I am so so very angry,he is such a liar.. [UPDATE]

[Louisesarah]

OK but two seconds later he was out the door and blocking you every which way.

So which one do you believe? The one who told you he wanted you while he schmoozed his way into your bed, or the one who couldn't wait to get as far away from you as possible???

Talk is cheap.

 

He wasn't out the door two seconds later..he stayed with me until the next day afternoon and it was me who had to go out and he wanted to stay which he said ( hungover but sober )

He said that whist we were in bed so didn't have to say it,also I was there and I think you can tell when someone is being genuine and it wasn't an act..he isn't that good a liar.

He wasn't drunk all the other times he has told me how he felt,texting from work etc (sober)

He contacting me on 3 other occasions after that night.

The 1st time telling me he enjoyed it and saying next time he will bring a dvd and wine.

The 3rd time was the time I told him to get lost as I was annoyed and told him I felt guilty then I called him a looser and that's when he retreated and started being nasty.

[Louisesarah]

Why the random valentines message after we hadn't spoke for 2 months clearly I was on his mind.

Why start talking about me New Year's Eve if he wanted to get me out of his head.

Why try and join in a conversation with my and his sister the other day?

[elaine567]

A man who can only sneak off to have sex with you, whilst his gf is having his baby, is that really the best you can do???

[Louisesarah]

A man who can only sneak off to have sex with you, whilst his gf is having his baby, is that really the best you can do???

 

No it isn't the BEST I can do but I can't help who I care about unfortunately

[TaraMaiden2]

No it isn't the BEST I can do but I can't help who I care about unfortunately

 

Perhaps not.

But you CAN help your actions.

Simply because you care about him, is no reason to behave the way you have.

 

Is it?

[Louisesarah]

Perhaps not.

But you CAN help your actions.

Simply because you care about him, is no reason to behave the way you have.

 

Is it?

 

I do think I've been controlling my actions.

I can't help what's going on in my head,wish I could

[TaraMaiden2]

I do think I've been controlling my actions.

I can't help what's going on in my head,wish I could

 

That is the most ridiculous disclaimer going, and what's more, it's a lie.

 

The ONLY person who HAS the power and ability to help what is going on in your head IS you.

 

You control every thought.

You decide every thought, word and action.

It ALL starts in your head, with what you tell yourself.

Your thoughts. Your thinking,

you're doing it.

Own it, take responsibility and change it.

[Louisesarah]

You must be a stronger person than me then because I can't help having feelings for him.

I can't control them ,I can try and forget for a while but still he is there in my head.

[TaraMaiden2]

You must be a stronger person than me then because I can't help having feelings for him.

I can't control them ,I can try and forget for a while but still he is there in my head.

 

I'm a lot stronger than you because I haven't abdicated my thought-processes or the responsibility for my actions onto someone outside of myself.

You seem to believe that simply because things are as they are, you can't help what goes on inside your head.

The bizarre thing is, you are in total control of everything you're thinking, saying and doing.

You're just choosing, persistently - consistently - to do the wrong, crazy and unwise thing.

 

I haven't said you shouldn't have feelings for him.

I'm not saying you have to forget him, either.

What I am saying is however deeply he is in your head, you have the control over the decisions you make.

And the more you make stupid decisions, the weaker you become, because you're making the wrong choices.

[privategal]

Why the random valentines message after we hadn't spoke for 2 months clearly I was on his mind.

Why start talking about me New Year's Eve if he wanted to get me out of his head.

Why try and join in a conversation with my and his sister the other day?

Ask him so you can be done with this obsession. We dont know.

Only he knows and so many replies by so many good people here trying to help you and get you to see reason and logic but you arent even one step better and have found no reason or clarity.

So go to the source. Get your closure.

It is the only way you will know.

Strangers on the internet have never met him but weve listened the whole way thrkugh and dissected it for you a million ways. You will not find answers or happiness until you get closure.

Some people cant move forward without it, and its definately the case here and you just asked all the SAME EXACT questions verbatim that you asked 7 months ago.

A) talk to HIM

B) seek counseling

Best wishes I feel for you but I feel I should not contribute to your threads anymore as Im sad none of the contributions have helped one ounce and thats ok. We all are different. Peace to you.

[Louisesarah]

Ask him so you can be done with this obsession. We dont know.

Only he knows and so many replies by so many good people here trying to help you and get you to see reason and logic but you arent even one step better and have found no reason or clarity.

So go to the source. Get your closure.

It is the only way you will know.

Strangers on the internet have never met him but weve listened the whole way thrkugh and dissected it for you a million ways. You will not find answers or happiness until you get closure.

Some people cant move forward without it, and its definately the case here and you just asked all the SAME EXACT questions verbatim that you asked 7 months ago.

A) talk to HIM

B) seek counseling

Best wishes I feel for you but I feel I should not contribute to your threads anymore as Im sad none of the contributions have helped one ounce and thats ok. We all are different. Peace to you.

Thankyou for taking the time to try and help me.

[TaraMaiden2]

Thankyou for taking the time to try and help me.

 

Everybody's tried to help you.

Could I ask why you haven't acted upon any of the advice?

[Louisesarah]

At the end of the day nobody knows what is going on in his mind.

He has gave me lots of contradicting statements.

He is a emotional mess so it's hard to know how he feels about anything.

I don't believe he would of deliberately went out of his way to just use me.

He spent so much time talking to me hundreds of texts,phone calls for him not to care at all.

I need to hear the truth for him.

I can't move on without it.

[Gloria_Smellons]

At the end of the day nobody knows what is going on in his mind.

He has gave me lots of contradicting statements.

He is a emotional mess so it's hard to know how he feels about anything.

I don't believe he would of deliberately went out of his way to just use me.

He spent so much time talking to me hundreds of texts,phone calls for him not to care at all.

I need to hear the truth for him.

I can't move on without it.

 

I fail to agree that any kind of closure will come from him, but since you flat out refuse to look at the source of the problem (no disrespect meant, but it's you and your attitude to yourself that needs examining,) then going to him and asking is your only option left.

 

Personally I feel that it will actually be no help. He'll either;

a) Tell you everything you want to hear so you'll still be fixated on 'but he really wants to be with MEEEEEEEEEEE'

b) Tell you flat out 'I actually had no intention of being with you, I just liked the ego strokes and you were a nice distraction from the real world responsibilities' - which I am sure you will just argue he doesn't really mean, or

c) He'll waffle some more saying nothing at all and you'll be in exactly the same situation.

 

I wish you luck regardless, but introspection is what's needed here, not some magic phrase said by him to make it all better.

[Louisesarah]

The thing is everything he did say came from his mouth.

I didn't imagine them,he said them.

He made me believe he wanted me,he told me why wouldn't I believe him?

Don't say things you don't mean

I don't tell random people I want them if I don't.

What's the point?

[Louisesarah]

All I want from him is the truth.

No bull just the truth.

[Louisesarah]

Why is it so hard to believe he may of had feelings?

Is that really so far fetched?

[Gloria_Smellons]

He made me believe he wanted me,he told me why wouldn't I believe him?

Don't say things you don't mean

I don't tell random people I want them if I don't.

What's the point?

 

Some people lie.

 

All I want from him is the truth.

No bull just the truth.

 

If you want truth look at inward at yourself. It is unlikely you'll get truth from a proven liar.

 

Why is it so hard to believe he may of had feelings?

Is that really so far fetched?

 

I'm sure he had some feelings, but they may have been nothing more than 'in his pants' feelings. And frankly, his feelings are irrelevant at this point because he's unavailable.

[Louisesarah]

Some people lie.

 

 

 

If you want truth look at inward at yourself. It is unlikely you'll get truth from a proven liar.

 

 

 

I'm sure he had some feelings, but they may have been nothing more than 'in his pants' feelings. And frankly, his feelings are irrelevant at this point because he's unavailable.

 

Maybe they were all in his pants feelings.

He did say it wasn't all about that but like you say people tell lies.

I lied too so I'm no better.

[Gloria_Smellons]

Maybe they were all in his pants feelings.

He did say it wasn't all about that but like you say people tell lies.

I lied too so I'm no better.

 

It's not about who is 'worse' or 'better'.

 

Poor choices were made on all sides. It's about learning, growing and moving on.

[Foreverago]

Why is it so hard to believe he may of had feelings?

Is that really so far fetched?

 

No it's not far fetched to you. I've read your story and I know the heart wants what it wants, regardless how bad it is for you...

 

But...and it's a big old but here,

 

If he wanted to be with you, he would be. And he's not. You are still obsessed over your fantasy and not the reality of the situation. You cling to that, because the truth is, he doesn't want you enough and won't. And I get the loneliness and the feeling of rejection and feeling like you aren't good enough when the person you want most doesn't want you like you feel they should. But it is what it is and you are wasting your time obsessing over a functioning alcoholic (it's a thing) who doesn't care enough about your well being.

 

Even at this point, even if he slept with you again, it'd mean nothing. I had a friend in a similar position as you, but instead of sister/friend, it was a personality disordered roommate to him egging her on. She waited and waited, and finally he hooked up with her again. it sparked so much hope that he was finally ready...until the next week when he got into a relationship with another girl that he ended up marrying a while down the road. If he didn't move on you before and made a relationship happen by now, it's not going to happen ever. I'm only sharing her story because she was obsessed until about 3 years into his marriage when it finally dawned on her that he wasn't coming for her. And she was melancholy and heart broken a good portion of her twenties when she should have been enjoying her youth.

 

That's your closure. He doesn't want you beyond being a dirty secret. It sucks but you deserve more...from someone else.

[Louisesarah]

It isn't a fantasy tho it is everything he said..I haven't fantasised it he said it.

I haven't imagined things they happened.

He constantly messaged/rang me for 3 years.

Poured his heart out.

 

So trying to paint me as some obsessed with a guy girl who hates me isn't very fair.

I don't believe he would of asked me if I loved him and got so upset if he didn't care.

I know him,he doesn't have a heart of stone.

And I'm not some obsessed fantasist either!

[Mayday2016]

It isn't a fantasy tho it is everything he said..I haven't fantasised it he said it.

I haven't imagined things they happened.

He constantly messaged/rang me for 3 years.

Poured his heart out.

 

So trying to paint me as some obsessed with a guy girl who hates me isn't very fair.

I don't believe he would of asked me if I loved him and got so upset if he didn't care.

I know him,he doesn't have a heart of stone.

And I'm not some obsessed fantasist either!

 

Until you start listening to the women/men here you're going to be stuck here. I didn't start coming out of it until over a month ago, it took me too long to 'get it'... If you continue with this cycle it's going to slow your recovery to finding yourself. Stop remembering what he "said" because trying to live in that past is only going to hurt you. Listen to the pragmatic people here, they're trying to help you navigate your current situation so you can have a healthier future.

[Foreverago]

It isn't a fantasy tho it is everything he said..I haven't fantasised it he said it.

I haven't imagined things they happened.

He constantly messaged/rang me for 3 years.

Poured his heart out.

 

So trying to paint me as some obsessed with a guy girl who hates me isn't very fair.

I don't believe he would of asked me if I loved him and got so upset if he didn't care.

I know him,he doesn't have a heart of stone.

And I'm not some obsessed fantasist either!

 

 

Ok well, you have words and zero actions that are about you personally from him beyond being one single night of embarassing sex (vomiting is embarassing to me) and sweet nothings. Words are just hot air formed from lungs and larynx or through typing on technology. That's why they are called sweet nothings: they mean nothing. Without actual action, it is literally just words. You have a fantasy tied to just words. Actions are the things people DO to make things happen. It's tangible. There are one night stands that treat their hook up with more compassion and tenderness than this. You rank lower on his and his twisted sisters list than booze, than compassion for another person, than anything really.

 

I mean this as tenderly and softly as possible but you are obsessed with the fantasy. This is beyond toxic for you. You went away from them for awhile and now you are drawn back in to the poison. You'll never get the closure you want while you are willingly drinking from the toxic elixir.

[stillafool]

He was texting me and telling me how much he wanted me long before she was pregnant and long before he moved in with her.

So I don't think it's because he wasn't getting any.

 

If he told you this "long before she was pregnant" that means he had plenty of time to be with you before her and yet he didn't make you his gf. Face it, he's in love with his childrens mother.