westernxer Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 If he gets psycho, it's not your problem. Sometimes you gotta be a hard-ass. If he's a man, he should be able to take it like a man. I've eaten humble pie a number of times, but I don't take it personal, unless she was trying to screw me over. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Ok enough thread hijacking! Sarah12, I know exactly where you are coming from. I don't think CIOC has the slightest clue what he is talking about. Probably because: a.) He is not a female b.) he has never experienced what girls have to go through with guys that they are not interested in, coming on to them all the time. So it's very easy for him to say that you should sit there and talk to them for the sake of the "Golden Rule." OR maybe CIOC and some of the other guys on here are taking what we are saying personally (because they fear they might be one of the guys that the girl doesn't really want to be talking to). Don't ever feel like it is your duty to be nice to someone and sit there and "small talk" with someone for the sake of being nice, or applying the "Golden Rule" or w/e else. I think you have put it very well. It's different when you are in a situation such as school or work where you have to talk with them, but in the situation we are talking about, I don't think that what CIOC is advising is the best way to go about it. It doesn't benefit you NOR the guy who is talking to you that you don't like. CIOC, you talk about sitting there and taking it so to speak, but how do you think that is really being nice? You're being fake, just as Sarah12 was saying. Hardly the Golden Rule to be superficial like that and potentially lead somebody on that you have no intentions of ever getting to know farther I don't feel like I am a rude person. But, just like Sarah, I have learned from experience that being too nice or too friendly to guys that I'm not interested in only leads to headache later on when they won't leave you alone. I used to think that every guy that talked to me just wanted to be friends with me but now I know that is a crock of shyt. You live, you learn. Through my experience I learned the best way to deal with these situations is to act disinterested, bored, busy, you get the point. Now my life is much more simpler since I have started acting this way. Some people you just CANNOT be too nice too. They will think that means you are interested in them. We can sit here and use all these cliches about the golden rule or about looking beyond appearances yada yada, but let's be realistic. Personally, CIOC, I think the advice you are giving Sarah sounds bitter and maybe you are relating more to the guys that she doesn't want to be talking to and its making your advice biased. You need to try to empathize with Sarah. It really sucks when every time you go out to have a good time with your friends you have these guys coming on to you constantly. It's annoying. She shouldn't have to sit there and be miserable. This topic has NOTHING to do with karma, the golden rule, or anything else. She doesn't OWE these guys anything. Don't you think that her own happiness is important? If we all never thought about ourselves and only worried about how "nice" we are to other people then we would still be with the first person who ever decided they liked us (whether we liked them back or not)! That is just ridiculous.... Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I used to think that every guy that talked to me just wanted to be friends with me but now I know that is a crock of shyt. You live, you learn. Through my experience I learned the best way to deal with these situations is to act disinterested, bored, busy, you get the point. Now my life is much more simpler since I have started acting this way. Yes. Women find this out that most guys have other motives. It is not that they are trying to deceive ( at least most of them ) but they think that if they become friends that they will have a better chance. They have not learned that most women, once they put you in the friends category, keep you there for life. If they learn this they will act accordingly and just ask you out, you say yes or no, and we all go on about our business. The best way is to act disinterested. It will usually work every time. Unfortunely for women such as yourself and Sarah you will just have guys hitting on you and you learn to deal with it or you become mad and angry at guys and become a lesbo. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Unfortunely for women such as yourself and Sarah you will just have guys hitting on you and you learn to deal with it or you become mad and angry at guys and become a lesbo. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 XNX I am SO glad that you understand!! Originally posted by XNemesisX I don't feel like I am a rude person. But, just like Sarah, I have learned from experience that being too nice or too friendly to guys that I'm not interested in only leads to headache later on when they won't leave you alone. I used to think that every guy that talked to me just wanted to be friends with me but now I know that is a crock of shyt. SOO true. It's funny how I used to get so mad that guys would dismiss me as a friend after they found out I wasn't interested in them, and now I've come to expect it. I felt like they were deceiving me into something more when I knew all along that I wanted nothing more than friendship from them. Through my experience I learned the best way to deal with these situations is to act disinterested, bored, busy, you get the point. Now my life is much more simpler since I have started acting this way. Usually I just get right to the point. They'll compliment me on something and I'll just say thank you and walk away. I never thought there was anything wrong with it until I started getting called on how rude I was being. I said THANK YOU!! Of course I was being called on by none other than the guy himself. CIOC - We're not trying to be bitches, in fact we're trying to save you some trouble too. If everyone was just being nice and polite all the time to each other, there'd be a lot more hurt coming down the road. So why waste time in the first place when you can just let them know early on that you aren't interested? As for karma, well if I approach a guy and he turns me down, so be it. I can't be wasting time on someone who doesn't want me. There isn't time in this life to waste feeling like crap! Originally posted by Marshbear Unfortunely for women such as yourself and Sarah you will just have guys hitting on you and you learn to deal with it or you become mad and angry at guys and become a lesbo. LOL. Anybody have a theory that this is one reason why lesbians choose women over men?? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 Anybody have a theory that this is one reason why lesbians choose women over men?? Yes, but they're pretty nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I know exactly where you are coming from. I don't think CIOC has the slightest clue what he is talking about. Probably because: a.) He is not a female b.) he has never experienced what girls have to go through with guys that they are not interested in, coming on to them all the time. I'm a musician. I get approached by women all the time that I am not interested in. I am polite, I talk to them, if they get frisky I let them know I am dating someone (well I was at the time). If I am not, then I politely turn them down. What's so hard about that?! So it's very easy for him to say that you should sit there and talk to them for the sake of the "Golden Rule." OR maybe CIOC and some of the other guys on here are taking what we are saying personally (because they fear they might be one of the guys that the girl doesn't really want to be talking to). Do you understand why I said the "Golden Rule?" Because that is the Christian man in me speaking. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't ever feel like it is your duty to be nice to someone and sit there and "small talk" with someone for the sake of being nice, or applying the "Golden Rule" or w/e else. I think you have put it very well. It's different when you are in a situation such as school or work where you have to talk with them, but in the situation we are talking about, I don't think that what CIOC is advising is the best way to go about it. It doesn't benefit you NOR the guy who is talking to you that you don't like. I think how you handle the situation is a reflection of who you are as a person. If you're rude to them, you're a rude person. If you can do it tactfully and not make them feel bad, you're a pretty good person. What's so hard about that? It's not rocket science. It's just using a little tact and having some sympathy for the guy who's getting rejected. That's exactly how I approach the women whom I turn down. I don't feel put off by them. In fact, I think it's great that they want to spend a little time with me. It doesn't mean I want them and it doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to them. The problem I have here is the assumption that ALL men who talk to her want to get her into bed and you know, not all men have an agenda. A lot do, I won't deny that, but how does she even know the guy isn't funny or won't have something cool to talk about? CIOC, you talk about sitting there and taking it so to speak, but how do you think that is really being nice? Not if you act disinterested or cop an attitude with them, no. You're being fake, just as Sarah12 was saying. Hardly the Golden Rule to be superficial like that and potentially lead somebody on that you have no intentions of ever getting to know farther No, I am not. The reason is because I figure they felt I was important enough to come talk to then I should at least give them a few minutes of my time. If someone thinks enough of you to come talk to you, they are paying you a compliment. When you "act disinterested" or blow them off, you WILL come off like a jerk and you know what, they're right.... That's not the way to return a compliment. I don't feel like I am a rude person. But, just like Sarah, I have learned from experience that being too nice or too friendly to guys that I'm not interested in only leads to headache later on when they won't leave you alone. I think you know why this is... and it IS because you are waaaaaaaaaaaay too nice to them. You don't seem to understand that I am not saying "Make the guy feel like a Prince" I am just saying you can tell him you are not interested and be nice about If he asks for your phone number simply say "I appreciate the compliment but no thank you." That's it. You've been kind and polite. How he reacts is then his problem. At least you didn't insult him by "scoffing" or "blowing him off" which I consider to be as much a character flaw as it is just being plain rude. I used to think that every guy that talked to me just wanted to be friends with me but now I know that is a crock of shyt. You live, you learn. Through my experience I learned the best way to deal with these situations is to act disinterested, bored, busy, you get the point. Now my life is much more simpler since I have started acting this way. Maybe so, but do you feel good about yourself? I used to do that too until one day it got back to me that everyone thought I was an a**hole. And these were people that never met me but they were coming to our shows and telling other people that I was. They based this only on the fact I "blew them off and acted disinterested" in them. I think compassion is a good thing. Some people you just CANNOT be too nice too. They will think that means you are interested in them. We can sit here and use all these cliches about the golden rule or about looking beyond appearances yada yada, but let's be realistic. Personally, CIOC, I think the advice you are giving Sarah sounds bitter and maybe you are relating more to the guys that she doesn't want to be talking to and its making your advice biased. You need to try to empathize with Sarah. I can and have.... It really sucks when every time you go out to have a good time with your friends you have these guys coming on to you constantly. It's annoying. It's a part of life.... She shouldn't have to sit there and be miserable. She doesn't have to be. These men aren't making her miserable, she's making herself miserable by letting it get to her and controlling who she is. When you look at it from the perspective of being "bothered" then that is what you get. When you start looking at it as a compliment (And trust me, one day - all the sudden - men will stop hitting on Sarah and she'll wish she could have those days back... better enjoy them while you can as we don't all stay young.) you will have a better perspective. This topic has NOTHING to do with karma, the golden rule, or anything else. Yes it does and I've already pointed out how. If you don't care that men think you're rude, then so be it. But trust me reputations are hard to break and once you get one, you will be labeled. And like I said, it's only temporary. When she gets older she'll wish for the days when men hit on her all the time. Like I said...KARMA. She doesn't OWE these guys anything. Don't you think that her own happiness is important? If we all never thought about ourselves and only worried about how "nice" we are to other people then we would still be with the first person who ever decided they liked us (whether we liked them back or not)! That is just ridiculous.... I think she's making herself miserable by her outlook, not the men who are hitting on her. That's just my $0.02 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 CIOC - We're not trying to be bitches, in fact we're trying to save you some trouble too. If everyone was just being nice and polite all the time to each other, there'd be a lot more hurt coming down the road. So why waste time in the first place when you can just let them know early on that you aren't interested? As for karma, well if I approach a guy and he turns me down, so be it. I can't be wasting time on someone who doesn't want me. There isn't time in this life to waste feeling like crap! LOL, this is the mentally that starts b*tches out Seriously though, I think at SOME point you have to tell them you aren't interested. All I am saying is it can be done tactfully. When you do it that way and they get mad, so be it. At least you've tried. Anybody have a theory that this is one reason why lesbians choose women over men?? Coz they're gay?! NTTAWWT..... Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 If he asks for your phone number simply say "I appreciate the compliment but no thank you." That's it. You've been kind and polite. How he reacts is then his problem. At least you didn't insult him by "scoffing" or "blowing him off" which I consider to be as much a character flaw as it is just being plain rude. MOST people would find THAT line to be rude! Telling someone flat out "I appreciate the compliment, but no thank you." WHO could say something like that? It would be much MUCH nicer to say, "Hey I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend." (even if the boyf is fictional). That would save someone some hurt feelings. And imagine the awkwardness after saying something like that? The guy will be left standing there like a re-re and thinking WTF. Basically, in the end you are going to piss the guy off anyway. Once he sees you don't like him in that way, he's going to be pissed at you regardless. Better to show him from the start that you aren't interested then let someone think they have a chance and then get hurt later on. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." I think this saying can apply to this as well. Save yourself some drama and let them know you aren't interested BEFORE you have to TELL them you aren't interested. That's just a wet blanket. Nobody likes having to do that. And in Sarah's case, she would be having to tell people that left and right. You talk about reputation, imagine what guys would be saying about her if she was to do what you are saying? Do you think the scorned guys are going to have nice things to say, "Oh that Sarah....pfft whata a biotch! She never likes anyone. Don't take her seriously, she won't like anybody!" People would talk about you too if you are always saying "No thanks" to everyone. Why not just keep your mystery about you and then when the guy you DO like comes around, he will feel special that you are paying him attention. If you pay attention to anyone and everyone then who is the guy you like to feel special? When you start looking at it as a compliment (And trust me, one day - all the sudden - men will stop hitting on Sarah and she'll wish she could have those days back... better enjoy them while you can as we don't all stay young.) you will have a better perspective. The fact that we all age and won't be seen as attractive as we once were has nothing to do with this, and this doesn't help the situations that Sarah is in NOW. XNX I am SO glad that you understand!! I think we are outnumbered here, Sarah. Most of the people replying are MEN and they really REALLY have no idea where we're coming from! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedinOC I think she's making herself miserable by her outlook, not the men who are hitting on her. That's just my $0.02 You are making Sarah and I out to be the most wretched people who have karma getting ready to blast them to hell and back. Sarah seems like a really nice person and she is actually trying to figure out what is the best way to approach this. I don't think that she has said anything on here to lead you to believe she is miserable because of her outlook. Just because she doesn't appreciate being harassed every time she goes out with friends by a flock of guys she is not interested in does not mean she isn't a nice person. She just doesn't want to have to waste her time NOR the guy's time. Also, you have said somewhere that you don't go to bars or clubs. So I highly doubt you know what its like in a bar scene (as a female). It IS annoying when you go out with your friends and have guys you have NO interest in whatsoever lingering around you. According to your logic, the first guy to come up to Sarah should be the one she should have to spend her entire evening hanging around. That makes no sense. She might as well be under house arrest if she has to feel obligated to do that. I just don't see your reasoning, CIOC. So I guess we should agree to disagree... Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX MOST people would find THAT line to be rude! Telling someone flat out "I appreciate the compliment, but no thank you." WHO could say something like that? It would be much MUCH nicer to say, "Hey I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend." (even if the boyf is fictional). That would save someone some hurt feelings. And imagine the awkwardness after saying something like that? The guy will be left standing there like a re-re and thinking WTF. Basically, in the end you are going to piss the guy off anyway. Once he sees you don't like him in that way, he's going to be pissed at you regardless. Better to show him from the start that you aren't interested then let someone think they have a chance and then get hurt later on. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." I think this saying can apply to this as well. Save yourself some drama and let them know you aren't interested BEFORE you have to TELL them you aren't interested. That's just a wet blanket. Nobody likes having to do that. And in Sarah's case, she would be having to tell people that left and right. You talk about reputation, imagine what guys would be saying about her if she was to do what you are saying? Do you think the scorned guys are going to have nice things to say, "Oh that Sarah....pfft whata a biotch! She never likes anyone. Don't take her seriously, she won't like anybody!" People would talk about you too if you are always saying "No thanks" to everyone. Why not just keep your mystery about you and then when the guy you DO like comes around, he will feel special that you are paying him attention. If you pay attention to anyone and everyone then who is the guy you like to feel special? However you break it to them, all I am trying to get across is you can do it tactfully. Lying doesn't help but if it makes you feel better and you can live with yourself, go for it. I guess I just prefer to handle things a little differently. And FWIW, I have many girls who are friends who at first were interested in me. They paid me compliments all the time and I was always nice and kind to them. They're very good friends of mine now. And I did it without being rude. Had I given any of them the 'attitude' that I didn't want to waste my time with them, they would not be my friends. Not all men who talk to you want to get you into bed. They might want to get through you to your cute friend HAHA. The fact that we all age and won't be seen as attractive as we once were has nothing to do with this, and this doesn't help the situations that Sarah is in NOW. Yes it does. It tells her it won't last forever, enjoy the ride I think we are outnumbered here, Sarah. Most of the people replying are MEN and they really REALLY have no idea where we're coming from! You'd think you'd listen to men since they're the topic and they are telling you what they'd prefer to hear. And XNX, you are forgetting, I've many years of experience being hit on by women I wasn't interested in. I more than know where you are coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 However you break it to them, all I am trying to get across is you can do it tactfully. I just don't see how saying "Thanks for the compliment, but no thank you." Could EVER come out nice or tactful. I don't think it would matter how you say it, it's still going to come across as RUDE. Furthermore, sitting there engaging in conversation with someone because you are afraid they might think you are not nice if you don't only to later on tell them no thanks when they ask for your number is....rude IMO. And XNX, you are forgetting, I've many years of experience being hit on by women I wasn't interested in. I more than know where you are coming from. Maybe so...but I still doubt your experience could compare to the experiences of women. Most of the time, men are the ones who approach the woman not the other way around. This leads to more women getting bombarded by men they are not interested in than the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX You are making Sarah and I out to be the most wretched people who have karma getting ready to blast them to hell and back. Haha, that is your outlook. I am merely presenting the reality of what's going on. It's all in how you intepret it Sarah seems like a really nice person and she is actually trying to figure out what is the best way to approach this. I don't think that she has said anything on here to lead you to believe she is miserable because of her outlook. Just because she doesn't appreciate being harassed every time she goes out with friends by a flock of guys she is not interested in does not mean she isn't a nice person. She just doesn't want to have to waste her time NOR the guy's time. You used the word "harrassed." I think that's more than enough proof of being miserable. That is not a word that people throw around loosely. If you or her feel you are being harrassed, I can tell you it's your outlook. You don't see it as a compliment. What a pity. Also, you have said somewhere that you don't go to bars or clubs. So I highly doubt you know what its like in a bar scene (as a female). Not since I became a Christian last year, no. However, I have about 15 years experience in playing in Clubs all over the United States. I'm a veteran of the club scene and know it much more than you do. I've seen it all, trust me on that. I've seen some things that I wouldn't DARE repeat on here. Think: "Rock band, sl*tty chicks...." blah blah. I've seen women flash their hooters to us on stage and then complain about a man who DARED try and hit on her. I have a ton of stories I can share with you sometime if you think I am full of it or don't understand OR have no clue what I am taking about It IS annoying when you go out with your friends and have guys you have NO interest in whatsoever lingering around you. According to your logic, the first guy to come up to Sarah should be the one she should have to spend her entire evening hanging around. That makes no sense. She might as well be under house arrest if she has to feel obligated to do that. There's another key word: Annoying. Again, it isn't the situation that is bothering you, it's your outlook on it. Does this situation define you as a person or do YOU define who you are? Don't let it bother you. You can choose to see it as a compliment or you can choose to see it as annoying. The choice is yours. I just don't see your reasoning, CIOC. So I guess we should agree to disagree... No problem. I don't care either way but some of the comments about what I know or don't know or that I can't understand are just baseless and untrue. Understand that a 36 (and started playing Bars when I was 21 and as a tyke, my parents had a band so I was always around the music scene which is, you guessed it, BARS!) I've been in more clubs and seen more outrageous behavior than you'll probably ever see in your lifetime Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 think in their minds that they can get someone who is far out of their league. I don't really agree with that statement at all it sounds very arrogant to me. I've met girls who I thought maybe on first impression were 'out of my league' and gotten some signs of interest or formed a friendship with them. And i've met lots of those super hot girls girls who showed no interest at all...it's a numbers game some are interested some are not so no reason not to take a chance. (from a guys perspective.) Originally posted by sarah12 You know, I would rather a guy just be straight up from the beginning and ask - hey, I think you're pretty cute and I'd like to get to know you, can I buy you a drink? I don't agree with the buying girls drinks to be honest...it almost seems like "Hey can I buy you this drink so you will grace me with your presence for 5 minutes?" But I guess guys need something to keep a girls attention when they first met so sometimes theres not many other choices...girls have it made I tell ya Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I'm a veteran of the club scene and know it much more than you do. I've seen it all, trust me on that. Maybe you do know the club scene more, but you don't know it from a chicks perspective. Women get hit on all the time, especially the good looking ones. I could imagine it would get tiresome if you're just trying to have a good time with your friends and strange guys keep trying to bother you. There are times when you just want to have fun with your buddies and that's it. That being said...how should girls get out a conversation with a guy? (if they aren't interested in anything...as for the original question.) As a guy, I would prefer something subtle like "I have to go to the bathroom." or "Have to go meet my friend." etc. Sometimes they are not excuses...but regardless I would just mind my own business and if she came back to say hi or whatever then maybe it was legit but otherwise I assume she isn't interested and is being polite. Although, I can not speak for all guys if they take this hint...and I'm not sure if XnemesisX and sara12 have tried this type of excuse and whether it works or not. If they've tried it and it still doesn't work, then I can understand their need to be more direct. However, I would NOT want her to lie and say "I have a boyfriend." It's almost like "I think nothing of you I will just lie to get rid of you." especially if the guy finds out later she just made the whole thing up. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I am a female and I agree with CIOC. I have spent a lot of time in the music scene and most of the guys that are my friends I have met in bars. They did not come up to me with the intention of getting in my pants either. Just to see what I was all about and hopefully share opinions of the scene and my tastes in music. I agree with everything you say about being tactful and polite. I don't think its rude to tell someone "Hey I am flattered but not interested" or excusing yourself to the bathroom. I was at my ex boyfriend's show once wearing a cute outfit and got hit on (rather explicitly) by some guy. He obviously wanted to get in my pants. All I said was "I am flattered but not interested thank you". He didn't seem pissed. He didn't call me rude. He didn't cause a scene. It was that simple. I didn't spend more than 5 minutes talking to him. Yes you can say these things and make them sound rude, but you can soften your voice, smile, and just seem generally nice about it also. I am actually very flattered when guys come up to me to get to know me. It makes me feel good that they are making an effort to instead of just saying a deragatory comment when I walk by like "Hey baby, you look f*ckin hot!" Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I'm surprised to hear women complaining about the attention they get from guys... Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I'm surprised to hear women complaining about the attention they get from guys... It's either that or the attention they don't get. Was it Oscar Wilde who said that the only thing worse than being talked about is *not* being talked about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Woah...hold up! I'm back. Originally posted by CIOC I'm a musician. I get approached by women all the time that I am not interested in. So this is business, of course you aren't going to blow them off. We've already established that we don't blow people off at work/social events. You used the word "harrassed." I think that's more than enough proof of being miserable. Definition of harass: To irritate or torment persistently. To wear out; exhaust. To impede and exhaust (an enemy) by repeated attacks or raids. Um, I have been harassed by guys at bars and even guys who I went on one date with and then told them flat out that I wasn't interested. The harassment was anywhere from ripping me apart in public to calling me repeatedly and leaving god awful messages just cause I didn't like the guy back. I was even stalked when I was 15 and by an ex after I broke up with him. So I do know what harassment is but despite that fact, I have a very positive attitude and outlook on life. I think she's making herself miserable by her outlook, not the men who are hitting on her. That's just my $0.02 Well you can take your $0.02 back because I'm not miserable, thank you very much. It tells her it won't last forever, enjoy the ride I don't plan on having it last forever once I settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I just don't see how saying "Thanks for the compliment, but no thank you." Could EVER come out nice or tactful. I don't think it would matter how you say it, it's still going to come across as RUDE. OK, I have actually said to someone "Thank you" and then walked away after they threw me a compliment. Needless to say, I got the third degree from him for not complimenting him back. I still don't think I did anything wrong though. That was about as tactful I could be without leading him on. sitting there engaging in conversation with someone because you are afraid they might think you are not nice if you don't only to later on tell them no thanks when they ask for your number is....rude IMO. Yep. and it just leads you to... "Oh that Sarah....pfft whata a biotch! She never likes anyone. Don't take her seriously, she won't like anybody!" and... People would talk about you too if you are always saying "No thanks" to everyone. I just don't see your reasoning, CIOC. So I guess we should agree to disagree... Amen to that.. Originally posted by blue16 I don't agree with the buying girls drinks to be honest...it almost seems like "Hey can I buy you this drink so you will grace me with your presence for 5 minutes?" blue16 I'm not a fan of it either. I used to refuse to let a guy pay for my drinks at clubs when I first started going because I felt bad that they had to pay for me. The same went for dates. But then as I got older, I started realizing that they would get offended if I was interested in them and didn't let them buy me a drink. I still say no to guys who I'm not interested in. I could imagine it would get tiresome if you're just trying to have a good time with your friends and strange guys keep trying to bother you. There are times when you just want to have fun with your buddies and that's it. Exactly. Guys go out to clubs to hit on girls. Girls go out and have a great time with their girls, dancing, drinking, it doesn't always have to be about picking up a guy. We have tons of girls' nights out on the town. how should girls get out a conversation with a guy? (if they aren't interested in anything...as for the original question.) I excuse myself to go to the bathroom or say that someone is waiting for me. Most of the time this works OK but sometimes they will joke around like "oh, so I guess so and so is more important than me.." and then I start to feel bad... Link to post Share on other sites
millefiori Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I remember a discussion here when all the guys were complaining why women gave out their phone numbers when they in fact were not interested. They all yelled out and demanded to be turned down on the spot, because they ALL thought that otherwise the girls were misleading and playing games with them. Not one of them believed that many girls were just doing it out of politeness and that they should have been smart enough to understand that the excuses for not meeting for a date were subtle hints that these girls were not interested. And now suddenly you're supposed to stay friends with them even when you're not interested, you're supposed to let them down easy and maintain a friendship with them. A friendship a lot of guys declare as 'playing games'. This logic beats me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarah12 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I'm surprised to hear women complaining about the attention they get from guys... We are genuinely flattered when it really comes down to it..in fact I get downright embarassed when I hear that I've been talked about by people like male students of mine. We only 'complain' or get irritated by the ones who are excessive, can't take a hint or are just rude back to us just because we aren't interested. You can't help the way that you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 We only 'complain' or get irritated by the ones who are excessive, can't take a hint or are just rude back to us just because we aren't interested. You can't help the way that you feel. Can't disagree with you on that, but that's the price you pay for being desirable. The guys you're talking about, even I don't want to talk to them. C*ck blockers, that's all they are. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 I excuse myself to go to the bathroom or say that someone is waiting for me. That's actually really polite IMO and I wouldn't mind that at all if a girl said did to me. It's a lot better than just being unfriendly or mean to a someone when they are a friendly and had nothing but good intentions. Originally posted by sarah12 sometimes they will joke around like "oh, so I guess so and so is more important than me.." and then I start to feel bad... Don't feel bad if they say "oh, so I guess so and so is more important than me.." because they truly are just joking around. They KNOW that this person is more important to you than they are, they are just teasing trying to make you feel guilty. Don't fall into the trap! (easier said than done, I must admit) Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 Woah...hold up! I'm back. So this is business, of course you aren't going to blow them off. We've already established that we don't blow people off at work/social events. Not always but I can see why you would think that. But remember too I've gotten to see a lot of this unfold before my eyes and, aside from the entertainment aspect, I got to see a lot of this interaction first hand. Um, I have been harassed by guys at bars and even guys who I went on one date with and then told them flat out that I wasn't interested. The harassment was anywhere from ripping me apart in public to calling me repeatedly and leaving god awful messages just cause I didn't like the guy back. I was even stalked when I was 15 and by an ex after I broke up with him. So I do know what harassment is but despite that fact, I have a very positive attitude and outlook on life. I don't agree with that behavior. You shouldn't be harrassed at all. Well you can take your $0.02 back because I'm not miserable, thank you very much. Say, what can you get with $0.02 these days? I don't plan on having it last forever once I settle down. You could always wear a cubic zirconia wedding ring. Well, I know when I'm beaten on an issue. I think you can do it tactfully but you need to handle it in a way that makes you feel better. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Can't disagree with you on that, but that's the price you pay for being desirable. That's kind of what I was getting at. It's nice to be attractive but you have to take the good with the bad. There's always plusses and minuses. I got hit on at bike night a few weeks ago. Hot girl, really, but too much of a party animal and not a Christian. Can't have that in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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