know bar me..even people who he doesn't even talk to,ever spoke to random strangers. Yet I thought before it all we were friends and he can't even add me just to acknowledge I exist. It's a disgusting way to treat someone. Like a bit of used meat thrown to one side when he didn't have a purpose for. 3 years of speaking every day for what..all that angst and upset for what Why are you still stalking him on FB? You refuse to let yourself heal. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Don't you think you deserve to put this to rest and find a man who wants to be with you? How do you know he doesn't care? Because he is not with you! He is with the one he loves. Please stop wishing and being stuck on something you will never have. The reason he saw you after she had the baby was for sex. His girl just had a baby, didn't have time for him, so he was unhappy at that point, pretty much the way all new fathers are when they don't have sexual access to their wives. Nothing more. Edited March 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I agree with you. Good. Now - stop. Move on. It's high time you let yourself get your life back. It's yours to live. Quit wasting it on this rubbish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 Good. Now - stop. Move on. It's high time you let yourself get your life back. It's yours to live. Quit wasting it on this rubbish. I haven't been sat at home crying or anything. I have been going out with friends etc been on dates I have been trying. I just have a lot of anger ..I need to ditch it. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Well it's a proven fact that to get rid of anger - which I view as an entirely negative emotion - you need to show some aggression. But I would suggest you do this in a safe and controlled environment. I suggest you actually enrol at some kick-boxing lessons, or find an anger management course that lets you take a big stick, wear protective clothing and goggles, and gives you the opportunity to go into a room full of ordinary household items, and smash the living daylights out of them. Link to post Share on other sites
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