I am so so very angry,he is such a liar.. [UPDATE]

[privategal]

I would re-read all of your posts.

You know the family is toxic, the friend is bad for you yet...here you are again, you didnt steer clear and heal so of course your feelings persist.

You had the self confidence to say, "Im looking good" and didnt you say you were on your way to meet friends?

So you have a circle of friends and feel pretty...why dont you keep building on THAT? Thats the good stuff.

He is boozing and sleeping on Moms sofa, drama and in the same stuck place.

I feel the suspicion you know exactly what street blocks to walk down to be seen. Go another route.

Your life has moved on.

You had drinks with his sister...funny he comes up.

You cant be treated like trash, used then ghosted then turn around for more.

Your better than that and we've all told you 1 million times to value yourself more and close the door on this one.

You know what to do.

Why wont you?

[dreamingoftigers]

I've no idea why you went back into that friendship after everything that's happened. Why is she telling you about him ....when she knows what's happened?

 

Being involved with her will only lead to more drama and it's already setting you back from healing..... but you'll do what you will and update us with how hurtful she's been to you in a while from now.

 

Whilst you can forgive people... it would serve you well to remember how this so called 'best friend' used you in the past.

 

Time to re-read everything.

 

This is totally your impulses getting in the way of decent sense.

 

Don't sign yourself up to be in a user relationship with your "friend" who is still closely connected to her abuser/drunk/cheater brother who you have some kind of fixation on.

 

Figure out where that is coming from and go back to silent with these people, unless you like being treated like a welcome mat.

 

This seems more like "the Devil you know" than anything.

 

Your relationships won't change if you just sweep all of this garbage under the rug.

[Louisesarah]

I've been feeling great,I haven't even looked on here for 2 months then she starts stiring my feelings up and I was in love with him.

The other day I felt really good and he wasn't in my thoughts then there he was..I just keep analysing everything did he see me,he was looking at me so he must of,did he think I looked nice etc etc.

He is still in the same place drinking in his bedroom,hiding out at his mums,complaining how miserable he is but still he is there.

Then my friend saying it's so unfair how unhappy he is blag blah ( he is a big man in you not happy do something about it)

I'm honestly fed up,I hate that he has power over me without even communication.

[dreamingoftigers]

I've been feeling great,I haven't even looked on here for 2 months then she starts stiring my feelings up and I was in love with him.

The other day I felt really good and he wasn't in my thoughts then there he was..I just keep analysing everything did he see me,he was looking at me so he must of,did he think I looked nice etc etc.

He is still in the same place drinking in his bedroom,hiding out at his mums,complaining how miserable he is but still he is there.

Then my friend saying it's so unfair how unhappy he is blag blah ( he is a big man in you not happy do something about it)

I'm honestly fed up,I hate that he has power over me without even communication.

 

What have you done to get out more socially and make new friends / have better dates etc?

 

Of course he'll seem like "the best option" of you are living in a vacuum.

 

Plus, he doesn't have power over you, you remember him somewhat fondly because he gave you so much attention trying to work you over. It didn't cause you to DO anything, because YOU DO have power over yourself and your choices regarding him.

 

He's a sad-sack drunk. A bit more time away and the fondness for him will disappear.

[Louisesarah]

I have made new friends recently pushed myself and socialised more,going away with my friends at the weekend which I'm looking forward to.

If you put aside all his bad qualities for a second we did get on so so well.

We spoke for over 3 years and it's hard now to not have that,and I know that sounds pathetic but I hand on heart really miss it.

He really hurt me and I've tried to get over it.

I wish I could say to him please put me out of my misery and tell me if you ever had genuine feelings for me.

I honestly wish I knew if anything was real.

I feel so low,I just want to drink my problems away.

[stillafool]

You might remember me I haven't been on here for ages.

I was texting my best friends brother then we slept together blah blah.

Me and my friend have recently became friends again and trying to rebuild our friendship.

Me and her went out for drinks on Tuesday and she started talking about him.

Brought it all back basically.

She was saying how lonely he is and how he doesn't want to be with his girlfriend,she was telling me how he spends a lot of time at mums and has been staying over and was talking about a travel cot for his son.

She went on to say she does think he has feelings for me and she doesn't mind it was just the lies we told( I get it)

The Wednesday I commented on her Facebook post and within 30 seconds he commented trying to join in our conversation.

Yesterday I was walking down the street,I was looking quite nice(well I think I was) as I was off to meet friends and just happen to look to the left and there he was..he was looking directly at me ,I looked back at him then just kept walking.

My heart was beating so fast,I hadn't seen him for months then there he was.

The day after I was walking home and just got to the traffic lights and his car pulls up right in front of me,I seen him and he seen me.

I just still have feelings for him.

Seeing him brought it all back

 

Why are you back friends with his sister and why didn't you tell her to not talk to you about him? I thought for sure you would have moved on with a new man by now. It doesn't matter what your friend says about her brother and his girl, he is still with her. Why haven't you move on to a new man?

[stillafool]

I've no idea why you went back into that friendship after everything that's happened. Why is she telling you about him ....when she knows what's happened?

 

.

 

She went back to being friends with her to be closer to the brother and to find out what is going on in his and his gfs world.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have made new friends recently pushed myself and socialised more,going away with my friends at the weekend which I'm looking forward to.

If you put aside all his bad qualities for a second we did get on so so well.

We spoke for over 3 years and it's hard now to not have that,and I know that sounds pathetic but I hand on heart really miss it.

He really hurt me and I've tried to get over it.

I wish I could say to him please put me out of my misery and tell me if you ever had genuine feelings for me.

I honestly wish I knew if anything was real.

I feel so low,I just want to drink my problems away.

 

Geberalky the best way to get through a problem is not to compound it. Drinking does just that. In fact, a lot of future drunks won't even remember what they were "trying to forget" but they can't stop the dependency of the alcohol itself.

 

Like most addictions ahd hooks, the best way to get through it is self-compassion, self-respect and withdrawing from the negative behaviour and stimuli.

 

That would likely include his sister, considering how much just seeing him is retriggering you.

 

Continued association with him and his backwards family will probably only fuel your interest in him. Which is totally counter-productive.

 

The further you get away from him and his family, the more you will see why that is a healthy choice even if you can't see it now.

 

There's a book called "How to Break Your Addiction To a Person" too. That was helpful to me when my marriage was separating.

 

May I ask what you family of Origin was like?

[whichwayisup]

I've been feeling great,I haven't even looked on here for 2 months then she starts stiring my feelings up and I was in love with him.

The other day I felt really good and he wasn't in my thoughts then there he was..I just keep analysing everything did he see me,he was looking at me so he must of,did he think I looked nice etc etc.

He is still in the same place drinking in his bedroom,hiding out at his mums,complaining how miserable he is but still he is there.

Then my friend saying it's so unfair how unhappy he is blag blah ( he is a big man in you not happy do something about it)

I'm honestly fed up,I hate that he has power over me without even communication.

 

You have the power to stop and continue to stay away from him. Cut both of them out of your life, this toxic situation will continue again unless you stay strong and don't give into temptation.

 

If you hate the power he has over you, then FIGHT IT! Love and respect yourself by putting you first and not opening that door again. The choice is yours. If you go back and let him in, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

[Louisesarah]

I thought maybe me and her could be friends and I wouldn't need to know about her brother but who am I kidding.

She lives 3 minutes from me so we bump into each other and I can't just walk past her..me and her have had fun times together too.

I seem to always focus on the good in people and the bad I seem to cast aside.

I won't insult your intelligence ..yes a part of me(a big part) thought at least this way il know what's going on with him,and he will see me commenting on Facebook etc.

I know I have a damaging way of thinking.

Yesterday I commented on my friends status and a guy actually asked me on a date but my friend then went and deleted the whole post which I don't even know why ..it's things like that which she does which makes me question her.

A part of me does think If he is unhappy like he tells his sister then if one day he decides to leave and if anything he said to me was real that you never know but can I wait around for something that will probably never happen.

Wait another 6 months to catch eye contact with him in the street or him try and chat on Facebook..it's not enough

[ChickiePops]

I thought maybe me and her could be friends and I wouldn't need to know about her brother but who am I kidding.

She lives 3 minutes from me so we bump into each other and I can't just walk past her..me and her have had fun times together too.

I seem to always focus on the good in people and the bad I seem to cast aside.

I won't insult your intelligence ..yes a part of me(a big part) thought at least this way il know what's going on with him,and he will see me commenting on Facebook etc.

I know I have a damaging way of thinking.

Yesterday I commented on my friends status and a guy actually asked me on a date but my friend then went and deleted the whole post which I don't even know why ..it's things like that which she does which makes me question her.

A part of me does think If he is unhappy like he tells his sister then if one day he decides to leave and if anything he said to me was real that you never know but can I wait around for something that will probably never happen.

Wait another 6 months to catch eye contact with him in the street or him try and chat on Facebook..it's not enough

 

Ok..so what are you going to do about all of this now?

[Louisesarah]

I just wish things could of been different and we could of seen what might of happened if he had just gave it a chance.

I know there was moments when he did want that

[privategal]

I just wish things could of been different and we could of seen what might of happened if he had just gave it a chance.

I know there was moments when he did want that

 

I have compassion for you as I gave up years of my life on unrequited love with a man who said a lot of things, called and emailed and strung me along with I love you's and wants you's and the thing is, those were the words he knew I needed to hear to keep me invested and give me just enough in case he really needed to use me for an ego stroke again.

If you made it 7 months you can consider this a set back, and now you see why the advice given to you is so important.

It is time for you to let this stay in the past. He knows how to reach you but he didn't drop by after seeing you or text or email to say I miss you.

It was coincidence.

His sister likes drama and to stir the pot. She tells you things to gauge your response.

Don't you remember he chocked her up against the wall and said DONT you say her name.

Do you think something magically changed to make him now want to see you?

It is very hard to leave something in the past but imagine if his alchoholic disheveled unhappy self showed up on your doorstep.

Imagine yourself closing the door and saying I am not interested.

When you saw him and looked away, you at least LOOKED like the bigger person by showing disinterest.

It is time for you to put this in the past now.

Even if he left her, I would want nothing to do with him or his dramatic family.

His mother ought to tell him to Go home and deal with your issues, get sober and handle your problems like a MAN.

And can you imagine having a family by him?

Is that the kind of father you envisioned raising a family with?

And everytime you two argued, the whole family would be discussing your business.

This is called unrequited love.

Read the breakup section here, men lose feelings for girls and stone cold break up with them all the TIME. People and feelings change.

He didn't want to pursue a relationship with you, he wanted to drunkenly have a one night stand with you, then he went and vomited after.

This guy is so beneath you and Id be thanking my lucky stars he didn't pursue you further because you would be in the same boat his girlfriend was in, miserable and wishing she had a boyfriend who loved her and was there for her and their baby.

He wont ever love you. I know this hurts to hear but its what you need is to please see reality. Its over. His sister reconciling with you has nothing to do with HIS feelings toward you.

The family is probably calm and needs some new drama to discuss.

Did you forget how he was at his Moms with his GF and baby and you were completely ignored.

We didn't forget, and I will gladly remind you of all the awful details if you wont re-read your threads.

Because I don't want to see you keep hurting.

You've made new friends and are building your life and take care of your looks. He has made no new friends, no changes, no progress, just crying to Mom. Heck his own family is over his whining. You should be too.

He is NO GOOD for you or ANY woman.

Don't even give him another chance to see you on his street.

Who caarrreeesss what he thinks of you.

[Louisesarah]

It's just hard to believe it after everything he said to me.

Who's to say he isn't embarrassed by how awful he treated me

[awkward]

Your friendship with her before was toxic. Your affair with her brother was toxic.

 

Walk away from both. If you give yourself enough space and enough time to heal, you will one day look back at these relationships and realize how lucky you were to get out.

[Louisesarah]

I just think was it so hard to believe he might of had feelings for me.

We used to spend hours just taking,he spent 3 years communicating with me,spoke about if we were to get together yet he could never just do it.

What if I wasn't his little sisters best friend ..maybe he would of took a chance.

He always brought me up to his mum and sister that's how they get suspicious.

Who's to say after we slept together he realised he could loose his son.

He isn't a monster deep down.

Too many things don't add up.

He spent 14 hours that night just talking and holding me,I did feel something.

Why ask me if I loved him,why talk about what I wanted in a relationship

Why did he cry when he said we couldn't be together if I meant nothing.

When I seen him the other day he was looking at me before I noticed him,

Nye he was the one who brought me into the conversation first otherwise they wouldn't of told him they knew.

Is it so bad to think maybe he had some feelings even if they weren't enough to change his situation

[awkward]

Is it so bad to think maybe he had some feelings even if they weren't enough to change his situation

 

Will that help you to move on? Please go NC with both of them. I promise you that in a year you won't give two flying pigs whether he meant it or not. The only thing that matters is that you need to move on for your own well being.

[stillafool]

It's just hard to believe it after everything he said to me.

Who's to say he isn't embarrassed by how awful he treated me

 

 

Remember what he never said to you which is "will you be my girlfriend". Without that nothing else matters at this point because he is with another girl and no matter how much his sister hates her he must love her because he's still with her. Just because he sees you and smiles or whatever doesn't mean anything at all. He's playing with you and getting an ego boost for himself.

[Louisesarah]

His sister doesn't hate her.

He has told them both multiple times hoe unhappy he is and keeps staying at his mums.

He told them if it wasn't for his son he wouldn't be there.

[stillafool]

His sister doesn't hate her.

He has told them both multiple times hoe unhappy he is and keeps staying at his mums.

He told them if it wasn't for his son he wouldn't be there.

 

But he's still had plenty of opportunity to be with you if he wanted to and has not taken it. He can still see his son without living with her. That's all bull that men with children use as their excuse not to leave. Go read the OW forum and you will see what I mean and this guy isn't even married to his girl, yet.

[S2B]

This is where inaction tells you everything you need to understand.

 

He's not divorced!

He's not making effort to see you!

 

 

That means he's not interested ENOUGH to make YOU his top priority.

 

He's never gonna tell you - but his actions show everything he's never going to say.

[Louisesarah]

Doesn't the fact he only moved in with his gf 2 days after his child was born prove if it wasn't for him he wouldn't be there?

He has told his mother and sister he isn't happy but he doesn't want to be like his dad( he doesn't have any relationship with him as he left his mum when he was a baby)

I think he's scared that history will repeat itself and he will be like his dad.

[Ms. Faust]

Louise, you are obsessed, and if you were in contact with him I get the feeling from your past posts you would be his biggest enabler in his alcoholism and abuse. I am in agreement with others, it is foolish to take back up with these toxic people.

 

You keep saying he's "not that bad" but isn't he the one who dropped you without looking twice, calls his wife fat and stupid to her face, ditches his son to party and drink all night, and slams his sister against the wall by her throat? Those are just the highlights.

Edited March 28, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[stillafool]

Doesn't the fact he only moved in with his gf 2 days after his child was born prove if it wasn't for him he wouldn't be there?

He has told his mother and sister he isn't happy but he doesn't want to be like his dad( he doesn't have any relationship with him as he left his mum when he was a baby)

I think he's scared that history will repeat itself and he will be like his dad.

 

Has he told you "Louisesarah I'm in love with you but I have to move in with my baby's mother to be with my child all the time. If it wasn't for that I would want to be with you." If he hasn't told you anything along those lines you are just ass-u-me ing everything else.

[Louisesarah]

He said I wish we could be together,you should be in my family.

Then he cried and said "I can't leave (sons name)" then asked do you love me to which I replied no then he asked why ..I said I need to keep my guard up then he cried again and said my guard is over my heart because I can't have what I want.