Emilia Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 By curiosity, would it be acceptable for a man to let his gf wait outside in the cold? No. Guys always gave me a key and I gave it back after if we weren't at the key keeping stage Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 For me it's always been practical. Like if I go on a work trip and somebody needs to feed the cat. Probably 2-3 months in. From there I never ask for the keys back until we break up. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 By curiosity, would it be acceptable for a man to let his gf wait outside in the cold? Cold can be avoided. You're asking yourself the wrong question only to jump at the conclusion you want to hear. Have the courage to ask yourself the right question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Why is anyone waiting in the cold? I am not getting that. There are 2 options. He leaves his place earlier to avoid traffic and he gets to my home at around 18h a little before me. Or he waits after traffic to leave his home and he gets to my home at 20h. We both prefer him arriving at 18h so we have a real evening together, not just 2 hours before bed time. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Give him the keys and ask him to mind the dog 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Cold can be avoided. You're asking yourself the wrong question only to jump at the conclusion you want to hear. Have the courage to ask yourself the right question. No, the cold is a real matter when you live in a place with regular -20 degrees and laws forbidding you to let your engine run more than 3 minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 well, then it's all sorted, no ? It makes sense. or doesn't it ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 well, then it's all sorted, no ? It makes sense. or doesn't it ? haha, you know what you're doing with me don't you ! I don't want him to be cold but I don't fully feel ready to give him a key....yet. I thought it was no big deal but this thread is showing me it's 'a bit' of a big deal to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 We've only been dating 2 months but we spend a decent amount of time together. We live on opposite end of the city. I get home at 18h. That puts him in the middle of rush hours (1h + to get to me). If he leaves a little earlier to avoid the rush hour then when he gets to my place he has to wait for me in his car. Middle of winter here, -20. I would like him to be able to come in and not wait for me outside but I hesitate. Not that I don't trust him, I do. I just feel it's an important gesture to give someone your home keys. How often is he at your place at 2 months? He can wait in the car for a bit, there's heat in it, right? It's too soon to give him free reign of your place. You could leave a hide a key for him on those days and be sure to take it back in. Don't leave it out there for him on a daily basis. I know you say you trust him, but . . . it's really early. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 How often is he at your place at 2 months? He can wait in the car for a bit, there's heat in it, right? It's too soon to give him free reign of your place. You could leave a hide a key for him on those days and be sure to take it back in. Don't leave it out there for him on a daily basis. I know you say you trust him, but . . . it's really early. It's only for when he drives to my place on a week night. Our routine is he comes over Wednesday night then he comes from Saturday evening to Monday morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Everyone's boundaries are different but I think having a routine so early could make things boring and predictable in the long run. I'd rather give keys to a guy I spend a lot of time with anyway than take away spontaneous aspects of our dating. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 It's never been a big deal for me fwiw. My most recent moved to my town and in w/me (temporarily) after about 2 months. (She got a key. ) As long as you don't think he's a secret murderer, I think you should give him a key given the circumstances rather than make him wait out in the cold. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 haha, you know what you're doing with me don't you ! I don't want him to be cold but I don't fully feel ready to give him a key....yet. I thought it was no big deal but this thread is showing me it's 'a bit' of a big deal to me. It is normal. It is a big deal. Even for people who say it's not a big deal, it still is a big deal. Honor your feelings, Gaeta. It's cool that you consider giving him your key, already, it is normal to be hopeful, it's good to be hopeful. Just... don't push yourself for answers. Seems like you are considering going in a certain direction, but you're a bit conflicted. Well... accept it and give yourself room and time to feel comfortable. You do know you don't have to figure it out by yourself, don't you? So... how about discussing this with your partner - without making it a big deal? how does that idea sound ? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 There are 2 options. He leaves his place earlier to avoid traffic and he gets to my home at around 18h a little before me. Or he waits after traffic to leave his home and he gets to my home at 20h. We both prefer him arriving at 18h so we have a real evening together, not just 2 hours before bed time. I vote for this and have him wait in his car until you arrive. We are all responsible adults, responsible for our own health and well being. I would never just stand out in the cold, shivering to death, waiting for my BF to arrive home. Sorry, that's just dumb. And my BF would say the same thing too. Again, he should wait in his car, and why isn't HE thinking of this? I'm sorry G, I don't mean to be such a negative Nellie.... but IMO this is not a good reason to give a man you've been dating two months your key. Especially when your previous stance has been having him on probation for first 3-4 months and continuing to develop trust I guess everything is different though when it applies to us and our own situations. I can understand that. Whatever you're comfortable with doing..... THAT is what you should do. You are the one dating him, not any of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I'm probably not the best person to answer, this, but I usually give her an RFID around 6 months. I have RFID keyless entry, so I can always deactivate her ID later if things don't work out. I can also set time parameters. All entries are logged, so it's not like she can come in without me knowing. If she doesn't have her ID and she needs to get in, I can unlock the door remotely with my phone. I use that all the time for UPS/FedEx. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I guess DH got a set about 6-8 months in. The earliest I ever gave a set out was around 2 months but before I dated him I knew that guy for over 20 years so I didn't think he'd steal my stuff. Plus he would come over & walk my dog while I was @ work. That motivated the key exchange more than love or romance. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 It's never been a big deal for me fwiw. My most recent moved to my town and in w/me (temporarily) after about 2 months. (She got a key. ) As long as you don't think he's a secret murderer, I think you should give him a key given the circumstances rather than make him wait out in the cold. that would freak me out soooo much. I'm a bit crazy about my intimacy and my place. I don't even have friends over too often. His place - great. My place ? heeeeell, no Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I don't remember very well, but I think it was somewhere between 7 and 9 months. And it wasn't keys, it was garage codes I got his and he got mine. We hardly ever use the front door at either house. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 that would freak me out soooo much. I'm a bit crazy about my intimacy and my place. I don't even have friends over too often. His place - great. My place ? heeeeell, no But the guy has to wait out in the cold w/no running engine+heater! (I'm just making the case for the guy not to freeze his balls off. I assume it gets pretty cold in Montreal. ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I am curious to know after how long dating you've given your SO your home keys or maybe you're the type to never give keys? My exW got keys and a door opener when we got engaged, so about 11 months after we met. She was already wearing a significant chunk of my life's work on her hand so keys and stuff weren't an issue at that point and, in retrospect, I could have given her keys on our first date and it would have worked out fine. She was a straight-up gal in that regard. OTOH, she'd leave me alone at her place many times when we were dating if she had to run to the salon for any reason, and without concern. That kind of stuff was never really an issue for us, probably in part because we never 'dropped by' since we lived some 60 miles apart. IMO, if your street sense doesn't indicate the guy to be straight-up and trustworthy, keep your keys and figure out another way. That doesn't mean anything negative, rather merely a lack of substantive positives which cause the issue to not be an issue at all. Since you asked for opinions, it's on your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I am curious to know after how long dating you've given your SO your home keys or maybe you're the type to never give keys? When he moved in and shared the expenses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 I would never just stand out in the cold, shivering to death, waiting for my BF to arrive home. Sorry, that's just dumb. And my BF would say the same thing too. Again, he should wait in his car, and why isn't HE thinking of this? Of course he's waiting in his car lol Waiting in a car with the heat on at -20 is still unpleasant, waste gas, and is bad for the environment. That's why we have a law forbidding more then 3 minutes with the engine running if you're parked. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 They can just leave the key under the mat if they have to step out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Gaeta, I love you, but how do your threads always turn into multi-page extravaganzas? Candie said it best—honor YOUR feelings. If you're not just ready yet, don't give him a key. I think sometimes accelerating the relationship past its natural point feels exciting in the moment, but often that can backfire. I once dated a guy for a mere six weeks, and I cooked dinner for him at his house on like date five. He was getting back from a work trip, so he left me the key under his mat, and when he got home, I was busily cooking away. It felt domestic, and in the moment we laughed about it, but all the same, it felt too soon, like we were play-acting at a closeness we didn't have. I actually didn't cook for him again. Honor your feelings. There has to be a solution other than giving him a key. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Of course he's waiting in his car lol Waiting in a car with the heat on at -20 is still unpleasant, waste gas, and is bad for the environment. That's why we have a law forbidding more then 3 minutes with the engine running if you're parked. Before my ex and I moved in together.... I would visit his, he would visit mine. If he got to my place before I arrived, he was very resourceful. He would either drive around listening to music until I arrived (no more than 10-15 minutes) or sometimes would stop at a local bar close by for a beer, and I would call on his cell to let him know I was home....and he would head over. There are ways around this without your giving him keys. Is the traffic really that much worse if he were to wait 10-15 to leave his house? Link to post Share on other sites
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