I am so so very angry,he is such a liar.. [UPDATE]

[sandylee1]

At the end of the day, YOU know he's lying to protect himself....buthere's no reason to get so violent with his sister. That's a sample of what would happen to you if you crossed him. Steer well clear of that whole family.

[OneLov]

it's been made to look like I'm the stupid woman helpless in love with him and he is this poor guy who's been too drunk and not known what he was doing blah blah.

 

Yet he is sitting there playing the oops I didn't know what I was doing card..it's a joke.

 

Why did he react like that?

Why is he such a coward?

 

I think Basil said it best. Most in his situation play that card. He needs to protect his butt. Because the affair is and was all about him. That's why he chased and left you high and dry on his terms. Now, you need to make it all about you and fundamental way out of this mess.

[BuddyX]

Just be glad you're not involved with this guy. It appears he has anger issues. The incident with the wall and throat could've been you.

[Ms. Faust]

Louise, do you still think you are in love with this guy? Do you still have feelings for him?

[Louisesarah]

I don't think I am no.

 

Il be honest I am angry at how he treated me with so little respect but if he has no respect for his partner why did I think he would me.

I think it's because his behaviour is so irrational I try and understand why when really I shouldn't.

Honestly these last 7 weeks have been the happiest I've been in years I could swear on my mums grave that I didn't care.

The odd fleeting thought but I answered back with f you in my head.

I think it's more my pride that is hurt.

Plus how much we talked and got along it annoys me for him to of been so dismissive and playing the "I was drunk card"

Bit of a cop out.

[OneLov]

Plus how much we talked and got along it annoys me for him to of been so dismissive and playing the "I was drunk card"

Bit of a cop out.

 

What you're feeling is 100% normal. It will take time for your anger to subside. The way to get over it quicker is to accept it is typical human behavior in crisis mode. Does it make it right? Absolutely not. But is it a common response? Unfortunately all too often.

 

It's scandal 101. Let's look at two recent US presidents -- Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon. One concerned infidelity and the other burglary. Both scandal. So what was the response? Deny, deny, deny, deny... Then quietly ask for forgiveness BUT still deny the full extent of the truth.

 

What I am trying to say is that denial is the typical response to scandal whether your Average Joe or president of the United States. It sucks when you get thrown under the bus. But it might help you release some anger if the situation seems less personal. I'm sorry for your pain.

 

I hope you find happiness,

OL

[Liam1]

but it's been made to look like I'm the stupid woman helpless in love with him and he is this poor guy who's been too drunk and not known what he was doing blah blah.

It wasn't the case he was the one who chased me.

 

The OW did the same in my situation. However I was able to resurrect all the deleted texts and emails and voice mails, as well as my responses, that showed, she was the aggressor.

 

Do you have emails and texts and voice mails that might prove he was the aggressor.

[Louisesarah]

On my old phone I have texts from him saying he can't stop thinking of me,thinking of us being together all the usual but I don't think there is any point saying I have proof he chased me as it makes me look slightly mad and I don't think he is even worth my energy.

Let him live his clearly miserable life and good luck to him.

[OneLov]

I agree. You could have all the evidence in the world, and he will just deny it. Using my previous example of President Clinton, he continued denying the full extent of it years later. Monica Lewinsky's feelings on how he characterized his affair in his autobiography:

 

"He could have made it right with the book, but he hasn't. He is a revisionist of history. He has lied. […] I really didn't expect him to go into detail about our relationship. […] But if he had and he'd done it honestly, I wouldn't have minded. […] I did, though, at least expect him to correct the false statements he made when he was trying to protect the Presidency. Instead, he talked about it as though I had laid it all out there for the taking. I was the buffet and he just couldn't resist the dessert. […] This was a mutual relationship, mutual on all levels, right from the way it started and all the way through. […] I don't accept that he had to completely desecrate my character." ~ Monica Lewinsky

 

You're right; the frustration and anger will eat you alive if you focus on it. You cannot control how he characterizes what happened between you. Going tit for tat would only make it worse for you. You don't have to accept his fiction. Letting go is the best choice for you.

[Louisesarah]

I agree. You could have all the evidence in the world, and he will just deny it. Using my previous example of President Clinton, he continued denying the full extent of it years later. Monica Lewinsky's feelings on how he characterized his affair in his autobiography:

 

"He could have made it right with the book, but he hasn't. He is a revisionist of history. He has lied. […] I really didn't expect him to go into detail about our relationship. […] But if he had and he'd done it honestly, I wouldn't have minded. […] I did, though, at least expect him to correct the false statements he made when he was trying to protect the Presidency. Instead, he talked about it as though I had laid it all out there for the taking. I was the buffet and he just couldn't resist the dessert. […] This was a mutual relationship, mutual on all levels, right from the way it started and all the way through. […] I don't accept that he had to completely desecrate my character." ~ Monica Lewinsky

 

You're right; the frustration and anger will eat you alive if you focus on it. You cannot control how he characterizes what happened between you. Going tit for tat would only make it worse for you. You don't have to accept his fiction. Letting go is the best choice for you.

 

It's just not worth it.

He laid himself bare for me talking about his feelings and opening up whether I really didn't mean anything to him or he is lying well that's up to him.

I guess him in his own head only knows the answers to that.

I need to protect myself and tbh I think he is a lost cause so good luck to him.

I honestly hope he sorts his head out because under all the drinking and nasty crap I believe there's a decent person.

Shame he couldn't even respect me enough to apologise but he clearly didn't have the balls.

[Louisesarah]

Can anyone shed any light on why he got angry after my friend ( his sister )

Said "can't believe Louise hasn't even bothered wishing me happy new year" then he stands up raging and says "don't you mention her name" then pins her up by her throat?

He had brought me up hours earlier plus he said to his sister you only use her anyway cos you have no other friends.

[OneLov]

Can you provide more facts? No way to be sure because we don't know what happened in the hours in between.

[Louisesarah]

I can only tell you what she said and she may of missed bits out.

She said they had discussed what had happened 3 hours ago and it was done.

He kept staring at his sister and then he says I hate you to her.

Then he goes Louise doesn't even like you and you use her because you have no other friends.

Then she got up and said to her bf can't believe Louise hasn't bothered wishing me happy new year ( my friend then said to me I wasn't even being nasty about you ,which makes me think did she say something nasty)

Then he stands up ranging grabs her by the throat and says "don't you mention her name "I'm going to punch you all over.

[MJJean]

I don't know what you're looking for here. You have page after page of your other threads full of people telling you this whole family is toxic, he used you for sex, get over it, move on, stop obsessing, and get these people out of your life. You won't do that.

 

So, what exactly are you looking for?

[stillafool]

I think you need to cease contact with his sister so you don't know anything else about him. You need to get him off your mind and get over him. I know you think you are over him but you aren't because you haven't reached indifference towards him. Your contact with his sister is not healthy for you at this point and you need to be dating, enjoying other guys. This guy should be off your mind by now. It shouldn't matter to you why he says the things he does. Anyway, he has a family and will do everything to protect that.

[MJJean]

The OW did the same in my situation. However I was able to resurrect all the deleted texts and emails and voice mails, as well as my responses, that showed, she was the aggressor.

 

Do you have emails and texts and voice mails that might prove he was the aggressor.

 

Except, according to Louise's other threads, he was drunk. So drunk that he vomited either shortly before or after their one night stand. Which happened months ago. That she is still obsessing over despite the fact that he has a live in fiancee and new baby he has told her he has no intention of leaving.

[Louisesarah]

Yes he was drunk on the night but he wasn't drunk for the two years when we kissed/text/spoke on the phone daily.

He wasn't drunk the next morning and he wasn't drunk when he was arranging to meet me again.

[Louisesarah]

And I'm not OBSESSING over months after.

I simply wanted to know why he reacted in such a way.

[Louisesarah]

What I was saying was I found it unfair for him to say oh I was drunk blah blah when we had spent years talking about things .

Him going back and forth about getting in a relationship with me.

Being jealous if I dated any one else.

I didn't think it was fair that he made out as if he was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing.

He came to mine sober and knew exactly what he was doing just like he did when he was ringing and ringing and texting me for Two years.

[MJJean]

And I'm not OBSESSING over months after.

I simply wanted to know why he reacted in such a way.

 

Analyzing something endlessly for months after it happened is known as obsessing.

 

What I was saying was I found it unfair for him to say oh I was drunk blah blah when we had spent years talking about things .

Him going back and forth about getting in a relationship with me.

Being jealous if I dated any one else.

I didn't think it was fair that he made out as if he was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing.

He came to mine sober and knew exactly what he was doing just like he did when he was ringing and ringing and texting me for Two years.

 

Let me explain this bluntly. He was grooming you. It's what some men do to separate a woman from her panties. Once they have successfully done so, they typically lose interest.

 

The point many of us have been trying to get across to you is that IT DOESN'T MATTER. This guy is a liar and a cheater, seems to be a pro manipulator, and is violent towards women. His sister seems to be a selfish twit who has been using you for years. And they both feed on drama and bullshyte. Stop caring what they think. Get them out of your life and move on to healthy relationships.

[Louisesarah]

Sad thing is I was Doing great till I bumped into her.

Been going on dates,he rarely entered my mind and her discussing everything kind of switched a light on.

I'm under no illusion that he used me I just thought it was pathetic that he couldn't even admit what he had done tried to play the she came on to me cardx

[Gigi2015]

Yes he was drunk on the night but he wasn't drunk for the two years when we kissed/text/spoke on the phone daily.

He wasn't drunk the next morning and he wasn't drunk when he was arranging to meet me again.

 

 

It doesn't matter....he used a cop out to minimize what it was because you simply didn't mean enough to him....accept it....learn from it...expect more from relationships....require proof NOT just words, gifts or sex.

[OneLov]

I do not think it's because she did not mean that much to him. He's not telling his wife the truth, and I'm sure she means something to him. I think he's not being honest because he doesn't have the courage to admit to anyone, including himself, that he did a very terrible thing.

[Louisesarah]

It makes no sense why he got so aggressive with his sister at just the mention of my name.

Must hate me a lot.

[ChickiePops]

It makes no sense why he got so aggressive with his sister at just the mention of my name.

Must hate me a lot.

 

May I ask why you care so much?